"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." -Anais Nin
Bruised and battered from her training, Toriana finally said her goodbyes after Roberts and Marta, the captain who oversaw the training, agreed to continue helping her learn to fight in melee combat the next day. She and Rabbit made their way back up the long, winding path to Skyhold, much more slowly than they'd descended. Even Rabbit was tired from their exertions, having worked vigorously to teach the soldiers what it was like to face a mabari charge (only with Fereldans would a dog be training soldiers).
Her leg ached, the muscles beginning to stiffen and twinge again, proving that it wasn't just lack of exercise she was contending with, but rather the lingering effects of the poison that apparently couldn't be fully healed by magic. Curse the Warden who'd thrown that dagger. The last quarter of the walk back to Skyhold was especially slow and labored, and she stopped a couple of times to massage her leg in an attempt to get it working properly.
Upon reaching the gatehouse, where uniformed guards eyed her but let her pass - thankfully knowing that this Grey Warden was allowed into Skyhold - Marian appeared as if summoned. She looked no worse for wear after what Toriana assumed had been another night of drinking, and the Grey Warden couldn't help but wonder how her cousin managed it. Was drinking all they'd done in Kirkwall?
Rabbit barked happily and licked at Marian's hand and his body wiggled from the force of his wagging stub of a tail, but the Champion of Kirkwall looked a bit more serious than usual… Which was saying something considering how her blue eyes were always dancing with an amused light and her thin lips were so often quirked up into a smirk. Even now, as she scratched Rabbit behind the ears and tossed a familiar arm around the taller woman's shoulders, Marian's eyes glittered and she leaned her head towards her cousin.
"Word is that her Inquisitorialness is on her way back from the shit Mire with an Avvar in tow," she said without preamble or greeting. "Can you believe that? I thought Avvar hated Fereldans." She laughed and Toriana couldn't help but wonder at it herself, having read the Avvar to be dismissive and distant towards Fereldans at best and hostile at worst. Hawke continued without waiting to hear her cousin's thoughts. "Anyway, they should be back sometime tomorrow night if the weather holds. If I know Sabrae, I figure we're looking at departing the following day. The damned woman never seems to rest, she's like Aveline."
Marian seemed bewildered by this, being a woman fond of her leisure time. Toriana, for her part, respected Sabrae's clear dedication to getting things done in the Inquisition, and felt a twinge of guilt for having been relaxing so much here, for practically forgetting the plight of the Wardens, while the Wardens remained in danger of destruction. She began walking towards the keep, leading Marian along with her as her cousin was still hanging on her shoulders. "Good to know. The sooner we leave, the better. I only hope…" She trailed off, her chest tight and blood suddenly rushing in her ears. What if it was too late?
She found herself unable to continue speaking. Marian seemed to understand and, unperturbed, filled the silence herself as they walked clumsily up the courtyard steps. Marian refused to take her arm away and thus hindered their progress as they had to maneuver with their varying heights step by step. "I'm sure they'll be fine. Probably dancing in the moonlight with nugs and taking wine baths. All fun and games." Her tone was light and full of jest, but her grip on Toriana's shoulders tightened ever so slightly. Marian Hawke pretended that she had no worries, that she could shrug troubles off like rain off a duck's back with a joke and a witty quip, but in that small gesture Toriana knew her cousin bore the weight of their responsibilities. She, too, felt the fears that all good leaders and heroes dealt with, the weight of the lives in their hands and the fate of the world, even if she'd never admit it.
Changing the subject, Marian grinned and tossed her hair out of her face with a shake of her head. "Speaking of fun and games, I've been playing a game called 'Ride the Bull' these last couple nights, and by the Maker I have to say it's well worth the effort it takes to make that fit." She cackled as Toriana gave her a slightly horrified look, not keen on learning about her cousin's sex life. "What? I've always liked a challenge! Don't tell me you're not curious about what it's like to tango with a qunari! Especially one like him, mmm." She made an appreciative noise.
