A/N

Annnnd this is why I didn't want to commit to a schedule LMAO

More at the bottom but happy reading!

After I pull myself off of the floor of my entryway, I go into my room, face blazing, to get out of my date clothes. Date. I just went on a date. And it went well.

It's not until I bring my hand up to my mouth that I realize I am grinning.

A giggle slips out.

I went on a date and it went well!

I push myself off the door, still grinning like a mad woman, and head over to my closet to get some pajamas to change into. It's about 10pm and I have work in the morning and should go to bed soon. . . which I know Rose will absolutely not let me do until I give her a play by play of my evening.

Twenty minutes later I am in pajamas, having kissed Amora goodnight as she slept, curled up on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate, next to Rose, giving an outline of my date. I don't think I'd be able to go into detail.

Then my thoughts take over.

I liked my date, I like Edward, but he is so intimidating and important. I can't be what he needs. I'm too damaged to be much use to anyone. I've been told that for most of my life so it must be true. I still have the baby fat from Amora, unlike Rose, who is a stunning 5'10 with curves for days but a flat stomach. I'm a good half a foot shorter than her, with frumpy breasts and a flat butt, and what I don't have in a butt I make up for in a stomach. I didn't have one before Amora, I wasn't fed enough before then. I could never compare to the likes of her, and I am okay with that; to an extent. The voice of father calling me worthless and disgusting echo in my mind. I couldn't do anything right then and I can't now either. Look at what happened with Jake. I just wanted to get it over with, and while I could never regret Amora, she wasn't supposed to happen. It was one horrible experience I was supposed to just get over. Then, how I met Edward. I knocked his coffee onto him. The reminder of how we met flashes to the forefront of my mind and it just solidifies the fact that this was a pity date and a pity kiss. He felt bad for the poor, single, teenage mother who had never been on a date. Indulging me by telling me he was honored. No, I should just break it off now, before he realizes how much I don't belong with him. I have Amora, and Jasper, and Rose and that's enough. It has to be.

I didn't realize it but I had been lost in my thoughts for a good minute. It wasn't until Rose asked a question that I realized my smile had faded.

"So you're going on another date with him right?"

My first instinct is to blurt out a 'yes', but slowly I curl up even smaller and try not to think about all the reasons why I should say no.

Seems like the effect of my good date has slipped away and left me feeling resolute. There is no reason for me to keep seeing Edward..

I don't look up but my voice is clear when I say, "No. I don't think I am." I know she wants to fight me on this so I quickly make the excuse that I need to go to bed to be able to make it to work on time. Which isn't really an excuse; it's true. She reluctantly stands up and gives me a hug with a whispered 'I love you' into my ear before she leaves with a quick wave and I lock the door behind her. My face crumbles and I have to force myself to take a deep, shuddering breath. I'm doing the right thing.

Right?

XxXxXx

After tossing and turning all night, finally falling into a restless sleep at about 2am, I am up and dropping off Amora at daycare, on time.

"Can I have a kiss?" This request is more for me than her, nightmares tried to plague me all night and I need a reminder that I am doing the right thing for me. For us.

"Sure mommy!"

She's smiling brightly, happy to play with her friends again. She gives me a big wet kiss on the mouth, or more of a press-her-open-mouth-onto-my-mouth than a kiss, but it's the thought that counts. She goes off running, her hair flying behind her, already falling out of her pigtails.

I give a big sigh watching her be so happy.

Oh to be a kid again.

You mean when you were beat relentlessly anytime you fucked up? Oh ya such a joy. Maybe then you'll learn how to be a dutiful daughter.

My inner voice has gone from sounding like a foreign voice invading my mind, to strikingly similar to father's voice. I don't like it.

"Oh, Bella. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I turn around and face Jessica, the woman who runs the daycare. She is really very sweet, but she can be kind of ditsy sometimes. I look at my watch, I have a few minutes.

I let her know I have to leave soon and she assures me it'll truly only be a minute. I follow behind her as she walks back towards the office, encased in glass so she can still see the children and the other employees. She closes the door but doesn't sit down so neither do I.

"You mentioned you just moved out on your own, and I know that can be quite costly," she gives me an understanding smile, "which is why I let it go when you were almost 2 weeks late on your last payment. But we're reaching the 2 week late mark again. I can't keep being so graceful. The owners are starting to breathe down my neck. I'll need it by the time 2 weeks hit or I'll have to fill Amora's spot with someone who can pay. I'm so sorry." She touches my shoulder in sympathy.

I give her a tight smile, "No, I completely understand. Thank you for letting me know." With one last glance out of the glass to see Amora, I start my walk to work.

XxXxXx

Emmett is the first to notice that something is bothering me and by the time my first break rolls around, he has asked me a million times what was bothering me. Every time, I give him a tight lipped smile and tell him nothing. On my break, I head out back to give Angela a call. I haven't seen her in a while and I'm missing her motherly presence.

We set up a time for tonight to have dinner together, just me and her, as the others are busy.

A few hours later, I am walking through the door with a knock to announce our presence, Amora zooming right past me to head to the kitchen.

"Gramma where are you?"

Having caught up to Amora I see Angela looking comically higher than she normally would, pretending not to see the little girl trying to get her attention from her lower position. Her dark brown, almost black, hair is pulled up into her standard high ponytail, bits of grey peaking through the strands, her horn tipped glasses perched on her nose, and a bright smile on her face. The smell of dinner is radiating out of the oven; a casserole of ground beef, mashed potatoes and creamed corn.

"Hmmmm who could possibly be making all of that racket? And just where is my lovely granddaughter? Mommy," she turns to look at me, "didn't you bring Amora? We were supposed to eat dinner together?"

"Well of course I brought her! She's right the- oh! I don't know where she's gone!"

It's moments like these when I never regret leaving the only home I'd ever known. It was hard, and it was scary, but this moment would not have been possible otherwise. I shudder to think what life would have been like had I stayed.

While they had their playful argument in the kitchen, I went into the living room to sit down for a minute, after having been on my feet for 10 hours today. My mind wandered to the discussion I had with Jessica about payments, as I sat down in the well worn lazy boy that's in the corner of the room.

I have been very careful with my money recently, my whole life if i am being honest, but even more so now. I have my own apartment and a place where Amora can go during the day, filled with her friends and wonderful staff members, whom she loves. I don't even want to think about having to pull her now, she's been there since she was 6 months old. Angela and Ben, even Jasper and Rose, have been extremely helpful in this aspect as well but there is only so much time our schedules overlap. They are nowhere near well off and sometimes still live paycheck to paycheck. While I know they want to help, they just can't, not completely anyway. Maybe if I discussed asking for half?

"Bella! DInner is ready," Angela calls from the other room.

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute."

It takes some momentum but I manage to push down the footrest and am almost catapulted out of the old, sometimes angry, reclining chair. The force makes me stumble as I catch my balance, but I knock over some mail on the coffee table as I try to steady myself. Bending over to pick it up, I halt completely when I see "Past due" stamped angrily across 3 different bills and a credit card statement.

Fuck.

A/N

Depression is a bitch. I've had the first half of this chapter written for like 2 weeks, but even though I wanted to write more, I physically could not get myself to stop watching tiktoks and get out of bed.

Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are love (really)

See you next time!

Bex