Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.

New A/N (1/21/2021): Thanks to ILRB80, who is beta-ing this story.

Chapter Eight

What do We do Now?

He ran on, not thinking about what lay behind him. He had to continue to be a diversion, and he had to have faith that the ones he just left were okay. He fired at the Death Eater closest to him, trying to stay within the field of the Fidelius charm to take them by surprise, but the Death Eater dodged the spell expertly and fired a spell that just nearly missed him. Seconds later he was outside of the charm and fighting for his life. It took him only another moment to realize that he was fighting Bellatrix; her mad cackle was impossible to deny.

He was poised to curse her— hopefully destroy her, when he first heard it. The scream of his sister, causing him to lose his focus, and making him turn towards the noise. He knew this was a mistake as soon as he felt the hot curse pass his cheek but he couldn't make himself turn back around and face his enemy, not when Lily was screaming like that. He couldn't lose another sibling… not after Regulus… not after James…

The thing that saved him in that moment was also the thing that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He felt it, the moment that she was gone, as a pain so powerful that it felt like he might be dying too had come over him, making him crumble to the floor. The killing curse that Bellatrix had fired at him sailed uselessly over his head as he clutched his chest, feeling like his heart just might have been ripped out of it. If he had been alone he likely would have stayed on the ground, locked in the pain that was rippling through his body, until his cousin killed him, but the painful shout he heard from Remus forced him into action.

"Aw… is little Siri in pain over his new family getting slaughtered?" Bellatrix said in a baby voice, laughing madly as she spoke. They resumed their fight, but Sirius was struggling with his moves now, as the burning grief threatened to overtake him.

And then their positions were reversed. Bellatrix was triumphantly standing over him, about to curse him to oblivion, when there was an explosion that blew off the roof of the cottage that the Potters had been staying in. Bellatrix shrieked in pain as she clenched her upper arm. Sirius took the opening immediately and used one of the worst curses he knew on her… wishing he could have used an even worse one but knowing that it wouldn't have worked for him in the state he was in. He couldn't hate anything enough right now, as the numbness he was feeling embodied him.

He looked to where he could still hear Remus fighting with the two remaining Death Eaters. It appeared that one of them was still clenching his arm, screaming, but the other was up and firing curses at the werewolf. Sirius ran towards his friend, but he could see that the Death Eater that was firing curses was actually trying to run away and Sirius knew he wasn't going to be able to catch up with him. He prayed that Remus would be able to get him, but it seemed like his friend was dodging the curses and it was hopeless.

Hopeless, that was a good word for what he was feeling. That is, if he was feeling anything at all. He cursed the screaming Death Eater, recognizing the voice, but still not feeling the anger that he knew he should.

"What happened?" Remus asked looking at the house, the Death Eater he had been fighting was now gone. "We've got to—"

"It's too late." Sirius said, his voice came out distant. His eyes were vacant as he secured the two Death Eaters; they weren't going to be able to go anywhere. It didn't matter, nothing really mattered anymore.

"What do you mean?" Remus said as his eye's turned painful. He had heard the screams and he could guess what it meant when they stopped so suddenly… but it couldn't be true. He had tried his hardest to get to the backyard, and he would have, if that second Death Eater hadn't come to stop him. The second Death Eater that was now lying in front of him, that wasn't much of a duelist at all and had an unmistakable voice. He cursed loudly, anger coursing through him.

He wanted to rip that Death Eater apart, the traitor that had destroyed them all. He could feel the blood lust, and it was all the more powerful because it was only a few hours before the full moon would rise. "Watch them," he hissed through gritted teeth at his friend who was looking withered and beaten. It hurt him more seeing his friend this way.

So he ran… he ran from his friend and the traitor that he wanted to kill right now. However, he ran to a place that could only bring him more pain and anger, but he had to see for himself what happened. The first thing he noticed when he got there was that the whole back of the house was splintered and broken, but his mind barely processed that when his eyes caught a figure moving. The figure was small and it looked like it was in pain, but strangely it wasn't making any noise. The tiniest bit of hope flickered through him as he went toward the thing, though he stopped when he notice what was next to it.

"Lily!" he moaned falling to his knees as tears streamed down his face. He probably would have stayed there all day and into the next, but at his words the thing that had caught his eyes started to move to him. Remus looked over then and his heart really did lighten as he saw something that he would never have even dared to hope he would see again. "Harry!?"

