A year had soon passed and the day was definitely one to celebrate.
"Trace, are you ready to go?"
Tracy smiled to herself as she heard Mike's voice echoing through her apartment. Not long after she had opened up to her therapist about the incident in her flat, she and Mike had gone apartment hunting in the hopes a new home would aid in her recovery. As she entered the fifth month in her pregnancy, Mike and the kids had helped her move into a two bedroom flat, a short walk from the home.
She stood in the smaller of the two bedrooms, her eyes darting around the room, still not believing how beautiful the nursery was. She stood in front of the crib, watching her child gurgle and shake the rattle being grasped within tiny fingers. Above the crib hung a gorgeous mobile, with hanging zoo animals, such as zebras, giraffes and elephants. The small hands often reaching up, attempting to grasp the small animals twirling about above them. Tracy did not want to paint the walls a bold colour in case the doctors had been wrong about the gender of her baby, and instead she'd opted with a pale yellow colour, similar to a yellow rose. The walls had been decorated with a series of pictures, with an overall theme of Winnie the Pooh. On the wall above the crib was a large printed photo from the day she had returned home from the hospital. All of the kids had been waiting in her living room, excited to meet the new arrival. Tracy wasn't sure who, but one of the kids had set their phone up on a timer to catch a photo of everyone together. The same photo had been printed and handed to Tracy as a gift from everyone as a congratulations. Another framed photo stood on top of the chest of drawers, the first photo taken after the birth. The photo had captured Tracy, holding her baby for the first time, with Mike by her side.
Her thought train was soon disturbed by the almost silent noises that came from the crib in front of her. As she looked to where her child was staring, she smiled.
"She's beautiful you know,"
Tracy reached into the cot and picked up her daughter, giving her a kiss before handing her to the man standing next to her.
"Well, hey there Holly,"
Mike gladly took the young girl from Tracy and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She gave a small gurgle in response, causing both adults to smile.
"You never told me the reasoning behind the name,"
Mike turned to look at the younger woman with curiosity. He knew there was a reason behind the name; that it wasn't just a random name picked from a book. Tracy shot him a smile before walking over to the changing table to finish packing the changing bag.
"That therapist I used to see. Do you remember how she made me participate in that butterfly project?"
She turned to look at the older man as she waited for a reply to her question.
As he gave a small nod, she continued, "She is the reason I'm still here, still fighting. I hated the thought of naming her 'hope' or 'faith', it's too common. I did some research into different butterflies, and saw the species Holly Blue Butterfly."
Without waiting for a response, she grabbed the changing bag and swiftly left the room. Mike smiled as the young girl in his arms began to babble away to herself.
A small chuckle escaped his lips as he watched Tracy grab the bag in front of her before leaving the room. Moments like these made him realise he had done the right thing a year ago. He had known Tracy for so many years, nearly all of her life, and she had been through so much more than a young woman her age should have been through. Her time growing up in care had affected her more than she cared to let on, yet she was as happy as any other person. Cam had been the one to save her, show her what unconditional love and care was, and made her realise that she would never go without again, and now she had someone to pass that along to. He hated the way that Holly had been brought into this world, and she served as a reminder to Tracy of what had happened to her, but he knew that she was also a reminder of the hope and love that Tracy had in her life.
"Come on Mike. We're going to be late, Cam is meeting us at the church."
The young woman soon poked her head around the doorframe in an attempt to hurry the man along. She knew she'd have to take her baby off him if there was any chance of them being on time. He loved his goddaughter more than anything in the world, and today was the time to make it official.
Mike pushed open the huge wooden doors at the entrance to the church, expecting to see Tracy stood there, thanking and saying goodbye to the guests but was instead greeted by Cam, holding her granddaughter with no one else in sight. The baby babbled as Cam spoke in a soft voice to her, pulling faces hoping the young girl would begin to laugh and not notice the absence of her mother.
"Where's Tracy?"
Cam looked up and shrugged before saying, "She went for a quick walk to clear her head, that was a lot for her to take."
