AN: happy weekend. A few of you were asking whether they were in Canada, but they're not. They're in Vancouver, Washington, just across the river from Portland š. Hope that clears up any confusion.
Chapter 16
He's warm and solid underneath me. And even though straddling him in the front seat of El Grande is beyond uncomfortable, it's worth it for the breathless, heated kisses we're exchanging in the short stay parking lot.
"Bella," he says, against my mouth, half laughing. "I'm gonna get a ticket if we don't leave soon."
"Just one more minute?"
My thighs tighten around his, my hand already pulling him towards me. One or two kisses suddenly become deeper again, his tongue brushing against mine, with his hands firm on my hips; a slow grind up into me; a whimper, a groan.
I pull back reluctantly three minutes later, the steering wheel digging into my lower back, one knee pressed against the seat belt buckle, the other crammed between the seat and door.
Edward's eyes flicker away from my face to the driver's side window.
"Looks like that guy wants in on this too."
"What?" My head turns and sure enough a man in a reflective safety vest is charging towards us, but it's definitely not to get in on this. He looks pretty pissed off.
"Oh, fuck."
My face heats as I ungracefully scramble back into my seat over the console seconds before there's a sharp rap on the window.
"This ain't the place for that," the guy berates us from behind the glass, jowls wobbling, hands balled into fists.
My hand flies to my mouth halfway between stifling a giggle of laughter and hiding my face from his angry glare.
"Okay, okay," Edward says, "We're going. I just missed my girl, man."
"Go on, get outta here before I have to call the cops."
Edward shifts in his seat, trying and failing unsuccessfully to rearrange himself, his face screwing up.
He takes a loaded breath before starting the engine and throwing the truck into reverse, craning his head around with an inked arm resting on my seat to look out the rear window.
He meets my eyes as he changes up into first, using the palm of his hand to twist the wheel back around. "Give him a wave?"
I glance at the guy, beady eyes still trained on the truck, lowering my hand.
"I dunno, he looks like he could kill someone."
We both do it anyway, waving enthusiastically as we drive past him and onto the road. The guy's expression changing into an even deeper scowl, his face purpling.
"What a fun sponge. Bet his life is thrilling."
"Bet you anything he lives in his Mom's basement," Ned laughs and slyly looks at me. "And who knew you looked so fucking cute that shade of red?"
I press my palms to my cheeks, still feeling heated. Waves of embarrassment and sheer fucking giddiness still crashing over me.
"Shut up! Why are you not embarrassed?"
"Getting caught making out with you is nothing to be fucking embarrassed about. Besides, I've been caught doing worse."
"Like what?" Fleeting thoughts of him in compromising positions with other girls rush through my mind so when he says:
"Vandalism, trespassingā¦ that kinda thing."
I'm kind of relieved.
"And you said I was trouble?"
His hand finds my thigh, squeezing.
"No one I'd rather get caught with."
"Me either."
I reach for the radio, flicking through the stations until I find something we can listen to that isn't Sean Paul or Rihanna. My feet find the dash, stifling a yawn behind my hands.
"Have a nap if you're tired," Edward encourages. "It's gonna take an hour to get there, only chance you're gonna get."
"I guess I can try. Dad had us leave far too early for the airport, and I'm a terrible flier."
My head finds Edward's shoulder, my fingers trailing up and down over his tattoos. He twists his head at the next set of lights, brushing a lingering kiss on my foreheadātender and sweet.
As his arm shifts underneath me to change up gears, I move myself back over to the window side, wedging my sweater between my head and the glass, slowly drifting off to the sounds of Linkin Park.
I wake with twenty minutes to go, mouth dry, neck stiff, not feeling rested at all.
"Worst sleep ever," I tell Edward, yawning again, stretching out my legs. "I feel even more tired and so gross."
"You don't look gross," he says. Then, "I got us our own hotel room."
"Oh, really?" I play it coy.
"We'll have to check in before we go to Warped."
"I do need a shower. I hate travel grime."
"Same. Y'know, driving..."
"Guess we're just going to have to shower together, save time. And water," I sigh, over dramatically, like it's going to be such a burden.
Twin smiles, anticipation thrumming.
"Fuck, I've missed you."
"Me too. I still can't believe you did this." I chew at my lip. "I think it's actually the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."
"It's nothing," he says, brushing it off, embarrassed now, but I'm not going to let it get away.
"Well, 'nothing' means a lot to me," I say, honestly.
"I was kinda hoping you'd like the surpriseā¦ Jazz said you would."
