A/N: Okay people, time for a new chapter :-) and Happy Thanksgiving to everybody in the US :-).
So, umm, the drama thing, I mostly asked because of the TV show, because the creators think that people tune in to Grey's for the drama, so I was curious if that was really the case because I know I get tired of too much drama, so anyway I am not sure I want to give you drama LOL, the world is upside down anyways and I just want to make myself and you happy :-), well, we'll see, sometimes my creativity takes an unexpected route so we'll see where it will take us ;-)...
Also, I realized, some things in chapter 6 were way past the T rating, oops so I guess I will have to change the rating to the story, I actually wanted to write a T rated story for once, because all my stories are M rated, but I guess I just can't LOL, so at PolishCalzonaFan, no this story will not stay as T rating until the end ;-). At smiley714, don't worry we should get over the month period after some 3 chapters and I'll try to post them before December 27 haha ;-)...
Oh and thank you for all the comments :-), I wish there was a real message board here so we could actually communicate, I miss the good old message boards...
Anyway... chapter 9, hope you will enjoy!
CHAPTER 9
"Honey, mama has to go to work, I cannot stay", Arizona said softly.
"I don't want you to go!", Sofia crossed her arms, stomping her foot and then ran off to her room in protest.
Arizona sighed sadly.
"Go…, I'll talk to her, she'll be fine", Callie said rubbing Arizona's back slowly.
Arizona wrapped her arms around Callie's waist and placed her head on Callie's shoulder, "I'll miss you both", she whispered.
Callie sighed, "I know, we will miss you too."
Arizona lifted her head and placed her left hand on Callie's right cheek, letting her thumb caress it softly.
"Maybe around 11 we could talk on the phone if things are quiet at the hospital?"
Callie smiled. "I would like that, and how about we talk every morning before Sofia wakes up and then you can also say good morning to her?"
Arizona nodded her head "Okay, that will help, I will miss you less", she smiled and leaned forward to let their lips meet.
Callie smiled, "We can do this, we'll talk every day, we will both be busy so the week will fly by, and then we will see each other, we'll be fine."
"Right", Arizona nodded her head, "Okay, go after Sofia", she said and gave Callie another quick peck on the lips before stepping away and going for the door. Callie smiled and waved before she turned around after Arizona closed the door. She took a deep breath and headed to Sofia's room.
Several hours later Callie was sitting on the sofa sipping on a glass of wine and reading a book when she saw the light on her phone turn on. She saw a message with Arizona's name pop up and felt the fluttery sensation in her abdomen. She didn't expect to feel like this but she was really excited. She reached for the phone and opened the message.
It's quiet around here, I'm in the lounge if you want to talk.
Callie smiled and pressed the call button.
"Hey", Arizona said with a smile.
"Hi", Callie said softly.
"So how did it go with Sofia?", Arizona asked immediately.
"She was acting out a bit, and then she brightened up as soon as I managed to switch her attention to something else. This has been happening lately, it's not only because of what is going on with us, I think she's just at that age when she is more expressive about feeling angry or sad."
"Right", Arizona sighed, "I hope this month will not affect her too much."
"She'll be fine", Callie assured, "We'll just give her extra doses of love, there's nothing love can't heal", she said with a smile.
Arizona sighed again.
"Don't worry, come on you know kids, remember? They are more resilient than adults."
Arizona nodded her head, "You are right".
"Tell me about your night shift, how's it going?"
"It's slow, nothing is happening. I wish it was busy so I wouldn't have time to think too much."
"So what are you thinking about?", Callie asked.
Arizona laughed, "You know what I am thinking about."
"No I don't, are you freaking out about everything, or are you thinking about the exciting and positive parts?" Callie teased a bit.
Arizona laughed again, "Is this your way of reminding me what I should be thinking about?"
"Hey, you are the one who was all about excitement and positive outlook when I wanted to freak out."
"Right, you are right, something to look forward to…", Arizona said trying to remind herself of the direction her mind should be going. "Hmm, ok it's working, my mind is switching from worrying", she added.
"Good", Callie smiled.
"Let's do this regularly, if one of us starts to freak out we guide each other away from the doubts and fears and back to the positive stuff", Arizona suggested.
"Ooh, I like that, okay, let me try another one", Callie said with a smile. "So would you like to go out on a date with me on Friday?" she asked playfully.
Arizona's face formed a radiating grin.
