NOTE: Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, just work with me. Any medical stuff is vaguely based on SVU or made up for the purpose of plot! Nothing is too unrealistic I think...
By the way, I apologize for the late update, I ended up needing to go to the emergency room this weekend so yeah, I didn't get much of a chance to write. But we're good now!
I hope this chapter is satisfactory, I tried something a little different but nothing drastic that I think will prove effective. As always, feel free to let me know, thank you for reading and sticking with this story. Any and all feedback is welcome! Enjoy...
The way Rafael saw it, there was no place worse than a waiting room. Except maybe an emergency waiting room. Filled with anxious cops.
If he'd had room for any other emotion but fear, Rafael would've almost felt sorry for the confused civilians in the room. The tension in the room was palpable, made evident by the gawking stares and unusual quiet that had fallen the second the squad had arrived just minutes after him. The uncomfortable quiet was the worst of it, only exacerbating the anxiety bubbling away at his stomach. He almost wished Amaro was still pumping him for information but he was over by Rollins, his head in his hands. His heart clenched painfully at the sight. Shit. He knew that feeling. His chest was uncomfortably tight again. A small, more rational part of him recognized that if he didn't find something else to distract him and soon, he'd be facing another panic attack like the one he'd had in his office those long few hours ago. And that couldn't happen. Olivia needed him.
Rafael's eyes desperately flicked around the room, searching for a distraction, for anything to get him out of his head. Fuck. He couldn't pick something to focus on. There were just too many options, too many noises. As his eyes blurred, the relative quiet became louder; the far off beeping of some machine, anxious whispering, the static of police radios, the occasional racking cough, everything grew to a dull roar in his ears. Keep it together. The tautness in his chest intensified and he blinked rapidly, attempting a deep breath. The smell of filtered air laced with hand sanitizer assaulted his senses as his eyes finally focused and landed on the one thing he'd been trying to avoid. His hands... his hands red and stiff with Olivia's dried blood.
The red and blue lights of the ambulance were blinding but conveniently illuminated the door to the shack. Rafael couldn't look away as he anxiously wrung his hands, his fear blocking out everything. The paramedics had gone in—he tore his eyes from the door to glance at his watch—7 minutes ago! What was taking so long?!
"Barba?"
"What." His response was automatic and harsh as he continued to stare at the shack, unmoving. He saw Amanda cock her head to the side impatiently out of the corners of his eyes.
"Barba."
Anger flared in his stomach, sharp and hot as he whipped his head around to glare at the detective. "What, Rollins? What? Spit it out!"
Amanda's eyes closed briefly as she sucked in a deep breath. She appeared to be counting to ten. "I thought you'd want to a part of this conversation."
That caught his attention. He turned with great reluctance towards the rest of her squad who were all standing together a couple of paces behind him. As Rafael joined them he scanned their faces. Amaro was still as pale as ever and Fin's eyes were heavy like he'd never seen them but it was Captain Cragen's expression that caused him to swallow heavily. The man had never looked older than in that moment. He greeted Barba with a nod before addressing them all.
"Who's riding with Olivia?"
"I am." The words had barely left the captain's mouth before he spoke, Barba's words sharp and leaving no room for argument. His face was thunderous as he stared each of them down, daring anyone to disagree with him. "I'll ride with her."
After a beat, Cragen looked towards his detectives, a little surprised, "No arguments?"
Shockingly, it was Amaro who stood up for him. "She did ask for him, Cap."
Barba's eyebrows shot up and his heart clenched painfully. "She—she did?"
Nick's eyes were filled with an emotion Rafael couldn't quite figure out as he nodded, "Yeah. She did."
Barba could only blink, struck dumb until—"We're coming out!"
His head whipped over his shoulder towards the shack. At first glance, all he could tell was that Olivia was unmoving, strapped onto the stretcher held by the two paramedics. As they moved closer, he caught sight of a scary-looking neck brace holding her head in place and swallowed heavily.
She was still out cold.
Before Rafael could move towards the ambulance, a hand fell heavy on his shoulder. Amaro.
"Barba," he'd never looked so serious, "Rollins, Fin, and I will follow in a squad car. Take care of her."
"I will. I promise."
Someone had to stay behind. The words, though true, did nothing to soothe Cragen as he replayed the ambulance driving away once more in his mind. As the red and blue lights had retreated, Rollins had been the only one to confirm that he'd be staying; Fin and Amaro were already halfway up the dirt road by the time Cragen had waved her off after them. Let them go, he'd thought. As the Captain, the boss, the one in charge, it was only natural that he'd have to be on the scene for the closure of this high profile case after all. Well, at least until CSU and the ME took over. Then he'd have to brief State Police. And 1PP. And if the press caught wind...
"Captain Cragen?"
Cragen startled at the unexpected voice, turning to see two men with jackets blaring "CSU" in large yellow letters jogging up to him, bags strapped over their shoulders, cameras in hand. Relief flooded his body as he cleared his throat, "I'm Captain Cragen."
