Okay, I've gotten really into my chapter titles and making them perfect, so I know this chapter is short, BUT I'll make it up to you guys by posting a second chapter tomorrow! (I want to insert that line that Petunia says to Dudley on his birthday, but that would be condescending and I love you guys so I'll save it, hahaha)

Also, I have to say how HAPPY it makes me that my reviewers have such varying takes! That some ppl are calling James 'sweet' while others say 'stalker,' that someone can't help but like it him, while someone can't help but NOT... my little entropy heart is full O:)

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the awesome Meg (tumblr: anxiouspineapples)

Padfoot's Pain

Next Day, November, 6th Year

Lily walked with Marlene and Remus to Defense Against the Dark Arts class on Tuesday. "Oh, you guys didn't tell me how Black's party went."

Her two friends shared a laugh. "Let's just say his presentation with James should be pretty interesting… they got kinda trashed last night," Remus said.

"Huh. And here I thought they always belted Christmas carols at the start of November," Marlene joked. "James wouldn't stop getting emotional, spewing that it was nearly 'antler season,' whatever the hell that means."

"You guys ready for your presentation?" Lily asked, not wanting to linger too long on the topic of cute things James Potter did when she wasn't around.

"Oh yeah, I feel like we got the easiest one," Remus answered. "You?"

"Eh. We'll see. Adam and I definitely practiced it enough though."

Marlene and Remus had been right. James and Sirius struggled through most of their lesson on Dementors, but they did so so charmingly, she doubted any points would be deducted.

"In conclusion, the best thing to do when you see a Dementor is be a miserable person already. Remember, they can't suck away your happiness if you have none!" Sirius chirped. They sat down to giggles and claps.

"Thank you Mr Potter and Black. Now," Stone looked down to her parchment. "Mr Paxton and Evans with their lecture on the Imperius Curse."

Adam gave her a 'here-we-go' look as they walked to the front of the class. It started well enough, with Lily only stuttering through a few parts when she made the mistake of catching Sirius' eyes. This topic, on this date, with everything he'd said to her about Mary's attack being her fault afterwards brought back too much pain. Luckily, Adam helped smooth over any uncomfortable hiccups, covering for her seamlessly. She smiled at him gratefully.

Mercifully, the presentation ended and Lily was so fucking ready to sit down and zone out for the rest of class.

"One moment, please," Stone said, rising from her chair. "I think you two forgot the demonstrative portion of your presentation."

Lily and Adam eyed each other panicked. His bright icy eyes said the same thing she was feeling: what the fuck? "Well, Professor, we figured since it's an Unforgivable Curse, demonstrating it would, you know, be unforgivable." Lily realized just a little too late that her nerves had made her sound extra snarky.

Stone's lip curled. "I wish you would have come to me with your predicament sooner, like Mr Pettigrew did for his group." She nodded to Peter who blushed a deep red at being spoken of favorably by a teacher for once. "I could have told you under chapter 10, line 23 of the Unforgivable Curse Legality Claus, the Ministry allows the use of the Unforgivables for academic purposes."

That sounds so made up. It has to be, or at least archaic. And if not, I repeat… what the fuck?! She watched the older woman dubiously. It had been well established that Stone did not enjoy having Lily in her class, but this? It felt oddly personal. I've literally never done this woman wrong.

"Mr Paxton, you can have a seat."

Without thinking, Lily turned to James sitting next to Sirius in the second row. He cared about whether she lived or died, right? Am I wrong to be this worried? Off of his concerned expression she gleaned: no, she was not wrong. Shit.

"Now, Miss Evans will help me showcase the power of the Imperius Curse."

"No!" Lily laughed the most uncomfortable laugh of her life, "No thank you, Professor, I'm just gonna—" She tried to rush back to her seat.

"Imperio."

Why is everyone looking at me like that? Is something wrong? Lily thought as her body became weightless. Why does James look so worried? He shouldn't be worried, everything's okay. It's such a nice day out…

"Stay," a cold, feminine voice echoed in her skull.

Okay. Standing here is fine.

"Good girl, now twirl," the foreign voice cooed, commanding Lily's body in a tight circle.

Why are we dancing anyway? I haven't danced in forever… She saw the faces of her classmates blur as she completed perfect pirouette after perfect pirouette.

"As you can see, victims of the Imperius Curse can also perform tricks and skills that they normally wouldn't be able to accomplish otherwise." Lily dropped into a perfect split, FUCK, her mind screamed as a snapping sensation spread through her inner thighs, stabbing and burning her blindingly. "This is something Miss Evans here forgot to teach in her presentation."

Hey, my presentation was flawless, Lily thought lazily through the searing torture still consuming her legs. They kept dancing regardless.

"Plié, now. Give us a nice plié," the voice in her head demanded.

Suddenly Lily realized she was putting her full weight on her toes, and that bloody hurt too. "Stop," she rasped quietly aloud.

"Plié, now," the angry voice yelled, and Lily felt her body acquiescing.

