They finished the rest of their lunch in mostly awkward silence. Despite the awkwardness, Lorelai was torn between wanting to prolong their time together, and wanting to run far, far away from the man who once broke her heart. There was a gnawing feeling in her heart that given the chance, he could still break her heart if she spent too much time with him.
She wondered not for the first time whether she ever stopped loving Luke, or if she just compartmentalized that part of her as she tried to focus on building up a new life for herself.
Unknown to Lorelai, Luke had the same dilemma. A part of him wanted to spend as much time with her as he could, despite the fact that she was with someone else, and that she was happy, and that she was completely over him. She was over him – that was clear to see, but he was not over her, and probably never would be. But there was also a part of him that didn't know how much more pain his heart could take, and wanted to drive home, all alone – like he likely will be for the rest of his life.
They ended up getting coffee in a nearby coffeeshop. At first, Luke was relieved that the ambience was completely unlike the diner – which might make things more difficult for him. He went to the counter to order a coffee for Lorelai and a mug of hot tea for himself while Lorelai sat down at one of the tables in a quiet corner, staring outside with a thoughtful look in her eyes.
When Luke placed the coffee in front of Lorelai, he had a vivid flashback of the countless times he did the same for her at the diner. The atmosphere suddenly felt charged, and he wondered if Lorelai felt it too. She mumbled her thanks without looking up at him and began to stare at her mug without saying a word. Luke sat down beside her, gripping the mug of tea in his hands, silent.
After several minutes of silence, Lorelai finally looked at him and gave a nervous, tentative laugh. "Brings back memories, eh?"
Luke swallowed hard and tried to smile. "Yeah, it does." After a pause, he asked, "How's the coffee?"
Lorelai took one sip and made a face. "Not as good as yours." She took another sip and slowly put the coffee down and glanced at him shyly. "I've… I've never had coffee better than yours."
Luke nodded. "You're always welcome at the diner, you know. Cesar or Lane can get your coffee, if you don't want to see me… You can just give a heads up or something and I can make myself scarce when you want to come in."
Lorelai started shaking her head forcefully. "No, no, I wouldn't want that. I would never chase you away from your own business, Luke. That's stupid. I would never…" she suddenly caught herself and stopped midway, biting her tongue.
Luke looked at her, trying to read the expression on her face. When she didn't say anything else, he cleared his throat and asked. "You would never…?"
Lorelai looked hesitant. "Oh, never… um, never mind me. I forgot what I was going to say."
"No, you didn't."
"No, I didn't."
"So what was it you were going to say? You would never…?
"I… I would never… chase you away… from my business… or yours."
"What do you mean?" Luke asked, genuinely confused. "Of course, you wouldn't. And neither would I…"
"We shouldn't be talking about this, Luke. This is all in the past."
"Did I do that? I want to know, Lorelai. I need to know," Luke sighed audibly. "I feel like… I have to know, so I don't… I don't make the same mistakes again."
Lorelai looked away, but he could see the familiar signs when she was trying to keep her emotions in check. She swallowed twice, pursed her lips and took a deep breath. "Luke, this was in the past. I don't want you to beat yourself up over our breakup, Luke. It's just… some things just don't work out. It just wasn't meant to be."
Luke couldn't let go. "When we were together, did I ever chase you away from my…?"
"April will be here in the diner from 3 to 6, so you can drop by here after that," Lorelai interrupted, quoting something he said to her a long time ago which he couldn't even remember anymore.
"Did I ever say that to you?" he asked, bewildered.
"Yes Luke. Not just once – but every single time she was in the diner. Every single time, Luke."
Luke thought back and suddenly recalled his thoughtlessness during that time. He appeared stricken and immediately began to apologize. "I'm sorry, Lorelai. I wasn't chasing you away…
"Yes you were."
"I just… I just needed time with April."
"Without me."
"Without… without you, yes."
"So you had to tell me to stay away from your business. And your daughter. Who was supposed to be my… my step-daughter."
"I'm so sorry, Lorelai."
Lorelai took another deep breath and looked at him with a small smile. "I'm sorry for dredging this up, Luke. Really I am. We shouldn't… we shouldn't talk about these things anymore."
"I understand. I… I just want you to know how sorry I am."
Lorelai looked at his eyes briefly before looking away. "Let's talk about something else, shall we?"
-oOo-
Three months have passed since he met Lorelai unexpectedly at New York while he was in his other Dark Day – the 3rd of June, when he let the love of his life walk away. Not one day passed that he didn't think of her.
He was absent-mindedly serving coffee during the breakfast rush, when he suddenly came face-to-face with the wrath of one Sookie St. James.
"What did you do?" she asked, pointing an accusing finger at him.