He crawled to the boy and picked him up, holding onto the baby as tightly as he could. Harry was shuddering in silent sobs and it was only then that Remus remembered the silencing charm he had put on the boy. He didn't have the strength to take it off, but the charm would only last a few more minutes anyways. All that mattered was that Harry was okay. His friend, someone that he had loved deeply had died and that would never be okay, but he didn't think he could have bared it if he had lost Harry, too. All he would have had left was Sirius, and he could see in his friend's deadened eyes that neither of them would get over this terrible day.

"It's okay Harry, I've got you," Remus said softly to the boy and he could feel Harry quiet in his arms. And then he looked down at his friend's body again and said, "I'm so sorry Lily… I couldn't get to you… But don't worry about Harry… me and Sirius… we'll keep him safe… your sacrifice won't be in vain…"

He broke off, he couldn't stand looking at her like this any longer… he had an idle thought about making her look more comfortable, to close her eyes that stared out at the night with fright. However, he couldn't bring himself to do it, so he just turned and made his way back to his friend. Sirius needed to know that Harry was okay… he needed to know that they hadn't lost everything.

"Sirius," Remus said as soon as they got back to him.

Sirius was just looking at the house, though Remus thought that he wasn't actually seeing anything, and didn't stir at Remus's voice. It was then, however, that the silencing charm was broken and a soft crying was heard from Remus's direction.

Sirius head snapped up, his expression as he looked into Remus's eyes was lost of any emotion; however that started to change at what he was seeing. "Harry…" he said softly, as if he didn't dare to believe his eyes.

"It's him," Remus confirmed, but again he was sure that Sirius didn't hear him.

"Har-rry," Sirius said in a shaky voice and it was in that moment that the tears started falling from his eyes. He was so numb before that; it was impossible to let them fall but now at the sight of the boy, all his feelings had returned and they were overwhelming him. The pain of his grief was again stronger than anything, but he pushed it aside for his need to comfort his nephew. He took Harry out of Remus's arms (who gave the baby to Sirius reluctantly but he understood that Sirius needed Harry as much as he did right now), and held him closely.

What happened next was a blur to them. Someone must have informed Dumbledore that something happened, because Hagrid was the first to show up a little more than an hour later, saying that Dumbledore wanted him to take Harry somewhere. At this both Sirius and Remus refused and wouldn't let Hagrid have another word in; they weren't going to let Harry out of their sights for a second. Finally, Remus said they would take Harry to Hogwarts to see Dumbledore and they left no room for further arguments. Hagrid agreed quickly enough, he really was a mess, crying in his big handkerchief. They had to wait another hour however, for the Aurors to show up and take Bellatrix and Peter away, who were both still unconscious when they got there.

There really wasn't any time for discussion once they got to Hogsmeade, because the sun was setting and Remus had only a few minutes to get to the shrieking shack before he transformed. Sirius didn't feel much like talking to anyone, least of all to an Albus Dumbledore that was making plans. For, Sirius was sure, his old headmaster had something in his mind and that was the reason why he wanted Hagrid to fetch Harry.

Still, when Hagrid, Sirius and Harry came to the castle they went straight to Dumbledore's office, but no one was there.

"What do we do now?" Hagrid said frowning; he had a feeling that Dumbledore wasn't going to be too please when he found out that Hagrid hadn't done what he was supposed to. "I suppose you should just wait here."

"I can't do that right now," Sirius said, his voice sounded strained and thick. "Harry needs a real place to sleep, though he seems to like your arms well enough," he said, he had let Hagrid hold the baby when he and Remus Apparated them to Hogsmeade and his nephew looked so happy in Hagrid's arms that he couldn't bring himself to take him back. "I need some time alone… with Harry."

"I don't know Sirius," Hagrid said warily. "Dumbledore reckons that little Harry is still in danger—"

"Where in Hogwarts, Hagrid," Sirius said. "Besides, I know a place that will be completely safe. I'll be back here to talk to Dumbledore in the morning okay?"

Hagrid agreed, he could see the strain it took Sirius just to talk to him and he didn't like seeing that. So, Sirius took Harry to a room that he and his friends had discovered a long time ago that could give him anything he wanted (though part of him hated that it was the rat that had found this place), he knew he could make the place secure from anyone that he wanted to keep out… which was everyone but Remus.

O

It had always been hard transforming in the shrieking shack for Remus, because he had nothing but himself to attack, but that night was particularly hard on him. The emotional pain he was feeling was dulled, which was nice, but his anger was magnified and he ravished himself and the room more than he normally would have. He felt soar and weak when he woke up that morning, but as much as his body longed to rest, he quickly made his way to the castle (luckily he had enough time to take his clothes off before he transformed). He wasn't sure why he did it, but instead of heading to the Headmaster's office he made his way to the Room of Requirement. It was a secret place that a few people knew about and he was sure that Sirius would have gone there if he had the chance.

