Cora's Room

"It was pleasant, to visit Duneagle and Shirmpie, but I admit, I'm glad we have returned," Robert said to Cora as he entered her bedroom. He smiled at the nice floor – poster canopy bed, the blue walls, and the familiar chairs. This was where he belonged.

The most important part sat in the center of the bed, wearing a lovely silk nightgown. Cora. "I am, too," she said with a sweet smile. "I love how relaxed you are now that we are home."

Robert grinned, both at her words and at her beautiful figure. Her legs were long and well – shaped, her breasts were nicely proportioned, and her neck was as long as a swan's.

"Downton will always be my favorite place to be." Speaking to her before they began marital duties felt so natural; he had no idea how much he had missed it while they were on holiday. Of course, he hadn't visited Cora's room at Duneagle; it would have been completely improper to do so as a guest. But now that they were home, things could continue as normal.

He eagerly touched Cora's soft skin as he sat down on the bed. She was wonderful.

Her smile widened and she stared into his eyes tenderly. "Downton is growing on me, too, although I don't think I'll ever be as attached to it as you are," she giggled.

Perhaps tonight, they would finally conceive an heir to keep Downton safe. But all such thoughts faded from his mind as he covered her soft skin with his lips. Her skin tasted amazing as everything with her was.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

After an amazing experience in Cora's bedroom, Robert stared at the ceiling in his own room. Cora still loved him. Completely and unconditionally. Everything from her happiness at his joy to her tender looks made that perfectly clear.

Her love made him feel simultaneously flattered and uncomfortable, and he didn't know which emotion he felt more. What should he do? Push her away again? Ignore her feelings completely? Simply continue their friendship as it already was? Or embrace how flattering her feelings were and how sweet she was? Was there anything that could be done?

He had successfully blocked the knowledge from his mind while he'd visited her tonight, but he couldn't stop thinking about it now.

Robert tossed and turned again for almost an hour, despite being home, resting on his own bed.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

The next day, Robert eagerly walked around the estate with Papa, visiting the farms and inspecting the building of the new hospital. Recently one of the tenants had broken his foot, and the man worried he would be unable to farm. Robert assured the man his family would always have a place for him, but he still hoped the new hospital, and its doctors, would be here soon.

Caring for their estate, and the people who lived there, took a lot of time and energy for Papa and Robert, but he was comfortable with that. It was all for Downton.

Osiris needed him, too, and Robert was happy to take him on an extra walk in the afternoon, enjoying the trees, the meadows, and a few rabbits that the dog discovered. But eventually, Robert remembered afternoon tea, and just as importantly, the look on Mama's face if he missed it without warning.

"Hello, Robert," Cora said as she sat in the library, waiting for tea. Her face beamed at him in a way that caused him to look away from her. Sometimes, she was too uncomfortable for him to handle.

OOOOOOOOOOO

But after dinner, Robert regretted ignoring Cora for most of the day. It wasn't far to her; after all, he had promised to always be her friend. Besides, he remembered what had happened a few weeks ago, when he attempted to ignore and push his wife away from his life. His temper had snapped far too often; pushing Cora away wasn't fair to her, his family, or the servants.

"Mama said she and her have chosen a new charity, Cora?" he said as he sipped a scotch while standing near the fireplace.

Cora beamed at him again, and Robert forced himself to look back at her. "Yes. Your mother said the Alms House has been dying for some years and is in dire need of our assistance. I'm happy to do what I can."

"You must do more than that, if you expect to make a difference, dear," Mama said, shaking her head. Robert should have known she would interrupt their conversation, considering he'd mentioned her name. "Sometimes one has to use whatever means necessary. That is particularly important with something like the Alms House."

Cora nodded, and Robert simply drank his scotch and patted Osiris. When Mama was involved, it was best to stay out of the way.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Unable to decide, Robert often stayed out of Cora's way for the next few days. After all, Downton always needed his attention, and so did Papa and Osiris.

But then the guilt would sneak up on him until it overwhelmed him. "Sometimes I think Cora deserves better than me, Osiris," Robert told his dog as he sniffed another tree one afternoon. "She really is brave, to face all of her feelings, and all she wants is for me to look at her and speak to her. Truly, I don't understand why, but it's the truth."

Osiris wagged his tail as he seemed to find a particularly impressive scent under the tree. He began to dig.

Robert pictured Cora's sweet smile and tender eyes, and flies buzzed in his stomach. "But it wouldn't hurt to stay here a bit longer."

Osiris kept digging.

