Chapter 8

You cannot look in his eyes
Because your pulse must not say
What must not be said.
When he
Shuts a door-
Is not there
Your arms are water.
And you are free
With a ghastly freedom.
You are the beautiful half
Of a golden hurt."

- Gwendolyn Brooks [To Be in Love]

Rose skipped the Halloween Feast to spend an uninterrupted hour in the prefect's bath. She was still angry from the fight earlier that day and didn't want to sit in the hall and look up to see Lupin's stupid handsome face at the staff table. Though part of her felt guilty for the way she had spoken to him, the much larger rather spoiled, ice princess part of herself that she had been working hard to cultivate all these years did not give a shit. Lupin was asking her to fill the role of Lily and James' child just as much as Lucius and Narcissa were asking her to fill the role of pureblood heiress. The difference was that she loved her parents and owed them for being so good to her and for giving her a home and a family. Lupin, she'd known for barely a month.

'Has it really only been a month?' She thought to herself in surprise, sinking lower in the bubbly water.

It felt much longer. She was so comfortable around him, his cheeky smile always putting her at ease, his warm eyes always full of a sincerity that made her feel naked and vulnerable. Lupin's sincerity always shocked her, and it was dangerously infectious. She had been raised to keep her true desires and feelings under control and play them close to her chest. If you were too open, if you weren't careful enough, people would use them to manipulate and control you. When it came down to it, she just didn't trust his sincerity. Everyone had something they kept secret, what was he hiding?

Splashing the water petulantly, Rose stood, water droplets dripping down her body as she stepped out of the bath. Reaching for her wand she cast a drying charm on herself, feeling hot air wash over her skin. Scrunching her still damp curls, Rose then slid on her white tank top and blue cotton pajama shorts, throwing her school robe on over the top. The corridors were dark and quiet. 'Strange,' she thought. The feast should be over by now and the hallways swarming with students returning to their common rooms. Perhaps she had misjudged the time. Still, something about it set her teeth on edge and her hand found her wand in her robe pocket. Rose could feel hairs rising on the back of her neck and when she looked down one of the side corridors, she swore she saw the glimmering of eyes in the dark.

"H-hello? Who's there?" She asked, trying to keep her voice as commanding as possible. 'It's probably just one of the damn ghosts.' Whatever it was, it seemed to have moved on quickly.

"Rose!" She turned to see Professor Lupin running up the corridor to her, his face whiter and more tired than she had ever seen him, and there was something else in his eyes too—fear? She expected him to stop when he got to her, but instead he engulfed her in an embrace that took the breath from her lungs. Rose stood there in shock as his arms held her so tight it almost hurt. She realized he was shaking.

"Professor, what is it? What's wrong?" Pulling back slightly, Lupin still held onto her upper arms tightly, looking her over to check and see if she was injured. Rose felt a light blush rising to her face at the lack of clothing she had on beneath her robes, but he didn't seem to even notice.

'You're supposed to be angry with him,' a voice in her head reminded her, but his blue eyes full of fear and worry melted that voice away.

"Sirius Black," Lupin said hoarsely. "He broke into Gryffindor tower. When we couldn't find you we feared…." Lupin closed his eyes briefly and swallowed. When they opened again, he was much calmer. He released her, stepping away, but one hand took her own protectively. "Take out your wand, Rose, and stay alert."

The whole way to the Great Hall, Rose stuck close to his side, her hand in his. They passed corridors cautiously, turning corners with half held breaths. Rose could feel the ice in her own heart. Sirius Black had gotten into Hogwarts. She had been warned by her parents that as a Potter she could be a target for Black who was deranged after years in Azkaban. It had always seemed so abstract to her, but now he was here. Remus didn't let go of her hand until they arrived at the Great Hall where McGonagall ushered her, white-faced, through the doors.

