The First True Objective
By the time the snow melted and gave way to green, the recruits of the 104th had already survived a year and a half of training.
Many things about them have changed; physically they've become stronger and more resilient, natural growth and intense training playing a part in honing their bodies. Mentally they've become specialized in titan combat, knowing by heart the one meter high and ten centimeter length cut necessary on the back of their neck in order to kill one. Emotionally, each cadet changed in varying degrees – for better or worse.
Mostly for the worse, in Eren's morbid opinion, who himself underwent some drastic changes.
The one he disliked the most would be Reiner, who became the older brother figure of their generation. Strong, dedicated, a pillar of inspiration, and always willing to lend a hand to those in need. Everyone grew to admire and depend on him, establishing himself as a leader amongst the 104th. It sickened him, knowing full well the facade he had established. Yet Eren couldn't confront Reiner about his lies.
No proof. No evidence. No basis for his feelings. But he just knew – unexplainable foresight that felt closer to hallucinatory intuition.
Eren once voiced his doubts to Armin, who defended Reiner.
"Don't be ridiculous, Eren, why would he lie about that? Reiner was already in the top five even before we considered him a reliable guy. What else would he have to gain from helping everyone?"
A sound, logical argument from his friend silenced his questions, but not his feelings or the other.
The sporadic whispers in the deepest recesses of Eren's mind calling Reiner a liar, traitor, and pest definitely kept his guard on edge when around the man. He also avoided him when possible, making his friends wonder why Eren disliked the amicable and dependable cadet. But he kept the reasons to himself; everyone else already thought him insane for wanting to join the Scouts, no need to add fuel to the fire.
Bertholt never had much of a presence despite his imposing height and unquestionable skill that landed him a position in the top five. Most recruits saw him as a gentle giant, one who never went out of his way to help others, but would never turn away those who sought his guidance. A quiet man, most cadets teased him for his unusual sleeping positions, which he shrugs off with a soft smile, earning him a positive view in everyone's eyes.
Not Eren.
Animosity, rage, and mild fear simmered under the surface of his visage whenever Bertholt came within his vicinity, which unfortunately was often, since him and Armin got along quite well. Whenever these moments came up he would walk away, earning him a scowl from his best friend, shortly followed by Mikasa's look of concern.
This is for the best, Eren reasoned in his mind, I can't explain it, but he just makes me furious. Angry enough to want to kill him with my bare hands. Rip him to pieces! Tear him apart!
DEVOUR HIM!
And when such thoughts entered his consciousness, a sense of disgust would stop his mental ramblings, making Eren hasten his escape from the person eliciting those feelings and desires.
As for Armin, his best friend seems to have rekindled his desire to see the world outside the Walls.
During their time in the fields, he was mostly brooding and depressed, having lost his grandfather and only parental figure. However, being in the Corps renewed his vigor and curiosity, seeing the potential of the future and whatever it had in store for them. Armin really took his grandfather's last words to heart, and would speak to anyone willing to listen about what might be found past the walls of Maria.
All Eren could do was smile, having shared the same dream at one point. Not anymore.
Mikasa was a constant in his life: always there, always helpful, always caring.
And always clinging, he thought with annoyance.
It wasn't romantic, Eren deduced that much. Mikasa's devotion to him was rooted in something deeper, more primal, ever since he saved her from those kidnappers. It was something similar to a pup binding itself to its mother – a survival instinct. The genetic compulsion to latch onto someone lest the harsh reality of being truly alone in the world swallow one's psyche, trapping them in a pit of despair.
On one hand he felt terrible, binding her to him like that, hampering her freedom to think for herself and for her own benefit. On the other hand, it was either that or a life of servitude catering to the perverse desires of the highest bidder. Eren was definitely the lesser of two evils, and if that was the case, he'd bind Mikasa again; wrap that scarf around her, over and over again, without any hesitation.
Such was the price for her current liberty. If it can be called that.
However, Eren couldn't claim full credit for having figured this out, Annie having played a part in this investigation.
After their rendezvous that night and subsequent discovery by Keith Shadis, winter survival training came into full force and they were forced to be separated into groups. They had almost no contact until the spring thaw, and even then, Annie seemed intent on avoiding him.