OOOOOOOOOOO

But at night, with no Osiris in the room, Robert focused on Cora. Her kisses were wonderful, and her skin was soft to the touch. She would say sweet things and her eyes would soften when they kissed. She would tease him, causing him to chuckle a little, and her giggle was delightful.

He loved the way she made him feel.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Yet, one night was different. Cora didn't even look at Robert when he entered her bedroom. Even when Robert caressed her soft, beautiful skin, she still wouldn't look into his eyes.

It didn't matter, he tried to tell himself as he kissed her shoulder, savoring the taste. It was far more important that they conceive an heir than that Robert try to understand everything that went on in Cora's head. But finally, he sighed and withdrew. She still wouldn't show him her blue eyes that usually sparkled in the candlelight. It was all wrong.

"Cora," Robert said softly. "Is there something amiss?"

She just sighed, her non – answer making it obvious she had a problem.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked.

"I just received another letter from Mother today," she finally said. Robert nodded, trying to understand why that would upset her so much. Hadn't she received a few letters in the last several months from her mother? "Ordinarily, I don't let what she writes bother me so, as Mother has very different ideas about life than I do. But the letter I received today… it came at a bad time, I suppose."

She sighed again, and Robert thought perhaps that was the end of the conversation. He wished he could do something to help, but what could one do about an opinionated mother?

But then Cora said something that changed everything. "I wish you loved me, too, Robert."

All the uncomfortable feelings that had been moving through him in the last few weeks exploded in a horrible way. The pressure that had been building since he'd realized Cora's love was true mounted ten-fold. "Excuse me!" he shouted. "How could you say that?"

"Because it's true!" Cora shouted back after a moment. Finally, she looked at him, her blue eyes flashing with anger. "I don't believe you have any idea how difficult it is for me, and it would be so much easier if you loved me."

"Things are a lot more difficult for me than you realize, Cora," Robert said, shaking his head. Did she have any idea the pressure he was under from Papa? For Downton's legacy? From Cora's own feelings? He still suspected he might explode. For real.

Cora shook head. "Just leave, Robert. I cannot be with you tonight."

Robert nodded. "Good," he said as he slammed the door to his dressing room.

Climbing into his own bed, Robert suddenly realized this was the first night in a couple of weeks that they hadn't performed martial duties. Almost more importantly, it was the first night he'd ever been told to leave Cora's room before he'd even undressed.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Robert watched as Carter dressed him the next morning with a sinking heart. His breakfast did nothing to eliminate the pain in his stomach. Why must he continue to unleash his temper on Cora?

Robert knew he must apologize for his brutish behavior, so after he finished breakfast, he made his way to her room. Carefully, he knocked on her door. "Can I come in?"

Opening the door, he stepped inside. "I apologize for my behavior last night, Cora," Robert said, while staring at the wall. "I shouldn't have shouted at you." Her room looked so dissimilar in the morning, with the sun peeking through the window. It was almost a different place than the room that welcomed him at night. He should leave.

But before he could do so, Cora said. "I accept your apology, and I'm sorry as well. I shouldn't have blamed you for feelings you cannot control."

Was she actually apologizing to him? It was surprising, and yet rather typical for Cora, he realized. "Thank you," he said, daring to look at her. She sat on the bed, smiling at him while she ate her breakfast. "You're too good for me," he said, much softer this time.

Cora smiled in response. "But you are a good man, too Robert. And I don't wish you to think I'm miserable here, because I'm not. I had a difficult couple of days, and I may have taken it out on you last night. But things look better in the morning."

Robert nodded, and then left the room. He was glad she accepted his apology, but he felt uncomfortable staying in her room early in the morning. It was supposed to be her private time and watching her eat breakfast felt almost vulgar. It was nothing like their easy conversations before performing marital duties.

Still, a weight he didn't know existed lifted from his shoulders. "I'm not miserable here," Cora had told him. Robert certainly didn't wish for her to be so, and it sounded almost as if she was last night. It would be rather difficult to love someone who didn't love you.

But at least Cora understood this was something he couldn't control. Robert loved his parents and his sister. He loved Downton. He loved Osiris. He didn't love Cora.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Despite their apologizes, luncheon was still awkward. He tried to avoid looking at Cora, focusing on Papa and Mama instead. But every now and then, her blue eyes would stare into his, and Robert would feel slightly uncomfortable.

When luncheon finished, Robert knew he should leave the house as soon as possible. Osiris had his morning walk already, but he hadn't ridden Dundee in a while. There was nothing like riding through the Downton countryside.

OOOOOOOOOO

Arriving home, Robert realized it was almost time for tea. After ringing for Carter, he changed from his riding habit into a nice afternoon suit.

