A/N: Kinetic, the energy expended when parts move in any direction at any speed, as long as the motion is continuous.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the show or the characters, but, oh, how I wish I did.
March 17th, 11:45 PM
"You gotta try to get some sleep," Elliot whispered into the dark, trying not to think about the last twelve hours. He averted his eyes from the beige popcorn ceiling as he rolled over and hooked an arm around Olivia, letting his finger tips graze along the hem of her blue cotton pajama top. He sighed, watching her shake her head, and the events replayed in slow motion, black and white, like a bad movie.
He recalled the lighthearted breakfast they shared, the way she laughed at his jokes, her bright smile. He rehashed the conversation he had with Kathy a few hours after Tucker left, her voice and complacent words ringing in his ears as she told him what she'd heard on the news. Then the pain of having to tell her it didn't change anything, he wasn't coming home. At least, not to her. He smiled when he remembered speaking to his kids, hearing their voices, assuring them that he was all right, that Olivia was safe, and they were not the cops the news reports were mourning.
He inhaled sharply as he bunched up the plaid comforter and scooted himself closer to Olivia, whispering her name, trying to put the after-dinner call from Cragen out of his mind. It had been another unwelcome interruption, the shrill ringtone popping him away from another almost-kiss, and his lips still burned with the regret of pulling away. "It wasn't your fault," he said softly, his lips brushing against her ear. He held his breath, then, as she turned to look at him, the action forcing his arm to wrap tighter around her.
He blinked and felt the pang of fear, the same one that'd ripped through him when Cragen told him Fin had been shot, that he'd been rushed to the emergency room at Mercy General, that he'd been unconscious for an hour and a half already.
The way she leaned into him, trembled in his hold, made his heart crack a bit more. He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead, and he whispered, "He's gonna be okay, you heard what Munch said when he…"
"I heard him yell and blame me for it, too," she replied, and she scoffed as she settled into his arms. "Fin was involved with what happened at Sealview because I…"
"He was only there because Cragen didn't trust me to do the job," he interrupted. "He knew I'd be on your ass, raising suspicion, not doing what needed to be done, so he sent Fin in, so it's not your fault, it's Cragen's if you want to blame someone." He leaned closer to her, and as he brushed his nose against hers he whispered, "I should have fucking been there."
She nodded, her eyes slipped shut, and she let her head fall forward, against his chest. "You should have, but you just said it yourself, you wouldn't have been able to keep an eye on the…"
"Fin didn't do a great job of keeping an eye on the fucking guards," he said through a clenched jaw. "At least I would have fucking made sure no one got that close to you, not alone." He pulled one arm out from under her, slowly ran his hand over her head, and brushed her hair back. "Don't worry about Fin, okay? He's gonna be just fine."
"Yeah," she breathed, and then the question that had been on her mind for the last three days finally made its way to the surface. "Are we?"
His fingers knotted themselves in her hair at the back of her head as he squinted at her. "What?" he huffed. "Of course, why wouldn't we…"
"I heard him," she cut him off. Her nails picked at the collar of his white t-shirt, and moved back to look at him. Her unfocused eyes made the white look more like a pale blue as her vision blurred behind unshed tears. "He was telling you about some transfer, that you wanted to take a job in Queens, when were you gonna tell me that, huh?"
He rolled his eyes and as improper as it seemed, he laughed. "Kathy," he said gruffly. "Kathy told him to find me a spot in Queens, she thought that since we weren't fighting like rabid wolves anymore, it meant I wanted to work things out. All it really meant was that I gave up trying to force myself to be happy when…" he exhaled and looked at her again, his lips tugged themselves into a small smile. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I told him that I would never even consider a transfer, unless, uh, my partner was offered the same fucking one."
The way he said it, the look in his eyes, the absolute firmness with which he spoke, it all made her weak. Weaker, rather. The weakest she'd ever been for him. "Why would I transfer to Queens? It makes sense, for you, that's where you live, where your family...God, El, your family…"
"Shh," he shook his head. "Calm down. We...we are gonna be okay." He titled his head. "Close your eyes."
