JJ woke with a jerk, slamming back into the chair and gasping. This time, she'd actually slept a bit, but her dream was rapidly fading away. She was pretty sure that Emily had been in it, the dark-haired woman calling her name.
Looking around, JJ's stomach dropped. Emily had not found her after all. She was still in Hankel's creepy shed. It was dark outside again. Despite all the pain she was in, JJ found that she was starving, because of how long it had been since she had eaten.
The door to the shack opened and Tobias walked in, holding a skinned pig. She could tell it was him from the nervous furrow of his brow. He looked scared, but he brought the pig over to the giant tire that the fish had been burning on.
"You need to eat," he said quietly, sitting on the chair in front of her. He frowned. "You look worried."
"I am worried!" she snapped, scowling. Taking a deep breath, she calmed her face and tried to reason with him. "Tobias, please. Let me go. I'll protect you from your father and Rafael, I promise. Just let me go."
He smiled sadly, reaching to take off his belt. Her body tensed, sure that he was going to beat her like his father had. Instead, he started wrapping the belt around her arm, tightening it painfully. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small vial and a syringe.
She wasn't sure what it was, but she started to panic. "Please," she begged. "I don't need that. I'm not going to fight you."
"This will help," he assured her, drawing the liquid up. "Trust me. It'll make you feel better."
"I'm ok! I'm fine! I don't need it."
Ignoring her, he grabbed her arm and shot the drugs into her quickly. Her veins burned, fire racing through her body. It hurt more than anything else had so far, but her head fell back, mind slipping away.
"No, really! I love your freckles."
Donna smiled nervously, picking at JJ's comforter. "No one likes freckles."
"I do," JJ replied. She reached across the bed to brush a finger over Donna's soft cheeks. "My mom says they're angel kisses. The angels must really like you."
Blushing, Donna just blinked at her, biting her lip. They were laying on JJ's bed, just talking and spending time together. Now that she was 13, JJ's mom let her have friends over after school. The child psychologist said it would help fill the void that Ros' death left. JJ wasn't sure about that, but she really liked spending time alone with Donna.
At 13, JJ knew that she thought about girls the way that she was supposed to think about boys. It was the most natural thing in the world to her. How anyone could look at girls' hair, their smiles, their shoulders, and decide that boys were better, she'd never know.
She might like Donna more than anyone else she'd ever met. They'd been friends for years, ever since JJ had saved her from a bully in 2nd grade. They'd been inseparable since, but now they were allowed to ride their bikes home from middle school together and hang out until it was dark.
A year ago, JJ had cut her hair in a fit of rage, leaving only an uneven bob that barely reached her chin. If she'd had the tools, she would have shaved her head entirely. Her mother had screamed at her for hours, but when JJ went to school the next day, Donna had said it looked "cool" and "radical".
She was growing it out again now, but it was still just short of her shoulders. If she got angry again, she might cut it even shorter than the last time. Maybe she could even ask Donna to help her.
"Donna," JJ said softly, "can I ask you a...weird question?"
Nodding, Donna scooted closer on the bed and took JJ's hand in her own. "Of course. You can ask me anything."
"Do you think a girl can like a girl?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know…" JJ blushed, rolling onto her back to escape Donna's piercing green eyes. "Like...Can two girls be girlfriend and girlfriend?"
Donna didn't answer right away, but she didn't take her hand out of JJ's either. When JJ flopped her head to the side to assess the damage, Donna was smiling. It seemed like a 'yes', but JJ wasn't confident enough to make the first move.
Donna closed the distance between them, pressing their lips together. She pulled away quickly, but JJ caught her face in her free hand and pulled her close again. This kiss was 10 times better than her kiss with David McKinley two summers ago. She wanted to cry because it felt so right.
Father Andrews always said that marriage was between one man and one woman, but JJ didn't care about marriage. If she could just live with Donna in a cute house and kiss her every morning and every night, then she didn't care about getting married at all. If she could just stay in the circle of Donna's arms, then nothing else in the world mattered.