Toriana sputtered and covered her burning face with her free hand, muttering, "Maker's breath!" She paused and looked at Hawke quizzically, "Wait, what about Isabela, your 'amazing woman'?"
Marian shrugged with a grin, "Come on, cousin, you must know not everyone follows the Chantry's rather boring puritanical views on sex and relationships!" They continued walking, now going up the narrower stone steps to the keep proper. "Isabela is a free spirit, and I rather admire that about her. I wouldn't think of hemming her in, nor would she do so to me."
The Grey Warden found this all hard to wrap her head around. "Don't you love her?" she asked, brow furrowed.
Hawke sighed as if she couldn't believe her cousin could be so dense. "Yes, and? If I recall correctly you still love dear King Alistair, yet that's not stopping you from canoodling with Commander Doom-and-Gloom. Same thing, really." She nonchalantly bopped Toriana on the nose with a finger. "Loving one person doesn't stop you from loving others, or from wanting to have a romp in the hay with a particularly fine set of horns with a wicked tongue." She winked as if oblivious to her cousin's beet-red face.
Toriana had begun wheezing at the mention of Alistair, and now she stopped walking entirely, pulling away from Marian and nearly choking on her words. "Wait-what? Where did- How do you…? Canoodling?!"
Marian grinned and pretended she was intent on picking dirt out from under her fingernails, eyebrows raised. "Oh, were you not? Word gets around Skyhold fast, dear cousin, and you'd be surprised how often people don't notice servants in the background." She flicked a piece of dirt away and tapped thoughtfully on her chin, "Now what was it Sera said? Something along the lines of 'they said Tight-arse actually relaxed for one whole minute while smooching the mage-y Warden in the gardens'. Sounds exciting, Tori, tell me all about it!"
"Oh Maker…" Toriana groaned, covering her face and wishing more than anything she could vanish right off the face of the planet. If the servants were gossiping about it then everyone would know soon enough. This whole… thing with Cullen was too new, too unsure, for there to be rumors traveling around like this. Especially seeing as how he was the Commander of Inquisition's forces and she was one of the Grey Wardens, a group the Inquisition was investigating for potential corruption from Corypheus. How unprofessional would this look? Would he be upset? Want to end things?
Hawke slapped her hand on Toriana's back. "Cheer up, cousin, Cullen could do with some rolling in the hay to loosen him up, and I'm sure everyone would appreciate it if you took one for the team. Man needs to get laid, he's honestly far too stuffy and serious, ugh." She did an over-exaggerated shudder and Toriana couldn't stifle a snort of laughter at that, though she stuffed it down as soon as it escaped her.
"Alright, that's quite enough!" she protested, her face far too red for comfort. "Wagging tongues are neither helpful nor appropriate, Marian." Toriana ignored Marian's chortled "bet you'd like his wagging tongue-" and spoke over her loudly. "If you don't mind, I rather need a bath!"
The Champion cackled and dipped out of the way of Tori's attempted swipe at her head, deftly avoiding tripping over Rabbit who had practically glued himself to Hawke's side. Toriana mouthed 'traitor' at him and he simply gave her an innocent look with his tongue lolling out and wagged his tail. "I rather don't mind, you smell like Carver's old room, and that's not a compliment." Marian hooted with laughter again as her cousin scowled at her, then gestured for a nearby servant to ask for a bath to be drawn "for the Hero of Ferelden!" much to said Hero's embarrassment.
Sighing in resignation when she realized Marian wouldn't leave her be, Toriana told Rabbit to stay out and followed her snickering cousin down to the bath room down below the keep. While they waited for the servants to bring the steaming hot water to fill the bath, Hawke turned to Tori and crossed her arms. "Okay now, I'm being serious, spill the beans about your new romance! Maker knows it's impossibly rare for you to have a new flame to talk about. You need to get laid too."
