Anastasia

After I arrived home, I sank into a hot bubble bath filled with lavender oil and bath salts. I lit some candles and closed my eyes, trying my best to banish the events of today from my mind. They were a blur of Helen being ill, Ethan's big blue eyes, and his words that continued to float around my head. I sank back further, my hand subconsciously coming up to touch my hair. I found one of those wild-flowers he had put in, still firmly in place. I took it out, dropping it into the bath with anger. He had no right to seduce me like that. To try and tell me about all of Christian's wrongdoings. I already knew Christian wasn't perfect. That didn't make me love him any less. I texted him, asking what time he was coming over. Five minutes later he told me he wouldn't be able to make it tonight because he'd promised to take Riley to the movies. I sighed, burying myself further in the bubbles. This was the third time this week he'd not come over.

Okay, see you tomorrow, maybe I replied, feeling a little bitter and annoyed. Why did I always come second whenever he was focused on somebody else? Was he really so bad at multi-tasking, or did he take me just a little for granted?

In the morning, I went over to Kate's to see if she was okay. We had a long chat where she cried, and I comforted her. I told her everything would be okay even though I didn't know if it would. Afterwards, I asked Christian to come around. I wanted to tell him about Ethan before anybody else did. Our town was notorious for small gossip and everything got around super quickly. He told me he wanted to talk too, and I instantly grew nervous. Nothing ever good came of those words did it?

A few hours later, he pulled up looking as beautiful as ever. His hair was freshly washed and he had a t-shirt and shorts on. It was a boiling hot day and I was wearing a dress I knew he liked. He smiled at me, taking my hand and insisting on a little walk. We walked for a while before sitting down underneath a tree. He sat opposite me, never letting go of my hand. His finger rubbed over my ring and I leaned in to kiss him. His lips and skin were so soft and I never tired of kissing him, no matter how many times I had. His hands nestled into my waist, softly squeezing as he kissed me deeply.

I started to unbutton his shorts, passion taking hold inside, but he surprised me by holding my hands gently, preventing me. I pulled away, looking confused.

"We'll speak first," he said quietly.

Dejected, I sat back, picking the blades of grass. Christian almost never turned down sex. This had to be important.

He sighed before speaking. "Ana," he said softly, "I don't exactly know how to say this."

I looked up at him, my heart racing.

"You're not breaking up with me are you?" I asked, only half-heartingly joking.

"What?" He frowned. "No. Of course not. Why would you ask that Ana?"

I blew out a breath, shaking my head.

"What is it then?" I insisted, getting more anxious by the minute.

He looked down at the grass, his beautiful lashes against his skin. He'd always had the longest lashes. A dream.

"It's about college," he said quietly.

Immediately, my heart sank. It was as though I knew what he was going to say before he even said it.

"You don't want to go back," I said, just as quietly. I didn't say it as a question. It was a statement.

He sighed, finally looking up at me. "I made $5000 the other day from my stocks," he said. "I'm doing really well Ana and at my internship, I've been learning loads about manufacturing. Kate's dad has so many connections I can get acquainted with once I've got the money. I just…I'm not sure where college fits in right now."

I nodded, tears filling my eyes. Deep down, I think I had subconsciously known this for a while. Christian had never been as invested in it as me, and it had always been hard for him back in California.

"I thought we were going to live together," I said, the tears falling.

He pulled me forward, into his lap and wiped them away with his thumbs.

"I want to live with you Ana," he said, kissing my cheek. "Of course I want to live with you. I'm going to be a successful businessman Ana, I just know it. I won't need to go to college. You won't need to go to college."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked him, bewildered.

When he didn't answer, I caught on quickly. "You want me to give up college?" I asked, shocked.

He nodded.

"I can take care of you," he promised. "I'm making good money and soon I'll be able to rent us out our own place. Here. At home. With our friends and family. With Riley."

"You want me to leave Stanford?" I asked, a hint of annoyance seeping through. "You want me to give up my dream to…to stay here and do what?"

"You can help me," he insisted. "We can work on my business together."

"Christian…" I started, but he cut me off, kissing me hard.

"Please Ana," he said. "Just think about it."

I pulled away and stood, pacing around. He watched me like a hawk as my mind ran around in circles.

"I like college," I finally said. "I like California. I like my friends."

He stood too. "I Know," he nodded. "But our home is here Ana. Riley's here and…"

I whirled on him.

"Is this about the business, or is this about Riley?" I snapped. "You've mentioned her twice now."

He got defensive. "Why can't it be about both? She doesn't want me to go Ana and truthfully, I understand where she's coming from. She's been abandoned her whole life. What kind of message does that send if I abandon her too?"

"She's not being abandoned!" I shouted, glaring at him. "She's with my parents."

"But she needs me. I'm her brother."

"And you're my fiancé!" I screeched, seeing red. "What about what I need?"

"I told you to stay here with…"

I cut him off with a cold stare. "I should stay here should I?" I asked, disbelieving. "I should shelf all my dreams and plans and ambitions to play the assistant role to yours?"

He glared at me. "That's not fair. It wouldn't be like that."

"I can't believe you're so selfish that you want me to stay!" I said. "I can't believe you'd watch me give up everything just so you can start a business. Just so you can take care of your sister."

"Ana…she's twelve."

"I don't care!" I yelled, feeling angrier than I had ever felt in my entire life. "I should be your first priority. It should be me."

"Ana," he said angrily, "it's not a competition."

I turned around, breathing deeply. I didn't want to say anything I might regret so I picked up my bag off the ground and started to walk back. He followed.

"Where are you going?" He asked. "We need to communicate Ana. You can't just walk away every-time we have an argument."

I whirled on him.

"I'm not the one walking away," I told him. "You are."

"I'm not," he insisted. "I want you here. With me. Always."

"I don't want to stay here!" I shouted. "I want to go to college."

We stared at each-other for a long moment. Finally, he spoke, his voice much calmer and quieter.

"What happens now then?" He asked, pain in his tone.

He wasn't coming with me. He wasn't coming back with me. A pain so deep and raw tugged at all of my insides and I felt as though I would drown in it. Once again, he'd chosen something else over me.

Swallowing the pain, I looked at him coldly. "I'm going back to California and you're staying here," I said simply. "You can take care of your sister and of Matty and hang out with Brody again. You can keep getting handouts from your dad and attending your internship. And who knows, maybe you'll run into Harriet again."

"Ana…" his voice was thick with emotion. "I only want you."

I looked into his eyes and shook my head. "No, I don't think you do. I don't think you know what you want but I'm done trying to figure it out. I've been everything to you over all these years. Your best friend, your lover, your adviser. Your advocate, your protector…but you never choose me above all else. There's always something else you need to do. Someone you need to rescue."

I walked over to him, my heart breaking as I pulled out my ring. I shoved it into his empty hand.

"You're not ready for this," I said.

Tears filled his eyes and he nodded.

"If you ever give it to me again, make sure you know what you want," I said, my voice wavering slightly. "If you don't…well then I hope you find somebody you'd run through fire for."

I turned around, and this time, I didn't look back.

New chapter coming tomorrow. 3