A scream burst their happy bubble and JJ sat upright. Her mom was standing in the doorway, face pale and red all at once. She looked more terrified than she had when JJ cut all her hair off. JJ's heart stopped when she recognized the expression on her mother's face - it was the same look she'd had when JJ told her that Ros had died.
The realization made her world lurch unpleasantly. What had JJ done that was as bad as that? Was it that she was kissing too young? That she hadn't asked her mother first? JJ felt a pit in her stomach that told her she was damned to Hell now, too.
"Get out!" her mother screamed, and JJ's world dipped again, but it wasn't her that her mother was yelling at. Running into the room, her mother grabbed Donna's arm and dragged her out of the room. "You are no longer welcome in this house! How dare you do this to Jennifer?"
A familiar stillness overcame JJ and she sat frozen on her bed, even as Donna turned to look at her with wide, crying eyes. JJ couldn't force herself to leave the room. What would happen now?
When her mother came back into the room, she was crying. She babbled something about how it wasn't JJ's fault and that she'd always known Donna was a sinner. Her mother told her that Father Andrews had a bible camp for a few weeks each summer and that he'd know how to cure JJ. It was all going to be ok.
Things were never ok again, though. Something new had moved into the house and JJ wasn't sure what it was. She went to the bible camp that summer and spent the whole time chopping wood and listening to sermons. Before now, she hadn't remembered the reason that she started going, or what exactly the point of them had been. It had always been 'that weird summer that her mom made her go to bible camp'.
She'd assumed it had to do with Ros. Everything in JJ's life had to do with Ros and her death. JJ missed her sister, but she was so angry with her. Why did Ros get to be the one who got out of that house? Why wasn't Ros strong enough to stay? Why was she so much stronger than JJ?
She just wanted her sister back. JJ just wanted Ros back. Ros. Ros.
"Ros!"
JJ snapped back into reality, heart racing and head pounding. It was dark in the shack and she could only hope that she hadn't lost another day. Her veins still hurt, burning along with the rest of the pain. A creak made her jerk her head to the side.
"Who's Ros?" Charles Hankel asked her, voice low and dangerous. "Another Jezebel?"
JJ surged toward him, teeth bared in a feral growl. "Don't talk about her!" She pulled on her handcuffs, the thin metal digging into already sensitive skin. "Keep her name out of your mouth!"
He walked in a slow circle around her chair and she had to twist painfully to keep an eye on him. "Who is she then?"
She didn't want to answer, but Charles had his revolver in his hand and she knew that he wouldn't hesitate to kill her. "My sister," JJ answered reluctantly. "She's dead. Suicide."
"Like I thought," he spat. "Another heathen."
JJ growled again, practically foaming at the mouth at the way he was talking about Ros. "She was 10 times better than you'll ever be."
"But I'm not in Hell."
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Emily followed Reid back into Hankel's house. They'd just finished talking to someone who knew him and she wasn't feeling any better. JJ was in the hands of a man with a drug addiction and severe trauma. He wasn't exactly a stable captor.
The longer they took to find JJ, the more Emily fell apart. She'd done her best to sleep at least a couple hours, but sleep had never come. As soon as the sun had come up, she'd collected Reid, commandeered a car, and drove out to meet the man from NA.
They'd learned a lot about his father and the intense religious trauma he'd inflicted on Tobias, but it had only made Emily angrier. Despite their conversation, Emily was still frustrated with Reid. She'd stayed civil on the trip, and she knew that she wasn't really angry at him, but he was such an easy target for her panic.
She just wished she knew what JJ was going through. Was she still alive? Had she been hurt? What was Tobias with her? Emily wasn't sure if knowing would make her feel better or worse.
"Reid. Prentiss." Hotch stuck his head into the dining room and gestured for them to follow him. "We have new information."
The two agents hurried into the computer room. The rest of the team was there, staring at live streams that played on every monitor. Emily's heart raced as she realized that Hankel must spy on all of these people and decide who to kill. That's how he was recording the murders and putting them online.