"Nice to meet you," one man said, sticking his hand out to Cragen, who stared back, obviously ignoring his hand. The man dropped his hand awkwardly before rushing to speak. "We're sorry for the delay in our arrival but we're ready when you are Captain."
"Good." About time. After they'd gotten Olivia out of the shack, no one had been in or out of there. He still had no idea what to expect to find beyond the little he'd gotten out of his detectives. He glanced down at the mockingly silent phone in his hand once more before he sucked in a deep breath and squared his shoulders. "Let's go." He pushed open the door.
The metallic scent of blood mixed horribly with the musty smell of the old shack as Cragen stepped in, squinting from the fluorescent lighting. He pushed out of the way of the two men, careful not to disturb anything as he took in the scene. His first impression was chaos and that was before his eyes zeroed in on the prone body of Albert Jones. An upended table had clearly sent things flying; the floor was littered with various objects including—his stomach rolled—a knocked-over chair with ripped duct tape. He pushed the picture of Olivia duct-taped to the chair from his mind as quickly as it came and his eyes shifted to dark red. The gray concrete under Jones's dead body was slick with blood, the worst of it concentrated under the gash in his neck. The blood was already congealed, the edges of the crimson pool already beginning to dry. He swallowed heavily as he tore his eyes from the garish sight before clearing his throat. He turned to address the man from CSU.
"Photo and bag everything. We'll need to confirm that Albert Jones was the Pinky Pervert," his eyes shut briefly as his voice cracked, guilt twisting his guts as he spoke the dreaded words, "with or w-without Detective Benson's statement."
Not again.
That's all she could think as Olivia fought against the heaviness of her eyelids, the darkness threatening to pull her under. Her head still hurt. No. No, this was more than hurt. This was agony. Before she could help it, a moan of pain broke through her lips. She couldn't bring herself to care. She was in too much pain.
Maybe it would be easier to slip back to the dark… Just for a little bit. Just for—
"Liv?"
Her eyes shot open. Rafael. It couldn't be.
"Liv!"
His voice! It was him! But where…? The light was blinding. All she could do was blink as tears ran down her face. Why couldn't she move her head? Or her arms? Her stomach sank as it hit her. Oh god, no. It was a trick. A fucking trick, it had to be. She must be with him still. Her face crumpled and she started to sob, twisting in a pathetic attempt to get whatever was holding her down OFF. Now. Get it off, get it off, get it off!
"Get it off her! Can't you see it's—!"
Something, no, someone had ripped it off for her. But why would Jones…? Did she really kill him? Everything was too confusing, too bright, too loud. And her head… She brought her hand up slowly, ignoring the jumble of voices and noises as she touched the hair on the back of her head, wrinkling her nose as her palm became covered in a warm, sticky, something. Blood, she realized. That's my blood.
"No, no, sweetheart don't do that."
She didn't flinch when these hands touched her wrist. This touch was gentle, calming. Maybe Rafael was there. She grasped wildly for the hands, for the semblance of comfort and safety they gave her. They gave hers a gentle squeeze, a thumb moving to brush hers. She knew these hands. Rafael. He was there.
She could barely whisper, "Rafa...?
"Yes!" he cried, "Yes I'm here, it's me," Rafael sounded on the verge of tears.
"You… You found me." She sounded confused, disbelief coloring her voice.
His hands gave hers a gentle squeeze, "We did, you're safe now Liv, I promise, we're on the way to the hospital. I—"
"Sir," Olivia's eyes flew open at the unfamiliar voice, "Please give her some space."
Her breath caught as his hands left hers, panic rising in her chest. "Rafael? Rafael where—?"
She gasped as her hands were captured once more before recognition hit her; she relaxed when he spoke, "I'm right here, Liv, I promise."
"When he—I thought—" a sob cut her off, "I thought I'd n-never see you again. P-Please, don't leave me."
His voice was thick with tears, "I couldn't. I promise, I promise, I won't leave you."
Any semblance of control crumbled under the weight of his words, under the relief and raw emotion crashing over her; it stole her breath, filled her eyes with tears, closed her throat. Grief, overwhelming, painful anguish shook her body. She could only manage one word before it became too much: "Stay."
His promise floated over her as she sunk into darkness. "Always, cariño. Always."
She looked so… small. That was his first thought as Rafael stepped into Olivia's hospital room hours after he'd watched, tears pouring down his cheeks, as they wheeled her away. She looked small and it petrified him. The Olivia he knew wasn't small.
"Barba."
He couldn't move. He could only stare. What had that bastard done to her?
"Barba! Move!" Nick's tone was harsh and impatient, cutting through Rafael's stupor enough for him to shift to the side.
Where Rafael froze at the sight of Olivia, Amaro lurched forwards unconsciously as he caught sight of her, pushing past him, desperate to get closer. Nick collapsed into the chair next to the bed as Rafael sucked in a shaky breath, his hand coming up to cover his mouth, his eyes searching her face for answers. Her face was pale making the daunting bruise on her check darker. Her neck was still in a brace and the back of her head was bandaged.
