Nagisa's never put much thought into how he'd lose his virginity.

He supposes there might have been a vague idea here or there about dating someone for a while, knowing that it would happen eventually. But here he is, absolutely not dating Karma, and doing this with what feels like very little build up. Which is kind of ridiculous, considering how much other stuff he's done with Karma, and for a while too.

There's a part of him that really feels ready for it. Almost frustrated, even, that it hasn't happened yet. But last week really proved to him that this is something he's going to enjoy. And he's looking forward to it, in a strange way. Really, he hasn't actually been able to stop thinking about it that effectively at all, which may or may not be a worry.

It's just… Karma's the annoying kind of attractive. The kind where you just look at him and get all irritated because he has no right to look like that. Or something. Nagisa's not sure, maybe he's just hard wired to be at least a little bit annoyed in Karma's presence. And he's also good in bed. Not that Nagisa has anything else to compare it to. But Karma's good at everything minus shutting up, so it makes sense that he'd be good at this too.

He's ready in the physical sense too. The cleaning process was a lot easier and less uncomfortable know he actually knows what he's doing, and knows what's going to come. Karma was pretty vigorous with his fingers, the last time, so he hopes it won't be too different this time. Logically, everything should go smoothly between them.

Nagisa's a little cold, standing outside Karma's apartment. He's not sure why he hasn't rung the doorbell yet, or what he's waiting for. He's supposed to be here, he feels. He shakes both his arms out, as though that's going to mystically work somehow. If only. Actually, Nagisa doesn't really know what he's doing at all.

When he does finally ring the doorbell, and Karma opens the door, he doesn't attack kiss him this time. Perhaps he's far less frantic this time around, even though there's a certain kind of buzz travelling through his limbs. Karma's still dressed from work, though the suit jacket and tie have at least been removed, the top few buttons undone, exposing his neck.

"Hi," Nagisa finds his voice.

"Are you just standing there?"

He snaps out of his daze, and comes inside, removing his shoes as always. He and Karma are good at this routine now, usually. He goes straight to Karma's bedroom, and Karma follows him in. But this time… Nagisa knows he's hesitating, even if he doesn't exactly know why. Even though he's certain he wants this, there's just something.

"Can I have a drink?"

"Sure," he looks him over suspiciously. "I don't think I have anything you like though, other than water."

Nagisa swallows. "Beer's fine."

Now he knows that's going to make Karma cautious. Alcohol was only a feature of their relationship at the start to ease things along, but ever since they made their arrangement, it wasn't so necessary. Nagisa likes it more when he's sober, anyway. Even though he's fairly used to drinking socially nowadays, he doesn't exactly enjoy the feeling. But today maybe it'll take the edge off.

"Sure," Karma says, though the tone is clearly reserved.

Instead of going to the bedroom, then, they go to the main living space. Nagisa awkwardly sits under the kotatsu, though he's pleased to find that it's been switched on. It's getting really close to full winter though. It's strange, he thinks, when Karma joins him, that this used to be how their relationship was. Sitting here, drinking a can of beer… talking about their days…

Karma takes a long swig. "If you're nervous-"

"I'm not!" Nagisa cuts him off, and gulps down far too much of his own drink. "I just… want to be like this."

"You want to do it here?" He peers round at him.

"No!" He decides to slam down the can on surface. "That's… it won't be comfortable, right?"

Karma shrugs. "The tables a good height, actually."

His brow creases, then. Of course Karma knows that, and doesn't have to guess. Of course he's already done that… maybe with lots of people. This isn't exactly new information, and Nagisa knows he has no right to feel anything bad about it. He really shouldn't be drunk from that one bit of beer already (then again, he hasn't eaten), but there's some sort of fire in him. And it doesn't like the image of Karma with anyone else.

Nagisa moves so quickly it surprises even himself, let alone Karma. But he manages to traverse the table, sacrificing the warmth for Karma's lap. They're about the same height, in the position he ends up in, with him straddling on his knees, and Karma sitting on the ground. Nagisa hadn't actually considered what to do next, though. All he knows is he wants to fill Karma's mind.

