Numbers and math signs. Numbers and math signs everywhere in this vast wasteland of pure whiteness that stretched seemingly into infinity, slightly resembling a middle schooler's grid sheet. The bear and bird soon landed in the middle of it all, with Jolly, Mumbo and Humba quickly trailing along. Banjo and Kazooie still weren't used to others tagging along to save the day, seeing as it would be hard to keep track of who's with them and who could actually be of use; but seeing as how reality has gone bye bye, all the help they could get is probably necessary. What wasn't necessary however was..
"Mumbo said no such thing!" The shaman cried at the witch, angrily whisking his staff at Humba. "Mumbo gentlemen, thought only barely crossed mind because Humba not packing much!" That earned the shaman a slap across the skull by the offended magic user.
"Big heap sexist, catcalling Humba like Friday night, how offensive!" Humba raised her fist again in case Mumbo said another thing.
"Humba can't match up to impressive magic skills!" Mumbo smirked and waved his staff around, making glitters trail it before it hit Jolly in the stomach. "OOF! Ggnn, you naughty shaman! I'm gonna make sure you regret that!"
"HEY!" Kazooie called out to the other three, snarling at them. "Stop wasting your time insulting each other! We have a chapter to finish!"
Banjo coughed in his paw and murmured. "Pot calling the kettle black.." That earned a growl from Kazooie that made Banjo giggle. "Yer too easy, Kazoozoo." The bear said affectionately.
Suddenly, a loud chipper ding rang out in everyone's ears, as a large shadow loomed over them. The duo weren't expecting much as they felt like they had seen everything. Zombie kings, gay frogs, italian shamans, a pair of knockers.. But here they saw a floating head of Bottles, looking down at them with his purple eyes.
"Is.. that?" Banjo stammered at the sight.
"Hahaha, yes! It is I, hello. Dr. Bottles Trainyabrainya." The overly cheerful mole head chirped, hovering around the four with an aimless desire to teach.
"Mumbo always thought mole big headed, but this ridiculous." Mumbo quipped, preparing for his next comedy tour.
"Ohohoooo, you think you're funny? I have supreme knowledge and skill over your comedic timing, skullboy." The possessed mole said.
"Do you know when to shut up then?" Kazooie rang out, cracking up. That tore it.
Suddenly, the amicable and willing to teach Bottles' head turned twisted. His grin creaked upwards as his head sprouted large red horns from both sides, as his face turned red with pure spite going through him, powers only gained by the chip that was forced upon him.
"IS THERE ANYTHING FUNNY NOW, BIRD?" His voice echoed at the bird.
"... Wow, you look even uglier than bef—" At this point, Banjo closed Kazooie's beak and shoved her down the backpack, looking up at Bottles' devilish head. "Guuuuh nope! Nothin' funny here!"
Suddenly the mole head returned to normal.. as normal can be. "Ah, good good! Now, I would like to measure your intellect before we get to training.. but since I realize all of you are below me in brain age, I'll just give all of you the same level in training."
"Ugh, rude." Jolly muttered, crossing his arms and swaying his hips.
"Don't worry, this won't be too painful. Just enough to make you beg for mercy." The head soon disappeared, leaving our heroes looking at each other.
Humba was the first to talk, huddling around everyone in case Bottles was eavesdropping. "We in big heap trouble. Suggest course of action."
"Woman taking initiative. That new one." Mumbo laughed before getting socked in the eye by Humba. "URRR! MUMBO'S BEAUTIFUL PEEPERS!"
"No time for petty argument! We work together to get filthy mole back to normal!" Humba scolded the shaman.
"Ooer, we don't even know what he's planning to do!" Jolly rang out, feeling the sense of dread that he'll pop up at any moment. The gang was all scared and frantic, and it was Banjo's turn to try to keep everyone calm and focused on a plan.
"Guys! We gotta calm down an' hunker down on a plan! Now, dat weird ol' chippy is somewhere on him, we just need to do that thin' where we distract him and another one of us grabs it!"
"Easy for you to say," Kazooie rolled his eyes, skeptical as Banjo was optimistic, "that floating bastard's got us licked! Who knows where a bookworm like him is hiding that chip?"
Suddenly, a poof came above them. Showering our heroes with confetti, something Banjo wasn't keen on as it meant cleaning his fur later, Bottles appeared with them with a window.
"Wait, Banjo. I got an idea." Kazooie smirked while Banjo widened his eyes. Oh no, not a Kazooie idea. "Kazooie, no.."
"Hello everyone! Sorry about the small delay, I wanted to make things easy for your simple little minds to—"
"YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU!" Kazooie rang out. There was nothing but deafening silence. Bottles suddenly focused on Kazooie, who may or may not have regretted saying that.
"... And took the kids, too." Banjo could only shake his head and sigh.
Suddenly, our heroes found themselves in a firey location, looking up at Bottles who was now in his devil form.
"You'll wish you haven't said that, parrot!" The head of Devil Bottles boomed across the area, leaving Kazooie pretty unphased.
"For a genius, you can't recognize a species if it bit you in the—"
"KAZOOIE, ENOUGH!" Banjo pushed Kazooie's head in the backpack, and made sure to zipper it up. Suddenly, a hellish looking whiteboard slams in front of the heroes!
"Aaah! Big heap whiteboard!" Humba yelled.
"Hurhurr.. Humba scared of education." Mumbo blew a raspberry while Humba growled and did a magic pose with her hand.
"Hey! Mumbo see that!" He growled in reaction to Humba flipping him off. "Ooh, you go, girlfriend!" Jolly happily waved at Humba.
