CHAPTER 16
For the first time in years she had decided to sleep in till really late. Her room had no windows and if she turned the lights off, the room would submerge in darkness. It was until her stomach growled and forced her to get out of bed and get ready for the day.
She had finished all her paperwork and could spend her day doing nothing, something hadn't happened in years.
Azula readied herself as any other day would and headed out.
As she walked through the hallway, she crashed into someone she didn't expect.
"My apologies, Princess Azula," he said with a little smile.
"It's okay, Chief Hakoda." she replied, not giving it importance to the matter.
"Princess?" he called her.
"If you are looking for my sibling, I have no idea where he is, and I don't attempt to find out. As for your children, the same answer applies." she said.
"Actually, I was hoping we could talk." said Hakoda, calmly.
Azula stared at him, baffled. What could he possibly want to talk with her?
However, she agreed.
"The flowers look beautiful, don't you think?" said the Southern Chief as they walked through the Royal Gardens, with a calmed passe. "It always amazed me the beauty of the flora in the other nations."
"Well, considering that in your hostile land, probably nothing grows is understandable." she said, bitterly.
Yet, he gave him a little smile. "You are right. The plants that grow in the South are not pretty at all. And certainly not as colorful."
Azula pressed her lips in a thing line. "Chief, I'm sure you didn't want to talk about flowers or the weather by any chance, do you? So, why don't you just go straight to the point?" she said, straightforward.
Other than the few words they had crossed during the meeting The Princess and the Chief had barely talked.
The Chief smiled, calmly. "Princess, would you mind if I call you just Azula? I mean, if it doesn't bother you being called just Azula?" he asked in his usual tone of politeness.
She did expect that. But replied honestly. "I would mind, but…" she confessed, before shrugging, "Huh, what the hell? Everyone calls me whatever they want, these days."
Hakoda snickered at her bruntly reply. "Alright, Azula."
"So...? What is it Chief?" the Princess insisted again.
"Please call me Hakoda, all my kid's friends call me like that." he said with a warm smile, directed to her.
She glanced away. "I-I'm not your kid's friends." she muttered, casually.
"You are not?" he asked, tilting his head, bewildered. "B-But for the way I have seen you talk with them, over all Sokka, I would believe otherwise."
Azula sighed. "Well, he insists on believing we are friends."
Hakoda frowned at her statement. "And you are not? I talked with him a few hours ago and he said you were." he recalled his son's words.
"We are not," she said, confident even if her expression said otherwise. He noticed this and raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "I mean, I don't know." she admitted.
"Why is that if I may inquire?" he asked, as they reached the pavilion.
"It's just… complicated." Azula confessed.
And in fact, it was complicated. It had been so long since she had been able to call anyone a friend. Her perception of friendship was so twisted that she didn't even know the true meaning of friendship, of friend.
"Well, I have time, and I'm willing to listen." he assured her with a reassuring warm smile.
For a moment she stood there, scrutinizing the Chief. A parent, willing to listen to her, to what she had in her mind. To what it was troubling. And there wasn't any kind of bond between them. He was just a parent willing to listen to a child's complaints, and it wasn't even his child.
For her, that made her grow another kind of respect towards the man, standing in front of her.
A small, barely noticeable smile appeared in her lips. "Thank you Chief," she said, truly thankful. "But It's just way too complicated and long."
"I don't mind," he said, sitting on the bench in the middle of the pavilion. "As I said, I have time. And by judging how troubled I have seen you the last week I would assume that you would need someone to talk to."
Her eyes widened at his statement. He had been watching her? He had noticed? It could be, perhaps...
"How did you know I have been troubled? Did Sokka tell you…?" she inquired. It must be. It was the obvious reason.
"He didn't say it," Hakoda replied, "But I have eyes, and I also have two kids. As a parent one starts to develop this talent, to know when they are troubled, and it works not only for your own." he stated.
She remained in silence a few seconds, astonished. A jab of jealousy hit her. She felt jealous of Sokka and Katara. She swallowed. "I see. May I ask what Sokka mentioned exactly?"
The Chief placed a hand under his chin, remembering. "Not much. He only said that you two had something of a misunderstanding?" he tilted his head again.
One corner of her lips curled up. "We happen to have a few of those, quite a lot." she acknowledged.
"I see. But what was the misunderstanding about?" he insisted.
"Can I ask you something before?" she asked.
He noticed the sullen tone on her voice. "Of course."
Azula sat next to him on the bench, with her hands on her lap. "The thing is… Well, I have seen Sokka and Katara for years, and they have always had this... relationship where they annoy each other. Tease and mock each other, but still they… they would die for the other one. They are unconditional towards each other." she began.
"Well, they are siblings." he said, attentive to her words.
"I know," said the Princess, "And I mean, when I compare their relationship with mine and Zuko, they just seem to be… in a totally opposite end," she gulped, "I-I… I think that what I'm trying to ask is… H-How did you and your wife do it? I mean, Sokka is a non-bender while Katara is a master and I have never felt resentment from each other. For anything."
Every time she saw them interact, she couldn't help to wonder why they were so different to them? How did they get along so well? What had made them different from turning out like them?
"Ah… I see," he muttered. He had heard here and there that the Princess and the Fire Lord had a pretty complicated relationship. "Well, I think it mostly because there shouldn't exist any kind of resentment between them, first of all."
"Huh?"
"Yeah, they are siblings and even if one is a bender and the other one is not, my wife Kya and I love them equally. And always made sure to let them know. I mean, we didn't know Katara was a bender until she was around 7-8 years old, I think? And even after that we made sure of treating them the same way." he explained.
"I see." she mumbled. Her assumptions had been right. Their parents had never treated them differently. Not favorites. No choosing child over the other one. Not pinning them against each other.
"Also, when their mother died…" he continued.
