Review Replies:
Abichan Fiction Fan: Again, I really appreciate the kind words ^^. And riding is DEFINITELY a lot of fun! Hope you enjoy the chapter!
Guest: Thank you SO much! I'm thrilled you like it so much, and I'm absolutely ecstatic I can give you some more content on the boys! Hope you stick around for a while and hope to see you in the reviews again!
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This chapter ended up so MASSIVE (5370 words and 18 google doc pages) that I had to break it up into two sections! Don't worry, they're both getting posted today! Merry early Christmas! It may be longer than a week for the next update, mainly because this chapter tired me out and I'll be in the hills for about a week with limited Wifi access.
First up is through my eyes. Cracked open my soul a bit but sometimes you gotta show vulnerability to get through to someone. Crosshair is a tricky character, but I write him being so abrasive out of necessity and insecurity. His very survival required a harsh and cold outlook or he risked being cast off for being weak. I'm not to that extent, but I can relate to constantly acting tough so people don't take advantage of your softer side. Call me "edgy" but if you were bullied when you were younger you'll recognize the "rough front as a line of defense" type persona.
Cross can be an ass, but I prefer to write an underlying reason rather than just "he edgy". Like I say in this chapter, he's not a machine. He's human. Hope you enjoy the next two chapters! Any feedback is most welcome!
Also, "only one bed" trope anyone?
Content Warning: Past emotional trauma
Yeah... definitely gonna be walking like a cowboy , I thought as we finally came to a stop at the homestead fence. Patting Whispering Wind's neck, I said, "Thanks for the lift! Wouldn't have made it in near the time. I'll see if I can't negotiate some extra feed for y'all as payment."
" Apples are always good ," the stallion joked, kneeling down to let me slip from his back.
"I'll let Sarah know," I chuckled as the Bad Batch also dismounted.
"Ouch! How do you do that for fun, Squeak?" Wrecker groaned, hand going to the inside of his thigh where his muscles were no doubt sore.
"C'mon, Scruff! That was only twenty minutes. Some trail rides could last two hours," I teased, nudging the demolition expert.
"Aren't you sore?"
"Not yet. I will be in a few or later tonight," I laughed as I left the herd behind and hopped the fence. "I did that as a sport for four years, that's why my kicks were so strong even before karate and how I bruised my ex's ribs when I first met him. Asked me to roundhouse kick him, so I did!"
"It certainly would strengthen various muscles such as the abdominals, piriformis, psoas, quadratus lumborum, transverse abdominis, and the iliacus," Tech remarked, slipping off Wayward Hunter's back and jogging over.
How do they have latin names in this galaxy?
I nodded at the engineer. "Aye, definitely builds muscle like you wouldn't believe."
Hunter grunted as he jumped over the fence as well and stretched before coming to my side. "Alright, Ice." He pulled his helmet off, hair spilling out. Small strands stuck to his forehead from sweat and he brushed them away. "This is the trail shelter for tonight?"
"Aye," I said before raising my voice. "Sarah! You around?"
"That Shadow I hear?" a voice called from the other side of a shed before an older woman with dark weathered skin appeared around the corner. Dressed in dirt stained jeans and an older T-shirt frayed at the hems, there was no mistaking that this was the farm owner. "It is! Shadow, good to see- you have friends."
"Sergeant Hunter, ma'am. This is my team," Hunter introduced, jerked a thumb back at his team as Tech and Crosshair joined us.
"Oh, she gets a ma'am and I got 'kid'," I snorted, earning what I took to be a playful shove from Hunter.
"Sergeant Hunter ?" Sarah asked, raising an eyebrow before grieving me a sly grin. "I finally get to meet the commandos you always talk about, huh?"
I subtly motioned with my hand for her to please not say anything incriminating. I had no idea what I may have told her, and I really didn't want to find out with the men standing right behind me.
She winked at me and turned her attention to the others, who aside from Crosshair had removed their helmets. "Let's see... Wrecker?" she asked, pointing at the large clone.
Wrecker laughed. "That's me! You talked about us, huh, Squeak?" he asked me, throwing an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to his side.
I shot Sarah I good-natured glare. "Thanks for signin' my death warrant, Sarah,"
Wrecker scooped me up with one arm. "You know you love me, Squeaky!"
"Squeaky?" Sarah laughed.
"She squeaks when she steps in cold water!"
"Put me down, you overgrown puppy!" I protested, swatting at Wrecker's arm. As a result, the demolition expert held me tighter with a devious grin.
Laughing again, Sarah looked to Tech. "You're the smart one, Tech, I presume?"
Tech straightened. "Yes, ma'am. I serve as the engineer and slicer. I can by-pass any firewall in record time."
"Definitely outfitted for the job!" Sarah remarked, looking over him before turning her eyes to Crosshair. "You're the sniper she named her rifle after, Crosshair, right?"