"I love it." I pause.
I love you.
It's right there. Right on the tip of my tongue. And I know it's fast, and we're young, and there's things we have to figure out, but I don't think love waits for things to be perfect. In fact, I'm pretty sure at this point there are no rules.
"I love you."
It escapes in a rush, small but so fucking loud in the quietness of the truck, and the words have no where else to go. I cringe, looking away, out at passing cars on the other side of the freeway. The hum of the engine, the sound of Coldplay over the speakers. It all begins to slow down, the scenery outside, and I think I might die if he doesn't say something soon.
El Grande comes to a jerky stop in a dirt bay by the side of the road. I hear him unbuckle his seat belt and then I feel his hand come and tilt my chin towards him.
For just a moment he pauses, heated eyes darting around my face. He leans in, capturing my mouth.
"And I fucking love you."
...
Everything is loud and busy, a sea of people and color, music playing loudly from stacked speakers hanging either side of the main stage, and more below it. Bright yellow paper bands around our wrists, a pass hanging from my neck detailing the line-up. I'm in a bubble of excitement, little thrills making me squeeze Edward's hand harder every now and then.
His head is bowed slightly as we walk over trampled grass just like thousands of people have before us, dodging crushed plastic cups and cans, the smell of weed hanging in the air. Black and white flannel is open, rolled up to his elbows, Misfits beater underneath, baseball cap twisted back on his head. He keeps his head down, unassuming, like he doesn't want to be noticed.
But I notice him.
I always notice him.
I can't stop staring at him, the slope of his nose, the longer than normal scruff on his face, the lips that were all over me as soon as the door to our hotel room clicked closed. There's a dull ache between my legs from sex against the door. Too impatient to remove many clothes, too desperate to wait even a minute longer. His breath against my jaw, his groans, the way his voice wrapped around those words, the ones where he said he loves me. He's in love with me. And I feel it.
He catches me looking at him, stopping dead until I'm swung round to face him and then he's laying it on me, warm lips, fingers tight on the bare skin of my waist.
"Thank you," I tell him, lowering from the tips of my toes. His fingers find the belt loop of tiny black denim cut offs. "Still can't believe we're here. This morning I was in LA, and nowā"
My words are cut off, crushed under the weight of someone leaping on my back with a squeal. Their arms lock around my neck and I spin with a strangled yelp of surprise. Letting go, bouncing on their feet, they take my hand.
"You're here! Oh my God, look at that glow! LA suits you." Heidi pulls me this way and that and I smile ruefully at Ned from over her shoulder. I envelope her in a bone-crushing hug, swaying side to side, laughter spilling out.
Jasper hangs back, Alice at his shoulder. I don't let her stop me, leaping at him, pleased when he pulls out of Alice's grip to wrap both his arms around me. He picks me up so my feet aren't on the floor.
"Missed you," he says in my ear.
I ruffle his hair affectionately. "Me too, dude. You've been too quiet on me lately." My eyes skip back to Alice and I play it nice, giving her a little wave.
"Hey, Alice."
She kind of half smiles and turns to Edward, eyes lighting up, talking to him excitedly. She pulls at him until he's gesturing to me that they're going to grab drinks from the beer tent off to the side of us, a long line that's snaking its way through the crowd.
I watch as they disappear, her arm looping with his, and I wonder how I'm supposed to not be jealous when she's just so... blatant.
I take a breath, thinking that maybe I need to say something, but today isn't really the time or the place. I put the green-eyed monster in me away, looking between my two oldest friends.
"Soā¦ What've I missed?"
...
The crowd jumps, roaring, screaming, shouting. I'm on Edward's shoulders, thighs clamped around his neck, his hands warm around them.
"Are you sure I'm not too heavy?" I lean down, concerned as Edward adjusts his grip so he can take his beer from Jasper and chug some of it. I ate so much in LA I swear I must be ten pounds heavier than when I left.
He snorts.
"You weigh nothing."
"I don't believe you."
He turns his head to kiss the inner part of my thigh, the heat from his lips sending a shiver through me. I wiggle. He laughs, the sound of it reverberating through him. Tilting his head upward, I lean down to kiss him, nose squished against his chin, and I wonder how Kirsten Dunst made kissing Toby Maguire in the Spiderman movies look kind of sexy. Upside down kissing doesn't feel sexy at all.
Ned grins up at me, before suddenly dipping me back so I shriek and hold on tighter.
"Don't do that!"
"I got you."