It took him more than one try to get into the room, but when the door finally appeared before him he was sure of what he would find in there. Sirius was on a bed that looked just like the ones they used to have in the boys dormitory in the Gryffindor tower. Remus knew that the castle was the first place that Sirius ever felt at home so it wasn't surprising that the bed would look that way. Harry was sleeping in Sirius's arms, and it looked like the older man couldn't bear to be away from him. Remus climbed onto the bed that was much larger than the old beds they use to sleep in but felt the same. He didn't mean to fall asleep, he just wanted to rest his wary body, but soon he joined the only family he had left, into blissful oblivion.

O

Sirius woke a few hours after that and started getting ready for the day. The first thing he did was cast every spell he knew that would help Remus heal faster. He could tell just by the few visible scratches that his friend was in bad shape, but seeing as Remus had been his roommate for most of his life now, Sirius knew his fair share of spells that would help the werewolf. After that he got Harry cleaned up, feeling a little bad that he didn't do anything before now, but he was just too exhausted and out of it to think about that.

"So, what happened last night?" Remus asked a while later.

"Nothing," Sirius said. "Dumbledore wasn't there and… well I couldn't stay to wait for him."

"Hmm…" Remus said as he got up and immediately noticed that he wasn't as soar as he was before. He felt grateful for his friend's help but knew that Sirius wouldn't have taken his thanks. "We probably should get going to the headmaster's office then. I have a feeling that Dumbledore is already going to be angry with us… or at least agitated."

"I don't see why it's his concern in the first place," Sirius said. "Acting like he should have control over Harry, and all."

"Come on, let's go," Remus said, he didn't have any energy to spare on worrying what Dumbledore was planning… especially when all they had to do was walk to his office to find out.

So, that's what they did, Sirius using the password that he had heard last night and they knocked on the door. Upon entering the room they noticed that someone else was already there, someone that they didn't really want to see…

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sirius snapped, stepping in front of Remus (who was holding Harry) and reaching for his wand.

"Sirius, stop," Dumbledore said in a calm tone of voice. "Severus is here to help."

"Right," Sirius scoffed darkly, but as he looked at the other man who looked just as bad as he felt, his anger ebbed away. Not completely of course, they had hated each other for so long that it was impossible that he wouldn't feel anger towards this man that he didn't want to share a grievance with. However, there was something else, something that wasn't coming completely from him, but from the remembrance of the spell he had cast with Lily, that felt concerned about Severus. Sirius didn't like that one bit.

"That's all I have to say," Severus said in a thick voice, though it was clear that he was trying to keep it even. He got up and left the office without another look at anyone.

"I really wish that you would have arrived a little later," Dumbledore said gravely as he watched the young man go, knowing that Severus had suffered a horrible loss and these two were the last people that he would want to see him right now.

"Sorry," Sirius said and Dumbledore was surprised that he could hear concern, and maybe even regret in Sirius's tone.

"Have a seat," Dumbledore said, waving to the chairs in front of his desk.

"Why did you want Hagrid to take Harry last night?" Sirius asked bluntly, he wasn't up for a long winded talk, even though he could tell that Dumbledore probably wasn't going to do that anyways.

Dumbledore let out a long breath, causing him to look older to the two young men than they had ever seen him. "I wasn't sure who had survived—"

"How did you know about the attack on the house in the first place?" Remus asked.

"That's not important right now," Dumbledore disregarded the question. "As soon as I heard and knew that Harry had survived, I realized he wouldn't be safe—"

"How did you know that Harry was okay?" Sirius asked this time.

"I would have known if Harry had perished," Dumbledore said simply, causing Remus and Sirius to exchange a look but neither said anything. So, Dumbledore went on, "I knew that Harry wouldn't be safe, there are many of Voldemort's followers that would want revenge… or would think that by somehow getting to the boy they could get their master back. Knowing that there was no time, I had to act fast, so I sent Hagrid to get Harry and I went to try and set up the best protection that I could against anything that would threatened the boy now, or in the future."

"What do you mean 'in the future?'" Remus asked and he watched Dumbledore closely, and it seemed to him that the old man was wary about something.