After a few seconds of silence Callie asked, "Arizona?"
"Oh, right sorry, I forgot that you cannot see me, I was too busy grinning."
Callie laughed.
"So, Friday… date?", Callie asked again.
"Yes, Calliope, I would love to go out on a date with you", Arizona said cheerfully.
Callie smiled, "That went much better than the first time I asked you out on a date."
Arizona laughed, "Umm, yeah that first time was a poor judgment call on my part. So where are you taking me?", Arizona asked with excitement.
"Ummm, actually I have no idea…", Callie replied sincerely through laughter.
Arizona laughed wholeheartedly.
"Well, you know me, I always jump in without the plan…", Callie said twirling her hair between her fingers.
Arizona smiled into the phone, "Sometimes it's baffling to me how you can meticulously plan your surgeries but improvise so much in your private life."
"Oh that was always the hardest part for me throughout my medical education, making a plan for me was like torture. Improvisation is exciting, it makes me feel alive, I get an adrenaline rush in a single moment and I just follow the impulse."
"I love that about you", Arizona admitted with a smile.
"But…?" Callie added.
"What? There's no but", Arizona laughed.
"Don't you think I should change? People tell me I'm too impulsive."
"Callie, I fell in love with who you are, who you've always been, I don't want you to change", Arizona made a pause. "Do you think we need to change for our relationship to work?"
"Umm, I don't know, we didn't really work as people we used to be", Callie said with a bit of hesitation.
Arizona leaned back on the sofa and lifted her legs onto a chair, "Well, to be fair we were faced with some pretty heavy stuff."
"Yeah, the kind of stuff that makes you or breaks you…" Callie nodded.
"Exactly. I think we were supposed to grow as people and as a couple throughout those experiences but it was too hard and instead of making us grow together, it broke us… and it's okay, growing is a process, so maybe we just needed to grow separately first, before we could grow together again, as a couple."
"Yeah, makes sense, but we did fight a lot, the people that we were…", Callie pensively pointed out.
"Well, but I think we have changed."
"You just said it's not about changing", Callie teased through laughter.
Arizona laughed "Okay, hold on, I am not an expert. What I meant is that it's not about changing completely, it's about… ummm… maybe improving our ba… err… not so good habits or tendencies."
Callie laughed, "I love how you stopped yourself from saying the word bad".
"Yeah, Dr. Brown taught me that, it's just that when we use positive words instead of the negative ones, it kind of changes the vibe completely and suddenly your mind doesn't see something as negative anymore, you give it a new perspective this way, and it makes you feel better as well."
"Hmm, I like that…" Callie added.
"So to go back to your question, I don't think you need to change, but maybe you could…"
"A-ha, see there is a but after all!"
"I didn't mean it like that!", Arizona said defensively.
Callie laughed, "I'm just teasing you, I know what you mean, it's about not letting my impulses drive my every decision, but trying to incorporate some planning… some weighing of the decisions I make… finding a healthy balance."
"Exactly. Finding a balance, like you do in your professional life. Besides, I really don't want to fight anymore, I'm so past fighting, life is too short to waste time yelling at one another, all the stuff I dealt with in therapy made me realize what a waste of time fighting was, because it's all about proving one's point, the battle of the egos, I am right and you are wrong."
"Oh yeah, I don't miss the fighting at all, Penny and I rarely fought and I really liked that, it gave me a sense of calm and security", she made a pause, "Err… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned that."
"No, it's fine, we all have people who enter our lives to show us something, or help us see or understand something about life or about ourselves. So maybe you needed to have Penny in your life to show you that things can be different in a relationship."
"Yes, and I realized that I want something like that with you, no fighting and no heavy drama."
"God, our fights were really filled with drama."
Callie laughed, "Well, you just always made my hot Latin blood show its face."
"Hmm, yeah, I don't know if that's a good thing."
"It can be if we manage to find the balance", Callie said softly.
"Right, okay balance, because I really do like your hot Latin blood, well sometimes."
Callie laughed, "Okay, great we work on finding a balance, so first I get to work on my planning skills and plan our date. I am looking forward to this planning process."
"See! Exciting!" Arizona clapped her hands.
Callie smiled hearing Arizona's cheerful voice.
"And we haven't fought since… what Thursday?"
Arizona laughed out loud, "A whole four days, I don't think that's an achievement"
"Heeey, we did cover some pretty heavy stuff and didn't fight."