He felt much more comfortable as he entered the library. He smiled quickly at Mama and Papa, as they chatted about the plans for the hospital. But even Cora's quiet presence didn't bother him. She was only finishing her latest embroidery before tea started.

Soon, Wilson served their tea, complete with scones and jam. Robert relaxed completely as he swallowed the proper English tea in the comfortable armchair.

"…Well, Patrick, isn't it obvious that there is no need to hire a doctor until the hospital is open?" Mama said, a bit louder than before. She sipped her tea with a smug expression on her face. Robert wished she wouldn't draw the rest of their family into her and Papa's latest argument. He'd only just recovered from the dispute he and Cora had the night before.

"But Violet wouldn't it be a good idea to seek possible candidates now, so when the hospital does open, the doctor will be ready?" Papa said with a sigh.

Mama eyes bore into Papa's. "Who knows what kind of stipulations these doctors will request if we allow them the position early. These men expect to control everything, and it's unacceptable." She nibbled on a scone, still managing to look refined.

Papa sighed. "But if we interview doctors in advance, we can include our own stipulations, and the control we expect to have of the hospital."

Mama shook her head and said, "I thought the main reason you hoped for a doctor was because you expected our family to grow." She stared at Cora who was quietly sipping her tea on the red settee. "That certainly hasn't happened yet, so why bother?"

The air in the library began to thicken with tension.

Sipping his tea carefully, Papa said, "I am certain our family will grow soon enough, and it would be wonderful to have a doctor when that happens."

"I wish I could be so certain, but I am beginning to believe Americans are incapable of breeding," Mama said with a sigh. She nibbled on her scone, as if what she said was completely acceptable.

Cora stared at Mama for several moments, almost as if she'd forgotten the teacup she was holding. "But didn't you say we had plenty of time? Or at least imply it? You told Lady Flintshire 'it took you a year and a half to make such an announcement," after all." She sounded so shocked, so hurt.

And why shouldn't she be? Robert was well – aware how important producing an heir was to Cora; she'd told him, back in March. And her disappointment every time she received that 'woman's cycle,' since then confirmed it.

Robert wasn't about to argue with his mother; doing so was always tiresome and pointless. But he wished to do something for his wife, who seemed to be roped into a fight with his mother through no fault of her own. Determinedly, he stood up crossed the room, and sat next to Cora.

Then he placed his hand on her shoulder. In the last few months, Robert noticed Cora was almost obsessed with physical affection. She was always squeezing or caressing his arm when she complimented him. Cora also hugged Rosamund a couple of times when she was particularly happy. He supposed it was the American in her, but Robert saw no harm in indulging her a little if she had to battle Mama.

Cora flashed him a beautiful smile in gratitude before Mama responded.

"I said what I must to protect the Crawley name, dear. But I suggest you do what you must now. And quickly. Or the Crawley name will be ruined, by far more than just an American marriage." She stared at Cora's still – flat stomach, while sipping her tea.

"But… But I really don't know what else to do beyond what I'm already doing," Cora said, seeming to blink black tears.

Even her almost – tears were like knives in Robert's heart. He hated fighting, especially with Mama, but this was too much. Cora had assured him this morning that she wasn't miserable, but his mother was clearly making her so.

"Mama, Cora is correct. She is doing everything she needs to do to produce an heir; she knows how important it is." He squeezed her shoulder, and Cora put her hand on top of his. He supposed it was a nonverbal thank you. "And may I remind you of your own struggles to produce an heir?"

"Robert!" Mama's voice could probably be heard all over the Abbey. "You should know better than to speak of such things. I am your mother, and I expect you to treat me with respect. If you cannot do so, please go to your room." Her scariest look was on her face. Where her eyes looked like cold daggers and her cheeks were made of stone.

He was a grown man and simply trying to defend his wife, yet Mama made him feel like a naughty lad who needed a punishment. This was exactly why Robert hated arguing with her. But if he were forced to leave the library, he wouldn't leave his wife here to face Mama by herself.

"Come, Cora," Robert said, offering his arm.

She accepted.

Cora's hand clutched Robert's arm tightly as they went upstairs and approached their rooms. "Thank you for trying to defend me against your mother, Robert. I know it wasn't easy," she said, her eyes staring into his in a way that made him feel delightfully warm.

Robert sighed. "It's never easy to argue with Mama," he said quietly, as they were still in the hallway. "But I couldn't watch her attack you like that anymore; not when it concerns something I know you want desperately as well."

Cora nodded. "Yes. I do." Her blue eyes still stared directly into his.

