"Heheheh..."
Even with all the chatter in between, Glynda could hear the faint sound of Bob's giggling as he fidgeted with something that was on the side of the big screen.
She was worried as to what Bob will show them now.
Oh, and spoiler alert - her worries were completely justified.
"Come on Weiss, you gotta introduce us to your bro!" Ruby nagged her teammate, who responded with:
"Ruby, I already told you that my brother in Remnant is absolutely NOTHING like Whitley we saw earlier", Weiss then directly looked at her teammate, who was using the good ol' cute puppy eyes trick - and the Schnee immediately knew that there was no point in arguing about the matter anymore:
"...But I'll see if we can visit him when we arrive in Atlas. Just know that my brother thinks of you as savages - he doesn't think of the Huntsman profession so highly."
"Savages? Oh, I'm gonna show him what's a savage..." Yang muttered in a sultry-like so that she could tease Weiss and not be loud enough to be heard by her dad.
What she did not take in account was that her dear host could hear pretty much everything in the room.
"Ah, so you're planning to sexually assault someone again, eh blondie?"
Taiyang decided to butt in before Yang could respond as he asked:
"Again? What do you mean by again?"
Bob briefly paused with tinkering the screen and asked:
"How much do you know about Yang's little visit to Junior's club?"
"Hm, I do know that she started a fight and won, along with trashing the club completely."
Yang now realized what Bob was talking about and was sweating bullets while trying to form an innocent smile on her face.
"She grabbed a dude by the balls. No provocation from his side whatsoever, just straight up, or well, straight down to his crotch and grabbed his sacks."
Tai could only look at his daughter with disappointment in his eyes. Yang, of course, said this:
"I mean, it's not a big deal, right?! I just-"
"It is a 'big deal', Ms. Xiao-Long. What you did WAS sexual assault." Glynda sternly added.
"But he was a criminal!" Yang protested.
"Oh, so we criminals aren't human beings anymore, are we?" Roman asked, obviously in a sarcastic manner.
"No, I didn't mean like that!"
"Still sexual assault. You know, I can imagine you and the rest if yer team being stopped at the Atlas border." Bob stood up and turned to Yang's direction and added:
"Now, I bet my left nut that you'll think that you aren't allowed because Blakey here is a faunus. All while completely forgetting the fact that you assaulted a contestant at a Vytal festival match without any provocation from his side. Sounds familiar?"
"That was Emerald's semblance at work, and you know it!" Yang growled, gritting her teeth at him.
"Doesn't matter - general public doesn't know and probably doesn't care. That's what counts." Bob responded and continued to fiddle with the screen.
"And don't get mad at me - you have these two to be mad at. They're the ones who ruined your reputation!" Bob added, pointing at both Emerald and Mercury.
"Now..."
A sudden blast of light that came from the side of the cinema knocked Bob to the wall where he comically rag dolled all over the place, which took several people by surprise.
"Oh my, are you okay, friend Bob?"
Bob gets up by jumping from back to his feet and responds:
"Never better!"
"Bob, what did you even do to explode like that?!" Weiss asked, to which Bob plainly responded:
"Setting up Ultra HD," Bob immediately noticed a few deadpan stares at him," \Yeah, technical stuff was never my forte, BUT I think it should work!"
The cinema host went to his usual corner and announced:
"The theme of these few short clips is Taiyang Xiao-Long. So, uh...enjoy!"
Now that got Tai's interest - on the one hand, Bob could show him as an utter badass (which he totally is, mind you) or he could show him as a wimpy idiot.
'Knowing him, I'd say it's gonna be both.' he thought. He looked at Yang, who was clearly still peeved about Bob's words.
Taiyang, however, was not going to help her - mainly because all the things Bob pointed out about her and her friends weren't exactly untrue to his knowledge. The way Yang reacted wasn't surprising.
She had her mother's temper alright.
He looked at Raven, who sported that same uninterested look she'd use to mask her true self. Again, not surprising.
What was surprising was that he found a small piece of paper in his pocket, which he opened off the views of everyone else.
BE READY IN 5 MINUTES
FOR A LITTLE CHAT
BOB uWu
'Chat, huh? What's he up to now?'
The blonde man smiled at Ruby's obvious excitement as all of them were patiently waiting for the clip to play.