"Okay, okay", Arizona said happily.
There was a pleasant silence for a bit, both of them smiling into the phone.
"Arizona…", Callie said after a few moments.
"Hmm?", Arizona replied softly.
"I am really enjoying this…"
"Yeah?", Arizona asked with a smile.
"Yeah, I mean I miss seeing you but this is fun, and exciting and I feel like I am melting just by talking into the phone."
"I am enjoying this as well, I even got butterflies in my belly when the phone rang and when I heard your voice… and every time you laughed…"
Callie smiled, "Me too."
"Just so you know I haven't stopped smiling the whole time we have talked", Arizona said.
"I have been smiling as well", Callie said with a grin.
"So, can we do this every night then? If I'm not busy", Arizona asked.
"Yes, I would like that", Callie said with a smile.
"Great, but I should go take a nap now, I've been up since 5 a.m. and tonight is the only night I can take a nap since I have the 12h on-call shift, tomorrow is regular night shift so no naps."
"Okay, yeah, you should go rest a bit. So talk to you in the morning when you get home?"
"Yes, definitely", Arizona said with a smile.
"Looking forward to it."
"Me too."
"Okay goodnight", Callie said with a small sigh.
"Goodnight", Arizona whispered.
Meredith entered the cafeteria and saw Callie sitting alone at the table. She took some food and headed towards Callie.
"What's going on with you?" she asked sitting down.
"Huh?", Callie gave her a puzzled look.
"You are kind of miserable today and Arizona is nowhere to be seen, actually I haven't seen her since last Friday. And it's Wednesday today, have you two fought and broke up again?"
"What? No, we haven't fought, we are trying to take things slowly so she is working the night shift and I am feeling a bit miserable because I haven't seen her since Sunday and even that was only for like ten minutes, so basically I haven't seen her since Saturday and we haven't spoken since Monday morning because she's been really busy during the night and couldn't talk, and yesterday morning she was in surgery so we couldn't talk, and today Sofia woke up early and she was acting out so we couldn't talk either", Callie explained everything in one breath.
"Whoa, hold on!", Meredith raised her hand in an attempt to stop Callie from going on, "You're speaking too fast, back up a little, why haven't you seen each other since Saturday?"
Callie sighed heavily, "We have been trying to figure out how to slow down…, for Sofia's sake and for us too, because we want to make this work and we don't want to mess it all up because we are going too fast."
"Okay, that's a good idea, you really do need to slow down."
"Right, yeah, so Arizona asked her therapist for advice and she suggested we take different shifts so that we would not have the possibility to meet at work at all, and thus we would meet just once a week for a date and talk over the phone or through messages the rest of the time."
"Oh…, well… that's not a bad idea actually, that will definitely force you to slow down", Meredith nodded her head taking a bite of her food.
"Yeah, but it's really been tough, we don't get to talk, we did on Sunday evening and it was amazing, I really enjoyed it, and I was excited just to be talking to her over the phone… and we spoke again on Monday morning and it was so nice waking up to her voice, and Sofia was happy because she got to talk to her as well and then work got in the way, so since Monday morning it's been only text messages, and it is hard."
"Well, I can imagine that, but just think about where it is supposed to take you, focus on the goal. If it works, if you manage to take it slowly, which you really, really need, you get to be a happy family again, isn't it worth the trouble that you are going through right now?"
"Yeah, I guess…" Callie said playing with her fork but not really eating.
"So when do you get to see Arizona?"
"On Friday for our date. Well I should see her shortly today at her therapist's office, but that's not the same, we'll be going over how to do this and how to handle it all and protect Sofia as much as possible."
"Okay, so Friday you are going on a date, do you need me to look after Sofia?"
"Oh, right, I was going to ask you that, could Sofia come over and play with Zola?"
"Of course, Zola will love it too, Sofia could stay the night as well."
"Well, I think that would defy the definition of going slow."
"Oh, right", Meredith laughed. "Sorry", she said with compassion. "Are you gonna survive this month?", Meredith asked teasing a bit.
"Well, I sure hope we are not going to wait a whole month to have sex. Are we supposed to wait that long? No, can't be?"
"I have no idea, maybe you should ask the therapist today."
Callie laughed nervously, "Yeah right, the first time I ever see her, I don't think so."
