Divine Comedy (8)

Jane

I was certainly no shapeshifter, but I came to think of guilt as a wolf dwelling inside me. That guilt didn't go away since the day I had hurt Seth. Instead it persisted and lingered in the most irritating way, digging its fangs into my insides and hounding my thoughts. My body was at war with my mind, as if pitching a fit over the decision to put my power to unprecedented use.

Before Seth, I had only ever used my power to assert the Volturi's authority and dominance. I was the ultimate instrument of torture.

All gifts had to be nurtured and honed, and mine was no exception. Aro had put me through intense training immediately after my transformation. I first tested my power on small animals, on squirrels, mice, and the like. I moved on to larger animals such as deer and horses, and finally I moved on to people. I grew more and more addicted to the rush of power that my gift gave me. The squealing of animals, and the cries of humans and vampires, became music to my ears.

I could still remember Aro's ultimate test for me like it was yesterday. It was sunset in a remote corner of Kenya, with no human civilization in sight, and only wildlife dominated the savannah plains. Felix and Demetri were sent to agitate a herd of African elephants, sending them into a full-blown stampede. A stampede heading right for me.

Aro had been by my side, acting as my supervisor. He paid no heed to the ground rumbling beneath our feet, or to the growing cloud of dust ahead. As for me, a young vampire in training, I could not help feeling anxiety flutter in my stomach. Elephants were the largest land animals in the world. I had the body of a petite girl. Perhaps experienced male vampires like Felix and Demetri could fend off a herd of angry elephants, but I was never trained in physical combat. Aro had assured me that my power was all I needed.

Aro leaned in to whisper encouragement into my ear. "Remember, Jane...in the face of your gift, size means nothing. Remember why you are in the Volturi. You are with us because you are strong and valuable beyond compare. You have the power to bring anyone and anything to their knees."

I kept my gaze ahead and managed only a tiny nod, though his words restored some confidence in me.

The charging elephants loomed in plain human sight. Their trumpeting assaulted my sensitive ears. Aro gestured to the stampede. "Go ahead, my dear."

He didn't retreat. He was trusting me to protect him. I planted my stance firmer into the dirt, and focused my power on the leading bull elephant: the largest one with tusks long enough to run me through. The bull screamed and seized up in agony. His legs buckled in and he plummeted to the ground facefirst. The elephants from behind plowed right into the fallen leader. The stampede fell apart in a mass crunch of broken bones, splintered tusks, and pained screams.

When the dust settled, Aro clapped his hands once with delight. "Well done, Jane. Very good." He laid a fatherly hand on my shoulder. "Consider your training over. You are ready."

Members of the Volturi guard had been witnessing the test nearby, and when we converged to head back to Volterra together, they didn't bother to hide their awe in me. Thus began my path to garner the utmost fear and respect in the vampire world.

Aro may have found me and turned me, but Caius played the biggest role in glorifying the use of my power. He had passed down to me the savage pleasure in toying with victims before punishing them. By far the most satisfying victims to torture were those who dismissed me as a weak little girl. I was quick to make them pay the price for their foolishness.

Combined with Alec and his sensory deprivation, I was unstoppable. Vampire law was never put down in writing, for that would expose our existence, and so our reputation was spread the same way: through word of mouth, through horrified eyewitness accounts.

Over the centuries, I became famed enough that vampires who had never even crossed paths with me carried a healthy fear of my power. It was that healthy fear, combined with good behavior, that would help them not have to cross paths with me in the first place. Alec may be my brother, and the Volturi guard may be my colleagues, but my only true companions were pain and fear. They followed me everywhere I went, and I never grew tired of their company. I had my fair share of fun with pain and fear, as good friends would.

That all changed when I had to hurt Seth. It wasn't fun anymore.

I took no joy in watching his wolf body being gripped in imaginary pain. As a vampire I could no longer dream, but the sight of him curled up and crying still haunted me. I tried to remember the warm smile he had given me, when he said that we would take this journey through life together. I wondered if he could ever give me that same smile again. I hated myself for giving that beaming, friendly boy a world of hurt.

Now that I was no longer with the Volturi, I had no more reason to keep using my power. I told myself that I would do my best to refrain from using it again, especially on Seth.

