Chapter Seven: Getting The Cat Into The Bag….
A/N: Apologies for the significant delay I've been working on this chapter for the past year and a half, but it's been kind of piecemeal, and with the ongoing pandemic, there have been so many other priorities - especially with toddler niece visiting once a week. Don't worry, I'll finish this, but I have no idea how long it's going to take. Life takes priority, but I have gotten so many new ideas that I might use that this story keeps growing beyond what I originally envisioned.
"Chan eil gràdh ach cothromach ma tha an dà thaobh a 'caoidh. (The Game of Love is only fair if both sides cheat.)" - Anonymous [1]
"A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not." - Ernest Hemingway
Ranma blinked as Doctor Tofu moved the light away from his eyes. He has been under direct observation from as soon as Ranma's mother had called him until just after lunch as Doctor Tofu wanted to be absolutely sure that there were no side effects from Ranma's sudden shift back to normal.
"I have to say, Ranma, there does not appear any issues from your rapid aging, aside from an unexpected growth spurt, which would be quite normal for a boy your age in any case. With your particular circumstances however, you may find your balance a little off for a few days. I'm afraid I must recommend that you take a few days to get used to your body again. This means no strenuous physical training until Saturday at the earliest. "
Nodoka nodded in agreement with him. There was no way they'd be able to predict the possible side effects of Ranma over exerting himself so soon after being restored to his proper self. Following Doctor Tofu's advice seemed perfectly sound, but she had to do something to distract him, as he seemed rather disheartened about the order.
"Ranma, since you've gained a few inches, your clothes will be tight enough to affect your movement. It might be time for you to go shopping for new clothes."
"Aw,what's wrong with this outfit? It's still perfectly comfy."
"Oh, come on, Ranma - you've been wearing practically the same outfit every day. Don't you think it's time for a change?" Akane was looking at him with a slight smile.
He sighed. It was clear that even if he put up a fight it would end the exact same way as if he just gave in. If anyone ever realized that most of his protests in situations were just an act, he'd be in trouble. As long as he played along with the expectations of others, specifically their fathers, he'd be able to figure out how to untangle the chaotic knot his life had become. His mother seemed to be on his side by default, but since she had only come back into his life less than a year before, there was still a great deal they hadn't learned about each other.
"Yeah….yeah.. I guess." Non-committal as always… He decided that was likely the best way to play it. This way, Akane would happily pick out the clothes she thought would look good on him, which would give him the chance to strut about in front of her without getting in trouble. Yeah, it was bound to be a foolproof plan! [2] Heh, if he played his cards right, he might even come away with a few outfits he actually liked.
Akane just stared blankly at him, before addressing his mother. She was pretty sure that Ranma was going to be lost in his own head for a few moments. "Do you think we could stop and do the shopping on the way home?"
"That's probably a good idea - we can get what he needs, and then we can worry about getting him caught up on his homework."
"Hey! Don't I get a say in any of this?"
Ranma quickly realized that he should've kept his mouth shut when both his mother and his fiancee answered him in unison.
"No!"
He shrugged. It wasn't the first time his mouth had gotten him into trouble. He was just fortunate that he wasn't in the middle of a fight this time. If things went the way they usually did, he'd end up ambushed on the way back, or splashed, or knocked senseless for saying something to Akane that was taken in the worst way possible. It was as if the universe was scripting his life for laughs or something. He didn't know what deity he had pissed off, but if he had the chance, there would be a reckoning. [3]
"You've missed two weeks of school, Ranma. You're going to have to catch up to the rest of the class somehow. Besides, the sooner you get caught up, the sooner you can start training again." His mother was firmly looking at him, and clearly was not going to accept any argument.
