When they return from the coffee shop, Xingchen is so exhausted from yet another motorbike ride, which he found just as unpleasant as Xue Yang warned him he would, on top of everything else that happened that day, that he goes to sleep right away and doesn't wake until the next morning.
When he does wake, it is to what is probably the most divine smell that has ever entered his nostrils.
His stomach immediately gives out a loud grumble, reminding him that the only thing he ingested yesterday were two cups of baiju and one cup of tea.
"What is this?" Xingchen asks when he sits up on the bed and stretches his back. "It smells wonderful."
"I'm making pancakes," Xue Yang replies. "They're kinda like flatbread but sweet. You… want some?" he asks, sounding mildly surprised.
"Yes, please," Xingchen says without a second thought and walks over to the kitchen alcove.
He hears Xue Yang pour something, presumably on a pan, and then there is a sound of that something sizzling, and the delicious smell of something sweet being fried intensifies. A few moments later, there is a whoosh, indicating that the contents of the pan are sent flying in the air, and then they fall back on the hot surface with a thud.
"Are you tossing them in the air?" Xingchen asks in confusion.
"Yeah. They must be properly fried on both sides. Some people just turn them 'round with a spatula, but what's the fun in that?"
Xingchen winces a little when he once again hears Xue Yang use that dreadful word, but his attention is immediately diverted by his stomach, grumbling even louder than before in a protest against its sadly empty state.
Xue Yang takes the pan off the stove and turns off the burner.
"Come to think of it, I don't think I ever saw you eat anything yesterday. Did you eat at all?" he asks Xingchen, who just shakes his head.
"I knew it!" Xue Yang exclaims in indignation. "I totally should've made you order something in that coffee shop."
"I wasn't in the mood for eating," Xingchen snaps, once again frustrated by the fact that Xue Yang treats him like a child. "I can sustain myself with spiritual energy for several days," he adds when he realizes that what he has just said didn't sound exactly mature.
"I guessed as much. It just seems like a waste when the food is right here, so."
Xingchen has to admit Xue Yang's got a point there. He really should try to take better care of himself to preserve his spiritual energy; if nothing else, Song Lan might need his help sometime soon, so Xingchen should be at his best.
"Never mind that. Go sit down, I'll feed you in a sec," Xue Yang commands and Xingchen complies, so looking forward to the meal that he ignores the fact he's now treated not like a child, but rather like a pet.
A plate is put in front of him. From this close, the delightful smell is so intoxicating that it makes him a little dizzy.
He touches the pancake with his fingers, gingerly because he can feel it's hot, and finds out it is indeed round like shaobing flatbread, but much thinner. While he traces the circular shape, he discovers there's more pancakes beneath the top one; he counts eight in total.
Xingchen is ready to devour all of them without ceremony despite them being hot, but he is stopped by a light touch on his forearm.
"Not so fast," Xue Yang tells him with a trace of amusement in his voice. "Pancakes are usually not eaten plain; you put stuff like jams or syrups on the top. I've already laid it all out on the table, so there are four jars in front of you. From your left to right it's peanut butter, Nutella, strawberry jam and blueberry jam. You spread some of that onto your pancake, roll it and then cut it to pieces with a knife and fork."
A Western dish then, Xingchen thinks as he reluctantly puts the top pancake back on his plate and extends his hand to locate the jars Xue Yang mentioned.
He gives peanut butter a wide berth; he has already tasted it once and found the flavor very peculiar. He picks up a knife, dips it in Nutella and licks it. As the name suggests, it seems to be made from nuts, but it is way too sweet for his taste buds, and leaves a rather unpleasant aftertaste.
Strawberry jam also turns out to be slightly too sweet, but at least tastes like real fruit, so it becomes an option.
Then he tries the blueberry jam and almost melts in pure bliss, because the perfect harmony between sweetness and sourness in the preserved fruits is just heaven.
Xue Yang has been obviously watching for his reactions, because he says, "My mom made this. It's from wild blueberries, not those grown on fields, 'cause blueberries got much more flavor when they grow in the wild. Mom goes on a blueberry-picking trip every summer and then makes a few jars of this jam for me and A-Qing."
"Give your mother my compliments," Xingchen tells him rather dazedly before spreading the jam on the top pancake and rolling it as he was told to.
"This is really delicious," he proclaims after the first bite.
"Thank you?" Xue Yang says, but it sounds kind of disbelieving. "I… thought you didn't like sweets," he adds.
"I don't like the sweets you buy in a shop," Xingchen explains when he has finished the topmost pancake and is now spreading the blueberry jam on the second one. "The candies you usually eat smell very unnatural to me."
"Oh. That's probably because of all the emulsifiers. That's the stuff we use to make food last longer. I didn't realize it might be a problem for you," Xue Yang says and then focuses on his own plate for a while.
Xingchen, too, keeps relishing his pancakes, putting generous helpings of blueberry jam on one after another, but now that he's sated the worst of his hunger, he can't help but notice that the silence between him and Xue Yang has a different quality to it than it did just two days ago or so, before Xingchen suffered from his nightmare and the two of them argued. And this change is decidedly not an improvement, because while before the silence felt surprisingly peaceful, now there is a hint of tension to it that makes Xingchen uneasy. Come to think of it, the way Xue Yang speaks to him today sounds different, too; there's something cautious about it, as though he expects Xingchen to lash out at him at any given moment.