They fall into their kiss naturally, since they're so close already. Just like always, it has this incredible way of making him feel light, like his limbs are so full of air he might float off into the ceiling. He wraps his arms around Karma's neck this time, not that it's so necessary, he's pretty confident Karma's not going anywhere away from him.

He's convinced he's not drunk, but there is a certain kind of buzz cloud going through his mind. He's used to gasping and jolting when Karma touches him, but right now it's something else. When Karma grips his waist, he simply follows him, pressing back. Usually when he feels turned on like this, all his heat and blood just rushes south, but this… it's like an aura around him.

There's no verbal communication between them as to breaking apart. They can hold their breaths for just about the same time, it seems. Even so, their foreheads clink together, and Nagisa likes it. He likes the way Karma's fingers tense, too, gripping him tighter. He's not entirely sure what to do next, though. He knows how it's going to end for sure, but how to get there…

He shifts, then, going up onto his feet. As fun as doing it here sounds… the bed's probably going to be more comfortable. But yes… the transition. He tries to hold every nerve in, and sticks a hand out to Karma like an invitation. The expression Karma gives hm is almost impossible to read, wide eyed and laced with a mixture of surprise and amusement… or at least he guesses.

Karma does actually take his hand, coming to his feet too, but before Nagisa can actually do anything he pulls him in kissing him even more aggressively. Nagisa moans against his mouth, though, because it feels really good even though Karma hasn't actually touched him much yet. He drops his wrist, hands finding the small of his back instead, before travelling down to squeeze his ass.

Strangely, he doesn't notice that he's being picked up until it's already happening.

In far more innocent contexts, Nagisa can't say he's not used to Karma picking him up without warning. In fact, he actually does it a lot, because the height jokes still haven't gotten old after a decade. He decides he doesn't mind this, though, finding it a pleasant sensation once he's automatically wrapped his legs around Karma's waist, trying to find something to help him stay upright. It is hard on his core muscles, though.

He's not sure how he actually feels about being carried to the bedroom. On the one hand, he doesn't mind in the slightest, on the other… Well, he doesn't get much of a chance to think about it, because Karma's apartment isn't actually that big so he's not exactly carrying him for long. He places him down on the end of the bed uncharacteristically gently, when they actually get to that point.

Karma usually looms above him, but it's a different experience like this, with him just sitting there. Nagisa's naturally intimidated by it all, though definitely not afraid. Following the logic of the current situation, the clothes come off next. Karma usually doesn't undress him himself, and today seems to be no exception.

Since Nagisa only has to pull items over his head, he gets done a lot faster. This means he gets full view of Karma's undressing routine, and he can't help himself from watching in fascination. He's not sure if Karma caught on or not, or if he's just always like this, but he starts to unbutton his shirt careful and slow, like he's really taking his time with it. Nagisa's throat goes dry, looking at him like that, and he can barely swallow, especially when the trousers follow, pooling on the floor. At least this time, neither of them bother with the pretence of underwear.

It's Karma's turn to straddle him, then, and Nagisa's head falls back naturally onto the mattress. He notes briefly that neither of them are completely hard yet, but that's neither here nor there. It's almost alarming how much easier this is now he knows what to expect. Karma leans away from him for only a moment to get the lube, but they're kissing again before he can really do anything with it.

Nagisa's really started to understand why they spent the time exploring each other's bodies. Karma knows where his sensitive spots are now, and he seems intent on using them to his advantage. Nagisa can only let him do it, the kisses up and down his body making him feel more warm and fuzzy than anything else.

It's not exactly the same as the week before. Nagisa's a lot more relaxed, so he doesn't tense away from the finger that eventually prods at his entrance. In fact, maybe he actively wants it. He's not completely sexually confident, he can't even fake that, so his body hesitates a little bit. It's not enough deterrence, though, and in fact he's anticipating it more than anything, the memory of how it felt last time still fresh.

What he's not expecting is to instantly seize up, squeak, and grab onto Karma's wrist like some kind of lifeline.

"Nagisa?"

"J-just," Nagisa tries his very best to breathe, though that's kind of hard considering how overwhelmed he feels all of a sudden. He's a little concerned, actually, because that's probably the quickest his erection's ever gone from about ten to a hundred. To make matters worse, Karma's finger shifts just an inch, and it happens again. He's… not going to get off just like this, is he?