His helmet turned towards me slightly but he merely nodded at her.
"Not a talker," she commented before turning back to me. "I'm guessing you need to use the barn loft for the night."
"Yeah," I replied, finally escaping Wrecker's grip. "Got shanghaied for a mission."
"Wish you would have told me you were coming!" she said with an apologetic smile. "Would have pulled out that extra cot since the loft only has the one bed."
Only one bed? Wow. Really, writer?
"Ah yes, ye old 'only one bed' trope. Of course," I muttered under my breath, but judging from the look Hunter sent me he'd caught that. I quickly looked away and focused on Sarah, hoping Hunter didn't ask about that.
Sarah shrugged. "There's the pullout couch, but you'll still have to double up probably."
"Well... I mean I don't mind doublin' up with someone," I said.
"Don't think the big fella will fit with you on the bed up there and leave room between you," Sarah mused, looking him over. "One of the other three might work."
Well Crosshair is definitelyout. Hunter is a reallybad idea. If he doesn't suspect my crush that would definitely give it away.
"I don't mind sharing if you don't," Tech offered. "I am not as broad-shouldered as Hunter and would give you more room to yourself."
I flicked my ears. "Sounds good to me. I'll bunk with Tech."
I mean I got a crush on the nerd too but not near to the extent of Hunter.
"Guess that's settled," the sergeant remarked.
"You're welcome to grab some fruit from the patch to eat instead of the rations you're probably carrying," Sarah said with a warm smile. "Was out there earlier, the strawberries are ripe. Or you can try your luck fishing. Caught a pretty big trout yesterday morning."
Strawberries? This ain't Earth... ah hell just go with it. "I'll go grab some, I'm hungry," I said, glancing at the Bad Batch. "Meet y'all back here in a few."
"Shadow, wait." Hunter paused. "Take Crosshair with you."
Crosshair stiffened out of the corner of my eye, echoing my own thoughts. The last time I was alone with him, I ended up neck deep in depression and he ended up neck deep in a frigid stream. This could not end well.
Then again, he'd been quiet lately, aside from the comments just before we mounted up, and if there was no one else to egg him on maybe he'd just stay quiet. And he'd shown at least someremorse after the riverside incident.
"Aight," I sighed and jerked my head at Crosshair. "C'mon, Twiggs."
"Wait, Squeak, want me to take your pack?" Wrecker asked.
I rolled my shoulders then shrugged and slipped it off. "Thanks, big guy."
"No problem!" he grinned, taking it from me.
I smiled at him before splitting off from the group. I walked towards the patch and a few moments later I finally heard the soft, light footsteps of the sniper following behind me.
Hunter, I hope you know what you're doing .
Otherwise this might end up in a screaming match again.
Sarah's voice faded away as we got further from her and the other three Batchers, the only sound now the whistle of the wind and this damn fly which would not leave me alone. Where was fly spray when you needed it?
Ears pinning in annoyance, I continued to swat at it, trying to get it to go away. I muttered, few choice words under my breath that would have probably made Neil or Hobbs proud.
How were those idiots, anyways? Away from Wrecker and Tech's chatter, I was free to mull over the sailors for a little bit.
They'd probably signed onto another ship, I couldn't see them doing anything else. Rough as hell, a desk job would not suit them. Ironically, neither would a suit. They were about as refined as scrap metal, and twice as jagged around the edges. Or something like that.
But you had to love 'em, even if they sometimes decided to "playfully" shove you against a wall and give you bruises all down your back. Gave me an excuse to body slam someone, though, so it evened out.
What goes around comes around, I thought with a soft snort, recalling the time I yelled that while full on launching myself at Neil.
"You're quiet."
No shit, I'm thinking and reminiceing . My tail bristled slightly at Crosshair's sneer. Just ignore him. He's trying to get you annoyed.
But why? He'd been decently fine earlier. Why act up now?
"So mad about bein' stuck with me you're speechless?"
I stopped and glared at him. "Damn, you really wake up and choose violence on a daily basis, don't you?"
He remained silent, his face hidden behind that mask.
Fine, I'd take charge of this conversation. He wasn't about to get the upper hand again.
Made the mistake of letting him do that once, but not this time.
"A, I like peace and quiet as much as the next person. B, you aren't a conversationalist. C, even if you were, we aren't on the best of terms. D, you clearly hate me. And F, that was uncalled for!" I exclaimed. "I'm just vibin' and mindin' my own business and you attack me. If you're gonna be meaner than a sunbaked rattlesnake, piss off and go back to the others. I agreed to have you along because I thought I'd have some quiet time to think. Clearly not." I turned away and marched towards the patch, fur along my tail now bristling and ears pinned against my skull.
Maybe he really was just saying sorry back at the river to make me drop my guard so he could stab me later. Idiot... why did I actually think he was sorry?