"How do you make this dish?" Xingchen asks in an attempt to dispel this unwanted new awkwardness between them.
"It's very simple, actually. You just mix milk with flour and eggs, add a pinch of salt and a little sugar and let it sit in the fridge for a while. Then you put some oil on the pan and fry it."
It does sound simple, but Xingchen still finds it strange, because the Xue Yang he used to know never cooked. He was willing to help with chopping vegetables and suchlike, as he was very good with knives (Xingchen tries not to dwell on that thought), but he never made a whole meal from scratch.
This Xue Yang is a decent cook, as he has already proven on several occasions, starting with the time A-Qing was here, when he made the Golden White Jade and Green Parrot. He said that it was his mother's recipe, Xingchen recalls.
"Who taught you to make this?" he asks presently, already guessing at the answer.
"My mom," Xue Yang confirms his guess. "She made pancakes every other weekend when I was a kid, and I always ate a ton. One day, when I was about fifteen, she told me that if I liked them so much I should learn how to make them, 'cause she's not gonna always be around for it. Dad overheard it and complained that cooking wasn't a manly thing to do. To that, she said, tell that to Gordon Ramsay," Xue Yang says with a small chuckle. "That's umm, a famous chef," he explains. "He's got his own cooking show on TV. Mom likes those."
"She sounds like a nice woman," Xingchen comments, relieved that Xue Yang seems to have relaxed a little. As Xue Yang makes a non-committal sound in response to that, it crosses Xingchen's mind that he would very much like to meet her, the woman who managed to raise both A-Qing and Xue Yang into what seems like rather decent people; if he understood A-Qing's story about the other older brother correctly, Xue Yang was only violent with his sister once, and even on that occasion he didn't really hurt her. That would be remarkable in any pair of siblings, not to mention a situation when one of these siblings was someone who Xingchen knew as a heartless killer.
He realizes that he has stopped eating, sitting frozen with his fork hovering a few inches in front of his mouth. If Xue Yang notices this, he chooses not to comment on it.
When they finish the pancakes off a few minutes later, Xingchen offers to wash the dishes, and Xue Yang in turn offers to find him some more audio books.
"No, thank you. I'm going to meditate," Xingchen replies, but the last part of the sentence ends up as a yawn.
"Sure. I know a food coma when I see one," Xue Yang sniggers at him, sounding decidedly smug.
And he has a right to be, Xingchen must admit. The man has, after all, just prepared the singularly best meal Xingchen has ever eaten.
After washing the dishes and returning to the bed, Xingchen gives meditation a valiant effort, but ends up dozing off for a little while, just like Xue Yang predicted.
When he wakes, he applies himself to meditation again, but emptying his mind seems impossible. Before long, he realizes that he should maybe try the opposite, and properly think things over.
What they learned about Song Lan presses heavily on his mind. The fate played a cruel trick on him, to have him hope that his friend might be alive and well, only to find out he was missing and entangled in some suspicious crime. Unfortunately, Xingchen still knows too little about this world to be able to do anything about it; he has to rely on Jin Guangyao to find out what exactly happened to his friend.
He has to admit that Xue Yang surprised him by offering to find Song Lan for him. This, rather than anything else, finally forced Xingchen to accept that he was dealing with a different man.
He can't imagine the Xue Yang he knew ever offering anything like that, not without any ulterior motives. And he can't imagine this Xue Yang having anything to gain by this offer.
Baoshan Sanren always said that a person's measure was taken by their deeds.
Since he came to the future, Xue Yang's deeds towards him were nothing but good, his only transgression being the fact that he photographed Xingchen's injury without his permission, and even that was quite forgivable because he did it in an attempt to get that injury treated.
He seemed so worried when Xingchen left that he literally ran looking for him. When it happened, Xingchen was still angry about how overbearing Xue Yang was being, making his decisions for Xingchen, which was not helped at all by Xue Yang blurting out that he didn't allow Xingchen to leave, as if Xingchen were a child. But when he thinks about it now, it actually seems kind of touching. For all intents and purposes, Xingchen is a stranger in this world, with no ties to any living person. No one should worry about him, yet Xue Yang obviously does.
During their argument, Xue Yang accused Xingchen of treating him like a monster even though the man was doing his best to help him. Xingchen now realizes that Xue Yang had a point.
This Xue Yang provided him with food and shelter, and patiently explained to him all kinds of things about the modern world. He even let Xingchen sleep in his own bed without a word of complaint.
The modern day Xue Yang also tried to comfort Xingchen when the latter had a nightmare, and said that he was sorry about the suffering his past self caused, even though he remembered nothing about it.
In short, the Xue Yang he saw in his nightmare was nothing like this one. That's why it affected him so much, Xingchen supposes. At that time, it felt like a cold shower waking him up from a pleasant daydream, reminding him of the true nature of the man beside him.
But that was actually just an illusion caused by his frayed nerves.