Karma seems a little concerned, but when he purposely moves his finger again, Nagisa can tell he's faking it. "Here?"

"Karma."

At least the last time, there was build up to this kind of sensation. But with Karma hitting that spot inside him right off the bat, it's more overwhelming than anything. His legs are shaking a little bit, he's sure, and he's not sure how long he can actually hold on like this. Especially if Karma's planning to merely tease him.

"Stop messing around," he says with more venom than intended.

Something like a glint washes over Karma's face. "Okay then."

His finger pulls out some, at least, before it's joined by a second. And okay yes, there's that slight burn he remembers. It's honestly not that bad, though, not enough that he can't put up with it for a little while. It doesn't exactly fade into a better sensation quickly, though, which leaves Nagisa a little concerned, since he's more than aware something bigger is coming. In fact, it's just kind of uncomfortable.

"Can you just," he tries to hold some of his weight on his elbows as he leans up, "keep them still for a second?"

Karma actually obeys the request. In return, Nagisa really tries his best to will his body to get used to it again. Despite his earlier reaction, he still thinks there's time. A part of him really doesn't want to rush this, as much as another kind of wants to get through it as quickly as possible. They've come so far already… he doesn't want to delay it any more.

Karma pulls his fingers out entirely. "Okay?"

"I-I'm just worried it's going to hurt."

His eyes narrow. "You almost creamed yourself when I put a finger in you."

Nagisa turns his head in shame. "Well-"

Karma just takes a very deep breath. "If you're having second thoughts-"

"I want to!" Nagisa sits up properly, then, inadvertently creating quite the gap between them. "I'm ready." His head ducks down though. "But how?"

"Like what position?" Karma's head tilts. "I don't mind, it's up to you."

He flushes. "Just… the easiest."

"Maybe you should try being on top," Karma suggests, moving so that he's already lying back for it. "You can go whatever pace you like."

It sounds fair enough, though Nagisa's still not quite sure. It's a position that'll put him on great display, for one, and he feels like it also relies more on him knowing what he's doing. Which Nagisa doesn't. Maybe he's got the pieces figured out, but putting them together well is something else. He knows he doesn't want to quit, though.

Trying to keep his hand as steady as possible, Nagisa reaches for the bedside table, where all the stuff is helpfully placed. Condom first, he thinks. He takes hold of the packet, and opens it carefully. It's a little ironic, considering how their arrangement started, but he doesn't actually have much practise with them.

He only fumbles a tiny bit with it, turning it upside down a couple of times just to triple check he has it the right way. Then it's simple… he leans over Karma, pinching the top with one hand as he rolls it onto his erection with the other. He supposes it doesn't need to be perfect, since he's not trying to prevent pregnancy or anything like that, but he still doesn't fancy the idea of it coming off inside him much.

Then comes the lube, he thinks, because he's pretty sure he needs as much help as he can get. This time, he gets into a better position, squirting some onto his hand before he essentially jerks Karma off with it. As expected, Karma really doesn't seem to mind so much, his breathing picking up with each of Nagisa's small twists. Getting him off like this isn't the goal though, he realises, and so releases him, wondering if he's even in the right position for this.

"Last chance to back out," Karma has the nerve to seem smug as he looks up at him, nails digging into Nagisa's hips despite the statement.

Nagisa can't help but gleam with the challenge, though it's a little harder without Karma doing anything to him in distraction. His brow creases, though, and he grabs onto Karma's erection. Something like this… it should be instinctual. Nagisa had always thought when the time came, he'd somehow just know what to do.

As it turns out, it's more complicated than that. He feels a heat of embarrassment rise up, realising how much he's fumbling. It's not helping, that Karma's just watching him. He winces, feeling around for where he knows his entrance must be, and attempts to sink down. Attempts, because nothing actually happens. He just… falls forward a little.