I'd been reminiscing and ruminating in the living room, and out of the corner of my eye, Edward nodded in approval. He must've caught wind of my decision. He came around to sit across from me.

"Now you understand why my family likes Seth so much," he said. "He has a gentle soul and an open heart. It's hard not to like him. It's even harder to even think of hurting him." What he said next was tinged with sympathy. "Seems like you've been kicking yourself since you had to use your gift yesterday."

I furrowed my brow. "That one time I was allowed to use my gift made me realize that I don't want to use it anymore."

Edward leaned back into the sofa, with a grin slowly spreading across his face, and without taking his eyes off of me, he said, "Bella, I think she's ready."

The shield had been in the kitchen to prepare lunch for their daughter, and at what Edward said, she came over to join him. "Actually, I think so, too." She sounded surprised with herself, as if she couldn't believe that those words just came out of her mouth. "I don't need to read minds to see the guilt on her face since yesterday."

Have I become that easy to read now? Anyway, it was in my favor.

"All right, Jane, I believe you and Edward that you're good on your word. I'm going to lower the shield. Don't give me any reason to put it back up on you."

I nodded at her. "Thank you. I'm glad that you can trust me now." A few seconds later, I felt the shield's hold on me lift. Because of that, I could stop calling her a shield. I didn't say that out loud, of course.

Being promoted to a higher level of trust meant that even Alice came around to lowering her guard.

"You, me, and Rosalie are going shopping," she declared solemnly. "I never let anyone in this family wear the same thing for more than a day. And I had put up with you wearing that same Volturi coat long enough, Jane. It was really driving me nuts. It's time to get you new clothes."

Edward smirked. "Word of advice: it would be wise not to refuse Alice when it comes to shopping and her...uh, fashion experiments."

Bella didn't bother hiding her relief at being excluded from the shopping trip. I wasn't so lucky. But like Edward said, I'd be a fool to ruin Alice's good spirits from no longer seeing me as a threat. I just bit back a sigh as Alice and Rosalie pulled me along.

We went to a local mall that must've been more populated before the pandemic, because hardly anyone was shopping around. Not that I was complaining. Less people around meant less temptation to look at them as prey. I was relieved to wear a normal mask, one that didn't have wolf scent all over it. Alice and Rosalie wore masks as well, though the mask did nothing to stem the flow of Alice's excitement as she discussed the clothes she wanted me to try on.

"It seems like every time I see you, you're in dreary, scary black," she told me. "I'm itching to put some more color into your life. What do you say?"

Though she asked that, I didn't think I had much of a say in her apparent superior knowledge in fashion. I opted for the polite yet resigned response. "I defer to your better judgment."

Alice proceeded to turn me into a little mannequin, towing me from outlet to outlet, throwing on a dizzying array of clothes she thought would look "very cute" on me. I was quite sure that she was hell bent on a mission to make me look as unthreatening as possible. Some of the frilly, flowing, and bright-colored tops I wore made me wish that I really couldn't see myself in the mirror, like the vampire myth we perpetuated.

Rosalie gleefully took photos to memorialize my cluelessness and embarrassment. To stay on their good side, I indulged her.

"When it comes down to it, you decide what you want to wear," Alice told me, then she winked. "Don't worry about having enough to pay; I got you covered."

After some deliberation, I went for simple articles and neutral colors. I had choices but with one exception: Alice and Rosalie banned me from buying anything black.

After hours of shopping, we headed back to the Cullen house with an armload of new clothes just for me. Unbeknownst to the coven, that shopping spree marked the first time I got to make my own choices and have my own possessions. It felt confusing, strange...and freeing.

Seth

Having the emergency operation on my head meant that I had to stay put at home, and I got time off from school.

Carlisle warned me that my balance might still be off, and I might get dizzy while standing, so I was given a cane to help keep me steady and upright if I had to walk around. No one teased me for it, but walking with that cane kind of made me feel like an old man. Carlisle also told me not to wear out my eyes by looking at screens for a while. That meant I couldn't binge-watch anime like I usually did. I had to watch a few episodes at a time before I called it quits for the day.

Like a good nurse, Mom did a fantastic job reminding me of the health precautions every five minutes, it seemed. She wanted me to move around the house as little as possible, so I was stuck to either the living room couch while watching TV, the dining table while eating, and the bed for everything else.