She heard muted shouting, but the words weren't processing. Stone had called her a victim. I'm not a fucking victim. Lily felt her head lolling, trying to physically break free from this elegant dance she was performing. Mary wasn't a fucking victim either. My best friend is a survivor. Her eyes locked with wide silver ones and in them she saw her own inflamed agony reflected right back at her. Silent tears were escaping her eyes.

A moment later, the haze enshrouding Lily's mind completely cleared and her legs gave out beneath her, the pain nearly unbearable. She saw Sirius standing up next to a distraught James, his wand pointed directly at Stone, who was now clutching her arm.

Sirius had hexed their teacher to make her stop.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" the teen bellowed at Stone. It was the first time Lily had seen the true terror that Sirius could have turned into had his loyalties been tied differently.

"Mr Black, don't—" Stone said frantically, trying to project authority while nursing her dead arm.

Sirius walked over to Lily crumpled on the floor, pulling her up and flinging one of her arms over his shoulders so he could help support her weight on the way out of the door. "No, fuck you," he called, not bothering to turn around.

The class muttered excitedly as Stone looked positively affronted. "Detention! For a week!"

"Can't wait," Sirius yelled before he slammed the door behind him as he hobbled them out.

Sirius brought Lily to the hospital wing where the healer fussed extensively over her protégé's various leg and toe injuries, starting with a quick numbing spell.

"Using an Unforgivable on a student… never in all my years of training have I ever seen…" she muttered under her breath as she worked.

Pomfrey tried to get Sirius to leave, but he'd pulled up a chair and wouldn't budge from Lily's side. They didn't say a word, but Lily more than appreciated his guard-dog like presence.

After Pomfrey had given Lily a sleeping potion to facilitate her healing, she could have sworn she heard Sirius talking to someone, but when she cracked open her eyelids, they were still alone. The last thing she noticed before being pulled back under was something shiny in his hands.

Lily woke with a fright several hours later from a terrible dream involving costumed monkeys banging symbols on repeat. Sirius stirred with a gasp from his chair. It was now dark out.

"S'matter?" he slurred.

Lily caught her breath, sitting bolt upright. "Nothing. Just a nightmare."

He grunted, satisfied with her answer.

"Black—" The name felt wrong coming from her mouth as soon as she'd said it, not conveying any of the gratitude or affinity she currently felt for this man. Without having said a word in that classroom, their relationship had changed irrevocably. It was as though, in that moment, they'd both come to an understanding that they'd been dealing with the same affliction, the same guilt over what had happened to Mary, and that the other was not the enemy. Bitches who used the Imperius Curse were the enemy. "Sirius," she tested his name out on her tongue, "you don't have to stay with me."

"Bollocks. Don't know if you've heard, but there's a madwoman on the loose," he said darkly.

Lily snorted.

"This isn't for your benefit, either. Figure I should stick with the person with the biggest temper."

She smiled at him. She knew he was trying to cheer them both up. "Thank you. For stopping her."

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair. She wondered if he'd picked up the nervous tic from James or the other way around. "I have no idea what she was thinking."

Lily looked down to her lap; the tendons there were still so tender. "I couldn't stop thinking about Mary," she confessed.

He swallowed roughly. "Yeah. Me too." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, by the way. For all—"

"You don't have to—"

"Shut it, Evans. Let me say this." She shot him a look but let him carry on. "I'm sorry I took it out on you. I was so fucking pissed." He looked around the room aimlessly, trying to find the right words. "I just wanted to blame someone. By the time I found out what had happened, Mulciber was already gone, and I knew you got to punch him and—" He looked down to his winter-cracked knuckles. "I just blamed you. I mean, I could have gone after her when she left the common room, I watched her go… but I didn't." He was fiddling with a chunky ring on his finger. 'It was easier to blame you."

Lily looked at him sadly. She understood. How many times had she wished there was someone else she could have blamed for that night? "I get it. You miss her too."

Sirius crossed his ankles, readjusting. "I'm just the idiot who never even worked up the nerve to ask her out. You were her best friend."

The loud tick-tock of the wall clock reverberated throughout the room.

"You know," Lily laughed, "I was sure I was going to punch you one day."

Sirius threw her a dashing smile. "Hey, you've still got time. I'd say your odds of landing it just went up. Succumbing to friendly fire is way less embarrassing than to my enemies."

Lily let out a small titter. A lingering question pushed itself to the forefront of her mind. She figured if she didn't ask it now, when they were both experiencing this weird sort of kinship, perhaps she'd never get an answer. "Can I ask you something?" Sirius shrugged in a very 'if-you-must' way. "Why did you start hating me? Like before 5th year?"