Silence stretched behind me before he called, "Wait that's... that's not what I meant."
"Yes, it was," I grumbled, shaking my head. "Just... I know you hate me but could you cool it?"
He went silent again, which was completely fine by me. The longer he was quiet the more likely it was my blood could cool and I wouldn't pull a Rex and knock this man on his ass.
So much for us getting along.
Just when I thought he'd actually...
Actually what?
Gotten a heart?
Stupid...
Yet...
The problem is never the problem .
I groaned as the phrase flashed through my head. Really? I did not need my damn psychology brain to act up right now. I wanted to stay mad at him!
No you don't.
No... no I didn't.
Damn it.
"Why do you hate me anyways?" I huffed.
Half expecting silence, surprise rippled through me when Crosshair muttered, "Don't hate you."
"Coulda fooled me," I grumbled. "Seriously, Crosshair, I'm gettin' tired of this. That what you wanted, huh?" I turned around at faced him once more, taking a step towards the sniper. "To hear you're wearin' me down? Tirin' me out? Gettin' under my skin?"
He held his ground, but the falter in his words was unmistakable. "That's not..."
"Not what ?!" I snapped, anger rising to the surface, that bitterness I always tried to keep down lest I lose my cool. Blowing up on someone never helped. If anything, it made it worse.
But Crosshair really was making it hard to keep my cool. Always trying to push me past my limit, and for what? To what end?
I should have just brushed it off. Let his insults roll off my back.
Forgive and forget, right?
Well I never forgot.
Funny how the second could cancel the first.
"Not what you meant? Then what did you mean? Huh? Tell me!" I continued to advance on the sniper, not caring that he took a step back.
Wrecker's not here to save you this time! You can't hide from this fuck up! Time to face the music!
"What verbal knife do you have aimed at my chest this time? What's your plan to tear me apart now?" My voice rose in pitch. "Damn it all to hell, Crosshair! Why can't you be nicer!?"
"I don't know how!" The moment the words left his mouth, Crosshair stiffened and took a step back.
My eyes widened at the admission.
Of course... The life of a soldier was all he knew. When would he have had the time to work on his people skills?
No. No he's a grown ass adult. He's not some clueless middle schooler. He's at least twenty. He should know that words could hurt people!
"That's no excuse," I growled. "I'm not askin' for perfection. I'm askin' for effort . I don't expect you to be all buddy buddy. Hell, I actually like verbally sparrin' with you. It's fun, especially since you can take it and return fire. But I don't like fightin ' with you. That's what I have issues with. Call me names, tease me, taunt me, that's all fine. If you attack me, then we have problems." White hot rage simmered back to the surface, followed by pain. "But that's all you ever do! Attack me! Try to kill me with your words! Why ?"
"I was created solely to fight," Crosshair snapped. "Solely to kill ! The longnecks didn't care about anythin' other than a perfect soldier who could kill their opponents as quickly as possible. Anything less is unacceptable and a failure !"
The venom and agony in that single word all but knocked the breath from my lungs. My anger burned away, leaving behind an empty, hollow feeling in its place.
All those years on Kamino, being told he was useless, a reject, a failure, a mistake ...
Just because of something he couldn't control. Couldn't change.
Just because of who he was .
"But you aren't a failure, Crosshair." I shook my head and risked a step closer, taking care to force the tension from my shoulders and unclench my fists. "I know there's more under that armor, and not the physical one. I also know you don't want me to see it. I know you think it's a weakness. But it's not." I paused. "Even if people tell us it is." I strengthened my voice and looked back at him. "It's what makes us human . You're not a droid. You are not a machine. That may be what they tell you you are, but what they say you are doesn't matter. What they think about you doesn't matter. There's only one person who can define who you are, Crosshair. You ."
By the time I finished, Crosshair had turned away from me, helmet fixated on the ground as he stood with his fists clenched.
Uncertainty filled me, but I took a deep breath and reached out to lay a hand on his arm in the gap between his forearm and bicep armor. He jerked, but didn't snatch the limb away.
"I know it's hard, constantly fightin' an uphill battle that seems to go on forever," I said softly. "I know how tirin' it can be. Workin' so hard to please others, to be accepted, only to give up after sufferin' defeat after defeat after defeat because what's the damn point anymore. But Crosshair... you've got to learn that not everyone is out to get you. Not everyone wishes you harm. Many might, but not everyone does." My grip tightened. "I know I don't."
Crosshair didn't say anything, helmet still angled away from me.
I sighed and let my hand drop back to my side. "I guess I'm probably talkin' to a brick wall here, but figured you should hear it. Take it as you will," I said with a shrug, turning away and heading onward towards the patch.
I just hope that at least some of that got through.
I really do love Cross, he just needs a smack in the face with reality sometimes.