Meredith laughed, "Well when you decide you want to go for it, Sofia can stay with us, both her and Zola will love the sleep over!"
Callie smiled, "Thank you so much. That will make things so much easier."
"Sure, no problem, I remember how happy you were when you and Arizona were together, I mean she also made you miserable but when you were happy you were walking on clouds all the time. I haven't seen you that happy with other people. You've always been different with Arizona, it was like, ummm. yeah, like you were happy without making an effort to be happy."
"Hmm, really?"
"Totally! Anybody in this hospital who has seen you with other people will tell you the same thing."
Callie smiled, "So it is not crazy that we are trying to get back together?'"
"No, it is not crazy at all", Meredith smiled, "And we will all be happy for you if you make it work."
"Thank you", Callie said with a smile, "So what's been up with you lately?"
"Oh, I slept with the first men after Derek."
"What?!" Callie said opening her eyes wide.
"Yeah, and I kicked him out of the house the next morning."
"What!?"
"I don't really want to talk about it..."
"But did something bad happen?"
"No, no it was great, it's just…, you know… stuff, a lot of stuff…, Derek and all…"
"Right…, well if you ever want to get drunk over that just let me know, I'm sure I will have more miserable days that will ask for a few tequila shots."
Meredith laughed, "Okay, I will keep that in mind."
"Good, I gotta go now, check on my patients and then I have that meeting with the therapist", Callie said getting up.
"Yeah, good luck with that and let me know the plan for Friday."
"Sure, thanks again for that", Callie smiled.
"Callie will be 15 mins late, she got held up with a patient", Arizona explained following Dr. Brown into her office.
"Okay, no problem, so why don't we use this time to talk about you", Dr. Brown said sitting down. "Any new developments? How are you feeling?"
"Well, I have already started the different shifts thing, I'm working night shift this week."
"Oh, really, I thought you wanted to talk about that today."
"Well, I wanted to give us both a feeling of what it would be like", Arizona explained.
"Okay, so what's your impression?"
"Well, it's not easy, nights are slow and quiet, not much happening this week so it's been hard being surrounded by all that silence, and thinking about not being able to see Callie", Arizona explained while Dr. Brown wrote some notes down.
"And it has been busy earlier in the night when I would be able to talk to Callie, so yesterday and on Monday I was in surgery and when I was free it was too late to talk to her. And it is even harder not seeing Sofia, I mean I miss them both but at least I talked to Callie on the phone on Sunday for a while, Sofia is not interested in talking on the phone for a long time. I spoke to her briefly on Monday morning but today she didn't even want to talk to me, and yesterday morning I was in surgery."
"Have you noticed any changes in your own emotional stability, everything we talked about, everything you dealt with, any feelings coming back?"
"Hmm, no, nothing", Arizona replied. "Should I expect some of the past feelings to show up again?"
"Not necessarily, but there is always a possibility something will be triggered, so I just don't want you to be taken by surprise if it happens."
"Okay", Arizona said warily.
"Don't worry, even if something comes up it won't be as intense as it used to be, nowhere near that."
"Okay", Arizona nodded her head and relaxed a bit.
"Anything else? How are things between you and Callie?"
Arizona smiled, "We spent a wonderful day with Sofia on Saturday, and we all enjoyed it a lot, and Sofia was so happy."
"And you have been getting along?"
"Yes, it's been flowing nicely, we have talked about a lot of things from the past but we are not fighting about it, we are much calmer about everything."
"That's really good, it means you have both grown over the time, and healed, and left the past behind, or in the process of leaving it behind."
Arizona smiled as the doorbell sounded.
"There she is."
"Why don't you go let her in", Dr. Brown said nodding her head towards the door.
"What? Really?" Arizona asked, a huge surprise covering her face.
Dr. Brown smiled, "You haven't seen your girlfriend for a few days, I am sure you want to give her a kiss or two and you don't need audience for that."
Arizona smiled happily, "Oh… thank you!"
She got up and headed across the room and into the corridor to get to the main door and let Callie in.
She opened the door and smiled broadly.
"Arizona?", Callie managed to say, completely taken by surprise.
"Hi", Arizona said softly.
"What are you doing opening the door?", Callie said stepping inside, her face still completely puzzled.
"My therapist is playing matchmaker", Arizona smiled and wrapped her arms around Callie's waist.
"What?", Callie said still confused.
"Dr. Brown told me to come let you in so we can have a few private moments."
