It's Maddie and Daphne and You and Me

I am borrowing the characters and imaginings of the great Callie Khoury. I do not own these characters.

Your comments and feedback are welcome and appreciated. Hope you enjoy!

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June 10, 2004

I'm a mama again. Daphne is so beautiful and just the best baby. She has my eyes and nose and my mama's lips, but her disposition is all Teddy. She is alert and attentive and she even smiled for me. I know it was probably gas and just a reflex, but I can tell she will be my sunshine girl.

Teddy is over the moon. Though he never said it, I know he felt badly that he didn't father a child with me, and he felt threatened by Deacon's hold over me in that regard. Maddie's dark hair and dark eyes, while they were passed down from Deacon, thankfully reflect Teddy's features, but her brooding personality is all Deacon and her stubborn streak is inherited from both of us. God help me if that girl is anything like the two of us.

I promised Teddy the day she was born that he is her father and I will honor that, but I hope that one day she will know Deacon as her father. He is four years sober. Maybe if I had waited for him, he would be her father. I can't look back now. I did what I thought was best for Maddie and Deacon. Hopefully, they will both find it in their hearts to forgive me one day. God knows I'll never forgive myself.

August 14, 2004

Bucky called and I need to get into the studio to start recording my next album. "Thoroughbred" was a dud. It was the first album I put out without one Deacon song on it. I need some of that Deacon magic. It's just so hard to write with him and I can't record any of his stuff. They all seem to be about me.

I'm anxious to get back at it and prove to myself that I can still write winners with or without Deacon. I miss music and truth be told, I miss Deacon. I haven't seen him since Daphne was born. He sent an adorable set of cowboy boots for her and Maddie, but he hasn't been by to see her.

Seeing him again will be different. Daphne, I think represents that I'm really moving on, building a life with Teddy. It wasn't just a fluke or a shotgun, loveless marriage. What I have with Teddy is good and solid. It's not like it was with Deacon, but I feel it is mature, respectful love, if not passionate love.

September 6, 2004

I took the girls to the studio with me today. Some young, blond dropped Deacon off and made sure she let everyone know that he was hers by practically sticking her tongue down his throat and grabbing his ass when she said goodbye. Deacon didn't seem to mind and returned the favor, cupping her ass and pulling her center to his.

I was there with the girls and Maddie broke up the X-rated farewell before Deacon had a chance to give her the high hard one. She ran yelling to him to come and see "Daph". I couldn't help but smirk which didn't go unnoticed by Deacon. Nonetheless, he scooped up Maddie and kissed her and let her lead him to me and the baby.

"Oh, God. I remember that. I dreaded that day and had to brace myself for seeing you again," remembered Deacon. "Honestly Ray, I was embarrassed by that girl doin' that in front of you. I was kinda glad that Maddie interrupted that moment."

"A huh. Didn't look that way to me," Rayna teased.

"Well it was that way," Deacon said somewhat defensively.

"Okay. Okay. I'll take your word for it. Now, where was I? Yes, you were meeting Daphne for the first time."

"Now the good stuff! Thank goodness. I was wondering if this was leading somewhere," exclaimed Daphne exasperated with the long lead-up to the answer to her question: "When did Deacon first meet me?'

Deacon smiled at me, but his eyes were sad. I introduced him to Daphne, and he took her in his arms. I nearly cried. I could see the love in his gaze as he looked down at her and acknowledged Maddie's declaration that she was one of the most beautiful babies he had seen, other than her.

"Deacon, did you give up on Mom at that point? Did you think you were never going to get her back?"

"You know Daph, I know it sounds crazy, but I always felt in my heart that your Mom and I would be together. She was married and we both respected that vow, but we were best friends."

"I loved your Dad, Daphne, but Deacon knew me like your Dad never could. Music and Deacon are the same and I couldn't imagine my life without either. Over the years, Deacon was the only person I could be myself with. I know that sounds awful, but Deacon knew me, sometimes better than I knew myself."

"You know what really made me think that Deacon and I would be together at some point? It was the love he had for both you girls. Before he knew he was Maddie's biological father, he loved the two of you because you were mine. What man does that?"

January 19, 2005

Teddy is away on a business trip, so I have the girls on the bus with me. Maddie was a real pistol tonight. She insisted that Deacon ride on our bus. If Teddy finds out, he will hit the roof. It is his worst nightmare.

Once Deacon was on the bus, Maddie crawled up and sat beside him and nestled into his side and asked for a song. She loved to hear Deacon sing - even more than me! He looked at me apologetically and grabbed his guitar and began to sing a cute little song from his childhood, Itty Bitty Ditty, that had Maddie giggling.

If he only knew. The two of them there like that was so sweet. I took a picture to put in Maddie's baby book that I've been putting together secretly so someday she and Deacon can have these memories to share.

After Maddie finally went down for the night, Deacon offered to give Daphne her bottle so I could relax a little. Without telling him, he could see that I was tense and a little uncomfortable. He could always read me like a book.

I was amazed by how kind and gentle he was with Daphne. After he feed and burped her, he kissed her on the forehead and told me he thought she was the sweetest baby he'd ever known. I brushed his hand when I took Daphne out of his arms and made the mistake of looking him in the eye. We didn't need to say it. It was there. It's always there. I can't stop loving him and apparently, he can't stop loving me either.

Daphne stood up and went over and kissed Deacon on the forehead.

"What was that for, girl?"

"That's for always loving me."

"That's easy, Daph. You are the sweetest young lady. So kind and considerate and always with a positive attitude. I'm glad you are part of your mama, but I'm glad you have Teddy's temperament."

"Hey," Rayna protested. I'm sweet!

Deacon and Daphne looked at each other and bust out laughing.

"Well Mom, you are sugar and spice, but also a little bit of sass sometimes! But I love you to the moon and back. You, too, Deacon. I'm the luckiest girl around. I have you both and my Dad. We may not always be the 'perfect' family, but we're the perfect family for me."

"Thanks for sharing your story mom. I know it is very personal, but I feel I know you better than ever now. Good night."

"Good night sweet girl."

"Thanks, from me too, Ray. Although I had a good idea of what was going on in your heart and head during this time, hearing the words is so important and helps me to understand and continue to heal."

"And by the way, I might have planted the idea in Maddie's head way back then that things would be way more fun if I was on the bus with you!"

"Deacon Claybourne, you instigator! Although, in hindsight, I'm glad you did it. Come on. What do you say we call it a night? I think you deserve to be punished for your actions from way back when!"

"Bring it on, Ray! I think I need to be punished, too!"