Summary: Written based on a plot bunny from user not-an-anagram on Tumblr that had Dax and O'Brien eating lunch at Quark's, overhearing an argument between Bashir and Garak, and assuming it means Bashir hates Garak. It also features Quark translating Garashir interactions. Personally, I think Jadzia Dax would know about this already, but it was a lot of fun to write her as oblivious for once!
Lieutenant Dax and Chief O'Brien were at Quark's for lunch, commiserating about the newest anomaly that was affecting the station's systems. Dax was about to ask O'Brien if he ever really thought living on Deep Space 9 as opposed to a starship was going to be safer for his family when she heard Bashir cry out from a table up the stairs, "Listen Garak, you and your interpretation are utter trash, and we both know it!"
Her eyes widened and she whipped her head up to stare at the scene Bashir was making. He was looming over his and Garak's table, puffing himself up as Garak shrank into himself. He was looking awfully blue in the face, a Cardassian blush.
"...I don't get why Julian keeps hanging out with Garak if he hates him so much," said O'Brien.
Dax settled back down. "We both know Julian's a bleeding heart, Chief. Don't you think he might feel a little guilty?" asked Dax. She thought back to Bashir's first days on the station—there was that time he had lost his dress uniform and used that as an excuse to commission Garak and spend more time with him. "When we warned Julian not to make Garak a friend this early in his career, he was really defiant—he probably feels bad for regretting his choice," she explained.
O'Brien took a swig of his drink. "I think you're on to something there. I asked him what was going on with him and Garak the other day, and he clammed up, stuttered, and said it was none of my business! Never seen him look that ashamed, I can tell you that."
"It's too bad... I really thought you'd be a good influence on him." Dax glanced back up to Bashir who was still making sweeping gestures of fury. "And I saw Garak having breakfast with Odo, so I know Julian isn't his only friend anymore... how can someone like Garak be this hung-up on one brash young man? Maybe I should visit his shop and suggest he expand his horizons, if you know what I mean!" She winked.
O'Brien gagged. "You know what? Fine. I don't like Garak, but anything's better than listening to Julian trying to bully him away."
Up above, Garak was saying something quietly, meekly, while Bashir was walking all over him. "Why don't you let me do the talking here, Garak? If you're this blind, no wonder you can't tell brown from green!"
"Harsh words, Doctor, from a man who wears that to work every day." Garak motioned to Bashir's uniform.
"Well, if I hurt to look at, Garak, no wonder you can't take your eyes off me. You always are such a fan of self-flagellation!" Bashir had the nerve to grin. "Makes my job all the more difficult. You really do hate me, don't you?"
"Doctor—"
"Don't worry, Garak. The feeling is mutual. I hate you, too," Bashir sounded like he was trying to hiss like a Cardassian and failing.
Garak gasped and recoiled.
As Dax was experiencing a serious case of bile fascination, O'Brien was groaning. "Quark, you'd better bring us another round."
"Coming right up!" Quark paused for a moment to look up at Bashir and Garak himself before serving the drinks. "Awww, aren't they cute?" he said, facetiously. "Arguing again... they should take it to the next level already."
"Don't tell me you want to watch them come to blows?" asked Dax.
"Not interested in a front-row seat for that, no, and I know Odo wouldn't appreciate that flagrant disregard for public indecency laws," said Quark. Dax thought O'Brien was about to ask the very question she had on her mind about that statement when Quark leaned in conspiratorially. "So... who do you want to bet will shoot the other first?"
"Garak's the shady one and Julian should know what he's asking for, messing with him, but we won't let it get that far!" said O'Brien.
"Is that how the Federation does things?" asked Quark. "You're professional, what do you call them, cockblockers?"
"Quark, what do you mean?" asked Dax.
"This many past lives and you don't know? Shooting your lover's one of the biggest romantic gestures for Cardassians! And Garak and Doctor Bashir are basically a pair of innocent schoolboys, bickering over literature and giving each other chocolates, so you know they'll go for the schmaltz."
Dax and O'Brien stared at him like his lobes had fallen off.
Quark was not perturbed. He heaved a wistful sigh. "I remember when Natima shot me. One of the best days of my life. She was even more beautiful than usual."
"Do you not hear them arguing, Quark? Julian was even saying he hated Garak and that his opinions were—" Dax said, then paused. Her symbiont was tingling with memory as her eyes widened in realization.
Quark turned to O'Brien. "Weren't you just here, drinking away the memory of some Cardassian scientist hitting on you by arguing?"
O'Brien blanched. "Somebody has to tell Julian!"
"...How stupid do you think Bashir is? I thought you trusted him with your health."
Dax was vaguely aware of Bashir and Garak finishing their lunch, O'Brien becoming increasingly frenzied, and Quark getting annoyed, but it felt far away. Eventually, she shot up from her barstool, threw her head back, and yelled, "Iloja of Prim was in love with Torias!"