The christening had been a wonderful couple of hours, full of laughter and love but Mike knew it would take its toll on the young mum. The small family's loved ones were slowly coming out of the building, all speaking about how it was a lovely ceremony and how adorable Holly was. Mike smiled at the compliments, knowing they were all true - it had been a wonderful day, and Holly was the sweetest thing in the world. But he had to find Tracy, he didn't expect her to fall backwards in her recovery, but the events were still fresh and he couldn't take that chance. After making sure Cam was okay looking after Holly, he began to walk up the small path weaving through the gravestones to the other side of the church grounds. He assumed that Tracy wouldn't go far from everyone, but needed enough space to be able to concentrate on herself without the worry of others pestering her. As he turned the corner past a rather large oak tree, he caught sight of the young woman sat cross legged on a bench. He had faith in her that she hadn't done anything to harm herself, but nothing he could do would stop the flashbacks to the last time he had found her sat alone on a bench. Small clips of that day played through his mind; finding out the true reason she was pregnant; finding out she had been hurting herself; and the sparkle of the silver metal as Tracy had handed over the tiny object that had taken over her life.
As he stepped closer to the bench, Tracy looked up to the source of the footsteps crunching on the gravel toward her. Giving Mike a small smile, she shifted to one side, allowing him to sit down next to her. As he sat down, she leant over and laid her head on his shoulder, letting out a sigh she didn't know she was holding in. Mike wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze, taking in her appearance. Tracy had chosen to wear a fancy, deep purple top, with smart black trousers and a pair of black sparkly shoes. Around her shoulders was a black, knitted cardigan with three quarter length sleeves. She had pushed her sleeves up to her elbow, exposing her bare arms to the gentle winds blowing through the grounds. She allowed her fingers to run up and down her forearms, tracing the hundreds of white lines that decorated her skin. It wasn't until a tear pushed its way out and slowly rolled its way down her cheek that she realised how badly the day had affected her.
She managed a small whisper, "Everyone was staring at me,"
Mike knew what she was talking about. The stares and small whispers from some of the guests hadn't gone unnoticed by him, but he had hoped Tracy hadn't heard.
"Just think you won't have to see those people again for a long while after today."
She sniffed before quickly wiping the tear from her cheek and leaning closer into Mike. He tightened his grip on her.
"I can't stop thinking about what he did," she admitted to the older man, knowing that he understood what she meant by the statement.
"I know Trace,"
His heart ached for the girl in his arms, the assault had affected her more than anything in her life, and rightly so. But she had pushed past everything life had thrown at her in the past year, she had fought with every fiber in her body to get where she was today, and she had made him incredibly proud. She just had to allow herself to be proud.
"He won't be getting released any time soon kiddo,"
A year ago, she would have left a large gathering, gone home and hurt herself, not allowing anyone into her mind and thought processes. Even she knew that she had come a long way from where she used to be, even if she had small setbacks like today. She had to be strong, not just for her daughter and her family, but for herself. She knew that she needed to put herself first (as well as Holly) and not let the events of the past year affect how much of a good mother she was, and will continue to be.
"Mike?"
He released her from the embrace and turned to look at her, knowing it was an important thing she wanted to say. Her voice was no longer reduced to a whisper, and slowly she was becoming more confident in herself.
"I'm proud of myself. I've done it. I'm okay."
Mike swallowed back the lump rising in his throat, fighting off the tears the best he could.
His emotions soon got the better of him, causing his voice to break slightly, "I'm so proud of you Tracy. Come on, Cam has probably been thrown up on by now."
She allowed herself to laugh at the vision, knowing it was very likely to have happened. What she had said was true - she was proud of herself. Days like today would have been very easy to fall back into old habits, but instead, she had pushed herself through it, voiced her worries to someone and no longer felt the need to do something.
Recovery really was worth it, to be able to enjoy these moments in life; especially seeing her mother all flustered after being thrown up on by her daughter.