Ranma's shoulders slumped as he realized the truth of what she was saying. He'd need to find his balance again after such an unexpected growth spurt. He doubted it would take long, but if he wasn't going to be allowed to train for a while, he was in for some frustration. Meditating was an option, but he was never that great at it. If you stopped to consider how often a particular fianceé would cross his mind, it made even more sense that meditation would just be an exercise in frustration. It did at least allow him to figure out the things he should've said in retrospect, but that usually came after his mouth had already gotten him into trouble.
With a satisfied nod, Doctor Tofu dismissed them from his examination room, with a request that Ranma return the next week just as a precaution. Akane was fairly certain she'd have to drag him back herself, because Ranma would more than likely forget or be distracted by a thousand other things. As they left the clinic, Nodoka headed towards the market, promising to meet the two of them at home later.
Stepping out of the clinic into the morning light, Ranma couldn't help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation. Turning into a baby for two weeks was fairly high up on the list of the strange things that had happened to him since falling into Jusenkyo, but it still didn't break into the top five. He had ranked them when he was bored in class one day, but still hadn't shown the list to Akane. There was a logical reason for this, at least, as far as he could think logically. The very first item on his list was his engagement with her. If she had asked why he found it strange, he would've stuttered some vague explanations, dancing around the truth. What he found strange about the engagement was that the idea of spending the rest of his life with Akane had grown on him so quietly that he couldn't figure out when he started loving her. He quickly shook his head to clear that train of thought before Akane exited the clinic. [4] There were enough things in his life he'd given up on ever figuring out. He was convinced he'd go mad trying to figure out what Akane saw in him. He doubted she'd ever reveal when she first realized that she loved him herself, so they had found themselves in a state of emotional equilibrium that he really didn't want to upset with words that would be easily misunderstood. Better to just take life as it came with all of its horrible wonders.
A hand on his shoulder gave him a start, before he recognized Akane's slender fingers. He turned to look at her with an exasperated sigh. "Why do these things happen to me? Why can't they happen to people like Kuno or Ryoga?"
Ranma's unintentional gift of the mental image of an infant Kuno sent Akane into paroxysms of giggles. Quickly composing herself in the face of Ranma's crestfallen look, she answered. "They don't have your curse. I don't think it's only that, though. You tend to rush into danger without thinking about it, so it's not surprising you have to deal with such things more often."
She noticed something flash in Ranma's eyes, but whatever it was passed too quickly for her to identify it. He looked at her and laughed. "So what does that make me then? Some sort of designated hero, come to save the day from all manner of evil?" He thrust out his chest in some sort of comic book pose that would only look more ridiculous with spandex and cape billowing behind him.
Akane rolled her eyes and swatted him on the arm. "I am NOT going to be your sidekick. Obviously, what I meant was:" She dropped her voice into a quite good impression of Genma, "The life of a martial artist is frought with peril."
Ranna looked at her askance, and blinked 3 times in rapid succession, before breaking into a wide grin. "You're right. Everything that's happened to me has prepared me for the later challenges. So what if this is another weakness to overcome? I'll find a way to deal with it. I always do."
"I'd imagine something would go wrong along the way, too. Though, I wouldn't mind if it happened to someone else this time."
"I suppose it would be nice to have some peace and quiet for a change, but we both know it would only last until someone like Taro showed up again."
"Even if it's only a couple days, it's worth it." Akane nodded somberly, before starting to walk back home. Ranma was only a few steps behind her before he stopped her, pointing down the street.
"I'm not sure, but it looks like something is going on over there. Should we check it out, or go another way?"
"It is the shorter way home. If it's something dangerous, we'll just turn around and come back. There's not much that we'd need to worry about right now, anyway. I haven't heard anything about Taro or Ryoga being in town."
"Ha! There's not much that would be dangerous in an urban area like this. Don't worry, I'll protect you!"
Akane slapped the back of Ranma's head for the obvious sarcasm. "You dolt."
As they got closer, they could see what was causing the ruckus. A small group of boys were tormenting a small brown puppy, which was whimpering as they threw stones and sticks at it. Neither Akane nor Ranma even thought about it before intervening. [5] Stepping in front of the puppy, they glared at the boys and dropped into a fighting stance. Akane thought she recognized some of the boys from school, but they quickly scattered not wanting to mess with either of them.