[I]
The battle of the ages was about to commence...
On the one side was the infamous super-powered fighter encased in black chitin-like armor and sporting the unhealthiest pale skin tone ever - Mr. Perfect Torch!
"Well…green never was my preferred color, but I'll give it a pass here." Roman commented, to which Neo pulled a billboard with: "It looks kinda cool.", written on it.
Perfect Torch was had a confident smirk on his face as he was looking at the approaching man.
This man wore basic brown leather pants and jacket that had a metal shoulder guard on his right sleeve. Beneath the jacket was an orange t-shirt that outlined the toned muscular structure of his torso.
Taiyang Xiao-Long was giving off a very serious vibe - if you can judge by the stone-cold face.
"Damn! Dad's dressed to impress!" Yang exclaimed.
"He reminds me a bit of that one super cool guy in a movie called Mad…Mad, uh…Mama Mad? No, that's not right, but I swear it start with an m…"
Bob had to use all his willpower not to laugh at Ruby's comment.
"Yeah, sure – Beringels would fly before Taiyang ever became serious like that." Qrow added.
"Sorry Qrow, but I the only words I could hear was 'I'm super jealous and definitely cooler than Tai.'" Taiyang responded.
"I'm overjoyed to see that you two can still act like overgrown children." Said the mildly irritated Glynda.
"Oh goodie, it's...this guy!" Torch casually spoke.
Taiyang stopped in his tracks, his eyes never leaving the sight of his opponent.
"So then, Road Warrior - how can Mr. Perfect Torch help you?"
The blonde fighter's response was the bone crunching sound of his cracking knuckles.
"Means business alright!" Nora enthusiastically said.
"So, a man of few words. I can respect tha-"
"Hey!"
"O-Okay, just cut me off."
"Bug-man." Tai said, to which Torch responded:
"Homeless man."
"The meat part of you, your muscles...Is that bug meat? Or man meat?"
…
"What kind of question was that?!" Weiss yelled, with everyone around her completely baffled with the statement.
"I dunno, I mean for me it kinda sounds he wants to…eat him?" said Jaune.
"You don't say Captain Obvious! My question is – why Torchwick out of all people?" Yang asked. Blake responded with:
"Hungry people usually aren't picky of what they eat." To which Blake and Yang high-fived each other.
"Very funny." Roman dully stated.
Torch still had his confident smirk and was completely unfazed by the bizarre question.
"Are we talking percentage? Because at LEAST 30 percent if we include-"
"I don't care for man meat." Taiyang cut Roman off mid-sentence, which did not amuse the bug-like powerhouse.
'A subtle way to say no homo. Clever.' Qrow thought.
"How-Why is Torchwick okay with that question?!" now it was Ruby's time to ask.
"Well, Red, when you have my looks and charm…"
"Non-existent when it comes to you, Roman." Mercury interrupted, to which Roman added:
"Black, don't try to see yourself in other people – it makes you look sad."
Neo and Roman high-fived each other to that.
Roman looked quite annoyed by Tai's attitude, and said:
"Look, you clearly got off at the wrong bus stop, so why don't you-"
Roman was cut off once again as Tai's expression went from overly serious to extremely angry. He screamed in rage as his muscles expanded so much, they completely ripped his upper clothes to shreds.
"Completely over the top- "
"And manly!" Port added to Winter's words.
"Okay, but why though?" Torch asked, completely baffled by what was in front of him.
Nora laughed her ass off when she heard Torch's question, almost uncontrollably so.
Torch simply stood as Tai jumped towards him.
"ATATATATATATATATATATATATA..." Tai exclaimed as he unleashed a flurry of pokes at Torch, who just took them all with a smirk.
"Hey! That's a move from The Punch of the West Comet!" Jaune exclaimed.
"Wait, you have a show like that?" asked a confused Bob.
"Yep. My favorite from when I was a kid."
"It looks like he is poking him with such high velocity, well, for me at least. Does that move have a late effect of some sorts?" Pyrrha asked.
"It does alright. Safe to say…"
The moment he stopped his assault Tai went silent. The silence, however, was replaced by Torch's laugh as he mocked him:
"My God, how did you know I was deathly allergic to TICKLING?"
