My trip to LA couldn't have come at a better time, the only worthwhile thing about my life is my job and when I'm working I have zero time to think about my personal life. That is until nighttime and I'm forced to sleep. Everything I've been keeping at bay come out as nightmares. That's probably why I've developed some form of insomnia.

When I finally drift off to sleep, my dreams are filled with my little baby and the loneliness that seemed to consume me. I usually can keep those at bay, but with the addition of Christian popping back into my life, my vivid dreams were even more stressful than usual. Even with the few hours I've slept, I wake up exhausted and disoriented. I knew deep down I wanted Christian in my life, even if just as a friend, but definitely not as a lover, of course… What I did realize after all my brooding is that I'm coming to terms with the fact he's my only connection to my little baby boy, and I could no longer hide that from myself. On the bright side, I was eating when I remembered to and fighting the urge to throw it all up every time… I think that's progress.

My saving grace has been the long days and long evenings and I didn't intend to stay the extra day, but some things popped up and I jumped at staying as long as I could. Obviously, I'm still trying to run away from my problems, but I truly needed to get home for Kate's birthday.

So, as the plane descended on the tarmac and we were allowed to disembark, I had to quickly make a game plan because I had a very small timeframe to get ready. I'm relieved that I was able to make it back for Kate's party because if I even tried to back out she would probably fly all the way down to drag me back home.

I stepped into the shower with my hair pulled up and quickly sprayed off the plane grime, and quickly picked the first dress my hand landed on. It was a deep purple one-shoulder dress that wrapped around me like a glove when I pushed all my wobbly bits into my double Spanx. Wearing my hair in long waves and minimal make-up, I quickly grabbed black studded Christian Louboutin's, a long necklace with matching earrings, and my black clutch.

All under half an hour, that was pretty quick even for me.

I took the elevator down to my Uber and was only fifteen minutes late when I arrived, but really, I was just on time. All twenty of Kate's closest friends were in attendance and a spot right next to the birthday girl herself was saved for me.

"Darling love!" She squeals and jumped from her seat, "I'm so happy to see you!"

"I told you that I wouldn't have missed it," I reply honestly.

"Come, come, I saved you a seat next to me."

"Little bean!' Elliot scoops me up in a hug, "Long time no see.

"Hey bear, how are you?" I ask.

"Pretty good, I just wanted to tell you…" he replies, but before he could continue he stopped mid-sentence and looked behind me.

"Anastasia, Elliot," a velvet-smooth voice spoke behind me. Christian.

"Happy birthday, Kate," Christian greets my friend.

I rolled my eyes as I turn my head in his direction. I take his appearance in and notice that he was a bit gaunt, don't get me wrong he was still built but there was something off. It was like he hadn't slept for some time. There were prominent bags under his eyes and a frown etched into his face. I would LOVE to think that this was due to his lack of communication with me, but really, I can only delude myself for so long. He does not want to be my friend in any sort of way.

Kate nods and turns back to me, "Come, my sweet love, look at the menu… everything is so good!" She turns me around to head to the table; I also found that my seat was next to another vacant one. How lovely, the great and powerful Christian Grey will be seated next to me.

"I'm sorry," Elliot whispers in my ear.

"It's okay, I'm a big girl."

The four of us walk up to the tables and grab our respective seats, but before I could sit down Christian has already pulled out my chair. Giving him a curt nod, I take my seat and look around the large table made up mostly of Kate's co-workers and old high school friends who were in town.

"How are you?" Christian asks after a few moments of contemplating the dinner menu.

"Good," I answer curtly.

"What have you been up to?" he asks, ignoring my disdainful tone.

"Work."

"Ana-" he begins but was quickly interrupted by a joyful Kate.

"Hey, Ana what have you decided?" Kate asks.

At first, I was shocked that Kate used my real name, but then I remembered what I told her the night before I left, and my unease quickly dissipated.

"Not sure, probably a salad," I answer.

"I hear their pasta dishes are really good here," she recommends. Oh, I heard her insinuation there; she was laying it on pretty thick.

"I'll take a look," I concede.

"Good, the cacio e pepe sounds really good."

I quickly agree and soon the table had put in their order and were all left talking amongst ourselves. I ended up talking over Christian who continued to remain silent and at times catch him looking in my direction. A really big part of me was angry that he had the nerve to come to my home and then disappear for weeks, and then show up to my friend's birthday. I shared my honest feelings with him, and he couldn't even bother to reach out. I need to keep him out of my mind, the ball's in his court.

All of this was driving me crazy. I can't let people's actions affect my mood… especially someone like Christian.

When dinner was finally served, I quickly dug in and scarfed down half my entrée, while everyone was still chatting idly. Quickly deciding that I couldn't exactly get up to escape the intense gaze emanating from my left. I bit down on my cheek and remained in my seat, ordering another glass of wine while I chat with the man sitting across from me.

His name was Gerard with a cute French accent; I still couldn't help the burn from Christian's gaze, but I fought hard to not give in. If he can disappear and not breathe a word to me after my confession, then he definitely doesn't deserve my attention.

After dinner was done, I had found myself gravitating to Gerard, he didn't hit on me or give me a weird vibe… it was nice. He seemed to actually be interested in my career and my thoughts in general, and it didn't hurt that he was easy on the eyes. Gerard had piercing green eyes and black curly hair that was the perfect length. I could see Christian from the corner of my eye talking with Elliot and a disgruntled looking Kate; she gave me a small smile that seemed to say everything was okay. But there was something about the heated exchange between the brothers that unnerved me.

When the bill was paid, Kate's guests that were going to the lounge with us all got into a limo. Another plus was that Christian was fortunately pulled away for the remainder of the night… some business that he just had to attend to, which I took as a blessing I really did not want to deal with all that shit. It's obvious that his big speech about being in my life was a complete farce. Nothing has changed for him, he's still the same old Christian… Granted it was in a nicer and successful package. But it was still sickening.

I had hung out with Gerard, Kate, and Elliot for the rest of the night and we rang in her birthday with too many shots. I luckily switched to water soon after my third shot, but Kate not so much. In the end, she was so inebriated that Elliot had to practically carry her out of the bar, tailed by both Gerard and me. Once ensuring that they both were on their way home, Gerard offered to walk me back to my home… only ten blocks south, not so bad. I agree quickly and we are soon enraptured in deep conversation. It has never been this way with any man who has tried to befriend me so quickly, maybe it was because he wasn't lewd or trying too hard. He was just being himself and it showed, and for the first time, I don't have that thick indestructible wall or have to be someone else. For the first time, I was just trying to be myself.