As the doctor—Dr. Hernandez Rafael remembered—closed the door behind them, Rafael whirled around bursting with questions.
"Before you say anything," she interrupted, putting her hands up reassuringly, "Detective Benson is stable. She's suffered a bad knock to the back of her head but we're not seeing any swelling of the brain."
"Are you sure?" Nick eyed the doctor skeptically, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he recalled her slurred speech and unfocused eyes.
"We're positive."
"But there was so much blood," Barba said, his face twisted with worry while his hands closed reflexively. He'd finally washed her blood off a while ago but he could still feel it, still smell it.
"Head wounds do tend to bleed a lot," Dr. Hernandez explained, "But Detective Benson should make a full recovery."
"Should?"
"That's the bad news. The fact she still hasn't woken up gives cause for concern. But like I said, the CT didn't show any swelling. We're cautiously optimistic. Until she wakes up though, we can't make any promises."
"Then there's no point in telling us this," Barba snapped. "What else? Did he hurt her?" Rafael sucked in a deep breath. He had to know. "Did he…?" Rafael swallowed heavily; he couldn't say it.
Amaro could. "Did he rape her?"
"No," Dr. Hernandez said softly, "There was no evidence of trauma."
The two men let out a collective breath. The tears Rafael had been holding in finally spilled over. "T-Thank god."
"Yeah."
A heavy quiet fell over the four of them with nothing but the steady beep of Olivia's heart monitor and the muffled noise of the hospital around them to keep their worries company.
After a beat, Dr. Hernandez cleared her throat, "I'll leave you to it then unless you have any other questions?"
"No," Nick said bluntly. Rafael shook his head.
She nodded before leaving. As the door clicked shut, Amaro turned back to face Olivia. "So what now?"
Barba could only whisper, his throat stinging with tears.
"We wait."
Olivia's eyes flew open in a panic as a shriek burst from her lips. Her heart was racing, sweat coating her back. As she blinked slowly, her vision swimming to focus, her shriek devolved into a groan of pain. All she could see was the white ceiling above her. And all she could feel was pain.
When she tried to move her head she let out another groan; for some reason she felt like she should've known, she couldn't move her head. Why couldn't she move her head? Her throat reflexively closed with anxiety and she squeezed her eyes shut. She hated not knowing.
Oh god, wait. She remembered.
She'd been in an ambulance. With Rafael. His words whispered through her mind, "You're safe now Liv, I promise, we're on the way to the hospital."
He'd promised he wouldn't leave her.
"Rafael?" Her voice came out in a pathetically small whimper. He had to be there. She'd break if he wasn't. "Rafael? Are you there?"
The silence was deafening and crushing. Her lip started to tremble as a tear rolled down her face. He'd left her. He'd actually—
"Yes!"
Her mouth dropped open.
"Yes, I'm so sorry, I'm here! Oh god, Liv, I'm here!"
He didn't mean to drift off to sleep. After three hours of nothing but the occasional sigh, twitch, or cry from Olivia, sheer exhaustion had just won out. He didn't even drift into a restful sleep; his dreams had been troubled and oddly vivid. He kept reliving the ambulance ride, watching Olivia's terror, so when he woke to the sound of her scream he was slow to react, unsure if his dream had crept into his reality.
It hadn't.
He couldn't tell if Olivia was awake from his seated position as he blinked the fog of sleep from his mind. A part of him doubted what he'd heard as he looked over to find Amaro's seat empty. Huh, I wonder where—
"Rafael?"
His mind went blank, utter shock and disbelief stealing his speech. His mouth was gaping and he could've sworn his heart stopped.
"Rafael? Are you there?"
Oh god, Rafael, snap out of it!
"Yes!" he exclaimed, jumping to his feet, "Yes, I'm so sorry, I'm here! Oh god, Liv, I'm here!"
He brought his hand out to grasp hers as he maneuvered next to her until their eyes met. Olivia was gasping now as tears ran down her face; they matched the tears of relief running down his.
"Oh sweetheart, are you okay, are you in pain, I can get a nurse!"
She squeezed his hand gently and he fell silent.
It took her a couple seconds to calm her breathing before she choked out one word: "Jones?"
Rafael knew exactly what she meant and rushed to assure her, "Jones is dead. He's dead, he's never going to hurt anyone again."
She closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. "Good."
Rafael searched her face, desperate to help her. Maybe she'd want someone else? He swallowed heavily before speaking.
"The squad is here, Liv. Amaro was in here before I fell asleep. If you want, I can go get—"
"No." Her grip on his hand intensified.
"Okay."
Her eyes locked with his, her expression serious, almost pleading. "Don't go. Please. Not yet."
"Of course, Liv," he said, bending over to press a soft kiss to her temple. Her heart swelled as she felt his lips move against her skin. His voice was deep and raspy with emotion as he whispered to her, "I'm yours. And I'm not going anywhere."