Karma looks at him curiously, but Nagisa's determined now. He doesn't dwell, just sits back up on his knees and tries again. This time, he's really sure he's got the right angle, but when he pushes down, all the lube in play makes him just slip up into his ass crack. With the heavy breath Karma lets out, he assumes that didn't feel bad, but grinding isn't the goal here! Perhaps a little too hard, he grabs him again, and doesn't let go. But apparently his body itself doesn't like the idea of Akabane Karma taking his virginity, because he just can't breach himself.

"I-it won't go in."

Karma sits up, so their faces are almost perfectly aligned. "Sure it will."

He looks down. "It's not-"

"I appreciate the compliment, really," Karma peers over his shoulder, "but it's not that big."

It's big enough, but Nagisa has no desire to boost his ego like that. Should they just call it quits? It's really not that Nagisa doesn't want to do it at this point, but if he physically can't… People have sex all the time! It shouldn't be this hard, right? Nagisa's never heard anyone mentioning it be an awkward mess. Or maybe he's just terrible at this.

"Okay," Karma says casually, "Plan B, then."

Before Nagisa can ask what this secret plan is, Karma's hands shove him back, and he doesn't even have a chance to defend himself. He's not really sure how fighting is going to help them, but Karma quickly follows suit, bracing himself above him just in the right position to lean down and give him another one of those sinful kisses. Whatever he intended to do, it's working, and Nagisa's head is spinning.

He frees up a hand, and it feels like electricity as it traces down his side. It's enough to make his hips jump, wanting definitely more of that. He doesn't get it… this certainly feels good, and he knows that he wants more. He keens into the touches, tilts his head and allows the kisses to focus right on his neck, the pulse point he's found to be rather sensitive these days. He knows Karma wouldn't go as far as leaving hickeys, but he still finds himself enjoying the dangerous feeling of his sharp teeth at his throat. Nagisa's hands curl around his shoulders, then, and Karma's hand directs his leg to lie around his hip.

"Relax," he mutters, and then moves up and kisses him on the forehead.

Ironically, that touch doesn't feel sexual at all. But Nagisa nods, and does his best. It's just… he knows he's kind of high strung. It goes against a lot of who he is to just let it go. He looks at Karma then, though, and Karma looks at him, and that's enough. Nagisa would trust Karma with the world, of course, if it came down to it. Perhaps his body isn't the biggest ask ever.

It's hard not to tense up, when he feels him actually pressing against his entrance, but he knows he has to right then. Sucking in the deepest breath he can, he holds it in for a second or two, and just lets go. As if automatically lining up with his breathing, Karma actually pushes in, then, and Nagisa has no control over the way he clenches around the foreign entity.

Nagisa's honestly never felt so confused. All at once, it's like everything's gone blurry, and clear reality is nothing but a distant memory. He knows that his breath hitches, and his legs clamp hard around Karma's hips, as if trying to pull him in deeper. He's also more than aware that it hurts, but not quite in the way he expected. It's nothing sharp, just this deep body ache that weirdly… feels like something else he can't put his finger on.

Above him, Karma's breaths are coming out harder than he's heard it before. "Relax, Nagisa."

"I-is it in?"

"The tip isn't even all the way in."

He already feels stretched to his limit! He needs to just focus. Thankfully, Karma's not trying to hurry him. Just relax, and then, a little bit at a time. And yeah, it's not that bad. He can definitely handle it, even though it's not pleasant. Karma's hand strokes along his arm in some kind of display of sympathy, though he continues to breach him very slowly. It's definitely weird.

Well, it feels exactly like pooping in reverse, actually.

When he closes his eyes and breathes, though, he figures it's not entirely different to the fingers. But at the same time, it is. He can feel the slight pulses and twitches inside him, and the ridges are different. Somehow, it kind of feels like everything all at once, and that seems to be enough to get his body to relax to the amount that lets Karma slide all the way in for sure.

Nagisa's not sure at what 'point' his virginity disappears. Is it just being penetrated like this? Do they have to go at it for five minutes or something? Does it only go when they finish? Or does it cling to him until he's the one doing the penetrating. He thinks all of this in just the space of a few seconds, before concluding that he was pretty dumb for ever being occupied with these kinds of things.