"Oh", Callie managed to say before she felt the touch of Arizona's lips and smiled wrapping her arms around Arizona's back.
"Hi", Callie whispered when their lips parted.
Arizona smiled, "It's so nice to see you, I've missed talking to you these two days."
"Me too…"
Arizona lowered her hand and entangled their fingers, "Come on", she pulled Callie towards the office.
"Callie, so nice to meet you, I have heard a lot about you", Dr. Brown said standing up and holding out her hand when they entered.
"Dr. Brown, nice to meet you too, I have also heard a lot about you in the past few days", Callie smiled shaking Dr. Brown's hand.
"Please sit down. I was just talking to Arizona about our little experiment, so what is your take on it now that you have started?"
"Well, it's hard, it started well, and I was really enjoying talking to Arizona on the phone but as soon as it became difficult to find the time to talk my mood has changed."
Dr. Brown nodded her head, "Arizona would you like to share your thoughts for Callie again?"
"Yeah, I just told Dr. Brown a similar thing. Sunday night and Monday morning were really nice, but after that it's been really difficult."
"I don't think I like the feeling that I can't see Arizona if I want to, I don't react well to any kind of restrictions in my personal life, and it's really hard to accept that I can't see her", Callie explained.
"Okay, well there's something that I've noticed from the both of you. You are looking at this seeing each other as something forbidden. Nothing is forbidden. The goal here is not to make you feel miserable, the goal is to create a healthy ground for your fresh start. So how about you start looking at it as setting the field so that something beautiful can grow on it."
Both Callie and Arizona looked attentively at Dr. Brown voicing an okay at the same time as the Dr. continued.
"Have fun with this, use it to discover new ways to flirt with each other or to seduce each other, find a way to enjoy it. A month is not a long time, but if you are hating it then it will seem like months instead of only 30 days."
Arizona nodded her head, "Right", she said as Dr. Brown continued.
"But if you really want to see each other outside of that one day then do it, this is not supposed to be a torture, it's supposed to help you get where you want to go but only the two of you can know what is best for you, so try to feel it, connect to your intuition, listen to it and go with the flow…"
"Just don't force things either way, don't force each other to be apart but also don't force seeing each other if the circumstances are not allowing it."
Callie sighed heavily, "Okay, so if for example we have a date on Friday, and would like to spend time with Sofia on Sunday as well, would that be okay?"
"Yes, of course if you think it would be good for Sofia, but don't use it as an excuse because you really want to see each other again, I am sure you can wait a few days and find a way to keep yourself busy instead… but if your daughter really wants to spend time with her parents you should make it happen. Just don't make it too long, not a whole day and a whole evening, because then you are again creating a surrounding where she is getting used to seeing her moms spend a lot of time together and it will confuse her, but some two or three hours is absolutely fine."
"Right, okay", Callie said.
"Arizona?", Dr. Brown asked.
Arizona nodded her head, "Yeah, it makes sense."
"Okay, great, well do you have any more questions?"
"Umm, no, not for now", Callie said.
"No, not really", Arizona replied.
"Okay, so since we still have some time left and I already know a lot about Arizona, I would also like to get to know you Callie a bit, so would you mind staying a few minutes?"
"Oh…" Callie was taken aback a bit but composed herself quickly, "Yeah, sure, no problem", she gave a quick glance at Arizona who also seemed a bit puzzled.
"Umm, okay, well, I'll see you next Wednesday then Dr. Brown, and I'll wait for you outside Callie", Arizona said getting up placing her hand on Callie's shoulder on her way out.
"Okay", Callie answered smiling at her.
"See you on Wednesday", Dr. Brown said.
"So…", Dr. Brown started when Arizona left. "…of course I know a lot about your relationship from my previous sessions with Arizona."
"Yeah, of course, I don't have any issue with that."
"Okay, so do you mind if I ask you a few questions?" Dr. Brown asked with a smile. "I have heard a lot about you and Arizona from her point of view but I would like to hear your side as well so I can help you both better in this process."
"Yeah, sure, I don't mind", Callie replied with a smile, but feeling nervous a bit.
"Thank you", Dr. Brown smiled," So how do you feel about everything that has been happening with Arizona?"
"I feel great! I am getting a bit impatient but I hope within a few days it will settle down."
"Impatient about?"
"Seeing her more often", Callie explained.
"When was the last time you saw her before today?"