She clicked her tongue at him. "Even if I closed my eyes, I'd still be wide awake, so I don't see how…"
"Just close your eyes," he broke in, and when her eyes fluttered before her lids dropped, he spoke again. "I don't know why you're putting yourself through hell. You did your job, you made choices, you have no control over anyone else's actions as a result. You did not cause any of this, because if they didn't send you into that fuckhole, they would have sent someone else, and this still would have happened." He twisted a lock of her hair around his finger. "You blame yourself for everything, but you're not responsible for any of it. Not someone shooting Fin, not what's happening with me and Kathy, not that asshole shooting at us in the elevator." He inhaled slowly and exhaled fast. "The only thing you are responsible for is changing the world," he paused. "My world."
Her eyes popped open, the dry redness clear, her lips parted slightly and she tried to think of the words that would somehow match her emotions. "I don't...that's what I'm not…"
"So many people out there think of you as their savior, their guardian angel," he shrugged and said, "Not just the vics, I mean my children, too, Liv. And...me." He brought both of his hands to her face, cupped it, brushed his thumbs under her eyes, and he lowered his voice. "I'm not just saying that because we're literally in bed together," he laughed softly.
Her smile grew without her permission or control and her light chuckle echoed his. She nodded and moved closer to him again, slipping her hands over his. "You, uh, you know you're the only person in the world that makes me feel needed. Wanted, even. I don't have too many friends, and that's my own fault, I know that. But you…" she blinked once and pulled his hands off of her face.
"What about me?" He bent his head forward, his heart picking up speed and power as it beat faster and harder.
Her top teeth scraped over her bottom lip and she sighed before she scooted up on the mattress and sat straight. "The last ten years, you've been my partner, my best friend, and after my mom…" she shook her head. "You've been the only family…"
"Hey," he stopped her, and shifted his weight to sit beside her, noticing her emotions rising. "We have had a rough couple of days, and today was…" he cleared his throat. "I think we're both a little emotional, but you need to know...I feel the same way. You're my family, Liv." He moved closer to her. "More than family."
"Am I?" she asked on a soft breath.
He nodded and slowly, tenderly, brushed his lips over hers lightly. He could feel her breath mix with his, and he smiled before placing a soft and sweet kiss on her cheek. He froze, moved only an inch to his right, and kissed her lips in the same brief, gentle manner. He was about to grow bolder, more brazen, take a chance he'd been too scared to take until now, but fate was playing a dangerous game with him, tonight. His phone rang and he rolled his eyes as he stretched an arm over to the side table to answer it. "Stabler," he said bitterly.
Olivia watched as he shot up and she moved to follow him, recognizing the look in his eyes. "What's happening?"
He turned and tossed a rolled up pair of jeans at her as he pulled on the drawstring of his sweatpants. "We gotta go," he said, "Now. Tucker is coming to pick us up."
"They're moving us again?" She gave a hard scoff as she stood up and unabashedly exchanged her purple flannel pants for the jeans. "Jesus, when is it gonna be…"
"No, we're going back to the station," he hung up the phone and shoved the device into his pocket. "We aren't targets anymore. They, uh, they got the guy who…"
"Who?" Olivia asked firmly, taking a few steps closer. "Who was it?"
Biting his lip, he told her. "Russel Hunter," he saw her eyes widen. "Yeah, exactly."
"That slimy son of a bitch," she snapped. "He couldn't handle knowing he'd be defending Sealview and losing in court, what it would mean for his career." She folded her arms. "How much were they paying him?"
Elliot started shoving things in his bag, but he told her what Cragen had said. "He was not only getting his fees, which were pretty steep for each and every defendant, but he would have gotten a third of the grant money."
Her eyes narrowed. "How'd they find that out? No one would willingly give that up unless…"
"Liv," Elliot stopped her. "Fin shot him, he's dead, they searched his apartment and found records, contracts, taped interviews...and now this whole fucking thing is out in the open so they're filing claims against Sealview, pressing charges, and they're waiting for one more person to go on record before taking the next steps." He held his breath as his words hit her.
Her wide eyes began to water and she felt her entire body tremble. "Me."
A/N: Next? Consequences. For everyone.