She didn't outright ignore him, but she didn't actively seek him out either. Any conversation they had usually felt one-sided with her replying in grunts or single syllables, and Annie didn't engage with him as much as she used to. His advances to spar were rebuffed, to eat together declined, and even cadet activities that required pairing had her seeking out Mina Carolina immediately.
Visions of her death made his chest ache to the point of being unable to breathe, but being treated this way by her had almost a similar effect, and it became too unbearable. One day during late spring, after a season of not seeing her and another of her averting him, he confronted Annie.
Eren caught a glimpse of blonde hair entering the storage room one afternoon.
Having just finished their 3DMG training with the blades, he had a fifty-fifty chance that the girl who entered the shed was either Annie or Krista. Not having noticed Ymir in the vicinity, his luck pointed more towards his actual person of interest. He ran swiftly towards the door, entering and closing it behind him with a firm push.
It was Annie.
Hearing the door, she turned around and saw him, causing her usual look of aloofness to change into one of mild surprise.
"Eren." Her voice seemed listless, but he knew the girl enough to catch the shock in her tone.
"Why are you avoiding me?" He took a few steps towards her.
"I should've expected you would be direct," Annie looked away from him, crossing her arms in the process, "Guess you haven't changed much."
How wrong you are, "I guess you're right. Are you going to answer the question?"
"I don't know why I should."
He nearly shouted in frustration until the voice of reason echoed in his mind, Calm down, you know what she wants.
"Because," Eren smirked, "we'll spar, I'll put you in a lock, and the only way I'll let you go is if you tell me why."
"Really? You think provoking me is going to work?"
"Your pride at your techniques is very obvious, but I know how to counter them." His smirk turned into a smile when he noticed Annie's eyes narrowing (Malice? Anger? Irritation?) at his declaration
She removed her trainee jacket slowly before dropping it on the floor, her piercing glare never leaving his eyes, "You got lucky back in the winter, Jaeger. This time, I won't be stopping until you're out cold."
With a quickness that surprised him, Annie closed the distance between them and threw a left jab aimed at his nose. It would've hit him too, broke it in the process, if his body didn't move instinctually and dodge the strike. With a slight turn of his neck and a step to the side, her fist passed dangerously in front of his face, before he jumped back and widened the distance between them.
"No warning, huh?"
"Like I sai-"
Not even finishing her sentence, Annie leapt again and swung her right arm ferociously towards his chin. He knew it was a feint (don't fall for it) so instead of guarding, Eren chose to meet the attack, advancing while ducking and letting her fist glance harmlessly against his temple. Having closed the distance he clinched and wrapped his arms around her, locking Annie in place.
With a sharp exhale, Eren's knee flew and struck her with a dull thud, feeling it connect with her ribs. Testament to her strength, Annie didn't even buckle or flinch; merely mirrored his exhale with a grimace before placing him in a similar clinch. Wasting no time, she threw several knee strikes towards his abdomen with a snarl.
But Eren already knew her plan and preemptively guarded his midriff with his right forearm, while maintaining his left around her neck. By the fourth swing of her knee he landed a downward elbow strike on the girl's fleshy thigh, causing her to grunt in pain and disengage the clinch. Annie simultaneously jumped backwards while pushing him away with a front kick, placing some distance between them, before standing and heavily favouring her uninjured leg.
"Is that the kind of person you've become, Jaeger?" Beads of sweat pooled around her chin, her face contorted in pain as she took up her usual fighting stance, "Willing to beat a fragile maiden to get answers?"
I'd kill women and children if they we're in the way. Eren shook away the thought, "Nothing frail about you, Annie. You're one of the strongest people I know, and you're the reason I can fight."
"You're stronger than me now, that much is obvious. So, what more do you want? I've taught you everything I know."
He approached her cautiously, wary for any surprise attacks, "I want to be with you and get to know you better."
"Why?"
"Because I-" A pause: how to put into words an indescribable mix of sentiment, an invisible pull towards another person? When simplicity proves to be most truthful, Eren admits, "I… feel a connection with you."