"What did you find out?" Emily asked, tearing her eyes away from the unsuspecting people and looking at Gideon. "Did you figure out where she is?"
"No," Gideon sighed, shaking his head, "but we did learn that Hankel has multiple personalities. At least two. We think killing his father broke him and he created a new personality to keep his father alive."
Emily's throat tightened at the revelation. So, Tobias wasn't just under the influence of drugs, violently obsessed with sin, and in the middle of a psychotic break. He was also disassociating. JJ could be killed by his 'father', even if she managed to convince Tobias to let her live.
"What did you two learn?" Derek asked them.
Reid glanced at her before answering. "He's addicted to Dilaudid and he cuts it with a psychedelic. His father tormented him with scripture and used religion to justify his abuse."
"That would explain Rafael, then," Hotch said quietly. "Rafael must be the third personality."
The world seemed to spin around Emily. JJ was stuck with Tobias, Charles, and Rafael. The chance of finding her alive was rapidly diminishing and Emily wasn't sure what to do. She wasn't sure what she could do. Every atom in her body was screaming for her to go crazy, find Hankel, and kill him with her bare hands.
Derek was speaking and Emily turned toward him, pretending to listen. She could barely hear him over the blood rushing in her ears. Even if Emily wanted to compartmentalize, she wasn't sure she could. JJ was her only friend in the world and Emily didn't have the power to save her.
"What's happening?" Gideon asked, walking to stand beside Penelope. "What is this?"
"I- I don't know!"
Blinking, Emily pulled herself to the surface again, trying to focus on what everyone else was seeing. The screens were winking out, turning to black. After a moment, new feeds appeared and it took Emily a moment to register what she was seeing.
"That's JJ!" Reid said, confirming what Emily's mind was trying to tell her. "She's alive!"
Emily stepped forward, leaning over Garcia's shoulder to look closer. JJ was slumped in a chair, bloody and wet with sweat. Her usually perfect blonde hair was hanging limply, greasy and tangled and unkempt. But. She was breathing. JJ lifted her head, revealing a large gash on her cheek, bruises on her neck, an emptiness in her eyes.
"Where is she?" Emily whispered, unable to look away. "Pen, where is she?"
"I can't track it! He's only streaming to this computer. He keeps rerouting."
Hankel walked into view, glancing at the camera before sticking his hand into his jacket pocket. When he pulled out a revolver, Emily's heart clenched with fear. JJ's eyes were fixed on the gun, ignoring the camera entirely.
"Pick one of them to die," Hankel said, his voice distorted through the bad connection. "Each of them have committed sin. Choose one to die and I'll let you choose one to live."
JJ spit at his feet and scowled up at him. "No."
"I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior ."
Shaking her head, JJ looked past Hankel, off camera. Emily couldn't tell what she was looking at, but clearly Hankel was telling her to choose his next victim. JJ shouldn't have to do this. Emily wished again that she'd been the one taken. She could choose someone to kill and still sleep at night. She'd done it before. How would JJ deal with it?
"The other heathens are waking," Hankel said, making JJ's eyes jump to the camera. "Choose a sinner to die and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved."
JJ swallowed hard, staring into the camera. It felt like she was staring right into Emily's soul, like there wasn't any distance between them at all. Emily had never had someone look into her like that. Her mother had never seen her that clearly, much less a woman she'd known for all of two months.
"I won't choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."
Frowning, Emily finally tore herself away from the screen to look over her shoulder at the team. That didn't sound like something JJ would say. It was clearly a message. Reid was frowning, too, eyebrows drawn down in thought. A sharp gasp made Emily's head snap back to the screen.
Hankel had grabbed JJ by the biceps and hauled her up. His gun was missing and Emily could only assume he'd stuffed it away again in favor of using brute strength. JJ's hands were cuffed and tied to the chair, her small frame dwarfed even further by him. Emily bared her teeth, anger returning.
"Can you really read my mind, whore? Choose one to die. Save a life. Choose none and all four die."