Above him, Karma's breaths are heavy, and his eyes are squeezed shut in restraint. Heat pools in Nagisa's stomach, at the thought of Karma struggling to control himself. He's glad he is, absolutely, but he can't help but feel happy that he feels good to him. And, the more he gets used to it, he's actually starting to feel the same way.

It's not like some kind of earth shattering revelation that suddenly clicks into place. But Nagisa's come to expect that now, and maybe it's good he has his expectations in check. It also feels surprisingly natural. Strange, yes, but not in a way he wants to stop, and not in a way he doesn't expect to get used to.

Karma's bracing his weight on either side of Nagisa's body, trapping him in a little. It really starts to occur to him then that the erection inside him is actually attached to someone. Karma. One of his best friends. Doing something like this with him… his mind starts to race. The rational parts of his brain recognise how ridiculous that is, at the very least, and so he tries to direct his thoughts to anything else.

Unfortunately, for some reason, the only thing the other part of his brain manages to supply is 'fish fish fish, if you eat fish, your head your will become good'. He really doesn't know why that's what he chooses to think about, but it's better than the alternative. And, actually, when he gets to the part of the song that just lists the type of fish, he finds it's a good distraction from the discomfort.

At least Karma hasn't seemed to notice his minor break down? But he seems pretty distracted.

"Uhm," he tries, because he's lost for what else to do. "You can move."

Honestly, he would rather have waited some more, but he needs to get that awful song out of his head. Karma seems relieved if anything, though thankfully he doesn't get it in his head to just pound away at him like mad. In fact, he barely even moves, mostly just shifting his hips slightly to create just a little bit of friction.

Somehow, Nagisa has the nerve to feel a little frustrated. Now he's past the initial pain, even if it hasn't entirely gone yet, he's ready for more. As such, his legs tighten a little around Karma's hips, as though they're trying to pull him closer. Or keep him there, at least, if the latter isn't possible. He's really starting to want.

Finally, Karma seems to get the message. He moves with more purpose, then, completing one full motion. Nagisa certainly feels it, to say the least. He's still not sure if it's good or not, but he does feel inclined to keep going. Maybe also for Karma's sake, because whether he says anything or not, Nagisa can tell there's a frustrated clench to his jaw, and he's not sure how long he's actually going to hold out.

Nagisa doesn't go as far as faking a moan or anything like that, but he does will himself to lie back more, releasing his hard grip some. It's all he can do to shoot Karma a tentative nod, affirmation that it's okay. And it is… certainly not the worst thing he's ever felt. More so than the physical factor, though, it's striking him internally, the closeness of it all.

Actually, Nagisa doesn't really get to be entirely close with other people often. He's so busy with his job that friends are more of the occasional event than a regular portion of his life. Except Karma, of course, who for the most part he's managed to see almost once a week. And Nagisa never really made super good friends during high school and university… maybe he's hugged Sugino once or twice in an extreme situation? But no, he's most sure, Karma's the only person he gets that kind of closeness from, and this is the closest they've ever been.

His thoughts get cut off for a moment, then, because out of nowhere he gets the urge to release a gasp. Karma's actually rocking against him and into him properly, though still pretty slowly. But whilst his mind was racing… he's definitely adjusted. It actually feels more good than anything else, though it's nothing compared with the instant satisfaction of being jerked off.

His breathing picks up in a natural way, then, his exhales coming out heavy with Karma's movements. A part of him starts to think… even if this sensation is as good as it's going to get for him, Nagisa decides he wouldn't mind doing it again. There's a part of him that's still not sure why that is, exactly, though he doesn't want to question it further.

Instead of bracing completely above him like he has been, Karma falls forward with his weight, so that he's practically lying on top of Nagisa, his head tucked against the pillow beside his own. This way, they're even closer, chests almost rubbing together. Nagisa takes the initiative to wind his arms around his shoulders in a kind of hug, pulling him closer still.

Like this, it's a lot slower than he expected. From pretty much every other thing he consumed, he didn't think it would be as steady as this… especially with Karma. Oddly, Nagisa actually feels a little peaceful. Should they talk more? Not that Nagisa expects to have a conversation, but… they're both pretty silent except for the sounds of their breathing, and the slight creaks that come from the bed every time they move a little.