Dumbledore studied the two men with his piercing gaze, and decided to answer them bluntly. "I don't believe that Voldemort is truly gone. I don't know when, or how he will achieve it, but I'm sure that Voldemort will return… and when he does, Harry will not be safe."

Sirius and Remus's faces paled as they both gulped. "What can we do? How do we keep Harry safe?"

"I have been thinking about that question for a long time now. How to keep Harry safe? I have made plans for every eventuality that may arise," Dumbledore sighed gravely, as he again paused so he could look at the two men in front of him. They were a danger to his plan, for they would not want to let Harry go… but he had to convince them, it was the only way that Harry would be safe. "And I think the best thing that we can do is send the boy to Lily's sister—"

"WHAT?!" both Remus and Sirius shouted, which caused Harry to flinch and he started to cry.

"Sorry cub," Remus cooed towards the baby, but that didn't stop him from being surprised and angered by Dumbledore's words.

"You can't possibly think that we would let that happen!" Sirius scoffed.

"It is the best protection that we can offer him," Dumbledore said. "I know that they will not understand him… and it would be—"

"You don't know anything!" Sirius cut him off. "You haven't heard what Lily had to say about her sister! Petunia wouldn't even recognize that Lily existed the last few times they were in the same place as each other and I can't see that she would treat Harry any better than that. And that's not to mention whoever it was that Petunia married… Lily said he was brutal. No! I will not let Harry be taken to them!"

"Sirius, please," Dumbledore said, his voice was indeed pleading. "It's the only place that he would be safe… no one will be able to touch him… or find him as long as he is with them."

Sirius face drained of color, and when he spoke it wasn't with anger as it was before, "so I'm just supposed to let Harry go to a place that I know that he would be miserable… just so he could be safe from a future attack… We were supposed to be safe at Godric's Hollow!"

"This would be safer," Dumbledore assured, he had always known that a blood bond would be the best form of protection to keep Harry safe, but now it was even more so. After he had investigated Godric's Hollow, it seemed to be clear to him what had happened: Lily had sacrificed herself to save Harry, and because she was given the choice to leave (that she didn't have to die), she was able to create a strong protection on her son against Voldemort. A Love Sacrifice, a form of magic that was hard to control but was stronger than any power that he knew. The proof of the strength of the magic was the fact that Harry had been protected from Voldemort's attack, and caused Voldemort himself to be struck down instead. Dumbledore had long suspected that Voldemort had taken steps to insure that he would not die so easily, and his theory was confirmed today. No, Voldemort was alive, though obviously he had been greatly weakened as his influence over the community had already started to dissipate.

"How will it be safer?" Remus asked, always the reasonable one, but Dumbledore knew that he was no less reluctantly to giving up Harry.

"Harry needs to be with his closest kin on his mother's side," Dumbledore said, and he noticed that Sirius and Remus's eyes both widen as they looked at each other again, but he carried on with what he was saying. "It's an ancient form of magic that Voldemort knows little about… and even if he tried to learn more, it would not help him get through the protections of the blood ward…"

"So, if there was someone other than Petunia that was related to Harry… it would be safe for him to live with that person," Sirius asked slowly, and Dumbledore looked at him, a little intrigued by the calm collective nature that he was showing right now.

"Yes, though the closer the person is related to Lily the stronger the protection will be," Dumbledore said. "As far as I know, Petunia is Lily's only living relative."

"Well, that's where you're wrong," Sirius said looking at Dumbledore with his own piercing eyes, "Because I'm Lily's brother."

"Do you mean that you've became siblings by some means of magic?" Dumbledore asked, his eyebrows furrowed and he was thoughtful. Remus explained everything he could about the charm that they used and Dumbledore tested the bond himself.

"I must say that this is rather good news," Dumbledore said smiling after he was satisfied that the bond would indeed hold up. "I never liked the idea of sending Harry to live with those people."

Sirius and Remus let out a breath, very relieved that they had convinced Dumbledore that they should keep Harry.

"Sir," Remus started to question but bit his lip.

"Yes, Remus," Dumbledore encouraged.

"I was just wondering… what happened yesterday?" Remus asked. "I mean with Voldemort… you said that you don't think he's really gone… but why? How do you know that he's not gone?"

"I can feel it when I examined where he last…" Dumbledore trailed off and both Sirius and Remus flinched as they realized where Dumbledore was talking about. "His body might have been destroyed, but he is not dead—"

"But how could he not be dead?" Remus asked.

"I have many theories, but I may never know," Dumbledore said.