Tai coldly responded:
"You're already dead."
Torch was still laughing...
"Torchwick is screwed." Jaune finished the sentence with a big smirk on his face.
Until he suddenly screamed in pain as his upper torso exploded into gibs, green blood and body parts.
All while an epic beatdown music was playing in the background.
"WHOA!"
"Cool!"
"EXPLOSION!"
"Ouch."
Were just a few out of many words the audience spoke when they witnessed such a magnificent scene.
Both Neo and Roman looked completely unimpressed, or at least tried to be.
The green blood sprayed all over Tai, whose stone-cold expression remained unfazed.
However, Torch's upper body parts grew out of the stump of on his lower torso. Physically, Perfect Torch was somehow fine.
"Nope. Not even that can stop him. Wish I'd have the same luck though…" Roman silently commented.
Mentally, however...
"AUGH! GODS! DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU YOU'RE ALREADY AN ASSHOLE?!"
Taiyang ignored the question and pointed to the ground and said:
"Are you going to...eat that?"
"W-What?!"
"Why-why would he eat his own arm?!" a shocked Weiss asked, immediately followed by Ruby:
"Even Torchwick is not that twisted!"
The item he was pointing at was Torch's arm on the ground.
"No. No, I am not." Torch angrily replied.
"Again, why isn't he freaking out over that?!" Weiss asked again.
"Well...may I?"
"Sure...Make it your last meal. Because after that you're DEAD!"
"No. You are. Already. Again." Tai replied as Torch exploded in his face once more, accompanied by a painful shriek.
…
"So, Dad is an awesome homeless martial artist…who also happens to be a half-cannibal."
"I'm not sure if half-cannibal is even an existing term." Blake commented to Ruby's statement.
"Sure, it is! I mean, Torchwick is half-bug and half, uh…" Ruby paused, lost on words and unable to formulate a smart enough sentence to back her claim up.
"If it has human-like sentience, then I believe it's straight-up cannibalism."
"What Ren said!" Nora added.
Everyone else turned to Taiyang, who was quiet during a big portion of the clip. He laid back on his chair and said:
"I'll take it – pros outweigh the cons here. It could be worse, right?"
And like a response to tempting faith, the screen lit up again…
[II]
The moving camera showed a very exhausted Taiyang in his pajamas entering the bathroom. The man clearly just woke up, if him rubbing his hand all over his face and his half-closed eyes were an indication.
"Ungh…so tired…" Tai muttered as he stopped at the basin.
Taiyang blindly rummaged around the basin just to grab a razor out of the two toothbrushes that were next to it, which would've been completely normal…
If the guy didn't put toothpaste on the razor.
"OH NO!"
"OH YES!"
Taiyang only facepalmed while most of the audience watched either with extreme glee or extreme horror (and cringe) on what was about to happen.
The blonde man did notice how Raven was smirking at the scene, which didn't really surprise him at all.
'Of course, YOU'd find this funny…'
Taiyang put the razor in his mouth and promptly started brushing for several seconds until he opened his eyes in a very, very painful realization.
Unfortunately, the scene was cut the moment he opened his eyes as carefree music played. The scene was a black background with white words spelling:
Taiyang goes to the hospital
"Well, good thing that never actually happened! Right dad?" Yang smiled at her father, who suspiciously began to scratch his head. Qrow snickered at that while Ruby on the other hand adopted a look of worry and asked:
"Dad, please tell me that didn't happen…"
"Oh, it happened alright." Qrow added as he started laughing.
"No comment."
"Tai, you should've been more careful – I mean, I know it is 'your thing' to make these kinds of errors, but- "
"No. Comment." Tai cut Port off.
"Well, I must say, Red's dad truly made me feel uncomfortable now." Roman said.
"And that's saying something." was written on Neo's signboard.
The images on the screen began to shift from a black background to a deck of a boat on the sea. The pitch-black darkness of the night was contrasted with the bright lights of the boat.
"Funny, this one's about you and Tai, Roman." Said Bob.
"Oh, and by the way – take my word for it and watch this without any regard for context. It doesn't matter the slightest, trust me." Added Bob, cutting any question Roman was about to ask. The thief simply made himself comfortable in his chair and watched the scene unfold with the rest of the guests.