She grinned as Tori scowled and smacked her on the arm before beginning to unbuckle her armor and set it in a neat pile. The Grey Warden stood staring down at her griffon breastplate for a few long moments before she sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. What harm could it do to tell Marian about it? It seemed she already knew most of it anyways, and Tori could stand to talk to someone about it, to make sense of some of her thoughts.
"Fine, but you can't go sharing this around, got it?" she said, her voice firm as she looked Hawke in the eyes.
"Yes, of course, your secrets are safe with me, Tori, now go on!"
The servants finished filling the tub and gave Toriana a bar of soap, a washcloth, and a small pitcher, along with a towel for drying off afterwards. She thanked them with a few silvers and went behind the wooden privacy screen before peeling off her sweat-soaked underclothes (quickly whisked away to be washed and replaced with clean clothes - these servants were excellent) and sinking into the hot water with a sigh of contentment.
Marian settled into a chair on the other side of the privacy screen and once the servants had left, Toriana began to tell what she was willing to share about the unexpected budding romance between her and Cullen. "I told you we knew each other back at the Ferelden Circle, before I left for the Wardens. We were friends, I'd say, as much as a templar and mage could be friends in the Circle. He was always kind to me, rather awkward and shy." She smiled fondly as she gently scrubbed herself clean, relishing the way the hot water released the tension in her muscles.
"There were rumors he was… fond of me. I was fond of him too," she admitted, allowing herself a low chuckle and a shake of the head. "You know how stupid teenagers are, thinking their feelings are the most important thing in the world. I never let myself dare to dream of running away with him, you don't dream like that in the Tower, it only leads to pain. But I enjoyed batting my eyelashes and watching him blush and stutter."
Hawke cackled at that, "I'd pay a sovereign to see stiff old Commander Cullen stuttering and blushing like a schoolgirl."
Toriana grinned and sunk her head into the water to wet her hair before continuing. "He gave me a sunflower, not too long before I did my Harrowing. It was… much needed." She didn't say how she'd longed to throw herself from the upper floors of Kinloch Hold, how she'd considered drinking the nightshade draught they used in potion-making. She'd truly been lost, hurting, seeing no way out of her miserable, caged existence except for death, and that flower, that kiss, had given her just enough strength to get through to her Harrowing and beyond, to her escape with the Grey Wardens that gave her freedom and purpose.
"I kissed him on the cheek." Marian hooted in delight and Tori smiled and covered her face with her hands for a moment, feeling strange to be sharing this many intimate details. "And that was that. I left for the Wardens, the Circle fell, and maleficarum captured Cullen and… hurt him, killed his friends. That's why he didn't trust mages, why he… hated them, for so long."
"Blood mages." Hawke made a sound of disgust. "Seems like you kill one and three more pop up to take their place."
Toriana couldn't help but agree with that. "I was angry with him, for the things he said after the Circle broke. I burned the flower he'd given me, and left Kinloch Hold for the last time to face the Fifth Blight. The rest is history." She didn't want to talk about falling in love with Alistair right now. Or ever, really. That still hurt too much.
Marian scoffed and Toriana could hear the clatter of chair legs scraping against the floor. "Bullshit. You don't go from being at each other's throats to making out in a garden just like that. Juicy details, cousin, come on!"
The Grey Warden groaned and cursed her cousin's stubborn tenacity. "I won't forget this next time you ask me to buy you drinks. You owe me, you gossip."
The Champion of Kirkwall giggled and tossed a small pebble she must have found on the floor over the divider and it clinked off the side of the metal tub and across the floor. "You love it and you know it!"
Tori sighed a long-suffering sigh and scrubbed at a stubborn spot of dirt on her shin. "Some asshole took my staff and stashed it on his roof. I needed his help getting up there and in the process I… may have broken his nose." She winced guiltily as Hawke howled with laughter. "I healed it right away! And we talked, made amends. Played chess later that day. Then early this morning I… couldn't sleep. Went to the gardens to read. Cullen was there too and we talked and… he gave me another sunflower. And we… kissed." Her face felt warm, still embarrassed to be talking about this, but thrilled as she thought of the feel of his lips, the smell of his skin, the desire in his eyes.