Azula widened her eyes for the sudden revelation. "I-Is she… dead?" she muttered. It was new information. She didn't know that their mother was dead.
"Yes. My wife Kya sadly passed away around... twelve years ago. On the last raid in the Tribe." Hakoda clarified.
She lowered her glance to the floor. "I-I'm Sorry. I didn't know. I always assumed that she stayed at home in the Tribe. I never..."
"It's okay, you didn't know." he said softly.
For some reason, the Chief's presence gave her some kind of comfort. Maybe it was the fact that he was a figure of authority in his Tribe or maybe it was only the fact that for some reason, he transmitted some kind of peace, of calm and trust. Something she had been needed in a while.
He seemed like the type of man that Ozai would despise. Totally opposite to him and what he used to represent. War, fear and submission.
Hakoda continued. "But as I was saying, when my wife died, both of them were deeply affected. Overall Katara. She was the last one that saw her alive. After her passing she took her place, helping in the tribe. Sokka also did his part helping here and there, learning to fish, to hunt. They were forced to grow really fast, even if they were still very young. And that's also one of the reasons I believe that made them bond more, the fact that they had each other to lean on whenever it was too much for them."
That was a gigantic difference between them. She never learned in Zuko, and Zuko never leaned on her. They never found comfort in each other, when their mother had disappeared, because according to Ozai, that would make them weak, and being weak it was unacceptable.
Her eyes glanced in the distance, when she noticed someone entering the gardens.
Sokka.
He had his hands and his pockets, as he walked around, when he noticed her eyes on him. Their eyes met for a split of second before she looked away and finally asked.
"And… Sokka never …?"
"Got jealous of Katara?" he completed, "Of course he did. Like any child. It's normal for children to feel jealous. But eventually, he would realize that just because she had bending it didn't made him any less special. Eventually, he found things he was better at than her, and that cheered him up."
In their case, it was usually her who was the superior one. She was always better than Zuko. Smarter. A better bender. Crueler. While Zuko had been seen just as a failure.
Maybe if she hadn't been perfect at everything. Perhaps, if she hadn't been good at one thing that Zuko was. Maybe if she hadn't been a prodigy, just maybe… things would have been different.
"And did you ever favor one over the other one?" she had to ask.
"I don't think parents should choose a favorite kid. I mean, at least I couldn't. I see so much of me in them," he said with a reassuring smile. "Katara with her temperament, her spirit and stubbornness. Sokka with his brains and silly jokes."
"He also resembles you physically a lot." the Princess added, noticing the same tone of blue on their eyes. And the same type of smile.
"Yeah, he got my good looks." the Chief said with a haughtily, smile.
She rolled her eyes. "That wasn't what I meant, but…"
He placed a hand on her shoulder, and slightly pulled her closer. His eyes fixed on his son that was staring at them vexed. "Oh, come on, just between us. Don't you find him attractive?" he asked naughty and moving his eyebrows up and down.
She huffed before a small chuckle escaped her lips, amused. "Fine, fine he is a little bit handsome." she confessed.
"A little bit?" Hakoda quirked a brow.
"Oh, now I can see the resemblance between you two. You both shine modesty." she retorted, making him laugh.
His laugh was contagious which made her giggle a little bit.
Sokka frowned at this from the distance. His curiosity getting the best of him made him try to get closer to the pavilion without being noticed to listen better to whatever talk his father and the Princess were having.
"I think we drifted from the main topic." Hakoda said once he stopped laughing.
"Yeah." Azula agreed.
"Why the questions, Azula?" he asked. Now, it was his turn to make questions.
She sighed, deeply before beginning. "I'm sure, someone has told you already that Zuko and I didn't use to have the best sibling relationship…"
"Well, they might have mentioned something about it," he said, "But I thought that it was mostly that you two fought a lot."
"It's a small part of it. The thing is… I asked you that because whenever I see Sokka and Katara I feel kind of... jealous of them," she confessed for the first time out loud. "And I know, Zuko does too. Because, we would never be able to have a relationship remotely close to them and I was wondering why we were so different, but now that I heard you, I can tell why." said Azula.
"And why do you think it is?"
"Everything. While growing up my father from the moment I showed signs of firebending and Zuko didn't, he put us against each other," she muttered, "And my mother, she… she kind of let it happen. Each parent chose a favorite. My father chose me and my mother chose Zuko." she said, honestly.
For a moment, she thought she would see a pity glance on the man next to her, but instead he scowled.
"That's… wrong," he said, "Parents can't do that."
"Well, they did." she said, pressing her lips in a thin line. Ursa chose Zuko and Ozai chose her. He shook his head, still frowning. "Then, my mother disappeared. My father got the throne and it got worse. It turned into a fight to see who could get the favor from our father."
He glanced at her, stunned. "I'm sorry, Princess, but for the rumors I have heard, Fire Lord Ozai was a cold, crue
I was too, she thought.
She assented once, staring at her hands on her lap. "I-I suppose you are not. But for so long… I didn't see him like that, because after all he…"
"He was your father and you were a child," he completed, "It's understandable." Hakoda gave her a little comforting squeeze on her hand, when he noticed a little dejected.
The gesture startled her. It took her by surprise. She wasn't used to that kind of physical touch, but just like with Sokka's, she found it agreeable.
"Ozai, used to see in Zuko disappointment, as a failure while in me, he saw everything he ever wished. Perfection. Success. He had all these expectations on me that… encouraged me to be the best one. Because If I was the best one, he would praise me, and for so long I misunderstood that for love," she clenched her fist, "And I used to believe that the more I excelled at things and got praised by him, -while Zuko kept failing- the more he would love me. ...It took me years to realize that love doesn't work like that." she said, taking a deep breath.