"Well we spent Saturday day and evening together with Sofia, we were planning to spend the Sunday as well but first Arizona got called in and then I did, so we saw each other briefly in the evening when she dropped Sofia off."
"Okay, so are you always impatient about things?"
"Hm…, I would have to think about that one…", Callie admitted. "But I am definitely impatient about relationships."
"How so?" Dr. Brown asked.
"Oh, I am sure Arizona has told you that I have a tendency to jump from one relationship to another", Callie said through slight laughter.
"Well she did tell me that you and your girlfriend broke up and you asked Arizona to try again on the same day."
Callie laughed nervously, "Yeah".
"So is this a pattern? Jumping from one relationship to another?"
"I guess. Yeah, I think I do repeat that pattern."
"So why do you think that is?"
"Well, all my life I have been desperately looking for love, so I think it is related to that."
"And why do you think you do that, look for love all the time?"
Callie shrugged her shoulders, "That's just the type of person I am, I've always been like that."
"So, apart from that, is there something else that appears as a pattern in your life?"
"Umm, I have a tendency to try and fix things all the time", Callie admitted, nervously playing with her hands.
"What things?"
"Everything basically, everything in my private life… If I feel like something's wrong I desperately try to fix it, thinking that if I fix that one thing I will be happy. I did that with Arizona, when she lost her leg, I desperately wanted to fix her, and us…"
"Well, that was an extreme situation you were both put in, not even a therapist would know how to handle that one."
Callie smiled and relaxed a bit.
"Can you tell me something about your family, your parents, are they still married?"
"Yes they have been married for almost 40 years", Callie said with a smile.
"So it's a happy marriage?"
"Yeah, I guess", Callie said.
"Well do you have any recollection of their marriage when you were little? Like maybe any fighting or happy times that stuck in your head?"
Callie thought about it, "Well, no, nothing special, I mean I do remember my mom being upset sometimes but my dad would bring flowers, he would make dinner, he would dance with her, he would do anything to make her happy and…"
Callie stopped, her eyes going wide, "…and loved", she finished.
"Oh my God…", she gasped in realization.
"Did you remember something?" Dr. Brown asked.
"My dad was always trying to fix things…"
"Okay, do you have any idea why?"
"Actually I do!", Callie said placing her hand over her mouth in shock. "My God, he was trying to fix things all the time, and I watched him do it over and over again…", Callie ran her hand through her hair and leaned back on the sofa.
She took a deep breath before continuing.
"Two years ago my dad told me that he cheated on my mom, it happened before I was born but my mom forgave him and they got married and had me and I guess this is why my mom was upset sometimes and why he was fixing things all the time."
Callie gasped again, "My God, am I repeating my dad's behavior?"
"Well there are some theories that explain that most of our behavior as adults is behavior we learned until the age of six. According to this theory we are strongly influenced by our surrounding, it could be our parents, our family, could be the church, community, school, society, city we grew up in… it can be a lot of things. Children often learn new things by observing their surroundings, so it's perfectly normal that we sometimes pick up on the things we are not supposed to."
Callie nodded her head pensively.
"So yes, it is possible you are repeating both of your parents' behavior."
Callie looked at the therapist, "My mom too?"
"Well, according to what you told me it seems she was looking for love too. If she felt sad, she would get love and attention, and it seems she constantly needed to be assured that your father loved her in spite of cheating on her and she kept on doing that even though she forgave him, but obviously she didn't process everything completely and didn't deal with it fully at that time."
Callie nodded her head and stared in front of her.
"This is a good thing Callie", Dr. Brown assured, "Now that you know this, you can do something about it, you can change it."
"Right, I'm just… this is huge, it never occurred to me…"
"It's perfectly normal, this is not something one figures out just like that. It's not like you can wake up one day and just suddenly have a huge realization about why you do what you do. It's a whole process, it takes years for us to figure out a lot of things about ourselves, about our lives, about our choices… that's why it's called growing, it takes time and patience, and action. A tree cannot grow without the sun, the water and the minerals from the ground, and it takes a long time to become a beautiful tree we can admire."
Callie sighed, "Am I…, am I going to do the same to Arizona, to us…?"
"What do you mean?"
"It seems my mom needed a lot of time to forgive and forget about the cheating, I mean I don't know if she ever did get over it. I'm not that close to my mom, she hasn't been able to accept my sexuality as well as my dad."