Marian, who was leaning back in her chair with her hands behind her head, was grinning widely. "Finally we get to it then, about time! The barest description of events, naturally. You should take some storytelling lessons from Varric, spice it up a bit, make me swoon!"
Toriana couldn't help but laugh at that. Marian was always full of wisecracks and jocularity, so different from Tori's more serious demeanor, and she had to admit it was nice to be lightened up a bit. Hawke had a point - sometimes you just need to relax. Tori was glad she was there to remind her of it.
"So, when's your next makeout session planned, you minx?" Marian asked, tossing another pebble over the divider, this time it plonked against Toriana's head and landed in the water.
"Hey!" she protested, "Would you mind not pelting me with rocks? I'm trying to wash here." The only answer was a mischievous giggle from Marian and she rolled her eyes. She was full of jokes alright, but sometimes Tori wondered if this was akin to having an annoying little sister. "We're having dinner together tonight," she answered the other woman's question, blushing despite herself. She'd finished cleaning herself and got out, drying off as best she could before pulling on her underclothes and appearing from around the screen.
Hawke was grinning like a cat who'd gotten into the cream. Before she could start in with more bawdy jokes, Tori threw the wet towel at her head and went to strap her armor on. "Just dinner, Marian."
"Pfft," Marian said, extricating herself and throwing the towel over the edge of the tub, "You're no fun. The way Anders told it sounded like Circle mages are all horny lechers!"
Tori choked on a surprised laugh, "Maker, no! Well, most of us are I suppose. Comes with being trapped in a tower through puberty." She winked and delighted in the laugh it elicited from Marian. "But I'm usually not keen on sleeping with someone I barely know unless it's drunken debauchery to be forgotten quickly."
Hawke's eyebrows lifted in surprise, not expecting such from someone as proper as Toriana, then she broke into thrilled guffaws, bumping into her cousin's side hard enough to make her stumble a bit. "Now you're acting like an Amell! I knew we were related."
Toriana chuckled and shook her head, heading up the stairs to fetch Rabbit and find a snack to hold them over until dinner. The cook noticed her armor and squinted at the Grey Warden's face for a moment before nodding and disappearing into a back room. She returned with a plate containing a wedge of sharp-smelling cheese and, to Toriana's amazement, a cluster of large purple grapes, along with a thick slab of meat which she tossed to Rabbit.
When Toriana made to protest such a fine meal, the cook shook her head and curtly shoved the plate into her hands. "Fifth Blight took my sister and uncle. Woulda taken me an' my husband too if you and good King Alistair hadn't arrived in time to drive off the darkspawn from our village. Least I can do is give you a little treat. Andraste bless you, Warden."
Without another word the elven woman turned back to her duties as if nothing had happened, leaving Toriana stunned and feeling a tightness in her throat. She hated the title "Hero of Ferelden," but there was something entirely different, so much more moving, in meeting and hearing the story of someone who'd been directly affected by her actions. She swallowed hard and turned to Marian, who gave her a warm smile and gestured to the door with her head.
Marian had already eaten, so she agreed to take Rabbit to go "harass Bull and the Chargers" to give Toriana some time to herself. Grateful yet again to have such a wonderful cousin in her life, Tori made for Skyhold's main library, hoping the bustle of people would help keep the Calling at bay.
She found a small table and pillowed chair in an alcove with a window and settled in, finding a book of elvhen poetry to occupy her while she idly ate. The grapes were crisp and refreshing, a rare treat she hadn't eaten in years, and the cheese tasted Antivan, sharp and spiced with bits of hot pepper that made her eyes water. It was a snack fit for royalty, and the source of it made it taste all the better.
