Chapter 16 - Leia confronts Anakin for FREEZING HAN
Leia
Once Luke and I had fought our way out of the KKK robe sweatshop along with the liberated WEIRD FUCKING GOBLIN THINGS we began to revolutionarily search for Anakin, Han and Chewie. We used the force to open some opulent doorways and to our SOCIALIST SHOCK we saw Anakin and Chewie sitting at a very BOURGEOIS LOOKING DINNER TABLE but we didn't shoot him or anything because he was our dad.
"Dad what are you doing here? Where is Han?" I questioned in the voice of Mao.
"I am eating some bread because I am FUCKING HUNGRY. Won't you sit down and have some with me, my children," replied our Dad sovietly. Luke sat down but I remained standing.
"WHERE THE FUCK IS HAN?" I asked again whilst voting for a Green New Deal.
"Well Leia you see… why don't you sit down?" began Anakin looking Marxistly frustrated. "I am not sure if he is a suitable boyfriend for you. I am quite concerned that he is still a FUCKING CAPITALIST as he seems to have a lot of FUCKING CAPITALIST FRIENDS and I really just don't think he is good enough for my daughter. So anyway I froze him in carbonite."
I felt socialist rage boiling up in me the way that the proletariat is motivated by rage against the oppressive bourgeoisie. "YOU FUCKING DID FUCKING WOT, YOU DUNDERHEAD?"
"Relax, Leia. Unfortunately the freezing process didn't kill him and he is alive, in perfect hibernation," Anakin explained in a breadpilled voice. "Reset the chamber for the imperialistic FUCKING PANNACOTTA Palpatine," he ordered Lando Calrissian.
I ignited my red hammer and sickle lightsaber and strode menacingly towards my father. "Take me to him IMMEDIATELY," I commanded in the voice of Che Guevara commanding the guerilla troops in Cuba. Sensing my Communist anger, which was similar to the anger that the class conscious proletarians feel for the bourgeoisie, he led me to the carbonite freezer.
"Look there he is, perfectly frozen," proclaimed Anakin loudly in a disappointed voice. I saw that he was right and we turned away and walked back down the corridor. I was very FUCKING disappointed in my father but I was also worried that seeing me and Han reminded him of Obi Wan, who he was still grieving for.
I grumpily ate some bread communistically when suddenly Boba Fett hurried in with the steps of Engels looking worried under his helmet. "I have grave news comrades, when we were leaving the freezing chamber Jabba the Hutt slithered in a fascistly stole Han Solo who is frozen in carbonite!"
"WHAT THE FUCK HOW COULD THAT HAPPEN?" I cried, the socialist rage returning to me in an instant. "How did nobody see Jabba come in?" asked Luke FOR THE PEOPLE.
"Idk lol I guess we just weren't looking in that direction," replied Anakin shrugging nonchalantly whilst establishing a union for hospital droids.
I advanced upon him with the steps of LENIN but I was rudely interrupted by a very racist bullet that had been fired from a sweatshop mass produced gun. It was ….. THE EMPIRE.