"What are you talking about?"
"What did you say to her?" she almost growled. "Did you say you wanted to get back together?"
Luke could immediately guess who Sookie was referring to. It was Lorelai, of course it was Lorelai. "No, I didn't! Did she say I did?"
"Well, no she didn't. But she wouldn't tell me anything about you except that you had lunch one time!"
"We did have lunch one time!"
"And do you call her? Are you still talking to her?"
"No! I know she's in a relationship, and I respect that! What's your problem?"
"As if you don't know what you did!"
"Sookie!" he yelled in frustration. Several townies turned their heads towards them, so he quickly tried to contain himself. "Sookie, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You… wait, you really don't have an idea why I'm here?"
Luke shook his head, annoyed. Sookie stared at him for a minute, then said in an almost apologetic voice. "You haven't talked to her since? You haven't... Ok. I'm sorry Luke. Can we go somewhere to talk in private?"
Luke dropped the rag he was holding to clean the counter and pointed towards the stairs. Sookie's shoulders hunched over as she followed him to his apartment, embarrassed about her accusations. When she got to the door, she stood nervously and looked around, realizing this was her first time here. She didn't know whether to proceed without an invitation.
Luke went straight in and pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and said, "Have a seat. Can I get you orange juice, or water?"
"Not really, I won't stay long," Sookie said, chagrined and confused, but taking the offered seat while Luke sat opposite her looking just as confused. "I'm… I'm sorry for what I said."
"I'm guessing this is about… about Lorelai," he said. Saying her name out loud was still not easy for him. "I haven't spoken to her since I saw her back in June… Did something happen?"
Sookie didn't know where to look as she wondered what to say. At last, she sighed and looked straight at Luke, who was watching her with an inscrutable expression.
"Andy proposed to her," she said quietly. She saw Luke's knuckles suddenly turn white and his jaw clench. He seemed to take great effort not to let her see how the news hit him, but her eyes were too quick. Out of kindness, she pretended not to see. "He wanted to elope, which was what Lorelai said she wanted, and which Lorelai told me before that she was ready to do last year…"
"Did she say yes?" he interrupted. The suspense was killing him.
Sookie shook her head. "No, she didn't… Luke, they broke up."
-oOo-
He couldn't sleep that night, wondering how she was and why she didn't say yes. Three months ago, she seemed completely sure about her relationship with Andy. From what he could see from the short time he was able to observe the two of them, he could sense that Andy was completely in love with her, and she seemed to feel the same. Was there a chance that maybe she was still in love… with him?
He didn't want to get his hopes up, but he also didn't want the chance to pass by in case he had a shot to get back together with her. Although he knew 7 am was probably too early to call her, he wanted to leave a voicemail for her so hopefully his was the first voice she hears when she wakes up.
He nervously dialed the well-remembered number and tried to decide what to say in his voicemail. However, to his infinite surprise, she picked up the call after only one ring.
"Rory," she said sleepily. "I've been waiting for your call and must have fallen asleep. Where are you now? Can you talk? Not about Andy though. I'm all talked out. And definitely not about Luke either."
He quickly realized that she didn't look at her caller ID before picking up the phone, and thought it was Rory. He cleared his throat. "It's… it's not Rory," he mumbled.
There was silence on the other line except for a shuffling sound, as if she got up quickly and looked at her phone screen. After a few more seconds, she spoke again, sounding a lot more awake this time. "Luke! What's wrong? Did something happen? Is it April? Jess? Liz? Is it you? Are you okay? Is the diner okay? What's happening?"
He had to smile at her rapid-fire speech, something he missed. He was touched that she was instantly worried that something was wrong with him or his family, but also saddened by the fact that her mind would instantly think that the only reason he would call her was because there was some bad news. "Everything's fine… I just… wanted to check in on you."
Again, a moment of charged silence. "Rory told you." She wasn't even asking, she was just stating a fact and waiting for confirmation.
"No, it was actually Sookie," he admitted. "I'm.. sorry to hear the news. Andy… He seemed like a great guy."
"Yes, he was," she replied shortly, hoping to end the conversation. She was not about to discuss her love life with Luke, for crying out loud.
He wanted to ask her why they broke up, and see if there was hope for them, but he couldn't. Of course, he couldn't. What kind of an ass would he be to ask his ex-fiancée if she broke up with her serious boyfriend because of him. Instead, he decided to just let her know he's around. He'll always be around. "Is there… anything I can do?"
The question caught her by surprise. Suddenly, her irritation was gone and she could sense that this was the old Luke, her best friend Luke, who was genuinely concerned about her. "Thanks, Luke. I'm fine. Or… I will be fine. Thanks for checking up on me."