So engrossed was she in savoring her meal and absentmindedly flipping through her book, she didn't notice the other person's approach until their shadow fell across the table and she startled a bit, looking up. She was even more startled to see an elven woman she barely recognized, having seen her once briefly a few years ago when the Grey Warden had been asked to give a talk to the College of Magi in Cumberland regarding magic use in darkspawn. They hadn't gotten a chance to talk, as Toriana had been quick to leave once she'd finished speaking, not keen on sticking around the Circle mages she felt pity towards for being trapped by the Chantry, and perhaps a bit of guilt that she got to roam free while they were leashed.
"Grand Enchanter Fiona!" she said after she'd quickly swallowed her mouthful of food and pushed herself to her feet to bow her head respectfully.
Fiona raised a hand, "Please, no need for all that. You are a Grey Warden, after all, and I'm not even a Grand Enchanter any longer, not with the Circles disbanded as they are."
The elf took the seat across from her, and Toriana couldn't help but chuckle as she sat back down. "Irving did always say you can take the mage out of the Circle, but you can never take the Circle out of the mage. Old habits die hard, I guess."
Fiona's smile was sad. "Irving was a great First Enchanter, and a good man. I spoke with him often before he died, he had intriguing ideas about the addition of entropy magic into the treatment of disease. Revolutionary for his time."
Toriana smiled as well, thinking back on her long-since deceased mentor. They'd been close as she'd grown up, though in the year or so before she'd been conscripted into the Wardens, her growing Libertarian views and more rebellious nature had caused some friction between them. But his love for her had never waned, even as she helped a blood mage escape and stood in defiance of the templars, splattered with blood and fighting back tears at Jowan's betrayal.
The last time she'd seen Irving he'd been very ill, the toll of Uldred's insurrection catching up to him after years of declining health. He'd been allowed to leave the Circle for his final days, to sit under a tree on the coast near Highever and watch the tides roll in through rheumy eyes as Toriana sat with him and read passages from his favorite books. He slowly slipped from the world of the living with his favorite pupil at his side, the words of his beloved prose in his ears, and the salty sea air on his face. It had been a good end.
"He was a special man, indeed," Toriana agreed. She studied Fiona, who seemed a bit distracted, as if she wanted to say something but wasn't sure how to. "How are things with the Inquisition? Are they treating the mages well?"
The elven woman nodded, "Yes, we are their allies and equals, thanks to the Inquisitor. Many spoke up against us but she stood by the mages. We owe her a great debt."
Toriana didn't mean to argue, but something about how that was said rubbed her the wrong way. "You don't owe someone a debt for treating you with basic respect and courtesy. Just because the status quo is to treat us as if we're monsters to be caged doesn't mean we are indebted to those who treat us as people." She hadn't meant to get so worked up, but she found as she finished speaking that her fingernails were digging into the table and her lips were turned down in a frown.
Fiona, however, did not seem upset in the slightest. Instead, a small smirk crept onto her face as she eyed the Warden. "There's that fiery revolutionary spark Irving spoke of so often."
The human woman blushed and laughed, looking away and tugging on a strand of hair before she stopped herself. "It's made me a few enemies over the years…" she said sheepishly before taking a sip of water from her canteen.
"Friends, too, I imagine." Fiona smiled, then it faltered and the look she gave Toriana was intent while she rubbed the backs of her fingers under her chin in a gesture that seemed oddly familiar to Toriana, though she couldn't quite place it. "You… during the Blight, you were close to King Alistair before he became the king, were you not?"
To say that Toriana was taken by surprise by the question would be an understatement. She choked on the water she'd been drinking and coughed, sputtering and attempting to find her breath as her face grew hot. Once she'd stopped coughing she wiped her mouth hastily with the back of her hand and gave the Grand Enchanter a wary look. Questions like these inevitably led somewhere uncomfortable at best, downright invasive and hurtful at worst, and often ended with Toriana snapping and storming off. But she didn't want to lash out at Fiona if it was an innocent question.