"Parents shouldn't expect their kids to excel at everything," said Hakoda, "Kids are meant to fail and learn from failure. And our duty as parents is to be there for them, to encourage them to stand up and try again. To teach them and learn with them along the way. To protect them. That's what love is."
Her jaw tensed.
She had grown in a place where she couldn't afford to fail. Where no one had protected her. She had to protect herself. She had to be brave by herself. Strong. Nobody had taught them anything. Nobody had been there to learn with her alone the way. She had learned by herself. Alone.
Well, that was not completely true…
Zadira, she thought.
But either way, in the end, everyone had left her. Lu Ten, Ursa, Zadira, Zuko, Iroh, Mai, Ty Lee, Ozai.
"And what about when what they need is protection from a parent?" her voice was barely audible.
"That's why there are two of them. In case one parent fails to protect the child, the other would do it. That's a parent job; protect their kids, even from the other parent."
Azula bit the inside of her cheek, replaying in her mind his words.
That's a parent job; protect their kids, even from the other parent.
Yet, Ursa chose to leave them at his will. Disappear from their lives. Change her face. Erase her memories from them. Forget them instead of doing her job.
But… If her mother would have chosen to stay and fight her father, protect them, would have made any difference? Since she could remember Ursa had only seen her as a monster. Would that have made a difference? Would that have stopped her from becoming what her mother always saw her as…?
"And what if one parent is the one you need protection and the other one fears you? If it sees you as a monster?" her nails dug in her palms and felt that her cheek was about to bleed for her bite.
Hakoda, saw her knuckles going whiter by each passing second and placed her hand over hers again. Her hands instantly loosened. He gave her a lovesome smile. More honest and sympathetic that her parents ever gave her.
"Our children are extensions of ourselves," he said, staring in Sokka's direction who was pretending that it wasn't trying to listen to their conversation. "And if that's the case then, the parents are wrong. No father should see their own child as a monster. And even if they do, it would only prove that the parent wasn't capable of being a parent. I can't think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."
Then he continued, when he connected her questions. "I don't think your mother sees you as a monster, Princess." he said, making Azula widenned, her eyes and mouth.
How had he managed to figure it out… she thought, openmouthed.
"There is more than that, Chief." she said.
"You know how many times I have called my kids brats or wicked children? Or do you know the amount of times I have called Sokka idle? Or lazy? Or Katara…"
"But it's different!" she snapped, standing up and leaning her back on the railing, turning her back towards the direction Sokka was still trying to hear. "It's obvious that no matter what you called them, they still knew you loved them because you spent time with them while I… She was always around Zuko. She would take care of him if he was sick or injured. She would comfort him if he was scolded by our father. But… But it wasn't like that for me. I believe she saw me as a monster because she was never around me. Not even when I was sick or injured. My nursemaid would have to take care of me, instead. She barely talked to me. She only did it to either scold me or send me to my room.
"Oh, and not to mention that she decided to erase all her memories from us when she was vanished. The only time I heard her say that she loved me was with another woman's face and without her memories." her voice broke at the last sentence.
Her chest was going up and down fastly. she glanced at the floor when her eyes filled with tears. She wasn't going to allow herself to cry. She blinked rapidly to dismiss them and swallowed hard. She wasn't going to cry.
The Chief patted the place next to him, from where she had just stood up to invite her to sit again. She did.
"I believe your relationship is misunderstood. No mother on earth could be capable of seeing their own child as a monster," said the Chief, "I'm aware I don't know all the details, but I mean, how could she see you as a monster? You are her daughter. All I see is an extremely intelligent young lady, who -my son's words- it's also very sarcastic and with a freaky blue fire." he said, jokingly, "For starters, would a monster have helped an injured boy to recover from a very serious injury?"
His words touched her heart. Her eyes filled with tears, as his words showed more compression and empathy than she ever imagined.
She felt like a weight being lifted from her shoulders. This is what she needed to hear. This is what she had needed and didn't know. Have an adult, a parent telling her that.
"I almost didn't." she admitted.
"But you did," he retorted, "Would a monster have proposed a project for a Nation that is not hers?"
"They were going to be disposed, anyway." Azula stated, casually.
"Would have a monster made sure that the other nations would get a fairer deal during the negotiations?"
"I was trying to…"
"My point is…" he intervened with a smile before she could refute. "You are not a monster. I mean, and I'm not trying to justify anything, I still believe that it's wrong, but it might just be a misunderstanding."
Azula didn't know what to reply to that. They remained in silence for a while. His words sink into her brain.
Perhaps, the Chief was right, and she wasn't a monster.
At least, not anymore.
She was trying to change. To move on from her past, even if it was harder than she thought. But she was trying to change. To be a better version of herself.
"I suppose… after listening to me, I own you an explanation of what's happening with your dumb son." said Azula, after a while.
She began explaining to him how she had asked precisely to Sokka to not tell Zuko about her going to visit Ozai, and the reason behind her request. She told him how Zuko had lashed out at her without hearing reasons and how she had done the same to his son, and why she was still so mad at him.
"... If he hadn't opened his big mouth and had done just as I told him too, this wouldn't have happened." she finished her explanation.
"Oh… I understand now," said Hakoda, "I know it's not my place to tell, -and I'm not saying this because he is my son- but I think you should forgive him. I'm pretty sure he meant well. I can assure you his intentions were good. He only was hoping to help you."
They glanced in his direction. Sokka was moving his hand frantically around him. It appeared that a bunch of bugs were annoying him.
"That's the thing, I didn't ask for his help. I never did." Azula stated, sullenly.
"And that's the thing about Sokka. He would always try to help. No matter what, he would." he said, "His heart would not let him do otherwise, overall when… when it's about his friends," he corrected his words when he realized what he was about to say. "He was thirteen when I left him in charge of the Tribe. And I think even to this day he finds the need to help in everything he can. He means no harm with it." he excused him.