"Which just means that you know what happened but you're not going to tell us," Sirius said bluntly, and Dumbledore gave him something of a smile in response to that comment.

"Perhaps I will tell you at some point, but now is not that time," Dumbledore said. "There's so much that I have to try to understand and find out before we come to that point. Though, I wish I did not fail to see the proof of my theory sooner, if I had only acted faster, the fight might really have been over, but at last, I'm sure he will find a way to threaten our world again."

"Fail…" Sirius said, his mind going back to another painful time, or more like a discussion right before he had lost someone he loved. He remembered his brother's panicked behaviour before he had disappeared, never to be seen again. And he remembered something only now, something that was probably actually very important. "Horcrux…" he muttered to himself.

"What did you say?" Dumbledore's eyes widened. How did Sirius know that was what he was talking about? In fact, the more important question was, how did Sirius even know that word in the first place?

"Horcrux… what's that?" Remus asked.

"I don't know, but it's what my brother Regulus was after right before…" Sirius trailed off as his shoulders began to shake. They sat in silence while Sirius tried to control himself, and then Dumbledore asked them to explain what Sirius was talking about. This was concrete evidence that what he feared Voldemort had done was real. Remus was the one that actually told Dumbledore, but when Dumbledore asked about the Horcrux again, Sirius had to tell him.

"So, he was going to destroy it," Dumbledore muttered. "I wonder if he managed to?"

"Sir, what is a Horcrux?" Remus asked.

Dumbledore stared at him for a moment and though he did not want to tell anyone this information, he knew Remus well enough to know that he would learn about Horcruxs one way or another. So he explained what a Horcrux was and Remus and Sirius both cringed at the idea of it… of committing murder just so you could split your soul, and then using that split piece of your soul to try to escape death.

"Then he couldn't have destroyed the Horcrux, seeing as you believe Voldemort is still alive," Remus said.

"Yes, of course," Dumbledore agreed, but Remus thought there was something about the look that was off… that there might be even more terror to this than he could imagine. He didn't have the energy to worry about the Horcrux issue now, but he was sure at some point in time he would.

There was a long silence after this, and each of them were lost in thought, however, Dumbledore broke the silence, "there are just a few more things I would like to say."

"We're listening," Sirius said.

"First off, I think that it's best that Harry doesn't know too much about what has happened today… not until he is old enough to handle that information," Dumbledore said.

"We're not going to lie to Harry," Remus said stiffly.

"And I wouldn't want you to," Dumbledore said. "But I think it might be best to not let the boy know how famous he is. Even just a day after Voldemort's downfall and everyone knows his name… talking about him nonstop… it would turn any boy's head, and I hate to say this Sirius, but I have a feeling that Harry might be a bit more prone to that than most kids."

Remus mouth thinned, as he both wanted to smile and felt a chilly grief in his chest. "I suppose I can see your point… what do you suggest?"

"Well, obviously I was planning on having Harry raise by Muggles so that would have kept him in the dark effectively enough, but that is not the case anymore," Dumbledore said. "However, I think that living in the Muggle world is still likely the safest route to go."

"You mean we can live in a Muggle neighbourhood?" Sirius said looking a little excited. "Remus said that we couldn't get a flat in Muggle London because he didn't think I could pull off being like a Muggle, but it doesn't look like you have a choice now."

"I suppose you'll be okay," Remus sighed.

Dumbledore sighed, it probably would have been better if he didn't hear Sirius's comment but it was still best this way. "I also think it would be best if everyone else believed that Harry was being raised by the Dursleys…"

"Okay," Remus said. "And what does that mean?"

"Does this mean that Remus and I can't be seen in the wizarding world?" Sirius asked in trepidation.

"No, I think that we could work it out so you could still hold your job and see all of your friends," Dumbledore said. "But it would be best if no one knows the real place that you are living at… I'm sure we can easily think of a way to prevent this from happening."

"Sounds good to me," Sirius said.

"As long as you don't have to do any of the work, right?" Remus teased.

"Exactly," Sirius smiled, but it fell from his face quickly.

"And lastly, I have some… news to tell you," Dumbledore said, not knowing if this was good or bad news; in his opinion, it was a little of both.

"What?" Sirius said.

"It's about James," Dumbledore said.

O

He felt his heart grow cold as he sat alone in a room. He had just been told that the Dark Lord had gone to attack the Potters' house. He had informed Dumbledore as quickly as he could, but he knew it was already too late, it had been almost an hour since the Dark Lord had left. He was sitting down trying to control himself, trying to hope that the impossible would happen, but it wasn't working so far and it was only getting beaker in his mind.