"Ok," JJ mumbled. "I'll choose one to live."
He threw her down into the chair and Emily's hands clenched into fists as JJ grunted in pain. She looked so fragile, shoulders hiked up around her ears. Hankel walked out of the camera's sightlines again. Looking after him, JJ nodded.
"Far right screen."
"Maryln David. 4913 Walnut Creek Road."
Garcia quickly typed the name and address into her program, pulling up the woman's phone number. Emily stepped aside so Gideon could read the screen, but she kept her eyes fixed on JJ. She wanted nothing more in the world than to get a text from her with too many exclamation points and find out this was all just a nightmare.
Gideon called the woman, telling her to close her computer. A moment later, JJ slumped in her seat again, turning wide, terrified eyes up at Hankel. Emily wished that she could see him.
"Rafael," she whispered, leaning toward him, "Please. You don't have to do this. I chose the one to live, so a sinner has to die now, right? Why don't you just kill me instead? We both know I'm a sinner. Let me be the one who dies. Leave them alone."
Emily thought she might vomit at JJ's words. Even after she'd been tortured physically and mentally, JJ was still trying to protect people. She was still thinking about others. And what was JJ's sin? Emily couldn't begin to imagine a person who would sacrifice themselves like that could possibly have a dirty soul.
"Is your sin worse than theirs?"
JJ's eyes flicked to the camera, filling with tears. She nodded. "It is." She fixed Hankel in a sharp stare. "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: Sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil and greed, which is idolatry."
Emily winced, familiar with the passage. It was one of her French pastor's favorites. He'd use it every time… Emily's eyes widened. She remembered the sermons where she heard the phrase and suddenly knew what JJ's sin was. It made her stomach dip and her heart stutter. Before she could say anything to the team, JJ looked into the camera again just as their screens went black.
"No!" Emily cried, slamming her hands on the desk. She glared at Garcia. "Get her back!"
"I can't," Penelope said quickly, looking just as upset as Emily was. "Em, I can't!"
Wild eyes swinging around to look at her teammates, she knew that she needed to get it together. She was no use to anyone like this. With a furious growl, she pushed herself off of Penelope's desk and stomped out of the house.
The sun was beginning to fade again, but Emily barely noticed. Whatever uncertainty she had about JJ's life was tripled now. Why would the media liaison try so hard to save those people? Didn't she know how important she was?
Emily took deep breaths and tried to calm down, pacing around the large driveway. She had to believe that JJ was alive. That was the only way she was going to get through this. Hadn't she told Hotch how good she was at compartmentalizing? Emily could handle this.
"Prentiss," Hotch called, hurrying down the porch steps with a vest in his hands. "Rafael just called from a house 10 minutes away. Let's go."
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JJ watched as Rafael murdered someone, slicing the woman's neck open and holding her up on display. She'd done her best to be his next victim instead, but he'd refused. She didn't know why. Wasn't one sinner as good as another? He was just playing with her.
On the screen, Rafael tossed the woman to the floor and moved on to the man. She forced herself to watch as he, too, was killed. When he was done killing, Rafael shot one last, smug look at the camera and left the house. He was on his way back to her now.
Painful tears streamed down JJ's cheeks. They stung in the cut from his belt, burned against her fevered skin, and fell onto the raw skin on her wrists. She suddenly knew clear as day that she was going to die in this chair. She would die in this shack, full of self-denial and fear.
She wasn't sure how much time passed, but a familiar voice got her attention. She blinked, trying to focus on the screen again. Hotch's face filled the monitor as he stared into the webcam.
"JJ," he said softly "if you're watching. You're not responsible for this. You hear me? He's perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He cannot break you."
Hotch started to stand before glancing over his shoulder. Across the room, Emily was scowling, arms crossed and foot tapping. JJ's head cleared just a little bit as she watched the black-haired woman snatch a paper out of Gideon's hands and storm away.
Turning back to her, Hotch smiled. "Emily's coming for you."