"I was friends with him, for my part," she said, cursing the fact that even talking about him now made her throat tighten with regret. "We were the only two Wardens in Ferelden to face the Fifth Blight. I'd say anyone would become close in the same situation." She hated outright lying, so she'd become quite good at keeping her statements vague when it came to the King.
Fiona's gaze was scrutinizing, and the human couldn't help but squirm a bit, feeling distinctly uncomfortable. Something in the elf's eyes hinted that she guessed at the nature of their relationship. "I only ask because I… knew his father, back when I was a Warden." Toriana's eyebrows shot up, surprised herself. She'd forgotten that Fiona had once been a Warden, but somehow had had the taint removed - it was a matter of much controversy in the Grey Wardens. Fiona continued, now not meeting Toriana's eyes. "Maric had such high hopes for him. I… always wondered what kind of man he turned out to be. If he is happy."
There was a note in Fiona's voice that Toriana knew, in a way that only one who'd been through a similar loss could comprehend. She'd been in love with King Maric. But as a mage and an elf, there was no way they could ever truly be together. And in that moment the two women looked at each other and an unspoken understanding passed between them, these two souls who'd given up the men they'd loved.
Toriana was surprised that Fiona didn't bear Alistair any ill will, being the child born of Maric and another woman. She couldn't help but be touched by this - Fiona clearly loved Maric deeply, and her care passed to Alistair as well, regardless of who his mother was. She wondered how she would feel about any children born of Alistair and Anora, if she would feel the same warmth and concern for them as the Grand Enchanter. She thought of Morrigan, and Alistair's child she'd carried - given birth to, she imagined, many years ago by now. She felt deeply conflicted about all of it, and the thoughts brought only disquiet and jealousy. Jealousy of the potential life that she'd had to give away for the sake of Ferelden, and of having lost her final night with Alistair, her last chance to hold and kiss him, to someone else. And even in feeling jealousy over it, for things she'd chosen, she felt ashamed.
The Grey Warden took a deep breath and gave Fiona what she hoped was a comforting look. "He was… is a good man. Kind, just, and… a good sense of humor. I know his father would be proud of him." She swallowed hard past the lump in her throat and looked out the window.
"That… is good to hear." Fiona's voice was thick with emotion. Silence filled the space between them for a long time, and the two women sat in their grief looking in different directions for a few minutes before the Grand Enchanter stood and cleared her throat. "Well, I will leave you to your meal, thank you for indulging an old woman's curiosity."
Toriana said her farewells as the elven woman left, and though she still had nearly half her food remaining on her plate, she found her appetite had vanished. Her chest felt tight and her hands trembled as she ran her fingers down the pages of her book. Even after all this time, all the years - ten times the amount of time she'd even known him - Alistair yet haunted her. Her heart still ached with the pain of their separating, still dreamt of a different world where they were in the Wardens together, unburdened by leadership, free to love and be loved.
And with that longing came guilt. Here she was pursuing things with Cullen, losing herself in the warm rush of emotions he awakened in her, while she pined for another man she still loved. That seemed terribly unfair to him, dishonest. With Robin, she'd loved them dearly, had enjoyed their company, but hadn't felt in love with them. Alistair, however… How could she continue to pursue Cullen if part of her heart still lay with the King?
Marian's words came back to her. Loving one person doesn't stop you from loving others. There was truth in that statement, she knew, but at the moment it didn't soothe the pit in her stomach. She was unsure if it ever would.