Annie scoffed at him, "What's that supposed to mean?"
Eren was silent for a while, not really able to articulate the emotions he felt regarding the girl. Any attempts at introspection left him confused more than anything, because a hundred thoughts and feelings all come flooding in whenever he tried to pinpoint something about Annie. Foreign visions and memories didn't help either, further adding to the disarray in his mind.
He decided to be honest, "I don't know what it means. All I know is that I want to spend as much time as possible with you – whether it's us talking, sparring, or just together in silence. While we still can, before we go our separate ways."
Annie's guard eventually buckled and she dropped to a knee, "You didn't hold back on that elbow did you?"
"And you didn't hold back on that knee," He extended a hand and helped her up, "I thought my arm was going to be dislocated."
She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and stood up with Eren supporting her, "Let's go to the tree."
"I can carry you there if you want."
"No need." Annie reached out and opened the shed door, all the while maintaining balance between Eren and her uninjured leg, "Like you said, nothing frail about me."
Shaking his head, he looked at her with a small smile before starting their slow trek towards the training paddock.
XXX
The sun was beginning its descent by the time Eren and Annie sat down against the tree, her limping having reduced them to a snail's pace, but he didn't mind. Their close physical contact during their journey made his mind feel at ease more than it had been in the last five months. Sitting side-by-side in silence, neither spoke a word until Annie offered her explanation.
"I wasn't really avoiding you."
"Felt like it."
"Mikasa spoke to me right after winter training."
"And?" Eren's eyebrows furrowed.
"She told me to stay away from you."
That's not the whole story, "There's more to that."
"She threatened me."
"You're not the type to give in to threats. If anything, it would be the other way around."
Annie punched his arm playfully, "I want a quiet life in the interior, Eren. Getting on your sister's bad side, especially when she's currently the top cadet, wouldn't be the best move for me."
He smiled in disbelief, "Really? Is this the same Annie Leonhart that actually challenged Mikasa to a fight, just to see if your techniques were effective on a beast?"
She matched his smile with a look of confusion, "What are you talking about?"
"We were sparring," Eren explained, "Mikasa threw Reiner at us, and she asked you to teach her your moves. You told her she didn't need it and then challenged her to a fight."
Annie's confusion became more evident, "That never happened."
"It did! We were making bets on who would win."
"Eren…" She looked at him incredulously while slowly shaking her head.
"Do you really not remember?" He was starting to feel frustrated, "That was one of the most memorable things to happen during training!"
The crazed look in his eyes probably scared Annie a little bit, causing her head to turn and look away from him, "I've never challenged Mikasa to a fight."
Eren went quiet trying to process what was happening, wondering if he was going insane.
You're not.
"I must have dreamt it." He blurted out a pathetic excuse, pinching the bridge of his nose as he felt a headache forming.
Annie scoffed, "You were so lonely from me ignoring you, that you dreamt of these events to cope with it? I'm flattered." The sardonic tone with which she spoke was contrary to what was said.
"I thought you weren't really ignoring me?"
"I actually said 'avoiding you', and I wasn't. We ate dinner together, if you can remember that correctly."
Eren rolled his eyes just in time for Annie to see, as she turned to face him again, "If you mean a couple nights ago when Mina was between us, that doesn't count."
"Your standards are just too high."
"Yeah yeah. So back on topic, Mikasa threatened you?"
She reached into her breast pocket and pulled out a silver ring-
"I'm sorry." Eren heard his voice amidst the noise of thunder.
-and held it around eye level for the two of them to observe.
"This is a trinket from my father."
Eren's shaking hands were mirrored by his equally shaky voice, "T-There's a blade i-in it."
A mild look of surprise appeared on Annie's face, "Mikasa told you?"
No. "Yeah, she m-might have m-mentioned it."
"She didn't tell you that she confronted me about it? And that she told me to stay away from you because I might end up maiming you with this tiny little thing?"
He shook his head, all the while clenching his jaw in an effort to stifle his desire to scream.
"Are you alright?" She asked with concern, "You're shivering."
"J-Just cold." Eren lied through his teeth as thoughts entered his mind, Annie died. Will die. Has to die.