He wanted to keep talking to her, to hear her voice, but he knew she was waiting for a call from Rory so he decided to cut the call short. "Ok, I… I know you're waiting for Rory to call, but I just wanted to say I'm… I'm right here okay? If you need someone to talk, or make you coffee, or whatever. I'm… I'm always gonna be your friend. You know that, right?" He wondered if it sounded too forward, or too weird coming from an ex, but he couldn't take it back.
Lorelai smiled sadly. "I know, Luke. Thanks again for calling. Have a good day, yeah?"
"Bye, Lorelai."
-oOo-
"So spill." Sookie said, shooting a glance at Lorelai while they washed dishes at her house. Jackson was in charge of the children's bedtime tonight, since Lorelai was here visiting. Before the breakup with Andy, she would usually visit every few weeks and stay for a day or two, taking a room at the Dragonfly. But now, she's been back at Stars Hollow nearly every week, staying for days, sleeping at Sookie's couch if there wasn't a room available at Dragonfly since they were always near capacity these days.
Despite the additional time she spent at Stars Hollow, helping out at the Dragonfly and spending time with Sookie, Lorelai still refused to talk about the breakup, or what happened when she had lunch with Luke. Sookie knew, however, that Lorelai still refused to go to the diner or anywhere near the diner.
"Spill what?" Lorelai asked, a little too innocently.
"Andy, of course. Why did you say no? Or are you not yet ready to talk about it?"
Lorelai gave her a sad smile, dried her hands with a dish towel, and replied, "I don't… I don't know how to explain it."
Sookie walked to the fridge, took out some white wine she's been chilling since the morning, and grabbed two wine glasses from the cupboard. "Wanna go out and chat at the porch?"
"Ooooh, with wine? Fancy!"
Sookie giggled. "Give me a second and I can make a cheese platter to go with it."
Lorelai burst out laughing. "Sookie! Seriously, you're the most amazing friend. But I don't think I can eat any more though, I've just had three full servings of your pot roast."
They smiled and settled down on the porch, silently sipping their wine for a few minutes. Sookie watched Lorelai down a glass of wine and pour herself another. "Maybe now you can try to explain it?"
"Andy wasn't the one."
"What do you mean, he wasn't the one?"
"I really thought… I really thought he could be," Lorelai sighed. "I wanted him to be the one. I didn't really want to accept that Luke was the one. I really wanted to move on from him, you know? I wanted there to be another One. But…"
"But Andy wasn't the one."
"No, he wasn't."
"So it's still Luke? After all these years, it's still Luke?"
"Yeah," she replied sadly. "But… But I don't know if he'd be willing to try again with me though."
"Why do you say that? It's Luke!"
"The same Luke who pushed me aside, remember? Who checked out of the relationship and hurt me so bad that I had to uproot my entire life to get away from him…"
"I remember…"
"How many times do we have to break up and get back together though? It's tiring. It hurts."
"But things will be different this time, I know it will be," replied the ever optimistic Sookie. "You broke up the first time because of Christopher and your parents, right?"
"Yeah."
"But Christopher is out of the picture, and your parents have accepted Luke right? To the point where they wanted to buy you guys a house?"
"Yeah…"
And the second time you broke up was because he was keeping April away from you, right? And he was more concerned about Anna than anything?"
"Yeah…"
"But he's got joint custody now, so Anna won't be calling the shots. And I heard the custody battle was so bad that he does not even talk to Anna anymore. Especially since April is an adult now and can make her own decisions."
"I guess…"
"So what else could there be to break up over?"
"Well I don't know, it's not like you can anticipate these things right?"
"Yeah, but I think… I think… Five years without you has really, really affected Luke. You may have moved on but he never did."
"Don't say that…"
"I bet the horoscope is still there in his wallet."
"I don't even want to know."
"Lorelai," Sookie said firmly, with a reassuring smile on her face. "Believe me. You and Luke – you're end game."
-oOo-
Despite missing her and wanting to see her, Luke held back. He knew she had to go through her wallowing period to mourn the end of a relationship. He briefly wondered how long she wallowed after they broke up, but decided he didn't want to know.
Two weeks passed and he couldn't take it anymore. He dropped by the Inn unannounced and looked for Sookie. As always, Michel was most unhelpful and tried to get him to leave, so in his capacity as investor, he decided to ignore the Frenchman and go straight to the kitchen.
"Hi, Sookie," he called out loudly to get her attention. "Can I talk to you?"
Surprised, Sookie dropped the pot cover she was holding with a clatter. "What are you doing here, Luke?" she said nervously, her eyes darting around.
"I wanted to talk to you about… about Lorelai."
