(≠_≖)

Time comes into consciousness standing up.
In his hands he is holding aloft the Master Sword.

What the-
Time immediately drops it.
Which turns out to be a mistake.
Because apparently he's in the middle of a battlefield.

What is going on?

After making sure there aren't anymore monsters trying to immediately kill him,
Time tries to put the Master Sword back.
It doesn't work.

Time steps outside the sanctuary, only to stumble onto a battlefield.
When did Hyrule end up at war?

He'll say it again,
What is going on?!

A soldier: "Captain! Princess Zelda has called a retreat into the Temple."
Time: …
Soldier: "Captain?"
Time: "Oh… you're talking to me?"
And that's how Time learns he's apparently been made captain of the royal army of Hyrule.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!

Time hopes to Farore that Malon is alright in all this mess.

Time finds Zelda.
But she's not his Zelda.
She looks similar enough that he recognises her as a royal.
But it isn't the princess he knows from his timeline.
Did the blade put him to sleep again?
How long has it been this time?!

What. Is. Going. On?!

Whatever is happening, Time has a job to do.
He orders the soldiers around him to retreat to defensible position within the Temple.
Surprisingly, everyone listens.
Huh.

And then he sees her.
Blue hair, high pitched voice, lots of weird magic spells.
Time: "You!"
Lana: "Who?"
Zelda: "Lana?"
Time: "Her."
Lana: "Me?"
Zelda: "What?"

Time grabs the sorceress by the arm and drags her into a corner.
He demands answers.
She's just confused.
Zelda is frustrated.
They are in the middle of a battle. This is no time to have a chat!

Time: "You are going to tell me what you or your evil half have done to me. Why have you brought me here?"
Lana: "What are you talking abou- wait… no. You're not Link- not this Link anyways. You're the Hero of Time! But how?"

Okay, so Time knows what's going on now.
He's apparently replaced the real Link of this time period.
Great.

Time walks into the war meeting tent only to be confronted by two very familiar faces.
Ruto and Darunia.
They don't recognise him.
Well this is awkward...

Ruto proves herself above time shenanigans
By being her same special self.
A.K.A. She flirts with the closest green clad hero.
Which is Time, again.

Time tells Ruto he's married,
So stop please.
Zelda: "Wait… you're not ma-"
Impa: covers Zelda's mouth. "Let the young man protect himself."

And then spots another familiar face from his world.
His own.
Albeit, much younger and toting around an impressive collection of masks.

Time puts younger him on Epona and forces him to go take a vacation.
Mini Time: "What?!"
Older Time: "I know the hell you just went through with Termina. You need time to reflect and heal. You need a break. Go ride Epona, have a mini adventure without the weight of the world hanging in the balance."
Mini Time: "I can help!"
Older Time: "I know. But this time, you don't need to help."
Mini Time: "But-"
Older Time: "Besides, you're already helping… just in the future."

That gets the kid to relax at least.
Seems Time is the kind of 'want something done right, do it yourself' guy.

Everyone is filled with confidence about defeating Cia.
Zelda: "With the Master Sword we can defeat the evil sorceress!"
Time: "A sword cannot wield strength, unless the hand that holds it has courage. This blade will not win us victory."

Look, he's trying to warn them.
He knows that their triumph against evil does not happen until much later.

Also, the Master Sword is overrated.

Cia's home is just as creepy as Time remembers.
She's got pictures of this time period Link plastered all over her mansion.
This woman is a serious stalker.
And Time does not appreciate it.

Shadow Link shows up.
Oh great.
At least this time the jerk doesn't stand on his sword.

Random Lady: "Hey there soldier boy. You look like you could use a little time to ~relax~"
Time: "No."

That's the eighth time he's had to turn an overly flirtatious female away.
It is honestly getting kind of concerning at this point.

Zelda tries to stealthily sneak out of camp at night.
She slams face first into Time.
Which is like running into a brick wall.
Her poor pointed princess nose!

Time: "May I ask what you are doing, princess?"
Zelda: "... Taking a leisurely stroll?"
Time raises one brow.
He is not amused.

Turns out Time needs to babysit this royal.
Because she's a self sacrificing idiot.
Time: "Let me get this straight. You were going to try and raid the Twilight Palace by yourself, without telling anyone where you were going, and without having a clear idea of how you would even stop the flow of dark magic coming from there. What gave you the idea this was a good plan?"
Zelda: "I must protect my people from this dark magic before it consumes all light!"
Time: "I say this with the deepest respect, you are a fool."
Zelda: SHOCKED!