By my hands.
"In that case," She inched herself a little closer to him, feeling the radiating warmth coming off her body, "you're welcome."
The stars were gleaming in the sky in all their prominence, the moon hidden for the night.
Eren and Annie were sitting under the very same tree, hands clasped together, a comfortable silence between them. He felt at peace, and though her features were listless, the boy could tell that she also felt the same sense of harmony in this moment in time.
"I don't know how I know this," He spoke, "but you're a terrible liar."
A hint of amusement was in Annie's voice, "Really now?"
"You say you want to join the Military Police to be safer in the interior, but it doesn't seem that way to me." Eren took her silence as a cue to continue, "You're trying to join because you have to; there's a burden imposed on you, pushing you right into hell."
"Yes, the hell of luxury and privilege in Wall Sina." The statement bled sarcasm but Eren could tell that she was rattled.
"A lot of us are pushed into hell, forced by the will of others, instead of our own free will. The nightmares we see is different from the one in front of us."
"You say 'we' like you're also faced with that burden, but aren't you just an idealist with a death wish? Isn't it just your own free will pushing you to fight outside these Walls?"
He gave a sad smile, "Who knows. All I know is there's something beyond this hell we push ourselves through."
"What might that be?"
"Hope? Happiness? Another hell? The only ones who do know are the ones who keep moving forward."
A period of silence followed his philosophical ramblings as the pair mulled over and contemplated what was said. A cool breeze passed through them making Eren shiver, prompting Annie to press herself closer. She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed, exhaustion evident on her features.
"So, what was the point of all that?" The girl asked, "A very random topic to bring up, especially when it started with you calling me a terrible liar."
"I don't know." Eren's look of confusion was visible, "Earlier today you looked more tired than usual, and so lost, like you've been through-"
"Don't say 'hell' again, you've used it too much."
He snickered, "Point taken."
"You may continue."
"Very generous of you." Annie punched his arm lightly as he rolled his eyes.
"Eren..." She spoke his name with a low growl.
He squeezed her hand gently, "I guess I wanted to say that even if the whole world becomes your enemy-
"-I'll always be on your side."
Eren felt Annie's hand wrap around his arm, "What was that? You're mumbling; say it clearly."
The feelings of terror, fear, and despair disappeared along with the vision, leaving him with a sense of calm and resoluteness. He found that he could look her in the eyes without the urge to scream and cry, and so Eren held his gaze, getting lost in the ocean that were Annie's eyes.
"Even if the whole world becomes your enemy, I'll always be on your side."
"And how do I know you actually mean it?"
"Because I-" Have become the enemy of the world already, "-feel a connection with you."
"You already said that. And you don't make a declaration to fight the world for someone you just 'feel a connection' with."
Eren scratched his cheek, "You're someone important to me, Annie. More than anyone."
She pulled her hand away and curled into a ball, hiding her face behind her arms, "This sunset is making me red."
"Sure," He smiled, "blame the sunset." Eren knelt and pressed his forehead against Annie's, "I mean it – I'll destroy this world if it meant protecting you."
Again.
She tilted her head and kissed his lips gently, "You idealistic, suicidal bastard."
"Let's go have dinner," Eren extended a hand, "let's sit together this time without Mina, I have high standards after all."
Annie scoffed and took the offered appendage, standing with ease, "You just have to fend off Mikasa."
"Leave it to me. Also I noticed that you heal faster than me; that thigh should be swollen for a couple days at least, but here you are walking normally."
She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, "What can I say, we're very similar, except I'm better."
"Sure you are." And the pair made their way towards the mess hall.
Author's Notes:
Right on time at the end of the 3-week mark! Many thanks to Lucadina for her speedy and excellent proofing, she saved me from posting an Eren that was very reminiscent of the Cookie Monster. Next chapter should be another 2-4 weeks this time, giving myself some breathing room due to work being particularly busy this time of year (flu, 'rona, 'cetera). Will be responding to reviews via PMs fairly soon, sorry for the delay.
I hope whoever is reading enjoys/continues to enjoy the story! Stay safe everyone!