"So your dad was on board immediately?"
Callie laughed nervously, "God no! First he tried to…", Callie looked at Dr. Brown.
"Callie?".
"He tried to fix me too…", she whispered. "When he found out I was seeing Arizona he tried to fix me, he even brought a priest with him", she laughed nervously.
"So how did that make you feel?"
"It was awful, I felt angry and helpless and desperate, I just wanted him to love me, and accept me. I didn't want him to change me. I wanted him to be happy for me because I was happy with Arizona."
"But he did come around eventually?"
"Yes, he did, but my mom not so much, when Sofia was born, my mom couldn't even hold her, and she didn't stay for the wedding, she left…"
"Okay, well that is also a lot to have to deal with."
"Wow…, yeah, some of these things that came out today… I had no idea…"
"It's normal, really", Dr. Brown assured. "There are a lot of things that we can end up discovering about ourselves, and if you wish to explore more about this we can meet again."
"Oh, yes, maybe. It wouldn't be a problem?" Callie asked.
"A problem, no, why?"
"Because Arizona is your patient too."
"Oh, that…, well no, it's not a problem, knowing both of you I can help you even more", Dr. Brown assured with a smile.
"Before we finish, I do want to go back to something you said about Arizona", she checked her notes, "How did you put it… oh yes, you asked if you were going to do the same to Arizona, what did you mean by that?"
"I meant like what my mom did, kind of forgiving but not forgiving and letting it be a burden on the relationship, I have already told Arizona that I have put it behind, but what if I haven't?"
"Well, I'll repeat again, you and Arizona had very extreme circumstances that led up to her cheating."
Callie nodded her head.
"Do you think she would have cheated if that tragedy had never happened?"
Callie shook her head, "I don't think so. I remember when we started dating and one day she came to me because our dinner hadn't gone that well and she asked me if I was sleeping around with other women and if she was just a fling for me which clearly showed that it wasn't a fling for her, and we weren't even serious yet. She's a hopeless romantic at heart", Callie said smiling softly.
"Okay, so don't start projecting your parents' past into your life, your life is different, you are managing it differently."
"Well it doesn't seem that I am managing it so much differently from my parents", Callie stated dryly.
"You still have the power to change that, especially now. You have made an important step today. The first step is always realizing what you are doing and why, and it's often the most difficult step in the process. Changing it all, is much, much easier. Look, it took you almost forty years to realize why you have always been looking for love and trying to fix things, now that you know about it, you will be very much aware of it when it appears again, and it will be easier to change that behavior."
"Okay, well, this is really not what I expected from today", Callie said lost in thoughts.
Dr. Brown smiled, "I can imagine, but trust me, tomorrow, when the shock settles down a bit, you will feel like a heavy weight had been lifted off of your shoulders."
"I hope so, because right now I feel like crap, pardon my French."
Dr. Brown smiled. "It's fine. Well, here's my card, if you need anything don't hesitate to contact me, if you feel the need to clarify something, or ask something, I'm here."
"Okay, thank you. I have to go back to work now."
"Yes, of course. So think about meeting again and we can set up a new session."
"Yes I will, thank you, this really has been a big revelation that I think will help me a lot once it all settles in."
"I am glad you feel like that."
"Thank you, goodbye."
"Bye."
Callie rushed out of the building lost in her thoughts, it was a bit too much to deal with, her head was trying to process everything but it was a lot. She went outside and passed Arizona heading to her car.
"Callie!", Arizona called.
Callie thought she heard Arizona's voice calling her but it felt distant, she stopped in her tracks listening if she would hear it again.
Arizona caught up to Callie and was now standing next to her.
"Callie? What's wrong?"
"Oh, I'm sorry I forgot you were waiting for me", Callie said completely distant.
"You look weird, what's wrong?" Arizona asked.
"Umm, nothing is wrong, I have to go back to work."
"But something is wrong, you are weird", Arizona insisted.
"Nothing is wrong, just… something came up during my conversation with Dr. Brown and… I just need to process it..."
"What does that mean, what do you need to process? Is it about us?", Arizona asked sure that something is wrong.
"I can't now…, I'm sorry…, I have to go. Everything's fine. I just…, I have to go, okay!" Callie said and rushed to her car.
Arizona stood there completely baffled, "Everything doesn't seem fine…", she whispered feeling a knot forming in her stomach watching Callie drive off.