Nagisa briefly shifts the angle of his hips without attention, and finds himself startled with the amount of pleasure that shoots through him. Just like last week, and how Karma managed to strike him with his finger earlier… except this time there's been more build up. He can't help but choke on his gasp a little, his whole body automatically clamping down around Karma as if to hold him there.

"Good?" Karma raises his head just a little, lips dancing on the edge of Nagisa's ear.

"S-so good."

Now he's aiming for something, and seems affirmed that it actually feels good for Nagisa, he realises just how much Karma was actually holding back. He tries to shift back onto his elbows again, properly, but for some reason Nagisa won't let him go, firmly wrapped around him and liking it that way. Actually, instead of letting Karma pull away from him, he tugs him in for a kiss.

It just feels like the most natural course of action. Karma obliges, though Nagisa was never worried he wouldn't. He feels needy, but he can't go without it. Kissing Karma feels as necessary as breathing in the air. Unfortunately, he does actually need to do that too, but there's a really huge part of him that doesn't actually want to.

"Hey," Karma pulls away a little forcefully, though he looks amused. "I can't move like this, you know."

"S-oh," Nagisa doesn't get to finish his apology, because Karma thrusts into him hard.

Before Nagisa can even recover, he does it again, and then again, and Nagisa starts to realise he's actually set a pace. He tries his best to match it in a way, rocking his hips back against him, but for the most part all he seems to be able to do is just lie there. His hands slip away from Karma's back, and instead he scrambles to hold onto the sheets, so he has at least something.

It's kind of like the floodgates opened with his unintentional moan, because now he can't really stop it. In a strange way, it seems to enhance the feeling too. It also helps that Karma[s not being entirely quiet, a few sounds escaping here and there. Nagisa wonders if it's anything he's doing… and if he can make him do it more.

He shifts his hips back with a little more enthusiasm, though it's exceptionally hard to concentrate. Everything feels like so much, and he's sure that after this it might feel even more strange without Karma between his legs. It's definitely not a conscious decision, but Nagisa finds himself almost clenching around Karma's length, which creates a completely different sensation.

Karma freezes, and looks down at him. "Did you," he pauses for breath, "do that on purpose?"

He turns his head to the side. "Maybe."

"You-"

Karma lurches forward then, like he's desperate to pin Nagisa down into the mattress. Nagisa feels a little too pleased with himself, like for once their roles are reversed and he's the one pushing Karma's buttons. He leans up, aiming to maybe get another one of their heated kisses, right at the moment Karma moves down.

Smack.

"Ow," they both say at the same time.

Actually, as the initial shock of what just happened wears off, Nagisa notices that it really hurts. Smacking foreheads with someone is never fun, but Karma came at him with quite a bit of momentum… It's only a few seconds before the outward pain starts to set in, along with what seems to be a run of the mill headache.

Nagisa feels ridiculous as he clutches his forehead. "That was…"

Although Karma's erection most definitely twitches inside him, its owner seems more okay with staying still again. "Problem for later?"

"Later?"

Karma swallows. "Do you… want to stop?"

"…Not really."

He winces, though. "Maybe-"

Nagisa clenches around him again, tightening his legs too. "Don't stop."

Karma breathes in sharply, before moving again, practically sitting up so that their heads are no longer in danger. It still hurts, but everything else is so good he can't keep his mind off it. He's entirely sure the real pain, along with the emotional embarrassment, will set in once they're done. Which, considering how good it feels when Karma speeds up again, probably won't take them long.

Maybe Karma's actually concerned, and trying to get it over with quicker. It doesn't really matter to Nagisa in that moment, as everything else fades. He reaches between their bodies, grasping at Nagisa's mostly neglected erection, and he knows he's done for. With the combination of Karma inside him, and perfectly timed jerking off, there's no way he's going to last.

Oddly, though, Nagisa feels a tinge of incompleteness. It feels like this shouldn't be the end, that he wants more. He wants to be here with Karma, and for it to go on for hours and hours more. Though, he's not sure how long it's even been already. He knows right away that this one time isn't going to be enough.