[III]
The scene transitioned into a close-up of Taiyang Xiao-Long, whose peculiar scars on his face and shaved blonde hair would make him almost unrecognizable.
"Ahem, Bob, pray tell – do you know what caused those…peculiar scars on his face." Watts asked.
"By that timeline's story, lemme see…" Bob pulled a notebook from his pocket and started rapidly going through pages.
"Alright, from what I see here…" Bob stopped flipping pages and said," he was hit multiple times with a crowbar."
"Preposterous – if that were the case, he should be missing a few chunks of flesh! Not…is this a real timeline at all?" Watts suspiciously asked. Bob simply responded with:
"No comment."
Taiyang aimed down his Magnum on Roman Torchwick, who was running straight on the boat deck. The blonde man fired, hitting Roman and causing him to stumble on the ground.
"Yep. Gonna die there, no doubt about it." Roman casually said. Ruby paid no mind to that, because her eyes were set on the gun her 'dad' was holding.
"Waitaminute, that's a Goliath Killer! THE Goliath Killer!" Ruby yelped.
"Goliath Killer?" Jaune asked.
"A super strong gas-powered revolver that can be loaded only with hardened Dust bullets. The recoil is strong enough to tear your shoulder in half, but a single shot is powerful enough to kill, well, a Goliath." Ruby sheepishly responded.
"Oh…" Jaune said, wondering what would've happened to his previous Aura-less past-self if he tried to shoot a beast like that.
"I do have to say that Taiyang here shot it with absolutely no recoil at all. Even for a full-grown man, such a gun would at least send him a step back." Port added.
"As I said, you gotta watch this without worrying about the context. Just take it at face value." said Bob.
Roman stumbled to get up on his feet as he looked at the man who was slowly approaching him.
"Tai, look…unh…Tai, please…"
Tai grabbed him by the back of his vest and picked him up. The scene cut to Roman being pushed towards the edge of the boat and falling dangerously close to the edge.
"What kind of transition is that?" Qrow questioned.
Roman managed to get up and said:
"Taiyang, look – I can explain…"
"You lied to me." Tai cut him off as he grabbed Roman by the neck. He put the barrel of the revolver on his stomach, but Roman still went on to defend himself:
"That wasn't the deal, she said to me- "
BLAM!
"AAAargh! Tai, please…"
"You betrayed me!"
BLAM!
"Argh…"
"You used me!"
BLAM!
"Unh, hnnnnnghh…"
Various snickers could be heard through the room, as everyone watched the sheer absurdity of the scene unfolded.
While Ruby did feel bad about someone who was going to get murdered on screen (even if that one was Torchwick), she simply couldn't help herself but giggle at the cheesiness of the whole scene.
"Wh-Why, hah, why did I moan like that?!" Roman asked through his laughing fit.
"It gets better. Watch this." Bob pointed.
The screen zoomed on Tai's face when he said:
"You fucked up my face."
BLAM!
Even Salem and Glynda, being the stone-cold women they are, put their hand on their mouth to suppress their laughs.
"Congratulations Dad, you somehow managed to be even edgier than uncle Qrow." Yang said through her snickering.
"Heh, you got that right!" Tai agreed, to which Qrow added:
"Definitely…wait, what do you mean by 'even edgier'-?"
The camera now zoomed in on Roman's stomach that was leaking blood. Interestingly enough, he didn't have any visible wounds whatsoever.
"B-But that…that's a Goliath Killer revolver! His stomach should be literally tomato pasta sauce! This makes no sense!" Ruby protested.
"Looks like someone put a hose through his vest that spurts blood." Sun noted.
"Bob, is this a video game cutscene?" Jaune asked, which prompted Bob to turn to him and respond:
"Yep."
"Must be a horrible video game." Mercury said.
"The graphics at least look nice." Neptune added.
The scene then switched to Taiyang who has his back turned on a shivering Roman.
"And now…" Tai spoke.
"Why does he have his back turned on him?" Emerald plainly asked.
"For drama, my dear thief. It's always the drama." Roman stated.
"Tai, please…I-I can explain…" Roman murmured through the pain as his body grew stiffer and stiffer. Taiyang, however, wasn't giving him a chance to explain anything.
"You have my permission to die."