Sighing, Toriana gave up on reading or eating any more. Her fingers found their way to the thin chain around her neck, on the end of which was a small, sealed vial containing a small amount of blood, magically preserved. She normally kept it hidden under her clothes - a mage with a vial of blood drew suspicious glances at best - but now she cradled it gingerly in her hand, staring at it. It was a small thing, given to her by Alistair after her Joining; a memento of her oath, of the Wardens' sacrifice, of those lost at the Joining in Ostagar. It symbolized everything she had given up when she gave her life to the Grey Wardens, and at the same time everything she'd gained: a family of sorts, a purpose, and a deep connection to centuries of Wardens who'd come before her and given their lives to save the peoples of Thedas.
And now the Grey Wardens risked that all, in desperation and in shortsightedness. In fear.
She held the pendant in her hand a moment longer, until the archdemon blood within began to sing to her, to croon with the whispers of the Old Gods - promises of an everlasting chorus of power. Swallowing hard, Toriana tucked it back inside her armor and sighed, rubbing her hands roughly over her face to try to quiet the desire to dig down into the earth.
"Is it a feature of all Ferelden Circle mages to read books and brood?" A teasing voice broke her from her thoughts and she turned to see Dorian, the man who'd been playing chess with Cullen yesterday, leaning against one of the shelves by her table. The Tevinter magister. Toriana, her emotions already in flux, struggled to pull a neutral visage on.
Dorian clearly noticed, and his eyes narrowed with disappointment. "Ah. I see you've learned your Chantry lessons well, judging by that look, as if someone dumped their chamber pot on your shoes."
Her neck and cheeks grew hot with embarrassment, for she couldn't deny that was exactly how she felt about it. Disdain. Distrust. But if this Vint wanted to bring the truth out in the open and start an argument, then he'd get what he asked for. "I don't make it a habit of associating with magisters," she said flatly. "I tend to dislike blood magic, and those who do it."
Dorian's eyes rolled and he crossed his arms. "Honestly, you Fereldens wouldn't know an eagle from a chicken. Let me spell it out for you: I am a mage from Tevinter. Not a magister. I've never been part of the Magisterium." The way he said it made her think he'd had this argument many times before.
Toriana narrowed her own eyes at him, her entire body tense and ready to spring if he decided to attack. "Yet you do not deny the blood magic."
The man scoffed and glared at her, his cocksure composure gone now, replaced by indignance. "Only because the suggestion is so ridiculous as to be above acknowledgment. I despise blood magic as I despise a knife in the back." Her lips twisted in disbelief and she opened her mouth to retort, but he continued without letting her speak. "And last I recalled, I'm not the only one who originates from a group hell-bent on raising demons and doing blood magic. Or is it okay if Grey Wardens do it as long as it's for the 'greater good'? Hmm, now where have I heard that before?" He tapped his chin in pretend thought then held his finger up. " Ah yes! From the Venatori who think their blood magic is justified if it uplifts Tevinter and brings back the glory days!"
Toriana couldn't reply. She was frozen in horror as much as shame, because she knew he was right, as much as it hurt her to admit. The Grey Wardens planned to use demons, much like the Tevinter magisters did. And she opposed it as a Grey Warden, as this Tevinter mage claimed to do as well. She swallowed hard, her pride writhing within her, screaming at her to deny his claims and fight back, to tell him he was wrong and she was right.
But Toriana had spent her entire life fighting demons of pride, and the emotion within her only had so much power now after twenty-eight years on this earth. In the face of this argument she knew she was wrong. She knew, now filled with shame, that she was behaving as so many people behaved when told that mages or elves were not all dangerous or bad. Prejudiced.
She couldn't meet his accusing gaze, instead staring down at her plate of food, and when she spoke her voice was quiet, remorseful. "You're right. I… am sorry."
She could hear Dorian suck in a sharp breath as if he was gearing up to fight. "I-wait, what?" The disbelief in his voice was clear.
Toriana's face burned when she finally looked at him. The Vint's arms were crossed, but his brow was furrowed in surprise. She took a deep breath, swallowing that insidious pride within her, and repeated herself. "I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't… assume anything about you simply because you're from Tevinter."