"I know." I bite my lip as we smile, the sound of the crowd roaring as Hawthorn Heights leap into "Ohio is for Lovers."
I sing and dance on top of Edward's shoulders for another three songs before tapping him to let me back down, feeling guilty as he rolls his shoulders and tilts his head side to side.
"I thought I didn't weigh anything."
"Shut up." He reaches for the flask Jasper's offering around and knocks it back, not even grimacing as he swallows the cocktail of whiskey and vodka down.
"Weighed nothing when I was nailing you against the door earlier neither," he says, right in my ear.
I pull back, looking at the smug little smirk on his face, drunk eyes flitting to my mouth. My cheeks flush.
He leans in. I kiss him once, twice, before we're kissing like we're not in a crowd full of people, like it's just us. My fingers are under his beater, running over hard muscle, until a bony elbow practically pierces my lung.
"Ow! Jesus."
I find Alice behind me, and I have to bite my tongue as she offers a sweet smile and apologizes.
"Sorry, got pushed."
I'm not quite sure I believe her. I suck in a breath, feeling irritated. Being mature is hard, but Mom always said to kill people with kindness.
"It's okay," I smile. "Crowds really cramming in now, right?"
Earlier this afternoon we were standing with space around us, but more and more people have woven their way in, packing out the crowd further and further, so everyone is pressed together more tightly as we get to the final few bands of the day. The lights dotted around are glowing against a dark navy sky and a chill has set in.
"Right." Alice looks up at Jasper, suddenly looking much sweeter. "Lift me up, please, Jazz. I can't see anything."
"Because your the size of aā"
"If you finish that sentence..." She warns, glaring at him.
Jasper laughs, handing me his beer as Alice grabs his collar, jerking him to meet her lips with such conviction I want to believe that she really does have genuine feelings for him.
Heidi moves next to me, taking Alice's spot, rolling her eyes as we listen to her holler from Jasper's shoulders. Out of all of us, Alice has always been friendliest with Heidi, but that doesn't mean she likes her any more than I do.
"Pussy whipped," she says in my ear. I don't disagree.
"Just gonna go grab another beer, do you want anything?" Edward asks us both.
"Just another drink, I think. Do you want me to come with?"
"Nah, stay. Not the biggest fan of these."
He kisses me quickly before he disappears through the tight-knit crowd.
"Can you watch your feet?" I tell Alice four songs later, unable to hide the irritation at having her foot hit me in the head for a third time.
"God, I'm so sorry," she says, as Jasper lowers so she can get off his shoulders. "Just caught up in the moment."
"It's fine," I say, trying to shrug off my annoyance.
"Come with me to find the bathroom?" Alice asks Jasper.
He groans.
"There's like half an hour left, can't you wait?"
He's looking longingly toward the stage, the beat of interlude music pouring over the speakers, a bit of The Prodigy keeping the crowd ramped up. "I don't really want to miss anything."
Edward appears at my side, beer dripping from his hands, he hands one to me, glancing between all of us
"Not really. I'm fucking desperate," she says. "Edward?"
"What?"
"Walk me to the bathrooms?"
"I've just come back," he says. "Can't you like squat or something?"
Alice's nose wrinkles. "Ew. No."
"I'll go with you, if you want?" I offer.
I know by her face, I'm not her first choice, but I understand why she wants someone to go with her. My dad would be disappointed after all his lectures about the importance of sticking with your friends if Alice ended up going off on her own.
"Okay," she says with a half-hearted nod of her head. "Thanks."
We weave our way in and out of people, but Alice is walking so fast it's hard to keep up with her.
"Slow down," I call after her, having to shove past someone just to keep her in view. She pauses, impatiently gesturing for me.
"Hurry up! I'm going to wet myself if we don't hurry."
We walk together faster now the crowd has thinned out, shadows long from the tall generator lights they have dotted along.
"Are you enjoying today?" I ask. Trying to see what Jasper and Edward see in her. If only she'd actually stop being so standoffish.
"Definitely," she replies. "So many cool bands. Edward really came through."
"He did," I agree with a smile. "Couldn't believe it when he showed up at the airport today. No one's ever done anything like that for me before."
"Mhm."
"What?" I ask.
"Nothing."
We reach the line for the ladies porta-potties, which is predictably long. Alice folds her arms, perfectly done nails scratching up and down her arms. She chews on her lip and then looks at me a couple of times.
"Look," she says. "Justā¦ don't take this the wrong way. You seem like a nice girl, but you've gotta know this is just fun for Edward. He's not serious about you or whatever you have going on. You're just another hook up in a long line of girls for him. Sorry if he's made it seem like anything else."