Azula sighed. "Well, his 'helping' only caused that Zuko to scream at me and I screamed at both of them." she said, bitterly.
"I'm sure that wasn't his intention at all." said Hakoda with a side smile.
"Then why couldn't he just…"
"Because sometimes he tends to think more with his heart than with his head. If he thought he was helping you well, he couldn't just let it be. He had to do something."
The Princess huffed, displeased. "He is always like that? Nosey and insisting? He had also been insisting non-stop about us being friends and I kept telling him I don't want friends."
"Why? Why is that?" he asked, inquisitively.
She sighed. "People think that being alone makes you lonely. But being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world." she mumbled.
"You say that for what happen after the war?"
She took a deep breath before replying. "I guess you heard about it, huh?"
"Just the general," said Sokka's father, "Still, just because you have felt alone all your life it doesn't mean you have to be alone forever. But you will never stop being alone, unless you let people try to help you and get close to you," he assured, "Life is full of lessons. We learn along the way. Some of us do it in different stages of our lives, but we all do it. And I believe that at your young age, you have already learned more lessons that most people twice your age have."
Again, he had said the right words. Did he read minds by any change? Or how did he know what she needed to hear?
"Perhaps, still how can I let people get close to me when I know that they only see me as who I used to be? They all see me as Zuko's evil little sister without hopes of redemption. Someone who is only evil."
"Not everyone," he said, bumping her shoulder slightly. "He used to be very distrustful of people when he was younger," his glance was on his son. "He used to suspect of his own shadow, but now, somehow he has managed to see the good in people."
See the good in people, those words ringed on her mind. Did he see the good on her? The good she wasn't sure if she had it?
"Chief, during the Black Sun Invasion," she began after a moment. "I was who came up with the plan to capture you and everyone else..."
He raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes, agape. "Really? That's Impressive. I mean, why am I even surprised? If Sokka would come up with the Invasion plan, of course you could have come with something like that," he rambled, "I'm sorry, Princess, but I always thought that it had been one of your father generals, the one that came up with the plan. But finding out that it was you, it's… even, more impressive. You were… sixteen?"
"Fourteen." she clarified.
"Oh, gosh… And you also took control over Ba Sing Se at such a young age." he said with astonishment.
She frowned, finding him a little odd, his amazement. Haven't they been on the opposite side of the war?
She shook her with a little chuckle for the Chief reaction. "What I was trying to say is; that I was the one that threw you into a cell and then moved you to the Boiling Rock. And while you were trying to escape I tried to stop you and…"
He raised a hand to stop her from talking. "It's okay. It's okay. We were at war. You were doing what you believe it was right. And you are a Princess you had to protect your nation. It's understandable."
"I suppose." she muttered. That was not what she had expected yet, a faint smile appeared in her lips.
And a second later, he said; "You should talk to him," he said, glancing in Sokka's direction. He was no longer struggling with bugs. "Talk things. He only meant good."
She took a deep breath. "I guess, I could."
The Chief jumped on his feet, jolted up. "I told Bato I was going to meet him today!" he said, startled. "If you excuse me Azula, I have to go. I forgot that I had to meet with someone."
"Don't worry, go ahead." she said, "And Chief. Thank you." she said, thuly thankful for their little chat.
"Any time." he said with a smile, before winking an eye and heading out of there.
He is Sokka's father, she thought, biting her lower lip.
When his father walked next to him, he gave him a little reassuring pat on the back, before walking away, without a word.
He glanced towards the Pavilion and he could notice the top of Azula's head. She was still there.
He walked towards there, and saw her sitting in the bench, swinging her legs back and forward, while being mentally absent.
"Hey, I'm about to start thinking you are stalking me." Sokka joked, when he walked into the Pavilion.
Azula scoffed. "Sorry, stalking you? I guess, it's pretty clear who is actually stalking who. Plus, if I was stalking someone, it would probably be a cutey one." she mocked.
Sokka pressed his lips together not knowing what else to say. He remained a few seconds just standing there, until he finally asked; "What are you doing?"
She rolled her eyes. "What are you doing?" she retorted.
"I-I'm… I'm watching the lotus." he said walking towards the railing.
"Can't you watch the lotus somewhere else?" she grunted. She had wished a couple of minutes alone.
"Nop… The lotus are right here," he pointed at it. Her eyes went white with vexation. "What were you and my father talking about?" he asked out of the blue.
Azula quirked a brow. "Nosey, much?"
"It's just…" he shrugged, "Did he say something he should? I mean..." he had saw them talk for a while, and for moments their talk had looked pretty important.
"We were talking." that's all she said.
"About…?" he insisted.
She scoffed. "Well, for starters, your father is actually quite nice. Why aren't you like him?" she snarled.
His eyebrows twitched. "You… little…" he tried to say something but instead closed his mouth and turned his back towards her, growling.
The Princess remained silent for a couple of minutes, pondering what to say. She bit her lower lip, trying to find the right words. She had never done it. She had never apologized before in her life, but she was going to try.
Maybe she had over reacted. Now, looking back at what had happened, maybe he had had good intentions. But her own mind and distrust had told her otherwise, that plus, the heating of the moment thanks to her fight with Zuko, had made everything go out of proportion.
He had tried to apologize since the first second he realized he messed up and saw her furious. He had tried to talk to her, more than her own brother had tried to.
Azula took a deep breath before talking. "Sokka," she called him, her voice sounded like a whisper, but thankfully he listened to her.
"Huh?" he turned to face her, wondering if she was going to to give him a sarcastic comment or an insult. He bet it was; probably both.