Leah was pretty shaken up since what I called the "prion scare." She went out of her way to make sure I was comfortable and not bored out of my mind. She would go to the bookstore and bring home new volumes of manga I'd been following. She would also bring home stuff from food trucks and boba tea. Leah could be a very nice, providing big sister when the time called for it, and I was grateful for her consideration.

Charlie stopped by to see how I was doing, and of course, see Mom too.

"Hey, kid, how's it going? You hanging in there?" He gave me a careful hug. "I heard from your mom that you had some kind of crazy head bleed."

I tiptoed around the fact as I returned the hug and managed a smile. "Uh, yeah, a ruptured aneurysm."

No one outside of the La Push pack and the Cullen family was supposed to know that I had a prion disease. Humans never survived those. Normal humans, anyway. If Carlisle's medical colleagues caught wind of a boy being cured of a prion disease, they'd jump all over that, make a big fuss of it, turn me into a case study and publish research papers or something. Publicity of any kind wouldn't be good for La Push wolves. So Carlisle kept my operation on the down low, and told me to call it a ruptured aneurysm if anyone outside our circle asked.

Charlie frowned. "Ruptured aneurysm...kind of like a stroke, huh?" He shook his head. "You poor kid, you're way too young to get that kind of stuff. That's more for old folks like myself."

I laughed. "You're not old, Charlie."

Leah and I really liked having him around, and for Leah to really like someone was a big deal. We practically considered Charlie family by now. If Mom married him someday, that would make Bella my sister in-law. That was cool to think about.

As usual, Charlie brought fish that we could fry for lunch. He and my dad used to be fishing buddies. They would compete against each other to see who would catch either the most fish or the biggest one. Nowadays Charlie had no one to compete with. He had gotten pretty lonely since Dad died, which was why he liked to visit us and have our company.

Charlie hung out with me at the dinner table while Mom and Leah were in the kitchen frying today's catch.

"So, Seth, you've been up to anything since I last saw you? Got a girlfriend yet?" Then he added quickly, and kind of sheepishly, "Or a boyfriend? Boyfriend is fine, too."

"Well, I made a new girl friend." I made sure to emphasize the space between "girl" and "friend."

"Oh? What's she like?"

"Wicked smart. She'd been really helping me out with AP Latin."

Leah gave me a sidelong glance from across the kitchen as she overheard. I knew to word things carefully around my mom. She still couldn't know about Jane.

"You used to have a tough time with that class, right?" Mom addressed me without looking up from the frying pan. "I'm glad you found someone who could help you."

"She has helped me in ways none of us would have ever expected," I almost told her, but I chose to keep my mouth shut.

I thought Mom sounded a teensy bit disappointed that my girl friend wasn't a girlfriend. "You're sweet, bright, and easygoing, the total nice guy package," she once said to me. "Anyone dating you would be the luckiest girl in the world. Or guy, if you roll that way."

That had made me smile and roll my eyes. "Mom, don't you know that nice guys finish last? Bad boys are all the rage now when it comes to dating material."

"Oh no, Seth, don't you turn into a bad boy on me." After pretending to scold me, she rested her palm on my cheek and went on with sincerity, "I like you just the way you are. Don't change. I'm sure that someone out there will appreciate you for who you are, too."

What Mom had said reminded me of what Jane had said more recently at St. Jude: "Your heart is big enough to make room for even my kind. There aren't very many like you."

Maybe she had said that out of confusion, as if to say that such a person couldn't possibly exist in her world. Or maybe that was a tiny show of appreciation. I don't know.

Alec

The physician who had made his home in the depths of the castle had acquired enough bodies, so the next order from above was to switch back to burying the remains of our meals.

Our ranks have swelled with new recruits over the past few months. I have hunted often enough with Felix and Demetri to not only hunt on my own with confidence, but occasionally lead some of those new recruits and show them the ropes.

The most intriguing among them was a Russian vampire named Ilya, who had the ability to strip vampires of their gifts. And, if he wanted, transfer those gifts to others. He could give and take away. A potent ability, to be sure, and I had no doubt that Aro regarded him highly. Ilya's presence demanded everyone in the Volturi to be on their best behavior, or they risked having their gift stolen away as punishment.