"ENOUGH!" The satanic mole roared with a bunch of numbers on the board. All combinations of numbers in ones, twos, threes, fours, every single number combination that could be made.. and suddenly it disappeared.
"Guh?" Banjo scratched at his tuft of hair upon his head as he suddenly just noticed the numbers flicker up in front of them, then suddenly disappear. "What just happened?" He looked at the others. Kazooie shrugged, as well as Mumbo and the rest.
"Mumbo no get mission. Rather use magic to save day than play trivial math games."
"Yeah, four eyed wonder. Your game isn't exactly comprehensive. Maybe if you came down here like a man and—"
Suddenly, Kazooie was met with Devil Bottles' large face growling at her and Banjo. "You're wasting you TIME. HOW MANY NUMBERS DID YOU SEE BEFORE IT DISAPPEARED?!" The outburst made everyone's ears ring, as they all picked at them in pain.
".. WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Kazooie hollered, not getting the question.. or was she not getting the question intentionally?
—
Gruntilda was just watching the scene, sipping from her extra large cup of soda until she saw the temperature levels or this specific world overheating, complete with the warning levels rising.
"No no no, what's happening here?!" The witch threw the soda cup aside and ran to the warning sign. "The temperature's rising, it appears! What could be the cause of this malfunction?! Any more of this, and this world's in destruction!" Gruntilda squawked. She then ran to the display monitors and saw the possessed Devil Bottles growing larger and larger, and angrier and angrier.
A microphone was grabbed as she tried to press a bunch of buttons. "WINKYBUNION TO MOLEFACE, STOP FOOLING AROUND! YOUR ORDER IS TO GRIND THESE FOOLS TO THE GROUND!"
—
"My.. question.. IS.." Bottles growled, growing larger and larger as the surrounding area shook. Numbers, algebra signs, and stickmen fell to the ground.
"KAZOOIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Banjo screamed at her, scared out of her mind.
"Humba get what bird doing!" The female shaman said. "Bird overloading game AI to force chip off of mole! LOOK!" She pointed at the mole, whose chip was starting to show at the top of his nose.
"I was?" Kazooie looked over at Humba. "I was just bored so I decided to annoy him."
"Keep annoying him! Everyone, keep annoying him!" Humba gathered everyone around to say the stupidest questions.
"Uhhh.. what's a ZDOW?" Banjo asked, making Bottles grow larger and redder. "NGGHH!"
"Oh uh, does this outfit make my butt look big, ooer~." Jolly asked.
"What color is magenta?" Humba asked.
"What is Stop N Swop?" Mumbo asked.
"What species are you even? A deformed rat?" Kazooie asked.
"Will pillows take over the world?"
"What's a pandemic?"
"What color is a prune, is it orange?"
"Are we topical yet?"
"Cranberries?"
"STOP! STOP! TOO MUCH.. QUESTIONS.. CAN'T..!"
"KAZOOIE, NOW!" Banjo ordered, prompting Kazooie to run with the bear on her back to leap at Bottles, swiping the chip from his nose and instantly bringing everyone back to the hub room. King Jingaling and Twig were playing charades with a weakened LOG by their side.
"Oh oh, okay. Uhhh.." Twig tapped at his lips. "You're uh.. you're a doctor! NO! A CACTUS! NO, A DOCTOR CACTUS!"
"My my, Twig. You have a keen eye for my imagination." The king said, impressed at how he could get that. "Better luck next time, right Mister Of Games?"
"Please.. kill me.." The poor lord whimpered before everyone fell from the sky.
"GAH! LOG, that is so annoying!" Kazooie crawled out from the dogpile, with Banjo on her back groaning. "I know, Kazooie.. the more people we save, the less we can fall from the sky. Just remember that."
"And the less we have to wait during a hiatus, right?" Kazooie retorted. Soon, a certain mole crawled out from the pile.
"Ooooah, my head.. Banjo? Kazooie? What in the world happened?" Bottles asked, now back to his regular self. The bear and bird just looked at each other.
"Grunty's back." The two said, causing Bottles to facepalm. "Of course she is.. ugh."
"Cool, so that means you can stay here with the other characters since it's hard to write and juggle for all of them and—" "Kazooie, Mumbo is already playing charades with the others."
The breegull stares at the peanut gallery, and gritted her beak. Not one thing today can't go right. ".. WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT."
Whatever, Kazooie just stomped over to the Lord of Games and slapped the next chip over his head. Instantly, the video game god lit up once more and floated into the air.
"Program rejuvenationpercentage.. 45%. Initiating next two worlds.." And as soon as the next world was revealed, Kazooie could only just.. Sigh.
".. oh." Kazooie said, as she gazed into the portal labelled 'Hero Klungo Sssavesss teh Multiverssse". Kazooie felt like facepalming again, but any more and she would have to be hospitalized. "Well.. at least he's successful. Gah-huhuh.. huh." Banjo smiled bashfully at Kazooie.
"I am really, really not going to enjoy this." The breegull just talontrotted herself and Banjo inside the portal to the 8-Bit wasteland, as Jolly, Bottles and Humba followed. In all the meanwhile, Gruntilda was having a hissy fit, throwing chairs and objects around as Piddles looked on with disdain as she threw one of her kitty bowls.
"STUPID STUPID BEAR AND BIRD! I'LL GET RID OF THEM AND HAVE THE LAST WORD!" The witch ran over to Piddles and kicked her across the room, making her screech. "Ack, filthy old bag, mreeeow!"
"I'm running out of game devices, I may need a martini.." The witch was about to throw a cartridge across the room, until she actually looked at it. Oh no. Ooooh no.
"... unless I can use this so called, Game Genie?"