She cleared her throat, and avoided looking at him. "Well, I-It's just... I wanted to…. I wanted to say I-I… I think I might have overreacted and… What I'm trying to say is…" she took a deep breath and scratched her brow. Apologizing it was harder than she thought. "Well, what I'm trying to say is just… you know I'm s-so… I-I'm... "
He raised his eyebrows as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Wait, are you… are you trying to... apologize?" A mischievous smile grew in his lips. "Because if you are doing a horrible job." he pointed.
"Shut up." she grunted, looking at the other side and standing up to leave with the little pride she still had after trying to apologize to that moron. He was mocking at her for trying to apologize! Idiot.
Sokka snickered at their reaction and grabbed her by the wrist, stopping her. "Hey, hey, hey. Sorry," he said with a smile, and noticed the little redness on her cheeks as she still kept her eyes off him. "It's just… It's so... unlike you." he muttered, tenderly.
"Yeah, yeah, I know…" she rolled her eyes, huffing a little vexed. "But still, yes… I'm trying to… apologize." Azula mumbled.
A huge smile appeared on his face. "Apology accepted," he said, "And, I really appreciate the effort, though."
"Well, I have never done it before." said between teeth.
"Never?"
"Never." Azula repeated.
"Well, I'm honored about being the first one to get an apology from you." said Sokka.
She sighed and finally glanced at him. "I hope you are the last one to." she said, hopeful.
He snickered at her declaration. "So, we are good now?"
"Just answer me one thing," he nodded, "Why do you always see the good in people?" she asked, matter-of-factly wishing to know his answer. His father told her he didn't use to do it, but that now it was different.
But instead of getting an answer as she was expecting, he retorted. "Why do you always see the bad in people?"
"Because that's the smart thing to do," she said as if it was the most obvious thing. "Where has seeing the good taken you?"
"To trust you." Sokka replied, bluntly in a heartbeat.
His reply was nothing she had expected. The velocity he had said those words without a hint of doubt made her heart stir up. He was something else.
"Exactly, horrible decision," she stated, "As for me, seeing the bad in people has helped me for the past year to put some bad people in prison, see my point? Always, expect the worst." she said, the corner of her lips lifting almost unnoticeable.
He snickered and smiled at her, staring at her fixedly for a moment. He noticed that he still held her wrist but didn't remove it as she hadn't complained or anything and for a moment he was mesmerized by the golden tone in her eyes, behind those black curly eyelashes.
"W-Why are you smiling like that?" she asked, glancing away trying not to blush. She hadn't realized their closeness. It was a smile that made him look really appealing.
"Like what?" he tilted his head. The smile still on his face.
"Like that!" she grunted, pointing at him. "That goofy smile! Wipe that annoying smile off your face!"
He frowned. "You can't tell me what to do!" he snapped back.
"I just did!" Azula mocked, "And look, it worked." she pointed out, before sticking out her tongue at him in a childish manner.
"Shut up!" the warrior growled, "And you haven't told me what you and my father talked about." he remembered.
"And I'm not telling you." she stated, raising her chin and glancing away.
"I will insist till you agree and you know I will." he warned her with narrowing eyes.
"Don't be nosey… Tsk! That's one of the things I find most annoying about you." she grunted under her breath.
He widened his eyes. "One? Do you have more?!" he asked, riled.
"Do you want me to make a list about everything that annoys me about you?" she refuted.
"No," he denied before adding, "The list will be endless."
Azula huffed. "At least you know that." she said with a smirk.
He rolled his eyes, with amusement. "You are crazy." he muttered, before realizing that it might have been a poor choice of words.
"You have no idea."
"I-I didn't mean it like that." he rushed to say a little panicked.
"It's okay," she uttered with a side smile. "I know you didn't. I mean, you are not as dumb as you look." she teased him.
"Yes. I'm not as… Hey!" he whined and realized he could use one of his new comebacks. "Listen shortly."
The Princess' mouth and eyes widened. "Shorty?! That's the best you could come up?" she sneered at his poor insult after a big huff.
"Oh, no. I'm barely starting, Princess." he warned her. He had at least a dozen more jokes and comebacks about it.
A mischievous smile appeared in her face. "You know why I don't get mad when people make fun of my height? Because, I can still kick their asses. And in the case of guys, I can kick them in the groin easier. If you don't believe me, just ask Zuko."
"Are you saying you are going to kick me in the groin?" he said, warily. That was something he definitely didn't want to happen.
"If you make one more joke about my height, I might." she warned him, sternly.
"Tsk" he grunted, before a side smile grew on his lips. "I don't believe I missed this." he mumbled.
"Missed what?" she raised an eyebrow, baffled.
"This! This… us!" he moved his hands around, to gesture him and her. "Bickering at each other."
She made a grin, perplexed. "What kind of masochist are you to enjoy this type of thing?" she asked.
"One that tolerates you!" he replied.
"And did I ask you, huh?" she growled.
"No. I do it because I want to."
"Then, stop complaining." she refuted.
"I will complain all I want, and there is nothing you can do about it." Sokka stated.
She scowled. "Are you dumb?"
"Are you… short?"
Her mouth hung open. "What did you… Did you just make another joke about my height?"" she napped, peeved.
"I did. I did. And what, huh?" he raised his eyebrows, definitely.
"Tsk. You have no appreciation for your well being, don't you?" she mumbled, pissed.
"No, I don't." he said with a smile making her chuckle.
The sound of her laugh was contagious, so he could help to join her.
"Wanna go grab something from the kitchen?" he proposed, naughty.
Azula raised a brow with a smirk. "You mean sneak in?" Sokka nodded. "Of course."
"Let's go." he said before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the kitchen.
…
The next morning when she headed to the training ground to train with her brother and Uncle. She mentally thanked Sokka, when she saw him there. Even though she was no longer angry at him, her anger towards her brother still remained.