The truth is that the Xue Yang from his nightmare and the one who just made him pancakes have very little in common. The man who wronged Xingchen so grievously died a long time ago, so long that this was most probably far from his first reincarnation. He might have lived a dozen of lives in the meantime, paying for his sins several times over.
Xingchen is suddenly visited by a terrifying thought. What if his own life is not his first one, and his own past self has done some terrible deeds? What if his present suffering is nothing but rightful karmic retribution for that?
He tries to imagine a stranger approaching him and accusing him of some terrible wrongdoings he supposedly committed in his past life. Is this what he has been doing to Xue Yang?
Xingchen feels shame, because the man who is with him right now has hardly done anything to deserve this. It is not just his behavior towards Xingchen; he seems to genuinely care about A-Qing and his mother, and has a trusted friend in Jin Guangyao. Xingchen didn't ask about this, but he is increasingly sure that this Xue Yang has never really hurt another human being. He is not a cultivator, and he doesn't even seem to own any weapons. He spends his time mostly on his computer, either developing some sort of games or hacking. Xingchen isn't really certain what exactly the latter entails and knows that it's illegal, but understands enough to know that it equals some sort of theft at worst, which is a far cry from bodily maiming other people.
Baoshan Sanren also said that a person's character was formed in part by nature and in part by nurture. It seemed that while the Xue Yang Xingchen used to know was sorely lacking in the nurture department, this one received a proper upbringing in a loving family, thus becoming a much better version of himself. Once again, Xingchen experiences a desire to meet Xue Yang's mother, this time accompanied by a wish to thank her.
He also makes a resolution to never again reproach Xue Yang for his past self's deeds. The man has been trying his best from the moment Xingchen appeared in his apartment, even though his own life got effectively turned upside down because of it. And all the stress this must have caused is undoubtedly taking its toll on Xue Yang. Why else would he become so upset yesterday when A-Qing guessed the truth about Xingchen? She is chatty, true, but also loyal and definitely able to keep a secret if it's important. Yet despite the fact that his own thoughts were rather preoccupied by Song Lan's fate, Xingchen couldn't help noticing that Xue Yang almost fell apart at that moment.
Xingchen felt a twinge of guilt then, and remembered that his Chengmei – the past version of Xue Yang, he mentally corrects himself – could always be cheered with sweets, which seems to be something the two incarnations of Xue Yang have in common.
Xue Yang indeed managed to pull himself together right after his sister bought him a piece of cake at Xingchen's suggestion, even though he later left in a middle of Xingchen's and A-Qing's conversation about Song Lan, saying something about his motorbike, and once again sounding distressed to Xingchen's ears.
Well, there are still many things Xingchen doesn't know about the world around him; maybe it was just his imagination and the motorbike really needed something to be able to take them back. Xingchen has no way to tell.
Xingchen suddenly remembers that yesterday morning, Xue Yang said that Xingchen could receive some sort of artificial eyes. The man mentioned something along these lines when Xingchen was upset about his nightmare so he refused on principle, but now he finds himself reconsidering.
He has acquired a new, very specific goal – to find Song Lan and help him regain his freedom, because he is fairly sure his friend is innocent of the crime he's held accountable for, even though Zichen himself might disagree.
And Xingchen is certain that he would stand a better chance of finding Song Lan if he could see, even though the idea of someone prodding and poking at him rather scares him.
He listens for the sounds around him, trying to guess what Xue Yang is doing right now. There is no clicking and tapping, so he assumes Xue Yang is just watching some sort of movie on his screen, with his headphones on. Surely enough, when he moves to approach the man, he can hear muffled tinny sounds bleeding through. He touches Xue Yang's shoulder to get his attention.
"Can you tell me more about those artificial eyes you mentioned?" he asks when Xue Yang puts his headphones down. "Is it how blindness is usually cured these days?"
"Actually, no. I was also surprised when Jiggy wrote to me about it, and had to look it up online. It's a brand new technology that's only in the testing stage. In the defense of modern medical science, we've got some pretty mean prosthetic legs you can run on, and hearing aids for people who are almost deaf, but these bionic eyes are really something new."
"You said I'd be a test subject," Xingchen remembers, experiencing an echo of the revulsion he felt at that moment.
"Yeah, but it'll be no funny business, don't worry," Xue Yang assures him. "That guy's a legit doctor, plus some super famous expert according to Jiggy, he wouldn't do anything that'd put you in danger. And I'll be there with you, if it's any comfort."
It actually is, even though Xingchen finds himself reluctant to admit it.
"You can tell Jin Guangyao that I'm willing to try this," he says instead.
"For real? That's awesome! I'm gonna write it to Jiggy right away," Xue Yang exclaims excitedly. Xingchen can hear a smile in his voice, and pictures the other man's face all radiant with joy. And then he feels the corners of his own lips turning upwards.
A/N: Just the boys catching a bit of respite before having to deal with more stuff.
Doesn't the idea of reincarnation just delightfully blur the lines between what is black and what is white, what is good and what is evil?
Had A-Qing been present, she would've argued that what Xue Yang made should be called crepes, not pancakes (but she'd still have eaten her weight in them).