His orgasm comes anyway, though. Considering the way the heat's been building up, and how Karma seems to have perfectly timed the way he's stroking him, it's really not a surprise. Not like being punched straight in the gut. More like… a slow release of tingles that goes on for far longer than he's used to. Actually, it's kind of like when they went to the space station together, and they were floating around in zero gravity.

Of course, he's moaning something or other whilst it happens. Karma's stroking him through it too, unbothered about the amount of release that's getting all over his hand. He also seems to know exactly when it gets too much, because suddenly Nagisa feels this massive loss, and he's lying there empty. All he has to do is blink, vaguely aware of the grunt Karma makes when he finishes himself off with his own hand.

Huh.

"I'll clean up," Karma suddenly says, and then the mattress shifts and he's gone.

Nagisa lies there, his eyes fixed up at the ceiling. Is it over? He's not sure how to feel at all, mostly from the fact that he feels nothing except a little sore and exhausted. There's no way to claim virginity anymore, he's sure. Nothing's different, really, apart from the sore ache between his legs, though he's sure that's not permanent.

Also, his head's really starting to hurt now.

The only thought he can really muster is: did that really just happen? It feels… surreal. In the end, it wasn't that big a deal, truly. The empty feeling doesn't help though. Nagisa can't help but wrinkle his nose at it, both physically and mentally. It's all he can do to lie there and catch his breath.

Karma comes back with some kind of cloth, and all Nagisa can do is just watch him as he cleans him off a little, wiping the semen off his stomach. Nagisa's actually glad he's kind of out of it, because under any other circumstance his mind would have been racing again. All he can think is that it's kind of nice, for Karma to be doing this.

"The phrase 'screwing your brains out' isn't meant to be literal," Karma huffs, deciding Nagisa's been silent for too long. "You don't have a concussion, do you?"

"I've had worse," he croaks.

A smile dances on his face. "You have a pretty hard skull. You should've used it more, back in 3E."

Nagisa attempts to murmur a 'thanks', but he's not sure how well it actually comes out.

Karma clears his throat. "You should take a shower." And then, when Nagisa doesn't respond, "Trust me, you'll feel really gross if you don't."

Realistically, he should have expected to be kicked out of Karma's bed. What was he planning to do, lie there all night? A part of him feels deeply compelled to just do what he says, though, the reservations he had about showering in Karma's home gone for a moment. He supposes there's no excuse he can muster anymore, now that they've done that.

What Nagisa finds, though, is that standing isn't quite as easy as it looks. It's like his legs don't even remember how they work anymore, buckling the moment they're flat on the ground. He grabs onto the mattress in time, at least so he can stay upright. When he tries to take an actual step, it really is like this shooting pain running through him, and he has to grit his teeth.

"Do you need-"

"I'm fine," Nagisa affirms, though he can't hide his limp.

Now he's determined to make it. It's okay once he gets the hang of his limbs, though it does really hurt, and feels exactly like he's had something shoved up inside him. Somehow, though, he knows it's not enough to put him off forever. He's heard here and there that the first time is always supposed to suck, at least a little bit.

Nagisa works a little on autopilot, turning on Karma's shower and standing under the spray. The pressure is nice on his back, at least, if nothing else. He gets the feeling he'd really like a bath, but that definitely feels like 'too far'. It's bad enough as it is. Worse still, he realises he's going to have to use Karma's body wash. He knows he probably won't mind, or even notice, but it still feels intimate in another way. Sure, he could just wash with water, but that doesn't feel right to him.

He finds a spark of amusement that what he finds is clearly marketed more to women, with its swirly writing, light colour scheme, and 'Sweet Caramel And Cinnamon' scent promise. Of course, Nagisa knows that doesn't matter. Maybe it has something to do with his upbringing, but he knows more than anyone that a packet being pink doesn't necessarily alter the contents inside. It smells good, anyway, though Karma usually smells so strongly of incense it likely gets covered.

Once he's clean enough for his own standards, though, he realises a pretty big problem. He doesn't have a towel. He can see a towel, hanging conveniently on the back of the door, but that just feels weird. Then again, why would he expect Karma to have multiple towels? Maybe he has a spare, but if he does Nagisa can't see it, and he doesn't feel like getting Karma's floors wet searching for it.