Then there was the pain… in his upper arm… the exact spot where he had been branded years ago when he was naïve enough to believe that becoming a Death Eater was something he wanted. It felt like his arm was burning… or at least the spot where the mark was… was burning off of him. He knew what it meant at once, but he couldn't believe it… Was what he hoped for actually going to come true? However, his heart was still cold, and he could feel it, a pain worse than the burn on his arm… he felt empty inside.

It wasn't long after that that there was a loud popping sound and a mask Death Eater was in the room. He ripped off the mask to reveal that it was Lucius Malfoy.

"What happened?" Severus asked; his voice shaky since he couldn't mask his pain.

"He's gone… the house… and the pain… he's gone!" Lucius said, he was rumbling and looked like he was rather insane at the moment, but Severus knew that he would get his wits back soon enough.

"Lucius… tell me what happened?" Severus said more severely, and Lucius recited the events of the night.

"… then the Mudblood's scream were cut off, and I taunted to the werewolf that the wench was surely dead—"

That was the only part of the story that Severus could hear; the only part that mattered and it was all too much to bear. He had really lost her now. She was gone and he never got to talk to her… to tell her how he wish he could make everything better… how much he really cared about her. He felt hollow inside and he couldn't stand being in this room any longer. He strode to the doors… not knowing where he was going but knowing that he had to leave the house as quickly as he could. However, he stopped at the threshold. He wanted to just leave, but those words had come back to him in that moment. 'She thought you were a good man'. He turned back around and marched to the room that he never wanted to go into again.

He opened the door cautiously, there was no telling what kind of spell she would put on her room, but he didn't find anything. The room was as dark and disturbing as most of the rooms in this house, but he paid little attention to that. He walked as quickly as he could to a corner of the room and found the man that he was looking for. James Potter was lying lifeless on the floor, chains around his ankles and wrists but they were of little use anymore, James didn't have the strength to move. Severus flicked his wand at the man twice, once to make the chains release him and the other to make it so the man floated behind him.

"What are you doing?" Lucius asked when he came back to the main room.

"The Dark Lord is gone… and his followers are sure to be hunted soon enough," Severus said, and wondered how he was able to think this clearly as his world was ripped from him, but somehow he knew he had to do this. Or he was just so use to duplicity and lying that it came naturally to him. "I'm assuring that I do not end up in Azkaban. If I come to Dumbledore with Potter, he will have no choice but to believe that I have changed sides…"

"Hmmm…" Lucius said looking at Severus coldly and then at James, who looked little more than half dead as it was.

"It won't work for you," Severus said calmly. "The Dark Lord wanted me to appear as if I was turning to Dumbledore's side… but you—"

"I don't have a chance to use that," Lucius agreed. "No, I think I have to feign enchantment. I should have enough poll inside the Ministry to pull that off, but you're right, I wouldn't gain favor my turning this cretin in. Though Severus, I do not know how much help this pathetic piece of filth will give you—"

"It's my only option," Severus shrugged and left without farther ado. As soon as he was outside of the wards of the house he knelt down and grabbed James, sickened that he had to do so. He couldn't help but loathe that it was this man that was alive when he knew in his heart that Lily was gone. Part of him long to just leave him behind; he didn't want to be the one to help this man but still those words came back to him, though this time he heard them in Lily's voice, I trust you, you're a good man.

Hollow as the words may have been, he couldn't help but want to live up to them. That is why he Apparated them to Hogsmeade and walked them to the castle late in the evening. James was brought to the hospital wing and placed under the care of Madam Pomfrey, but she was grim when she looked at him and it was clear that he wasn't ever going to really recover from what happened to him. Severus then was given a room, he didn't really care about this, he seemed to be numb all over and he let one of the teachers lead him some place and as soon as he was alone he broke down.

It wasn't until the next morning that Dumbledore wanted to see him. It was bitterly painful talking to the old man. He didn't realize it, but there was still a small part of him that was hoping that somehow Lily was okay, but it was dashed as soon as he saw the old man's face. He couldn't stop the tears that fell down his face; he couldn't help but blame the man in front of him for not doing a better job in protecting her. And then Dumbledore somehow made him agree to do something that would continue to make him suffer for the rest of his life, but he had to do it. He would not let her die for nothing, the boy had to live no matter how loathsome Harry was sure to become.

"She left you this," Dumbledore said after Severus's breathing started to settle.