"Azula…"
"Let's get this over with, shall we?" she ignored her brother. "The faster we are done with it, the less I would have to share the same air as you." she grunted.
Her uncle knew that they had had a fight and were mad at each other. They had been mad for over a week, and he could notice in his training.
Their movements were off from each other. During the first weeks they had progressed smoothly, and even during last week, even if the training hadn't gone perfect, it was still better than the one from that day.
Neither was concentrated, not mentally or physically. It was like they had forgotten all of their progress and hard work of the past few weeks.
"Again!" Iroh ordered for the fifth time that morning with his hands crossed over his chest. They kept messing it up. "What's wrong with you two today? You were doing so much better than this. What's going on?" he asked, but didn't get a reply. Both remained in silence. Iroh scoffed, riled. "Fine… if you two spoiled kids are not going to act like grown ups, then I guess I have no option." he grunted, tired of their stubborn attitude. "Quickly! Stand one in front of the other…" he comanned, stenerly. Neither moved. "Didn't you hear? Quickly!" he raised his voice, and finally both agreed, reluctantly. Then, he created a small orange flame. "See the flame? I will pass it to one of you, and then, you will have to pass to the other one, controlling the size of the flame. Not too small and not too big. You are going to keep doing it until I say otherwise, am I clear?"
"It's a child's exercise." Azula refuted, nettled. That had been her first exercise when she had barely learned to bend when she was six.
"Well, and you are both acting like children, so am I clear?"
"Yeah." both mumbled.
Iroh passed it towards Azula, who passed it to her brother, who struggled a little bit as he seemed mentally absent.
"Zuko focus!" Iroh scolded him.
The Fire Lord controlled the flame. "Sorry, it's just… I'm… Azula I…" he passed the flame to his sibling.
"Save it," she cut him, sharply. "I told you I don't want to hear it. You never listen to me, so why should I listen to you." she ranted, tossing it back at him.
"If you would let me talk and apologize." he refuted, returning her the flame.
"A sorry will fix nothing," she stated, bending it back.
"Then, tell me what I can do?" he asked, beggingly. "We were doing fine lately."
"No, you only wanted to pretend we were doing fine."
Iroh and Sokka were watching and listening to their fight very attentively.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Zuko frowned.
Azula huffed. "You think I don't notice, how are you expecting me to do… something horrible?" she passed the flame once more. This time faster and sharper as her blood was beginning to boil once more.
"I just.."
"You don't trust me," she affirmed her statement, no tone of doubt in her voice. "I mean, why should you? It's not like I haven't been doing your job as Fire Lord." she said with venom.
"I know that…"
"Or that I have been proving to you that you can trust me," she made a grin, "But no, it seems like you trusted me more when I was shooting lightning at you. Ironic."
"It's not all my fault. You are…"
"Crazy? Complicated? Damage?" she stopped the exercise and hell the flame on one hand. "Well, flash news brother. But you are just as screwed up as I am…" she accused with a growl. "The difference is that I recognized while you are still pretending to be so perfect…. And you know what? Screw this," she threw the flame one last time at him. "I'm not in the mood to see you right now, I can't even stand to share the same air as you…" she turned around to leave, fumed.
"No, you don't get to walk away from this." he shouted as she walked away from him.
"You used to do it all the time," Azula snapped back at him, "Just following your example."
"Stop it…" Zuko yelled angry, like command. His breathing affected the size of the flame, getting bigger and bigger.
"Fuck you." she replied, not turning back.
"Look at me when i'm talking to you!" he growled, throwing the flame.
"Or what…." it's all she managed to scream at him, when the flame hit her right and square in the chest, throwing her backwards and making her land on her back. His eyes widened when he realized what he had done.
"Are you okay?" Sokka rushed towards her, as she bends off the flames before they could burn her clothes. He gave a condemnation glance at his friend. If he was truly trying to make amends with his sibling. This is not the way to do it.
"What the hell, Zuko?" she snarled, wrathful as Sokka helped her stand.
"I-I'm… I'm sorry... I-I didn't mean to… I just… It was an accid..." he was out of words.
"Save it!" she roared, fumed standing before him. "I'm done. I'm done with you. And you should start to look for another firebending master for Kiyi." she said with fire in her eyes.
She was sick and tired of all the situation. And this moment had been the last straw. She was done. Done with her brother. Done with everything. So she made her choice.
"A-Another?" he muttered, fearing her next words.
"I gave you my word that I will help you with this and that's what I attempt to do," she said, "But that's it… As soon as we get back to the Fire Nation. You are never seeing me again." she said with determination turning around and leaving her brother thunderstruck as her words and meaning sinked in him.
Once Zuko blinked back into reality and realized what had happened, he yelled.
"Why is it so hard, being a good brother?" he roared, taking his hands to his head, and pulling his hair, exasperated. "Damn it!" he cursed.
"Don't panic!" said Sokka, "I will go talk to her and convince her to think this through. She is probably just talking out of anger." he patted him in the shoulder, comfortingly.
"Thanks buddy." muttered Zuko, dejected.
"No problem. Just make sure next time you two talk don't attack each other, okay?" the Fire Lord nodded and gave him a faint smile. "See you later."
Sokka disappeared in the same direction his sister had done it minutes prior.
"Nephew," said Iroh, warmly, "I think we should have a talk."
Zuko sighed with agreement and took a seat next to his uncle. His wise advice always had helped him whenever he felt troubled and he was sure that this time it wouldn't be the exception.
...
Sokka found her seated with her legs closed in one bench at the gardens, looking angered at something in her hands. Her eyebrows were furrowed, and her jaw clenched.
"What is that?" he asked, astonished, when he saw clearly what she had in her hands. It was a small creepy looking, cloth doll. It wasn't the kind of doll little girls would like, and he was certain that Azula wasn't the type to like dolls, no matter how spooky they were.
