J

"I had sex."

Juni glances up from her coffee and phone screen as I walk into the main house dining room, freshly showered and primed for my afternoon high. It takes edibles a bit to find their way into my system. So for now, I grimace while taking a seat at the table.

She studies me with a cautious look. "It hurts that badly?"

"A horse."

"Please don't tell me you had sex with a horse. Or at least tell me the horse is in reference to a stud, but a human one."

I chuckle as Fiona gives me a warm smile and sets a cup of coffee in front of me. "Thank you."

"Okay, back to the horse sex story."

"Yes. That." I take a sip of coffee and add more sugar. "I can only have this conversation with Juni. My mom would be way too disappointed in me. Are we clear?"

Juni gets this nauseous expression.

I roll my eyes. "No. I didn't have sex with a horse."

She relaxes. "Then Juni is all ears."

"I've ridden Angelina, this beautiful horse at Sooya's Stables."

Juni pauses mid-sip. "Down the road?"

I nod. "It's like cycle class; there's a definite breaking-in period."

Juni laughs. "I've done both, so I completely understand."

"Well, after a long ride yesterday afternoon, I had dinner with the stable owners."

"Oh, that's nice. I don't know anything about them."

"An older gentleman, fifty-ish, I'd say. He's in a wheelchair. His daughter lives there and takes care of him."

"It's weird how you can live so close to people and know nothing about them."

"Weird. Yes." I sip my coffee. "But you and Zach travel a lot, and we live completely gated off from everyone around us, so we've probably missed the neighborhood potlucks."

Juni shakes her head, grinning. "Moving on …"

"I had sex with the owner's daughter."

"Oh … that's …" She twists her lips. "Random? You've known Haruto for years, then you go and have …"

I grin, knowing she's thinking exactly what I'm thinking—Dad.

"Tell me the story."

Juni shakes her head. "It's your story day, not mine. I've told you mine a million times."

"And I'll ask you to tell it to me a million more times."

"Jennie, you're a romantic."

"I'm not." My head inches from side to side. It's possible to love a good romance without being a romantic. I ignore the tiny detail that I happen to be so in love with Lisa Manoban right now my heart will never find a normal rhythm again.

Every time she shares this story, I wonder how she can look at me and not think of my father. I'm a spitting image of him. If she hadn't shown me the video of my birth, I'm not sure I'd believe I'm really her daughter.

She smooths her silky blond ponytail over her shoulder, taking a big breath. Nearly twenty years earlier, my mom fell for a young drummer at the inaugural Coachella, a music and arts festival in California.

"It was a stifling hot day …" she begins. I love the way her face lights up when she tells the story, almost as much as I love the story itself.

Sexy, redheaded drummer eyed tall brunette at the front of the stage.

Tall brunette stalked sexy drummer after the final act.

Sparks flew.

A few mind-altering drugs may or may not have been involved.

Sex in the shadows behind the stage.

No condom.

A baby girl named Jennie was born nine months later.

I frown, loving and hating the next part.

"The band broke up. Your father enlisted in the marines and proposed to me on the same day."

"You said no." I sigh, always wondering "what if?"

She curls a few strands of hair behind my ear as her mouth turns up into a bittersweet smile. "He wanted his career. I wanted mine."

"But you both wanted me."

She nods a few times. "Yes. And we wanted each other, but …"

"You were a temporary love."

Mom bops the end of my nose with her finger and clucks her tongue once. "Exactly. Timing guides our lives more than love. Love is just an emotion—timing is our destiny. Missed opportunities. Serendipity. Fate … it's all about timing, not love."

"You still love Dad."

She returns a single nod. "Always."

"But you love Zach too."

She presses her hand to her heart. "Eternally."

My mother has loved two men, just in different times. I think that will always be my favorite part of the story.

"Don't call me a romantic." She knows I'm a realist. "But … I want to love like that. And I think I may have found it."

"Jennie …" She leans over and kisses my forehead. "Live, my beautiful butterfly. Love freely, but don't ever let it anchor you. Don't ever choose love over life."

"What if I can have both? Like you?"

"Is this girl you just met willing to let you find yourself? Is she going to follow you to the far corners of the world and let you be you … or will she try to clip your wings?"

I focus on my cup of coffee.

"If you just met her, you can't possibly know."

"That's the thing … I didn't just meet her."

"No? Does she go to your school?"

I grunt a bit of sarcasm. "As a matter of fact, she does."

"Why didn't she ask you to homecoming?"

"It would have been frowned upon."

"By whom?"

"I'm pretty sure everyone."

Her head jerks back. "Why?"

Scrunching my nose, I glance up at her. "She's the guidance counselor."

Remaining statuesque, she blinks quickly several times. "Lisa?"

"Yeah."

"Jesus, Jennie … you had sex with Ms. Manoban."

"No." I shake my head. "I had sex with Lisa. We're going to let Ms. Manoban stay out of it."

Juni chokes on a laugh, resting her elbows on the table while rubbing her temples. "You're high."

I bob my head side to side. "Not completely, but I'm getting there."

"If you guys get caught, this ridiculous Ms. Manoban isn't Lisa and Lisa isn't Ms. Manoban thing isn't going to work with the principal and the school board."

"We're not going to get caught."

"Jennie …" She shakes her head, giving me a solid dose of mom disapproval.

I knew I shouldn't have trusted her to keep Mom out of this.

"You thrive on breaking rules, taunting authority, and proving that you can get away with murder. I know you … and you'll let it slip to someone because what's the fun of doing something forbidden if no one knows about it? We have gotten you out of a lot of sticky situations, but we can't protect you and Lisa from the possible ramifications of this."

The bad news? She's overreacting. I should have told Rosé instead. Maybe I will later, and she can give me a timeline for how long it will be before I don't dread having sex again with the woman I love.

The good news? The more Mom drones on, making me sound like a completely irresponsible rebel, the more I don't care because I'm starting to feel totally chill about everything.

"Don't sweat it. Everything is temporary." I smile on a content sigh.

She shakes her head. "You're going to learn the hard way on this one, but I'll remember to repeat those same words back to you when everything falls apart."

I nod slowly. "Okey dokey."

Juni stands, pressing a palm to my cheek, a sad smile steals her perfect lips. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so incredibly sorry that you have to spend so much of your life checked out from reality."

I shrug. Reality is overrated when I'm not with Lisa.