Sirius let out a low whistle, crossing his arms. He was fully reclined in his chair now. "I…" he struggled, "was going through a lot of family shit." Lily nodded, she knew that much. "And— fuck, this is gonna sound so childish." He fluffed his hair anxiously. "But the first truly reliable person in my life, ever, was Prongs. You can't find a more loyal and just, awesome friend than him." Lily couldn't really agree on the loyalty aspect, but she held her tongue. "As soon as I met him, I just knew, this is what family is supposed to feel like. It was the first time I knew someone would always have my back. But then," his eyes darted quickly to her and back, full of shame, "his focus shifted a bit. To you obviously." Lily bit her lip, taking in his story, enthralled. "And yeah, I saw his priorities change and it spooked me. I mean, I'd just felt like I'd lost a brother, and I freaked out thinking I was about to lose a second one." He let out a ragged breath. "I know it makes me a selfish git, but I didn't want him going out with you." It looked like a weight Sirius had been lugging around on his back for years had finally been lifted.

Was this why James had bailed after our first date? Peer fucking pressure? She knew that he and Sirius were closer than blood, but still, it felt so insulting. Plus, it played right into her insecurity that James would always pick Sirius over her. As it turned out, he'd already done just that.

"By the time I realized I'd fucked up, and that he was miserable, it was already too late. That whole Muggle-shagging thing really fucked him up. He felt inadequate or something stupid."

Lily sighed. Such a dumb, dumb lie. "And you didn't mind him dating Brianna?"

Sirius scoffed. "I never had to worry I'd lose him to Brianna. She was never a real threat. Not like you were."

Huh. Had Sirius and I really had the same fears over each other all along? Did our whole animosity really come down to both of us so badly wanting to be James' number one? "Well, he couldn't have liked me that much if you were able to talk him out of it." She settled back down onto her pillows, drawing her blanket up to her chin, protectively. Lily couldn't believe that James had been right: she was a lot like Sirius. She guessed it made a bit of sense that James seemed to gravitate towards the two of them. They were both stubborn, loyal to a fault, sarcastic, and abandoned by parents in a way that fucked them up real good. It seemed while Lily had shut down and turned inward, Sirius had turned his pain into rage and torment. One thing was for sure — they were both wholly obsessed with James Potter (even if only one of them had accepted this fact).

Sirius grimaced. "I didn't exactly play fair." Lily turned her head to look at him. "I know his biggest fear," he confessed.

"Okay…" Lily said confused. "I saw his Boggart too, but it doesn't have anything to do with me."

"Forget it. It's not my place." He looked so utterly ashamed with himself that Lily knew she couldn't pry. "Just know I fucked up, and I'm sorry. I don't think you should be as hard on the kid as you are." Lily scoffed: she'd get to decide just how hard to be with him, thank you very much. "I may not have been as callous as I was with Snape, but, still — I was being an arse just because I could."

"What did you do to Snape?"

Sirius' eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "He didn't tell you?"

"No. We stopped being friends after my date with James."

"Oh." Sirius nodded his head solemnly. "Well fuck. Forget I said anything then."

Lily was so exhausted, still feeling the lingering effects of the potion Pomfrey had given her, that she fell asleep shortly after.

Sirius only ended up leaving the hospital wing when McGonagall came later in the evening, looking more incensed than Lily had ever seen her. (Lily figured McGonagall was one of the few people on this planet who Sirius would take orders from.) She informed Lily that Professor Stone had been given her most stringent talking to that she'd ever given to a fellow teacher — and this type of behavior would absolutely not be tolerated. It was Stone's first and final warning. She also gave Lily her reassurance that Sirius would not be reprimanded for standing up for her after Lily shyly brought it up. "I may have already taken the liberty of awarding him some House points," McGonagall admitted almost guiltily. Lily had the sneaking suspicion her Head of House had never given points to a student for cussing out a teacher before.

Lily heard McGonagall muttering under her breath about 'that damn ruddy teacher curse,' on her way out the door.

Because of Pomfrey's insistence that she stay longer for observation and bedrest, Lily was still in the hospital the morning after being Imperioed. Marlene, Peter, and Remus visited her before breakfast and recounted the total chaos that had erupted after her departure from class the day before. It sounded as though Stone had almost been chased out of her own classroom with pitchforks (except for by the Slytherins who had enjoyed her presentation very much).

Adam came into the hospital as they were leaving, looking cutely bashful when he passed the group. Lily ignored Marlene's pointed look over his shoulder at her as he approached her bedside.

"Look who's Miss Popular now, huh?" he beamed at her.

"Not to brag, but I do have more visitors than all the other invalids combined." She motioned towards the empty space. Whoever had been hexing up a storm throughout the castle had clearly found another hobby.

His smile diminished a bit. "Are you feeling better?"

Lily stretched her sore legs out. "Yeah, it doesn't hurt too much anymore." She wiggled her toes beneath the blanket. "Not to go into too many gory details, but some things definitely snapped yesterday."

His grossed out face was hilarious. "You're such a badass. I would have screamed my bloody head off."

Lily was happy for Adam's distraction. It kept her from noticing James wasn't coming to check in on her — if only for a little while.

Woot! We finally figured out why Sirius is the way he is! Whatcha think?

Next Chapter: Fighting It