For a moment, he swears he hears the doorbell, but he convinces himself his mind is just racing, trying to push him to a conclusion. Accepting that he doesn't have much of a choice in it, he wraps the towel around him, trying his absolute best not to let his mind race. Instead of just having it around his waist, he covers his whole body, towel sitting nicely under his elbows. Fortunately, the height difference between he and Karma means that's pretty easy to do.

He feels awkward, entering the bedroom again, having peered round to check that Karma hadn't already got up. Maybe it's even more awkward, if he's just been lying there waiting. Unfortunately, Nagisa's clothes are also in that room, so there's nothing he can do about it. What he doesn't expect to see, though, is Karma stretched out casually on the bed with a McDonald's bag in one hand, a bag of frozen pees held against his forehead with the other.

"I was going to cook," he explains, "but I couldn't be bothered. So I got uber eats. Nugget?"

It seems like all their younger years of ending up in McDonalds did Karma some good, because Nagisa can clearly see the teriyaki burger meal he usually orders. Not that Nagisa indulges in fast food that often anymore. Even if konbini ready meals are an embarrassingly large part of his diet, he at least maintains the notion that they're a tiny bit more healthy.

"S-should we really eat in bed?"

Karma shrugs. "I'll have to change the sheets later anyway. Besides, you don't want to sit on the floor right now."

Nagisa can't help but agree. At the very least, he manages to find his underwear on the floor, not too thrilled with the idea of climbing into bed completely naked. It's a smart move, luring him in with food, and Nagisa can't think about much other than how hungry he is, when he first takes a bite into a slightly sad fry.

It's not quite as easy a transition into 'friend time' as usual, considering they're both mostly naked, but all the same it feels okay to be with Karma like this. Like nothing particularly odd even happened between them. It's nothing like cuddling together or whispering sweet things into each other's ears… but Nagisa wouldn't want anything like that anyway. Right?

"At this rate we'll end up on Sex Sent Me To The ER," Karma jokes, when Nagisa reaches for a secondary bag of frozen food Karma probably meant for him.

Nagisa frowns at the English title. "What?"

The only explanation Karma gives is "It's American. Daytime TV."

He decides not to question why Karma knows American Daytime TV shows. Most people just watch Friends. But he's sure Karma has a story, and he's not sure he wants to know. Lest he… end up on it or something? They're not that disastrous, surely? His head hurts a little now, but he's probably not going to end up in the hospital.

"Thanks for the food," Nagisa says once he's done eating.

"Thanks for the orgasm," Karma replies nonchalantly.

He splutters.

"What?" He tilts his head. "It's the least I could do. It's not just anyone I buy McDonald's for. You should be grateful."

Yeah, so grateful.

"I said thank you!"

Karma crawls over him, pushing all the food to the side. "You could thank me again."

"A-already?" He feels close to a sweat, not sure if Karma's just teasing him or not. Nagisa's pretty good at detecting it, usually, but when it comes to sex… he still has a lot to learn.

"Why not?" He shrugs. "There's lots of other stuff we cou-"

Nagisa finds an out, rolling out from under him with his sudden nerves. "On second thought," he says, searching frantically for his clothes, "I'm kind of tired actually."

Karma just looks amused, now sitting up on his bed. "There's plenty of time before the trains stop. You could take a nap."

"It's alright!" He says, pulling his shirt on. "U-uhm… This was fun. Let's do it again sometimeokaybye-"

Unfortunately for him, Karma's pretty quick, and he manages to almost beat Nagisa to the front door. It's not like Nagisa actually desperately needs space… but he does want some time to think. And he's definitely too overwhelmed to even think about having sex with Karma again. At least tonight.

"Hey," his tone is more serious now. "Are you… okay?"

Nagisa feels shy when he nods. "I am. I just… really am kind of tired. I'll… see you next week?"

Karma's shoulders drop some of their tension. "Yeah. Don't try and sit on the train… unless you want people to look at you funny."

Whether that's a part of Karma's teacher persona desperately trying to come through at the last minute or not, Nagisa ends up leaving with just the slightest twinge of irritation.