Time and Zelda lead Hyrulian forces to the gates of the Twilight Palace.
Time insists they bring Midna as their guide and heavy hitter.
Lana, as their magical expert.
And Impa, the only other reasonable person who can be counted on to talk sense into the headstrong princess.

A girl named Linkle shows up to help.
She calls him brother.
Because why not.
It's not like anyone else, other than the blue time witch, has realised who he really is at this point.

Apparently Linkle was looking for Hyrule Castle.
Time: "You are very lost."
She knows.

The raid goes really well.

Random Lady: "You must be Link. I've heard so mu-"
Time: "Pardon mam, but I'm married."
Random Lady: "It must be lonely then for you. To spend so many nights alone without any warmth or comfort. Allow me-"
Time leaves.

There are times when you hold your ground,
And there are times when you retreat.
And then there are the times where if you don't high tail it away immediately you might end up slapping the next woman who doesn't understand the concept of no.

At the Battle of the Valley of Seers, Cia shows up,
Flaunting her evilness.
Time doesn't know how that outfit could even be considered practical for battle.

Cia tries to seduce him.
Time shows off his wedding ring.
"I'm happily married. So kindly back off ."

Time defeats Cia.
Lana, Time, and Zelda use their pieces of the triforce to send everyone back to their original time and restore Hyrule.
Time doesn't get sent back to his wife like Lana said he would.
But he was expecting that.
Because he knows, this is not over.

Sure enough Ganondorf shows up.
He absolutely crushes the already exhausted and depleted forces of Hyrule.
Hyrule Castle is taken.

With the power of Lana's triforce, Ganondorf seems unstoppable.
But Time has faced a Ganon doped up on the power triforce before.
And he was just a clumsy kid in an adult body.
Now he's a fully grown experienced warrior with experience that far outweighs his physical age.
So yeah, Time defeats him.
Easily.

Everyone rejoices.
The war is finally over.
What could possibly go wrong.

Time laughs.
Obviously something is about to go wrong.
Why else would he still be here?

Time is proven right,
Again.
Another world suddenly plops right down into this Hyrule.

Time meets a kid named Tetra out on the battlefield.
He immediately tries to convince her to take it easy.
Childhood is precious,
And the price of losing it too quickly is steep.
There should be no child soldiers.

Tetra disagrees.
She doesn't have to listen to him!
She's her own Great Sea damn captain of her own barnicle brained pirate crew!
Tetra is going to demon-damned fight if she goddess-damn chooses to.

Time dispairs.
But accepts her right to stay and fight.
He gets it.
Even if he doesn't like it.

Tetra gets caught by an oversized pigeon.
While chasing after the ball of pin feathers to save the pirate captain,
Time bumps into another kid.
Kid: "Wait… Your name's Link? Me too! Let me guess! You're the hero of this world too, right? I mean, you're wielding the Master Sword soooo- am I right or am I right?"
Time: "Almost. I'm not this world's Link. I just woke up here and everyone mistakes me for him."
Wind: laughs. "Sweet octo butts on a narwhal's horn! I know exactly what you're going through!"

They save Tetra.
And meet a king from the other world.
Both Tetra and sailor Link get teary eyed when they see him.
The king tells them who's at fault for this most recent mess.

Two pirates, a misplaced rancher, a ghost king, and a bubbly sorcerer walk into a temple.
It sounds like the beginning part of a bad joke.
Well jokes on the Phantom Ganon, because they absolutely crush the wimpy wisp.

With that, the triforce is used again to restore Hyrule.
And Time immediately wakes up in his own bed.

It's early morning.
A cuccu crows.
The sun barely rises over the mountain's edge.
And there's a soft and comforting form curled up at his side.
Time sighs with relief.

Malon: sleepy smile, "Morning."
Then she frowns.
Malon: "Something happened. More time shenanigans?"
Time: nods. "More time shenanigans."
Malon: kisses her exhausted looking husband. "Well I'm going to make breakfast, you better get to your morning chores. And when you're done, you'll come and tell me all about it?"
Time: Kissing her back. "Happily."

It's good to be back.