Ranma's hands clenched into fists as he let out a low growl. "Why would they even do this? It's an innocent creature that didn't do them any harm. The poor thing looks terrified."
Akane bent down, and attempted to coax the puppy into her arms, only to pause at the sound of low growling coming from behind them. She reached out and grabbed Ranma's arm, whispering urgently. "I think the mother is behind us, and she sounds angry."
Ranma nodded. "I'll distract it. Just run. Don't wait for me, I'll catch up to you at home."
The hairs on Ranma's neck stood up, as he turned to look at a large and angry canine. Somewhat nervously, he gently pushed Akane away as the dog lept towards her. Thinking quickly, he rolled with the pouncing pooch, and shoved her against a fence. Akane wasted no time in starting to run away, but the rather cross canine got to her feet and started to give chase. It only took a few plodding, frantic steps before it was knocked to the side by a hissing blur. Ranma had shifted into the Neko-ken, and gave a warning swat to her nose. The dog paused, sniffed the air, and if it were human, would've started nervously sweating, but being a dog, merely whined timidly, before making a mad dash in the opposite direction, closely pursued by the Neko-charged Ranma.
Ranma's Neko-charged instincts kept him from paying sufficient attention to his surroundings, as he chased his prey into a large junkyard. She turned a corner made up of broken martial arts equipment and shattered bricks, [6] and he suddenly became aware of three things. First, the scent of the area had changed, smelling very strongly of dogs. Second, he was no longer alone, as he could hear more growling to his left and right, and third, most importantly… the mother dog was…. Wait, was that dog grinning? Some semblance of humanity returned to Ranma, and he did the only rational thing. He turned and ran. [7]
Akane blinked, looking in the direction that Ranma had run off in, and started to take a few steps that way in order to retrieve him, when she heard a loud cacophonous sound coming towards her.. A red blur sent her spinning as a large pack of dogs gave chase. Once the cloud of dust cleared, only the small brown puppy was left looking up at her, head cocked to its side as if to say: "I don't know what's going on, either." She reached down, and gave it a couple scratches behind the ear, before making her way home. Ranma would probably show up later, scratched up, slightly embarrassed, but no worse for the wear than any other sort of strange occurrence that might happen to him.
When she arrived at home, she noticed that the door into the dojo were ajar. She figured that her father must've gotten some practice in while she was with Ranma at the clinic. She went up the steps to close the door properly when she heard a plaintive mewling from inside. Turning the light on, she stepped inside, and found the place empty. No signs of Ranma or any other sort of feline anywhere. She started to wonder if she had been hearing things, when she heard it again, coming from above her. She looked up, and noticed Ranma was still in the Neko-ken, hiding up among the rafters. She noticed that some of the furniture on the sides of the wall had been knocked over, explaining how he had gotten up there, but apparently Neko-Ranma had enough of a fear of heights that he couldn't get back down.
"Honestly, Ranma." She breathed as she rolled her eyes. "I have half a mind to leave you up there. It would serve you right, for all the trouble you cause."
All she got in response was a blank stare.
"Alright… stay there, I'll be right back." She left the dojo and headed towards the kitchen. Kasumi would probably have an idea about what to do, and she probably wouldn't tease Ranma too much about it.
When Akane reached the kitchen, Kasumi was washing some of the dishes. She turned her head and smiled when she saw Akane enter. "Hello, sister. How'd Ranma's appointment go?" Due to the nature of the issue, both of them had missed classes for the day, so there wouldn't be as many rumours flying around by the time Ranma returned to school.
"Doctor Tofu says he's back to his normal self. As if any aspect of him could be called normal." Akane laughed. "Right now though, we have a small problem I was hoping you could help me with. Ranma's stuck in the Nekoken, and is up in the rafters of the dojo. Apparently, in that form, he's afraid of heights, and isn't coming down. Do you have any ideas?"