Severus looked at the letter that Dumbledore was holding out to him and he took it, not sure if he wanted to see what it said. What good would a letter do him now that she was gone?

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sirius shouting had raised him out of his thoughts and filled him with rage and pain at the same time. He didn't want to see this man now, when he was feeling so weak and raw with pain at the moment.

"Sirius stop," Dumbledore said in a clam voice, but Severus could feel his eyes on him, giving him a piercing look. "Severus is here to help."

"Right," Sirius scoffed and the look and taunt in the other man's voice burned in his and enraged him.

"That's all I have to say," Severus said, hating that he couldn't hide all of his pain from the people he least wanted to see him like this. He left the room as quickly as he could and returned to the room that was given to him the other day. Once he was there, he looked at the letter clenched in his hand, and again he wondered if he should look at it. Finally he decided that he had to know what it said, knowing that it would hurt him when he saw it, but it would hurt him more if he didn't look.

Dear Sev,

I'm so sorry that you are reading this letter; I wish that I could have somehow met you again and was able to tell you this in person. I'm sorry that I never gave you a chance after… that day. I was hurt at the time and then too stubborn to even try to listen to you. You always said that I was very open-minded but I had the thickest skull once I did make up my mind about something. I see now what I should have said to you that day, and I ask that you forgive me for not saying it. I should have given you the choice, a choice once and for all to decide what was more important to you. I think that a part of me— even at the moment when I was already more hurt than anything else— was afraid you wouldn't have chosen me and that would have only hurt me more.

I know you don't know this, but I have been trying to write to you since we have left school. I'm not sure what happened, what cause me to feel this way, but I woke up one morning and I wanted to do nothing more than to make things up with you. I felt awful for just giving up on our friendship and I wanted to make it up to you. But it was impossible to find you and I'm sorry about that.

I know that you are going to blame yourself for my fate, whatever it might be, because I know what must have happened. I know that you were the one that gave Voldemort the information that lead to him coming after my family…

Here Severus crumbled the letter. He never expected her to know that. He had made Dumbledore promise not to tell anyone. Still, what was hurting most was that he knew that she must have felt utterly betrayed at the moment that she found out. He didn't know what compelled him to keep reading, but he had to know what she had to say about that.

… I can not deny that it hurt a lot when I figured that out, which I did without anyone telling me. It was clear as soon as Dumbledore said that someone was risking their life by telling him about the attempt on our lives that you had to be the person. You were the only one that would do that for us and I have to thank you for that. It was hard to hear, and I was angry at you again for what you did, but I know that you are trying to make up for it now.

If we should ever meet again, I know I would call you my friend… my dear friend. I still fondly recall everything that we have done together. I often think of you in that coat and oversized jacket with a smile, you were just so cute in an odd way. I know you hated it, but I thought it gave you character. I remember meeting in our first class that Gryffindor and Slytherin shared in our first year, and you sitting next to me even though your fellow Slytherins looked at you oddly. I know that it must have been hard for you to do that, but it really meant so much to me that you cared more about my friendship than theirs. I remember all the potions classes that we tried to outdo each other, and how you used to write in your potion book all the little steps that you discovered would help you cut corners to making a better potions. Too bad it didn't help you to do better than me (not until late into fifth year at least).

I miss you my friend, I hope that you don't blame yourself for what happened. I know that you made a mistake but you are trying to correct that now, and all I can say is that it is admirable that you are helping us like this. I also want to add that I want you to be happy. I want you to go on living and not worry about me. I'll be watching all those that I love, and that includes you, so you better not wallow.

Love,

Lily.

Severus was in tears again as he put the letter down. This letter wasn't any comfort at the moment, it was just words from the one that he lost, but he could see that it would mean more later on.

O

They walked silently to the hospital wing. Dumbledore had explained what had happen the best he could, but still they didn't know what they were going to find when they got there. When they opened the doors they walk to the last bed, which had the curtain drawn around it, and opened them. There he was, the brother they had thought they would never see again. Sure they knew that he wouldn't have been killed right away, but they never dreamed that he would have been kept alive all this time.

He turned to face them, his eyes looked wild at first but when he blinked they thought they saw a little life in them.

"James," Sirius said, his voice was shaky. "You're alive."

"Lily!" James said, his eyes going wild again, his voice was barely above a whisper but it was clear that he was yelling. He sat up but his arms stayed behind him and it was only then that they realized that he was restrained in his bed. "I need to find her… she's in danger…"

"James," Sirius repeated, tears starting to fall down his cheek. "She's gone…"

"No… I can save her!" James shouted, his eyes bulging.