"A Shikigami doll." she said, not looking in his direction. Her first thinning around the neck of the doll. Which, now that he took a better look it resembled someone. Or at least, he thought it did.
"I didn't think you liked dolls," he said.
"I don't. But this one is different," said Azula, "People in the Fire Nation have been using them for centuries. They believe that if you manage to make it resemble it enough to a person it could have an effect on them." she explained.
"Effect?" Sokka raised an eyebrow.
"For example; if I took a needle and pinch it; the person that this doll resembles would feel it." she said, tightening the neck of the doll again so hard that her knuckles turned white.
"And do you believe in that?"
"I don't. But I would hope that hurting this thing would ease my desire to hurt the actual person." she grunted between teeth.
Fire Nation people do have weird things, he thought.
"So... are you still mad at Zuko?" he asked after a while taking a better look at the doll.
It was wearing red and gold clothes, it had black hair and instead of eyes, it had two black buttons and on the left eye, he noticed an odd mark around it.
"Do you think this shikigami doll looks enough like Zuko?" was her reply, showing it more clearly at him.
It does resemble Zuko a lot, he thought.
"Yeah, you are still mad at him." he muttered, pressing his lips in a thin line and making a grin.
"I am. And this stupid doll is not working. It's not helping to ease my anger at him. I still wanna hurt him." she grunted, choking harder the doll before setting it on fire in her hand. The doll consumed in seconds on her palm.
"Would you like some tea?" he proposed raising his eyebrows. His voice sounded a little sharper than he would have wanted.
He found a young servant girl in the hallways to request for some tea. The girls asked if it was the usual they served every morning for them and he said yes, to avoid further explanations. He also asked to be brought to the studio where the Princess was using it as an office on the weekend, and that the rest of the days of the week, Kiyi would use it to study her lessons.
Sokka opened the door and let her walk through first.
"Hey, there." Kiyi greeted them, raising her eyes from a scroll she was reading.
"Hey," muttered Azula, frowning.
"Oh, I see you two made up. That's nice." she said with a smile, when she noticed Sokka behind her. "Now, you don't have a reason to be all crestfallen and whinny." she mocked Sokka.
"What?" he squealed, raising his eyebrows. "Whinny? I'm not whinny."
"Yes, you were." said Kiyi with her hand on her hips.
"Yes, you are." said Azula, deadpanned.
"I-I'm not." he complained, pouting.
"See? Whiny." said Azula, dropping next to the small coffee table, as Kiyi was using the desk for her studies.
"You kept complaining about how she was mad at you, and didn't talk to you, over and over again," Kiyi teased, rolling her eyes. "Should I be mad that he was so worried about you being angry at him when he is my future husband?" she placed a hand under her chin, glancing at her sister.
Azula shrugged, expressionless.
"I mean, he did give up on his dessert for a week," Sokka eyes widened at the kid's words.
"Huh?" the Princess quirked a brow. Sokka rushed to the child.
"Yeah, he told me he would give me his desert for a week if I convinced you to…" Kiyi's words were silenced when Sokka placed a hand on her mouth.
"Shush… If you tell her about our deal, say goodbye to the rest of the week desserts, you hear me little racketeer?" he muttered softly, only for her to listen.
"Oi, oi… no need to be rude, husband," she replied, "Is this how you are going to treat your future wife?" she raised her chin, proudly.
"Is this how you are going to treat your future husband, huh? Blackmailing me with dessert and calling me cheap to buy you food?" he refuted, "This is not a way to start a marriage."
"I agree," she said.
"What gibberish are you two talking about over there?" asked Azula at the other end of the room, resting her chin on her hand on the coffee table.
"Nothing." replied both at the same time.
"I'm just telling my future husband that in the future he must buy me as much food as I want and take care of me as If I'm the most precious thing in the world to him." said Kiyi, flapping her eyelashes at Sokka.
"Should you be studying or something?" he grunted, making Kiyi pouted.
"I should." she replied, before sighing and returning to her reading.
"Do you play Pai Sho?" Azula asked Sokka before he dropped at the other side of the table.
"Yeah, why?"
"Good. Beating you in Pai Sho might help me to distract," she said, "There is a board over there." she pointed at one corner of the room, when Sokka easily saw the board.
"Still, let me tell you, Princess," he said with a smirk and making emphasis on the word 'Princess'. "I'm pretty good at this game. I doubt you can beat me. So, don't feel dejected when I beat you." he uttered, cockily.
Azula huffed. "As if."
"Should we make this more interesting?" he proposed with a mischievous smile.
Azula quirked a brow. "What did you propose, beast?"
"It's just to make the gave more exciting, what do you say?" he asked, "Should we make a little beat?"
"Humph…" Azula narrowed her eyes. "Speak."
He shrugged, innocently. "Well, I was thinking If I win for a whole day, you would get to do whatever I want you too. No questions." he said.
If he managed to win, he could make her talk with Zuko and stop their nonsense fight.
She scoffed. "Fine," she agreed, "Then, when I win, because I'm going to win. You will…" a wicked smile grew on her face. "Would have to spend an entire month under a vegetarian diet."
"What?!" he squealed, aghast.
"That means, no mean in any kind. No grilled meat. No barbecue. Or any type of dish that involves any kind of fish, chicken, eggs, milk. You would have to eat like an Air nomad."
"Wait, wait, wait… That's too much, Azula," he complained.
"What? Chickening?" she taunted him, "You are the one that proposed it after all."
"I know. I know. But… A month?" he whined. A month eating just greens? It was going to be a nightmare. A torture.
"What? Do you think I find very appealing doing everything you want for an entire day?" she retorted, finishing arranging her tiles.
"But… a month? Can we make it two weeks?" he pleaded. He knew that still two weeks were going to be a torture, but it seemed more bearable than a full month.