Kasumi looked thoughtful for a moment before responding. "Well, he normally doesn't like raw tuna, but if he's in the Nekoken, he might come down if you opened a can and called for him. If that doesn't work, perhaps using a mirror to reflect some sunlight for him to chase would?" [8]
"That might work. I have a small mirror I can grab from my room. I'll try that first before the tuna. Hopefully, I don't have to explain it to his mother - as far as I know, his father has been keeping it a secret from her. Probably because he's afraid of how she'd react. Ranma would probably not want to reveal such a weakness to her either."
Kasumi nodded. "I'll have a can ready for you in the kitchen if you need it."
Akane went to her room to retrieve the mirror, and found it after a little rummaging through her drawers. She sat on her bed and rubbed her eyes in mild annoyance. If this was anything like previous experiences, this wasn't going to be as easy as she thought. Something was bound to happen to complicate matters. With a sigh of forbearance, she got up and went into the dojo. Ranma was still in the rafters, but now he was lying on his back dozing in a small spot of sunlight. He turned his head slightly when she called to him, but otherwise gave no response.
Taking the mirror out, and finding a place where she could capture the light, she moved the reflection along the wall in a circular pattern, and called out to him.
"Raaa-nma….." She singsonged, remembering some of her previous experience with cats. "Come get the light… it's so shiny, and it's going to get a-waaaay….. Here kitty, kitty… come down from there and plaaa-ay…."
Ranma's head perked up as he turned towards where the light was shining on the wall. Akane could see his head swivel as he watched the light go around and around. Ranma got up from his resting place, and tensed, as if he was about to leap. Unfortunately, there is a significant mass difference between a human teenage male, and the small feline he wasn't. With a growl, Ranma lept from the rafters, and - were he a cartoon, would've lingered for a moment in the air before gravity took hold. He at least managed to get halfway to the wall, which would've been an impressive leap for any martial artist. But gravity apparently having a mild grudge against practitioners of Saotome-style Anything Goes, asserted himself, and with a loud thud, Ranma faceplanted to the floor, breaking through and landing on the dirt underneath. Cats may land on their feet, and by all rights Ranma should have, but he's not really a cat, is he?
The loud crash brought a head poking in through the door. Nodoka had just put the groceries down in the kitchen when she had seen Akane heading towards the dojo. Curiosity got the better of her, and she followed her. She could hear Akane calling to Ranma, but the loud crash shortly thereafter just added to her confusion. Why would Akane be treating Ranma like a cat? Was this some sort of strange game they had?
Having stuck her head in, Nodoka couldn't help but ask… "What is going on here? Why was Ranma acting like a cat?"
Ranma's eyes went wide as he realized one of his biggest secrets had just been revealed to his mother. He could only stammer unintelligibly.
[1] - Not really…. I came up with it myself. Anything sounds better in Gaelic, assuming you know how to pronounce it.
[2] - No, it really isn't. I'm pretty sure it's completely obvious when guys try this sort of thing. Attempt at own risk, gentlemen.
[3] - Ever wonder what your characters might think of you? Probably as utter monsters. I'm okay with that!
[4] - Funny thing - it is way too easy to get lost in one's own head pondering such things. It's best to do it when you're guaranteed to be alone.
[5] - I apologize for the animal cruelty, but it seems quite likely most Ranma ½ characters would not respond kindly to such things, especially those who are cursed.
[6] - A junkyard would be quite necessary in Nerima as a result of all the damage Ranma and his friends cause in their skirmishes.
[7] - Yeah, I stole this idea from Star Wars. It was one of the few changes to the Special Edition of A New Hope I actually liked…
[8] - I'm trying to keep it to the original timeframe of the manga/anime - so pre-2000. Laser pointers wouldn't be as much of a toy as they are now at that point.