"Thank, Merlin!" Ava barreled into her, wrapping Rose in a strong hug that she gratefully returned. "We told Professor Lupin you had gone to use the prefect's bath. We were all so worried about you!"

"I'm fine Ava," Rose assured her friend. Glancing over her shoulder, Rose's stomach dropped slightly when she saw that Lupin was no longer there, but she brushed the thought away. He was helping the other teachers to search for Black. She hoped they would all be safe.

"Malfoy! There you are," Rose turned to see a very self-important looking Percy Weasley striding over to her. "What on earth are you wearing?"

"What do you want Weasley," Rose muttered, pulling her robe closed over her pajamas.

"Professor Dumbledore left us in charge of getting everyone settled for the night," he gestured at the side of the hall where some prefects were handing out purple sleeping bags. Rose looked around and realized how chaotic the room was for the first time. There were plenty of children crying while others were sitting around talking in fearful whispers and others still had decided to pull out a game of gobstones or laugh raucously with friends.

"Okay," Rose nodded at him. "Let's do this."

It took a while but between herself, Percy, and the other prefects they finally got everyone settled into sleeping bags. They had arranged the sixth- and seventh-year students closest to the entrances with the youngest ones in the middle. She and Percy alternated taking periodic laps around the hall, and Rose ignored that Sam and Ava had pulled their sleeping bags close together; Ava was already asleep in Sam's arms.

"Do you think they'll find him?" Mari asked her quietly when Rose returned to the front of the hall and Percy had left to do his lap.

"I doubt it if they haven't already." Rose answered in a whisper and the two lapsed into silence for a while.

"You two, a little distance if you please!" They heard Percy's scandalized voice from across the hall.

"Eat a dick, Weasley," came Sam's grumpy reply, and Mari and Rose snickered under their breaths.

"I thought you were going to join us in Honeydukes after you met with Dolohov," Mari said, turning to Rose. "And then to skip the feast like that… was he awful?"

"No… no, he wasn't awful. He was very polite actually." Rose pulled the velvet box out of her robe pocket and offered it to Mariko. Taking it, she flipped it open and squealed. Tired students nearby shot the two scathing looks and Rose shushed her.

"Is it official then?"

"He said he'd talk to my parents."

"The ring is rather plain though."

"It was his grandmother's, he said he'd have another one made."

"Oh, that's so sweet," Mari said, looking at the ring again. "Go ahead, put it on!"

Reluctantly, Rose reached out and took the ring. Not able to bring herself to put it on her ring finger, she slid it onto the middle finger of her right hand. The two admired it together for a moment. It really was a beautiful ring. Mariko examined Rose's face closely and her eyes narrowed slyly.

"But…"

"But what?"

"Come on, Rose, it's written all over your face. He was very polite, but…." Rose sighed and mussed her curls with one hand.

"We just didn't seem to have much in common."

"It was a first date. You'll get to know each other better."

"Yes, but… we didn't, I didn't, well… there were no sparks." Mari snickered under her breath, and Rose glared at her, whispering harshly, "What!?"

"You're so cute, you know that." Mari told her, patting her hand.

"Shut the fuck up Mari."

"Oh, calm down." Mari told her, flipping her long black hair over her shoulder. "Wait till you both get a few good drinks in you. It's not like he's unattractive."

"No, but he didn't seem very interested in me either. He didn't even kiss me."

"Did you want him to?" Mari asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, no, but it would have been nice to know he wanted to try." Mari continued to snicker, and Rose punched her on the shoulder.

"Ouch," Mari exclaimed, rubbing her arm.

"I just want what you and Parker have."

"You worry too much, Rose. It will happen. And if it doesn't, there's no rule saying you can't take someone else to your bed once you're married."

"I think there is a rule about that actually," Rose replied dryly, but Mariko waved her statement off like it didn't matter.

"Plenty of people do."

"Like who?"

