Hours later, both the Blasch Zhavos and the Lakota were docked at the shipyards. Critically injured patients had been evacuated to medical facilities on Tellar, the survivors from Starbase 223 had been accounted for and mechanics and engineers were crawling over the worst of the battle damage.
Captain sin Klav sat cross legged on the floor of her quarters, meditating. There was no Vulcan mantra this time, just steady breathing. Rhythm and routine and patterns; exercises designed to control and crub the well of anguish within her. Eventually, she knew, she'd have to surrender to it. To let herself feel it. That was the healthy thing, and it was inevitable. But right now, for this moment, she wanted peace, and control.
She sat surrounded by several candles arranged in a circle. Just beyond the small circle of light lay a pile of padds, silently accusing her and demanding her attention. Thirty-Seven padds. One for every member of her crew who had died. Each one had names, and dates. Service records. Next of kin details. Everything she needed to start writing letters to families. Commander Kamoria had already offered to take over the bulk of the work, but sin Klav had refused. This needed to be her job, and hers alone. She absentmindedly wondered if she'd get a letter, despite the fact that she had been the commander of the fleet action in which her husband had been killed. She wondered who it would come from.
More than a dozen crewman from Engineering had been killed when battle damage had overloaded their power systems. Three science officers had been killed as they evacuated Deck Seventeen, gunned down by the Jem'Hadar boarding parties. Commander Buckland, and his entire security detail, killed by an errant torpedo. Ensign Raine, the Human officer she'd reprimanded for inappropriate language, had been killed while helping a fellow Tellarite officer out from under a fallen beam. And that list would probably grow – sickbay was still dealing with some of the more critical cases.
The door to her quarters chimed.
"Come in," she said, not moving from her pose.
The door opened and Commander Kamoria walked in.
"I'm sorry Captain, I didn't realise I'd be interrupting something. I can come back later."
"Please come in Commander, what do you need?" sin Klav asked, making no move to stand.
"I just wanted to give you a status update. All repairs are proceeding according to schedule, and the Lakota is coming along as well, with some help from our Engineering department and the Shipyards. The U.S.S. Lexington, along with her escorts, has also arrived in system."
"There a bit late aren't they?"
"There was a second force Captain, heading to reinforce the first one. It sounds like it was a fairly one sided battle, as the Lexington, Devore, Soval and Liliuokalani were able to be reinforced with fleet elements from Vulcan and Andoria."
"Then Tellar is safe."
"Yes, Captain, Tellar is safe. Because you were able to hold the line until our people got here."
"Was there anything else?"
"We've finished scanning the debris of the destroyed Dominion ships. One escape pod was recovered, from a Cardassian warship, the Laketh, with a single Vorta life sign."
"See that he's taken into custody and reprimanded into the custody of Starfleet forces on Tellar."
"Of course. Can I ask how you're doing Captain?"
"I'm fine Commander, thank you for your concern."
"Captain."
It wasn't a question from her first officer, but a statement. A statement pregnant with years of friendship and understanding.
"My husband is dead Kamoria. My husband. We've been together for nearly twenty years. We'd decided to start talking about children before the War started, he was going to resign his commission and take a scientific posting on Tellar so we could get started on a family. And now he's gone, and the most awful thing about it is that he is so small and insignificant the second you step out of this room. How much can the Federation afford to lose in this war? The Odyssey, the Honshu, the Cortez, the Cairo, New Bajor, Betazed, Benzar… and now the Oakland. And Starbase 223. And very nearly Tellar. This war is so big, and so beyond any of us, that how can the death of a single person, even if he is my husband, compare with anything. What terrifies me more than anything is that, to me, the Federation has always been the safest, the most stable and the most noble thing in the galaxy, and now I honestly don't know if it's going to survive this war, and what's worse, I don't even know if I want it to, because the cost will be so high, and what we'll be left with will be so broken, and never the same again."
Kamoria was silent for a long moment before speaking.
"You saved Tellar today Captain. You did. You made a difference, to billions of lives. There are people, alive and happy and free, right now, because of you. I know that nothing can bring Hhasav back, or fill this gaping hole that he's left, but just think about how many other people get to hold their husbands and wives and children close right now because of you. That's what we're fighting for, and it will never not be worth it. There is no price to high for the protection of those people."
Silence stretched between the two women again as sin Klav sat in her thoughts. Finally, she stood, looking her first officer in the eye and trying to project confidence, and hope.
"Thank you Commander, that will be all."
"Of course Captain," she said, turning and walking out of the quarters.
Sin Klav took a deep breath and steadied herself. She walked over to the viewscreen above her desk, past the pile of padds, and opened her message bank. One message, unopened. She sat down at her desk and pressed play. Her husband's face came up on the screen and held her breath for a long second, before finally letting herself feel what she knew she had to. She cried, and her body became wracked with sobs as Hhasav began to speak.
"My beautiful Tara, I don't have long between shifts…"