With those words, Tai sharply turned to Roman and shot him in the head. Roman was dead the moment he was shot and fell into the sea. And with that, the scene ends.
"Ah, so that's why Torchwick survived all those shoots – he didn't have PERMISSION to die. Makes sense." Sun noted, and then proceeded to hysterically laugh his ass off.
"Stupid and amusing is what I'd describe this to be." Winter plainly said.
"At least little Fall has a new one-liner to say before she kills Rose." Tyrian joked, which prompted Cinder to look at him with slight contempt, much to the deranged faunus' joy.
"Gotta agree with the creepy guy there, she is the kind of person to say something silly as that." Is what was written on Neo's poster board.
Cinder decided to go on the offensive.
"Really? I'd think it was more of Torchwick's forte for asinine theatrics."
"Well, I guess birds of a feather do flock together." Roman responded, following with a high five from Neo. Before anything further could occur, Bob stepped in between them and announced:
"Sorry to interrupt tho, but I do like to keep my schedules in order. So…"
With a snap of Bob's fingers, Tai's chair folded vertically, revealing a gaping bottomless hole in it's place…in which Taiyang was currently falling through.
"DAD!" Ruby yelled in worry. Not a second later the whole room heard a crashing sound of metal cans and an angry cat.
"Bob, what did you do?!"
"Don't worry Ruby – your dad's alive. Right Tai?"
"Yeah, yeah…could've warned me that you'd do this though." Taiyang replied from the hole.
"Sorry Tai, but I'm not Ozzy – not giving anyone a chance to prepare their 'landing strategies'." said Bob. The chair unfolded itself, closing the hole while Bob proceeded towards the hidden door in the wall.
"So, until Taiyang returns, we're going to watch a…happy little cartoon. Sounds good?"
Bob's suggestion was met with Nora's nod of approval as well as some eye rolls.
"I'll return once the show finishes, won't take long." He added as he went through the hidden door on the wall which immediately closed behind him.
With Bob's absence from the room, the screen lit up again…
[IV]
A title reading "Remnant FAIL" appeared on a background of a generic terrain of grass and a lake in the distance. Not a second too long a familiar man wearing a black leather jacket with torn sleeves and a red bandana appeared from the ground.
While Yang didn't bother to remember the names of all the mooks and goons she wasted in her many brawls, she instantly recognized the long dirty blonde hair and the sleazy unshaved look the man sported.
Raven simply raised an eyebrow – she was a little surprised that one of her own tribesmen appeared in a skit that was supposedly about her former husband.
"Hey look guys!" Shay said before starting to shake his body in faux excitement.
"It's another Remnant parody!"
The background darkened and the scene zoomed in on his face, which was completely toothless and adopted a very different texture.
"Because it hasn't been done before." Said Shay in an overly serious tone.
"Oh boy, it's going to be a weird one, won't it?" Jaune sighed.
The scene returned to its previous look as Shay added.
"Today I'm gonna waste your time by building A- "
"HAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh…"
This time, Shay's necked bulged so much that the veins were popped out; his eyes became bloodshot and his lack of lips showed his foaming teeth as he uttered the word.
Safe to say, both Oscar and Ruby were slightly disturbed by the sight. Mercury, on the other side, was having the time of his life as he laughed like a maniac.
Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation.
"Why does he look like he has rabies?" Blake asked.
"Maybe he does have rabies." Neptune added.
Roman decided to be snarky as usual and said:
"The question now is – who is more civilized? Is it the Branwen tribe, with their nomadic lifestyle of raping, pillaging and murdering every village they see? Or is us, with our electricity, clean water and internet – oh yes, it's us."
"Very funny for a dead man." Raven responded impassively.
The scene was abruptly cut and replaced by a shot of Shay in the distance in his 'normal' self.
"Let's get started now, shall we?" he cheerfully said.
With a yelp of joy, Shay the Bandit managed to build himself a house, if you can call something made from sticks, mud, leaves and random 2x4's an acceptable living area.
"I'll give him credit, at least he's resourceful." Ren said.
"Ah, my house! It's…BEAUTIFUL!" Shay said, completely ignorant of a Boarbatusk that had a face of a mentally challenged person.
"Oh no, it's gonna attack him!" Nora yelped.