It stings.
The harshness of her words ringing in my ears.
And then it makes me feel confused and angry all at the same time, but mostly at her and not at Edward because I know him.
At least, I think I do.
I hope I do.
"I could say the same for you, too, I guess with Jazz."
"Jasper knows where we stand. Don't get me wrong, I really like him, but let's be realistic: we're going to be thousands of miles apart in a couple of weeks and I'm not going to be a part of his everyday life. These types of relationships almost never work out. We're all so youngā¦ It's the same for you and Edward. If you did the whole long distance thingā¦ I mean, he'd see me more than youā¦ you'd constantly be worrying."
I open my mouth and close it; the line shuffling forward slowly because she's picked up on every single insecurity and doubt I've had over the past month and parroted it back at me as fact.
"You're so obvious I kind of feel sorry for you," I tell her, trying to keep my anger under control. "If you're trying to make Edward jealous with Jasper, that's a low move. He's a person with feelings, they both areā"
"I'm not going to hurt Jasper," she snaps. "Did you not listen to anything I just said?"
"Did you even tell Jasper about the party Edward had to pick you up from?"
"How did youā"
"Edward told me."
"No," she concedes. "It wasn't like anything happened. It's not like we're exclusive, even if it did. He doesn't need to know."
"I think he'd want to know."
"I don't really care what you think."
I laugh. "Fucking same."
The line moves forward and Alice's voice slices through the tension.
"It's funny. Edward hasn't told you, has he?"
My heart drops.
"Told me what?"
ā¦
"You're quiet," Edward says in the taxi on the way back to the hotel. I drag my eyes from the passing street lights as his hand reaches for mine, but I bring it up to my lip instead, chewing on a nail, insecurity crawling all over me.
"Just tired. It's been a really long day. But thank you, it's been pretty amazing." I look over and smile at him in the gloom of the car. It's weak, though, Alice's words rattling round my head dragging down the high I've been on all day.
"We hooked up."
And suddenly my whole perspective is skewed, and I'm wondering whether I'm being lied to all over again.
Fucking Jamie.
Fucking Alice.
"What's wrong?"
I close my eyes.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
I pause before I let the words leave my mouth, a heavy kind of silence that agitates Edward. He's leaning over to me.
"Alice said you guys hooked up." I say, crossing my arms.
He's silent, he brings a hand to the back of his neck. I've said it quietly, but I can tell the driver is listening. At this point, though I'm beyond caring. I need to know, because anytime it's come up he's always given me the impression they're just friends. Only friends. To think he might've liedā¦
I look at him, heart hammering in my chest.
"A few months backā¦ she kissed me. We didn'tā Hooked up implies other shit happened that just didn't happen." His frown is deep. "Are you sure that's what she said?"
"It's pretty much burned into my brain, soā¦ Yeah... So something happened?"
"It was just a kiss. It wasn't evenā¦ We'd both been drinking, she kissed me, I didn't want it soā¦ that was the end of it. I know she's alwaysā¦ but Iā What else did she say?"
"That you're not serious about me. That I'm just another girl in a long line of girls for you."
He's shaking his head, running a hand through his hair.
"That's not true," he says roughly, angrily. "At all. You know how I feel. Why would sheā"
"Jealousy? Maybe? I don't know whether there's any other reason. And, I don't know if you just don't see it or if you do why you're ignoring it, but she made me feelā¦ really fucking shitty. I don't know why you or Jasper like her, at all, if I'm being honest."
"I'll talk to her. She's not all bad, she's just going through some shit and acting out, or something."
"Rightā¦" I say, flatly. Because I could never imagine acting like that much of a vindictive bitch, no matter how jealous I was, or whatever stuff I was going through. I turn away slightly, looking out the window again, and we're silent until we reach the hotel. Heidi, Jasper, and Alice got a separate taxi here, but they're not around when we arrive.
"I'm sorry," Edward says, after he's paid the cab driver. We stop just outside the doors of the hotel. Light spills from the lobby into the sidewalk outside. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. "Maybe I should've said something but it was so fuckingā¦ insignificant. Like a fucking split second kiss. It meant nothing, it didn't seem worth mentioning."
"Then it's not you who needs to be sorry," I tell him as I lean up to kiss him, because I'm not going to let Alice drive the wedge between us she so desperately seems to want.
He rests his forehead against mine.
"I love you."
And those three precious words mean more to me than anything else.