"Everybody, out!" she yelled to the kitchen staff. Everyone scurried off, glad for the break they would get. "Okay Luke, what about Lorelai?" she asked hesitantly.
"Well… I was wondering…" he spent a few minutes in silence, wondering what exactly he should say. "How is Lorelai doing? I called her once after I found out that they broke up, but… but I didn't call again because I wanted to give her space."
"Give her space for what?"
"Space to… wallow. You know. What she does after a breakup."
"I know what she does after a breakup. But what space are you talking about?"
"Excuse me?"
"Why is there a need to give her space now? You haven't really talked in a long time, right? So that's nothing different?" Sookie watched Luke closely to see how he would react, but he only looked more thoughtful.
"Well, I was… I was hoping to change that."
"Change what?"
"I was hoping… now that she's not in a relationship… maybe we could start talking again."
"Why, Luke? Why would you want to talk to her again?"
"You know why."
"No, I don't," Sookie pressed on. "My best guess is – you miss having someone to talk to, so maybe you want her back in your life as a friend."
"That's not… that's not all there is…"
"Not all there is? Do you want something more – is that what you're saying? You want to see if Lorelai would take you back after all the shit you put her through years ago?"
She fully expected him to become defensive, but he didn't. Instead, he looked down forlornly. "I messed up so bad, Sookie. And I thought… I thought I was okay. I thought I moved on. But seeing her again… I really don't know how I ever did what I did to her. How I stopped taking care of her and making her feel loved. How I ever let her go." He sighed audibly and adjusted his collar, looking uncomfortable. "When I saw her in New York, it was… it was torture. Knowing she was with someone else and she was happy, and I had to be happy for her. Leaving her there outside the café when all I wanted was to kiss her and beg her to take me back, and bring her back here to Stars Hollow, where she belongs." He looked up and met Sookie's intense gaze. "I mean, now that she's available, I have to at least try, right? It's Lorelai. She's the love of my life. I need to at least try to see if… if she can still love me. If she can take me back…" He paused and took a deep breath. "Even after all the shit I put her through."
Sookie kept looking at him for a few minutes, then nodded as if she was convinced. Then she shifted her focus somewhere behind Luke and gave a wink. Luke could not understand, but instantly turned around.
And there was Lorelai behind him, sitting partly hidden by a cupboard, holding a coffee cup and staring at him with a hint of a smile. "Uhm, hi Luke," she said tentatively.
"Lorelai!" he exclaimed, startled. "You were there the whole time?"
"Pretty much, yes. You didn't see me?"
"No, I didn't see you at all," he said, scratching his head.
"I knew my blanket of invisibility would work someday. I have to tell Rory," she teased.
He turned red, suddenly remembering everything he said to Sookie, which Lorelai overheard. "I.. uh…"
"Ooh, I just remembered, I need to say something to Michel!" Sookie interrupted loudly. "Ignore me! Ignore everything! I'll be back in a bit!" She made a great show of walking out the door and closing the door behind her.
Luke stared at Lorelai and Lorelai stared at Luke. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes. Finally, Luke cleared his throat.
"It's all true."
"What's all true?"
"Everything I said to Sookie just now."
"Okay."
"Can I… Can I take you out for coffee today?"
"What time did you have in mind?"
Luke went for broke. "Right now?"
Lorelai smiled. "Umm… sure." Luke smiled back, relieved.
"Great, umm, there's a coffee place near Hartford…"
"Well, I have a better idea… Maybe you can make me coffee and we can talk at your apartment?"
Luke could not believe his luck. He nodded once and strode to the door, near where Lorelai was. Shyly, he extended his hand the way he did when he asked her to dance years ago at Liz's wedding. Lorelai looked surprised, but smiled and took his hand.
"Oh, and throw in a burger and fries, would ya?" she giggled.
"And pie, of course."
"Of course."
"With ice cream on top."
"My, my Burger Boy, you're on a roll. I can barely recognize you. Quick, say something more Luke-like."
"Red meat will kill ya."
"And there we go."
They couldn't stop smiling at each other and held hands going to his truck, forgetting to even say goodbye to Sookie. Not that it mattered, since she caught a glimpse of them and smiled to herself, knowing that her best friend will finally get the whole package.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I am SO sorry this took so long. To be honest, I initially planned on ending this story without getting Lorelai and Luke back together, but having more of a sense of closure. I mean, in real life, people who break up don't always get back together, right? But I just couldn't end it that way. No matter how much angst and pain I pile up, I still believe Luke and Lorelai are end game. So thanks for sticking with me, and I hope to finish my other stories soon… Especially since I've already started on a new one. Very light and fluffy, very little angst.