"Yeah, what a shame…" Yang said in a totally not-sarcastic way. Nope. No sarcasm at all.
"I sure hope nothing bad happens to it!" said Shay in an overly cheerful manor, clearly tempting fate as the Boarbatusk was getting closer and closer to him.
But Shay looked behind him at the right moment the Boarbatusk was next to him and delivered a nasty cross to its face.
"Now that's a nice punch!" Yang smiled, completely unaware of what's about to happen to the Grimm.
The Boarbatusk fell on the ground and turned to look at him with the most pathetic look that was silently begging for mercy. Shay, however, was having none of that as he put it in a chokehold, making the Grimm's eyes bulge out due to lack of air.
"You're not going anywhere, motherfucker!"
Shay grabbed its tusk and slammed its head to the ground. He then proceeded to vent his anger on it as he punched it again, and again, and again…
"That's…a bit excessive now." Pyrrha said, questioning Shay's use of force.
"Shouldn't there be other Grimm flocking on him now? The amount of negativity his anger carries is surely to be dangerous in the wilds." Oobleck said.
When Shay finally finished the beating, the Grimm started to slowly crawl, hoping to get away from the violent man.
Shay, on the other hand, seemed to be still angry. His eye twitched, his teeth gritted, and his voice was now like a growling beast.
"You…You're trying to crawl away…"
"Gee, if all of your bandits are this perceptive sis'…" noted Qrow, but didn't manage to finish as…
The scene now showed a view of the Boarbatusks unnaturally well-shaped buttocks, which Shay roughly grabbed as he said:
"BRING ME THAT ASS!"
'By the Gods, he's not going to…' Ozpin thought as he watched the scene in horror of what it will become later.
"What is he doing?!" Weiss yelled out, shocked by the sudden turn of events.
Even Salem & Cinder now looked slightly disturbed, while Tyrian continued to watch with a glee of curiosity.
"AAH! NO, PLEASE! I DIDN'T MEAN NO HARM," cried the Boarbatusk as he sniffled through his words," I DIDN'T MEAN NO HARM!"
"IT CAN TALK?!" Ruby quipped.
"You know, something tells me that this won't be the weirdest thing we'll see." Mercury said.
'Although it does increase the amount of guilt you're gonna feel at the end of this, heh.'
"Harm? I'll show you harm…' at the sound of a zipper, Shay's face contorted as he added, "LOOK AT THIS DICK!"
"AH!"
The sheer look of horror at the realization of what this scene was about to become sent some internally panicking, some in self-denial and some in action.
"This is not happening, right? He's not gonna r-ra-?" blurted out Jaune, who was cut off by Weiss who said:
"By gods, he…he's going to do it!"
Both Ruby and Oscar covered their eyes, Ruby doing so with her cloak, while the others were simply glued to the screen and watched with disgust as the scene unfolded.
Shay's face adopted a different model, one with sweaty skin, shrunken down eyeballs and puffed up lips as he mumbled:
"Yes…and it's all for you."
The Boarbatusk desperately panicked as it screamed out:
"NO, PLEASE! I MEANT NO HARM!"
"You were going to smash up my house, now I'm going to smash up your…PROSTATE!"
The Boarbatusk's eyes bulged in shock with that statement for a moment before the Grimm took its last effort to get away.
It was for nothing as Shay pierced it with a grunt and began thrusting to the screams of the Boarbatusk. A faint piano tune of sadness played in the background, overlapping with the screams and grunts of Shay and the Grimm.
Shay doing the grunting and the Grimm doing the screaming, of course.
"What are we watching anymore…?" Weiss hopelessly whispered to herself, holding her face in the palms of her hands. Ruby completely wrapped herself up in her cloak, and it didn't look like she was coming out of it anytime soon.
Oscar, being the youngest one, was the one who probably had it the hardest (in a mental way) as his lifeless eyes simply looked away from the screen.
'Why Bob…?' Yang thought in revolt.
Both the students and the adults sported their own unique expressions of utter disgust and dread, with Salem now having a pretty good cause to specifically exterminate Raven Branwen's tribe herself.
Raven herself looked…unimpressed. As if she was watching something utterly boring. Sure, it did pique her interest since it does include one of her own tribesmen, but beyond that, she was utterly bored.