Dorian's eyebrows rose and he stared at her silently for a few moments before regaining his composure, his air of levity and sarcasm that reminded her so much of Marian. "Well color me surprised!" he said, uncrossing his arms and dropping down into the seat across from her. "I have to say, I find myself wanting to talk to you more now, if it'll mean you'll keep telling me how right I am."
His smirk was disarmingly charming and Toriana couldn't help but laugh, still feeling incredibly awkward after her previous behavior around someone she barely knew. "Yes, well… don't get used to it. I've used up my quota of apologies for the year," she quipped back at him, and his answering chuckle made her grin, surprising even herself in how quickly they settled into friendly banter. He reminded her so much of her cousin that she couldn't help but feel a strange sense of camaraderie with him, even after their disagreement.
"Are you going to eat that? I haven't had grapes since I was back home, I don't know how you Fereldans manage with such simple foods." Toriana nodded in assent and pushed the plate towards him, and he wasted no time in popping one of the grapes into his mouth, an expression of bliss overtaking his face. "Kaffas, how could the cook have been holding out on me all this time?!"
Toriana smirked and leaned back in her seat, "She likes Grey Wardens more, I guess."
He scoffed, "I don't see how anyone could favor you cheerless Wardens over this." He gestured to himself grandly and ate another grape before a wicked glint came into his eyes, "Particularly certain former Templars. Such a shame, really, I felt I was so close to getting him to practice his swordplay shirtless, but I suppose he'd rather practice his swordplay on you."
The Warden coughed and sputtered, not the first time that day, and tried to find words to respond as her face once again grew red with embarrassment. "I-Maker's breath, does everyone in Skyhold gossip like the apprentices in the Circle?" she exclaimed, hiding her face with one hand. "You and Marian should spend time together. Actually forget I said that, you two would be unbearable!"
Dorian's laugh made her sink down in her seat even more. "I'm afraid to inform you that Marian and I have met and are quite charming together if I say so myself!" Toriana found that hard to believe, imagining the two of them making snarky comments at every turn and laughing off everyone else's annoyance.
The two mages talked quite a bit more, their earlier conflict having faded away into memory, though Toriana steered the conversation away from Cullen as quickly as she was able. They spoke of the Inquisition, of various books in the library in Skyhold, of the different cultures of Thedas, and Tori even shared her knowledge of the little hidden library in the basement, which delighted Dorian to no end. He shared her same love of knowledge and learning, of finding out some of the beautiful mysteries of the world. That on top of him being so similar to Marian in personality brought about an easy, tentative friendship between the two of them, much as Toriana had so quickly gotten along with her cousin when they first met years ago.
It was only when Toriana glanced out the window and saw that the sun had begun to set that she excused herself from their long conversation and bade farewell to Dorian. She daren't tell him she was going to see Cullen, lest the teasing begin anew.
As she walked away from this man she'd so recently considered a threat and a disgrace, she wondered at people's ability - their inclination - to judge others as part of a group rather than as individuals. Had she continued on in her initial views of Dorian, she would never have gotten to know him, would have never known that he was actually enjoyable to be around, and a man of character and morals no less.
How many other people had she missed out on welcoming into her life because of this hate she bore for people of Tevinter?
Toriana still knew that she felt distrust towards magisters - how could she not? Even Dorian himself dismissed them as mostly conniving, selfish people willing to hurt anyone for their own personal gain. But now, she had a new challenge for herself: to try harder to see and judge people for who they were, rather than what they were.
And she had to take a deep breath and prepare herself as she left the main library, for she was about to go have dinner with Cullen. Despite herself, her heart hammered in her chest and she felt her stomach flip as she thought of the taste of his lips, the feel of his hair under her fingers, the shimmer of gold in his amber eyes as he looked at her with a hunger she knew mirrored her own. She wondered if he would want to do that again, or if he would want to simply talk, or perhaps he'd be open to letting her explore more of him…
Only time would tell.