"Well, like my parents." Rose was slightly shocked by this information as Mr. and Mrs. Arai always seemed very happy together. "And… if I'm honest, I'm pretty sure Narcissa and Lucius—"

"Shut-up, Mari." Rose muttered, but there was no venom in her voice. She was not so ignorant as to never suspect that her parents were having affairs from time to time. There was a reason they had wanted to adopt rather than try for another child. But, as a daughter, there were some issues you tended to ignore.

"Just make sure the only babies you have are your husband's."

"Thank you, Mari." Rose replied sarcastically, and the girl shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'm going to get some sleep unless you'd like to complain more about having a rich, powerful, attractive husband," Mari raised an eyebrow at her, and Rose shook her head, blushing slightly. She was grateful for Mari—for someone who knew the world she lived in and what was expected of daughters like them. It made the whole thing seem much less scary, and Rose felt childish now for how she'd reacted earlier in the day.

'It will happen. And if it doesn't, there's no rule saying you can't take someone else to your bed once you're married.' Mari's words rang in her ears as thoughts of Remus' mischievous smile and unbuttoned shirt came unbidden to her mind. Shaking her head, Rose twisted the ring on her finger distractedly.

'He's your teacher, you idiot. And he was friends with Lily and James.' Besides, she somewhat doubted that Remus Lupin would be very interested in being the other man to a married woman.

Rose stood, guarding the entrance, sending some sleepy fifth year prefects to bed. It was around three in the morning when Professor Dumbledore walked in. Dumbledore's normally irritatingly sparkly blue eyes looked subdued and tired as he thanked her and Percy for keeping watch over the students and let Percy know that the Gryffindors would be able to return to their common room the following day with a new portrait standing guard. Towards the end of their conversation, Snape walked into the hall and came up to the three of them. Severus' dark eyes lingered on her for a long moment, and Rose nodded slightly, indicating that she was alright. Some tension around the corners of his mouth lessened but immediately returned when his eyes noticed the ring on her right hand.

'Damn that man,' she thought, 'he doesn't miss a thing.'

"Headmaster," Snape greeted. "The whole of the third floor has been searched." Dumbledore went through the different areas of Hogwarts with Snape, but it seemed as though Black was nowhere to be found.

"Very well Severus, I didn't really expect Black to linger."

"Have you any theory as to how he got in, professor?"

"Many, Severus, each of them as unlikely as the next."

"You remember the conversation we had, Headmaster, just before the start of term?"

"I do Severus." Dumbledore replied, and Rose was surprised by the coldness in his tone. It was clear he didn't want to be having this conversation in front of two students.

"It seems almost impossible that Black could have entered the school without inside help. I did express my concerns when you appointed—"

"I do not believe a single person inside this castle would have helped Black to enter it." Dumbledore said with finality. Rose stood almost frozen as she let the conversation replay in her mind, her eyes locking with Snape's. He had meant to have that conversation in front of her. There was no doubt as to his warning. Remus Lupin was hiding something. He was not to be trusted.

"Miss Malfoy, Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore turned his gaze on the two of them.

"Yes, sir?" They both asked automatically, Percy with a little more pomp than Rose.

"I believe you are both aware of what Black was after in the castle tonight," Dumbledore said with a penetrating gaze. Percy and Rose glanced at each other and then nodded to Dumbledore. Rose realized that Percy would have been told by his father who also worked in the ministry. "I will be relying on our teachers and the two of you to keep an eye on him for me."

Percy nodded vigorously, and Rose's nose crinkled in distaste.

"Miss Malfoy, I am aware of your feelings towards Mr. Potter, I am not asking you to resolve those feelings. I am asking you, as Hogwarts' Head Girl to help protect one of our students." Dumbledore held her gaze with a stern but kind expression.

"Yes, sir." Rose replied at length, her eyes flicking to where Harry and his two Gryffindor friends lay curled up in a corner nearby. Hopefully between Percy and the teachers, Rose wouldn't need to worry about Harry or have any unnecessary contact with him.