"James," Remus said softly, his voice even, but his eyes too were filled with tears. "I'm sorry… we couldn't save her…" he grabbed James's shoulder and his eyes came to focus again.

"Remus," James said his voice even quieter, he was no longer shouting. "Sirius…"

"Yeah, it's us," Remus said grimly.

"Lily… is gone," James said and his hazel eyes filled with tears. "I let you all down."

"No James," Remus said. "Lily told us about the spell you cast… and Dumbledore said that it had worked… you didn't tell them anything… this isn't your fault…"

"But—" James started.

"No James, we are the ones that let you down," Sirius said bitterly. "We were supposed to protect her—"

"Harry!" James suddenly shouted, his eyes going a little mad again. "Where's Harry!?"

"He's with Hagrid right now, just outside the door," Remus said. "No one was sure of how you would react…"

"Safer away from me," James nodded his head, his eyes looking like he was trying to keep awake. "I'm afraid that I have lost my mind… and it's hard for me to find it…"

"James?" Sirius questioned.

"Take care of Harry," James said, straining on his restrains again, his eyes completely wild, but it seemed like it was for a different reason than before. "Promise me."

"I will," Remus said immediately.

"Of course," Sirius said, but he couldn't look James in the eyes when he said that. "Not that it means much, I haven't been able to take care of anyone lately…"

"Trust you," James said, sinking down on his pillow and his eyes clouded over again. That wasn't the last time that they heard him talking as they stayed with him, but that was the last time that he said anything that made any sense.

"What happened to him?" Remus asked Madam Pomfrey, someone that had his highest respect for after all the care that she had given him throughout his school life.

"I'm not completely sure, his illness is beyond anything I can do," Pomfrey said. "We're going to have him moved to St. Mungo's in the morning." She paused there seeing that Remus wasn't satisfied with that answer so she went on. "His mind has been seriously damaged by some odd charm that I've never seen before, and if that wasn't enough. His body was put through so much stress, his mind seemed to have fallen into itself. Honestly, I'm not sure what more can be done for him. As you can see, he has some moments of clearness, but most of the time he either turns into himself, becoming practically catatonic and other times he has no idea where he is, and thinks he needs to get to…" her voice trailed off and her lips trembled. "I'm sorry… it's just so sad."

"I know," Remus said and did something that he never thought he would do, but felt like the right thing at the moment. He reached out and pulled the nurse into a hug.

"Thanks," Madam Pomfrey said thickly, after he had released her. "I needed that."

"Sure," Remus said. "So basically, what you're saying is that James is never going to be himself again…"

"Not completely, no," Madam Pomfrey grimaced, and she looked at Sirius, who was now holding Harry in his arms and James was staring at the two of them, looking out of it, but also peaceful. "And definitely not enough to take care of his little boy… this is just too sad…"

With that the nurse left them alone and Remus had to agree with her. This was just too sad, everything that happened in the last twenty four hours… everything that happened in this last two months… everything that happened since they had joined this fight…. There was too many things to be sad about, so instead, he thought about what he still had: his best friend was still alive, and though he would never be the same, he was still there. Sirius was still there too, though it was clear that it was going to take a lot to make him forgive himself, Remus knew that his friend was going to bounce back, if for no other reason than to make sure that Harry would still be happy.

Then there was Harry himself. He loved Harry more than he ever thought was possible, and now that he was sitting in this room, he realized that he never thought that the boy was going to survive this attack. He knew the fight wasn't close to being over, that they were only in the calm between the storm (and he prayed that this calm would last a long time, enough time to let Harry grow up without the weight of the world on his shoulders), but he had survived this first fight. That gave Remus just a little bit of hope that they could be happy and that somehow this boy, his godson, would be alright in the end.

Original A/N: I would like to say that this chapter and the last were both longer than usual because I wanted to get all the painful parts over with, I didn't want to spend weeks on end with you not being sure what's going to happen. Though I was tempted to stop this chapter after Dumbledore, Remus and Sirius talk and end with him talking about James without explaining what happened to him. As for that, I hope it's okay. Like I said in the last author's note, I've always planned on making this a Sirius and Remus raising Harry fic, and originally I thought that James was going to die, too. However, I realized that he didn't really need to, and I thought that I would just make him a bit crazy. I'm not sure how much he's going to play in this story but it's nice to know that he's not dead, right?

Also, I know that my spelling and grammar isn't very good, so if anyone wants to beta this, I'll take any help that I could get.