"Do you wish to make it in months?" she asked, unexpressive. He shook his head denying very eagerly. "Then shut up and move." she commanded after placing the first tile.
"I should have thought this through." he muttered, deciding his first move.
"For today Sokka!" Azula said.
"Oh, shush… Now, this has turned in probably my most important game ever, okay? So, shush…" Sokka uttered.
He placed his first tile after choosing what his tactic was going to be. Their first movement was fast, but as the game began to progress, they would take more time between each turn to ponder their next movements
Around half the game, someone knocked on the door. Sokka assumed that it was the tea he had requested.
"Don't cheat." he said to the Princess as he headed to the door.
"You wish." she replied back with a smirk.
For his surprise, he hoped to find the same young servant girl he had requested the tea. But instead he found a guy. Tall, with dark brown hair, but what stands out most of his aspect was the scar on his cheek.
"Oh, hey," Sokka greeted him, when he noticed the trail on his hands.
"Did you request some tea sir?" said the servant with a deep voice.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I was hoping to see the same girl I requested too." he said.
"She had some other matters to attend to and asked me to do it in her place." the servant explained. Sokka stared at him. He seemed very familiar. Maybe he had seen it around? Maybe, more likely. "Should I serve it inside?" he asked.
Sokka blinked out of his trance and smiled at him. "No thanks. I would do it." he said reaching for the trail. "Thank you, anyway."
The servant vowed. "Enjoy." he said, before retiring to continue his chores.
"You haven't cheated, have you?" he teased Azula, leaving the trail next to them.
"I would never," she said, "I haven't even touched a tile, because when I win I wanna see your expression of horror." she mocked.
"You wish." he uttered, beginning to serve the tea. He noticed that they had placed more cups than needed.
Probably the thought Zuko and Iroh were drinking too. And it has a peculiar cent he thought, when the smell filled his nostrils.
"So, did you really mean that?" Sokka finally asked her, finishing serving the tea. "What you told Zuko?"
It took him a while to ask about that, she thought.
She sighed. "What? the part that he is just as damaged as me, or the part where I told him to go fuck himself or the part where I told him I'm leaving?" she inquired reaching for the cup he placed in front of her.
"All of it."
She blew at her cup before taking a deep sip. "I did." she said, staring at the drink. "I mean, I came back because I wanted us to try to amend our relationship, but how can I do that, when he doesn't trust me?"
Sokka gave her a sad smile. "He does trust you," he assured, "But Zuko has a particular way of doing things."
"Particular, indeed." she muttered, vexed, "I just hate that he keeps trying to lie to himself and to me about the fact that he trusts me, when it's obvious he doesn't."
"He does! I swear!" Sokka exclaimed.
A hard punch jolted them.
They both turned their attention when Kiyi dropped some books from the shelf trying to reach some others on the higher shelves.
"Sorry," she apologized with a nervous smile. "Azu, I can't reach that book."
"Which one?" asked the Princess, ready to aid her.
"That one." she pointed at one in the higher part.
"Let me." Sokka offered, realizing that it was still way too high for the Princess.
"Thanks." muttered Azula, taking another swallow of the tea.
Sokka reached the book without a problem. "Here." he said, patting the little girl in the head and earning a huge smile from her part.
"My hero." she said, jokingly.
He returned to his place and refilled the Princess cup. "Look, I know I should mind my own business but… I can see how much this fight it's causing so much trouble between you both. Also, Zuko is really sorry for lashing out at you without listening to your reason first."
"Well, he should." she muttered.
"And you should also understand that if he reached like that it was because he was worried," he continued, "He was worried of what could happen if you faced your father. I mean after everything that Ozai did to him, he still managed to influence him after the war. And as an older brother I think he just wanted to protect you."
Azula huffed. "And when did I actually ask for his protection?" she asked, feeling something in the back of her throat.
"You didn't. But listen, he is trying really hard to be a good older brother," said Sokka, "Just try and give him a chance. Also, I don't think you should leave the Palace and disappear from his life again. Perhaps, you should make that decision when you and him are on better terms."
"I don't know." she muttered, rubbing her forehead with her fingertips. Small coughs attack her. She takes another sip of her tea hoping to calm it.
"Are you okay?" Sokka asked, when her coughs didn't seize and he wondered if he was faking it again like she had done at Lake Laogai to play him that joke about her allergies.
She nodded. "Maybe I could…" she began, when her coughs momentarily stopped, but she felt that thing in the back of her throat return. This time bigger. "I could…" she begins, when she noticed a metallic taste on her mouth, and then another cough.
Azula took her hands to her mouth instinctively as she felt she couldn't stop her cough.
Her hands feel wet and warm. Her eyes opened wide in horror when she noticed the little splashed drops in Sokka's face and on the board.
Sokka wiped his face, and when he saw the scarlet red liquid, his expression was the same as her. Full of horror.
She was dripping it all over it. Her clothes were stained on it. Her hands were shaking covered in the red liquid. She had a cough it. It had come from her.
She was coughing blood. Her blood.
A/N:
Hi there! Happy New Year and I hope everyone is doing well, had a nice holidays and you all are healthy.
Shikigami doll: I wanted something in the Asian culture that it was similar to voodoo dolls and that the best I could find. either way, I hope you got the idea.
So... first thing first... any theories? hahha.
Also, I wanted to let you guys know that as since life is slowly returning to "normality" -at least where I leave-, well, life is also getting busier again. I'm still some quite chapters ahead of you guys but as I write whenever I have time and feel inspire, so I wanted to let you know that from now on I will be updating whenever I have time which means it could be probably every friday like usual or every two fridays or on the weekends, Idk. I have planned this story for so long that I will not leave it unfinished be sure of that, hahaha.
Either way, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and I can't wait to read your theories.