There was a silence, and Robert waited for her to enter her room, but she remained attached to his arm. "Cora…" he said, looking at the door. "You should…" He tried to explain that he'd been ordered to his room by Mama, and he he'd only been escorting Cora to hers.

"Will you come in with me?" Cora finally asked. "I mean, my room is almost yours… and I…" She still wouldn't let go of his arm.

He was surprised that she thought her room was almost his. Mama considered her room her sanctuary and he always believed that was normal for women. And after their argument the night before, he thought Cora might feel a bit uncomfortable with Robert in her room, even though he had already apologized. But if it were what Cora needed after an unnecessary attack from Mama, he would give it to her.

He nodded and opened the door with his other hand.

"Is there truly nothing else we should do to conceive an heir, Robert? Are there foods I should eat or shouldn't eat?... I just want this so much." She sighed as she sat on her bed.

Robert sat next to her. "I don't think so. There may be some 'old wives tales' that farmers wives would believe, but I don't think they really help, and I've heard some of them actually harm the woman. I'd never wish you to try those treatments. And Mama calls them 'common' so she certainly wouldn't encourage them."

Cora nodded and stared at her flat stomach. "I suppose you're right. I just… I want a baby, Robert. As an heir for you, of course, and so your Mama might accept me. But I wish to be a mother, too." Tears leaked out of the edge of her eyes.

Once again, those tears felt like knives in Robert's heart. What could he do to help her? He thought taking Cora away from Mama would be enough to cheer her. "I'm certain you will be eventually, and I know our children will be lucky to have you." He smiled softly at the thought. Cora was so sweet and understanding; she would be a natural mother.

"But remember, it took Cousin Susan and Shrimpie a year and a half to conceive. And that's better than what happened to Mama." Robert's heartbeat faster, wondering why he had made that last comment. Mama didn't wish anyone to speak about that. Ever. It was probably what made her so cross in the library. Perhaps he should apologize for mentioning Mama's struggles to conceive an heir to her later.

"What happened to your mother?" Cora said quietly, her tears disappearing. If discussing this would stop her crying, Robert was willing to do so. Besides, Cora was family; perhaps she deserved to know.

"This all happened before I was born, so you understand, I'm only repeating what I've been told."

Cora nodded, her eyes staring at him with understanding.

"Mama had a baby who was stillborn, about a year after she and Papa were married. Edward, they called him, after the heir apparent to the throne," he said softly into her ear, as if he were telling a secret. In a way it was. The Crawley Family secret that no one ever mentioned.

"Oh!" Cora said, as tears flowed from her eyes. So much for stopping her from crying. For some reason, she placed her head on his shoulder. "And here I was, worried that I couldn't get pregnant," she murmured. "When her firstborn baby didn't even live."

"Quite," Robert said, not certain what else to say. "But please don't cry. And don't say anything to her, either. She hates it when people mention it or even imply it; she doesn't want anyone to feel sorry for her."

"I'm sorry," Cora whispered, still sobbing against his shoulder. "But I can't… stop thinking…" She had such a tender heart, even towards his mother. Why had he mentioned Mama's lost baby?

Suddenly, Robert remembered how much she valued physical affection. Carefully, he wrapped both of his arms around her. Then he gently rubbed her back.

Several moments later, she looked up and smiled. Her eyes were still wet but tears no longer fell from them. "I love the way you're touching me. Your arms feel so safe and warm." Robert smiled and his heart leaped. It was almost as if she'd given him a medal. Apparently, he could help her when she was upset, after all.

"I shouldn't be so surprised," Cora said, returning to their previous conversation. "Mother had a stillborn baby, too, after Harold was born. I was eight, and I was so excited about helping with my new sibling. And then… "she sighed. "Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if Amanda had lived."

Robert nodded. "I think about that too, sometimes. If Edward lived, he would be Lord Downton. I wouldn't have so many responsibilities." He'd never told anyone how often that crossed his mind. Being Lord Downton was both an honor and a heavy weight, and sometimes he wasn't certain which one was larger.

Cora nodded. "But we probably wouldn't have gotten married. I'd hate to think of what that would be like." She smiled and stared into his eyes.

Almost without thinking, Robert kissed her in response.

OOOOOOOOOOOO

After spending time in Cora's room, Robert felt much better, and he was certain his wife did, too. So, he approached Mama in the drawing room while they waited for dinner. "I apologize for this afternoon. I know how much you hate it when people discuss… that period in your life."

Mama sighed and her frightening eyes stared into his. "And yet, you are still discussing it now. I thank you for your apology, but you will not mention it again. Remember, I am your mother."

"Yes, Mama."

"Good," Mama said with a nod. With that, she turned her attention to Papa.