"In my first life, I used to be a photo retoucher during the Great Purge," Ilya once told me. "Doesn't sound too grand, but in a time when Stalin had political enemies left and right and wanted them erased, there's a great deal of power in erasing proof those people had ever existed."

He was not a man of words, but he let stories and rumors of his gift do the talking. I have not seen him in action yet, but I certainly didn't want to be on the receiving end of his power.

Another distinguished member among the recruits was Tiago, a vampire from Portugal. At his touch, he could induce the human reaction of briefly falling unconscious. Unlike with Ilya, I had seen Tiago use this gift to subdue an unruly vampire brought before Aro, Marcus, and Caius. Without Jane around to incapacitate the offender with pain, Tiago stepped in to make the vampire slump to the floor before he was dismembered and burned. Tiago used to be a homeless alcoholic, but now as a vampire who could only drink blood, his tendency to drop off the brink of consciousness from drinking manifested into his gift to inflict on others.

And, unlike Ilya, Tiago could talk up a storm and run like a faucet that couldn't be turned off. I had learned this the hard way during my first hunt with him.

"Alec, meu menino, you've got to show me how you keep your robes clean during feeding." He preened himself while keeping pace with me on our way out of the castle. "During my newborn days, I didn't care about getting blood on the rags I wore, but the Volturi are really spoiling me with these king's clothes. I really don't know what to do with them!" And he went on and on, so it felt like I was listening to his autobiography.

I was someone who kept to myself and despised small talk, so having Tiago around stretched my patience to the very limit. At some point, I simply cut off my own sense of hearing so I could tune him out until we had to hunt.

Jane would have shut him up with a taste of her painful gift after the first sentence. The thought of that almost made me smile.

The only recruit I was actually interested in talking to was Phuong. She was deeply involved with Jane's undercover mission. As we rotated groups during each hunting, I didn't get to see her often, but I tried to snatch precious moments of conversation if I could.

After we had our fill, the two of us walked at a human pace down the cobblestone streets of Volterra, as if taking our time to drink in the nighttime view. "Phuong, if I may, I want to ask you something."

She gestured with a small outward sweep of her hand. "You can ask me anything, Alec. You're higher-ranked than me, after all. Technically you are my superior."

"Your power to construct personas...I've been wondering how it will affect Jane in the long run."

"I figured you would be asking about your sister. Well, it depends on how deep she goes into the identity I had made up for her. The deeper she goes, the more disorienting it will be to return to her former self." Phuong must have detected my worry, even under my stoic face, because she added, "Her loyalty to the Volturi is longstanding and quite strong, so I am confident that however entrenched she gets with her act, her loyalty will pull her back to our side."

"The key to your power is to manipulate only a few memories and facets of one's personality, is that right?"

She nodded. "Subtlety and nuance is what sells the act. It would be implausible for me to impose a complete 360 on Jane's identity. I couldn't tell her to immediately, wholeheartedly turn her back to the Volturi and embrace the Olympic coven's lifestyle. That goes against her sense of loyalty, her sense of pride. Not to mention the Olympic coven wouldn't buy that kind of conversion. No, the change has to be insidious and gradual. I need to have Jane grapple with her ego and pride to slowly but steadily reach the goal I had set for her."

I smirked. "You're not wrong about her sense of pride." At the next thought that hit me, I lost my smirk and I knitted my brow. "Let's say that she does succeed in winning over the Olympic coven's trust, perhaps even their affection...if she reciprocates such feelings, will that ruin the restoration of all her memories, her true purpose? How will she know what's real and what's not?"

"That I can't control," Phuong replied. "That's something she will have to sort out for herself." She flashed me a smile. "But trust in your sister that when the time comes to remember and choose, she will choose the Volturi."

I nodded to acknowledge her statement, and we said nothing more as we entered the castle. Though I fell silent towards Phuong, my thoughts certainly weren't silent. A year with the Olympic coven couldn't possibly trump a thousand years of service to the Volturi. Still, I didn't want Jane to become so wrapped up in her fake identity that I would lose her.

I tried to imagine my sister on the other side of the world, mingling with the Olympic coven, embarking on a seemingly earnest attempt to reform. I imagined her true self—the sister I knew and loved—lurking underneath like a predator in camouflage, waiting for the right time to pounce.