'What does this have to with Taiyang at all? Is this just for some petty shock-value?' Raven thought.
Adam simply continued watching, wondering why such a thing like this exists in the first place.
On the other hand, the Black Comedy Quartet (consisting of Roman, Neo, Tyrian & Mercury) had a field-day with this as they giggled and laughed all the way in. Mercury even fell off his chair, holding his stomach as he found the execution of someone raping the Grimm utterly hilarious.
With the final grunt & trust, Shay let the Boarbatusk fall on the ground as he walked back towards his little mud hut.
Rain began to fall as the Boarbatusk shivered on the ground. The screen zoomed on its face, tears falling from its eyes.
Nora cried with the poor Boarbatusk while Ren could only provide her a shoulder to cry on. Even Ghira held back some tears, which his wife noticed as she affectionately put a hand on his back.
The screen faded into black as credits started to roll with only two names on them that spelled:
Animation by TAI
Music by SUMMER
"…What?" Yang uttered, which prompted Ruby to unveil herself from her cloak only to see the credits.
"Mom…and Dad made…that?" Ruby mumbled.
It was now Raven's turn to chuckle at that as she commented:
"Of course, both of them would've made something like this."
"That's not true! Right, uncle Qrow?" Yang retorted, only to see her uncle sighing at his sisters' statement.
"…Uncle Qrow?" Ruby asked.
"Don't ask, kiddos. Don't ask."
Yang and Ruby were only left with more questions than answers.
The scene opened with a saddened Boarbatusk looking at the ground.
"All this shame…"
"There's more?!" said Blake.
"I mean…it can't get worse than this, can it?" Illia sheepishly suggested.
The Grimm looked at Shay and his house that now looked a little more decent with barrels of dust lying around it. By looking at its expression of desperate anger, one might deduct easily what it was about to do.
"You're coming with me!" The Grimm exclaimed as it started rapidly rolling towards Shay.
"Fuck you motherfuck- "
"What the-?"
The Grimm collided with the Dust barrels, destroying the house completely and killing Shay, leaving only a smoking crater with Shay's guts sprawled all over it.
"Is…is it over?" Oscar whispered.
"Yeah…good riddance." Jaune responded. Pyrrha sighed at the whole scene and spoke:
"Well, at least he didn't go unpunished for that…vile act."
Out of the blue, Bob jovially strolled towards the stage, catching Pyrrha of guard.
"Yo, why do you look all sad and stuff?"
"You know damn well why, you goddamn assho- "
"Hey, hey!", Bob interrupted Qrow," There are children here, dude. Swearing to a minimum." he said in the most condescending tone possible.
"Bob, consider yourself lucky that I don't have access to my Aura. Otherwise, I'd make sure your punishment was as prolonged. As. Possible." Glynda warned, yet her rigorous self-discipline contained the suppressed anger that was boiling inside her.
"…Well, not like I'd really complain."
Port couldn't help but chuckle at Bob's comment, which served only as fuel to the fire that was Glynda's fuse.
"Okay, so! Taiyang won't be coming back for another like, uh…2 minutes?" Bob noticed how Ruby's eyes shone, and added, "Yeah, preparations took a bit longer than I imagined, but hey – plans fail, it happens. Anyway, here's something I think all of you will enjoy."
Without the time for anyone to protest or ask any further questions, Bob turned on the screen that showed…
[V]
A black background with white words on it, spelling:
TAIYANG X.L.
"IT'S TIME TO PARTY"
"This looks promising!" Port quipped.
'Dad in a music video? Can't be that bad, can it?' Yang thought as she continued watching.
A bright and a sunny day was in your average Vale neighborhood, the background noises of birds and the wind mixing with the radio chatter of a nearby police car that stopped a peculiar white vehicle. Or, more precisely, it's occupant.
A very, very grumpy Taiyang Xiao-Long.
"A-AHA-AHAHAHAHAHAH! LOOK-LOOK AT HIS FACE!" Yang screamed out laughing.
"Forget the face, look at his hair!" Qrow noted, and then started laughing on his own.
Ruby, while she did feel a little bad for laughing at her dad, she really couldn't contain herself.
Raven's only reaction was raising an eyebrow in curiosity.
The police officer slowly approached the car and ducked to look at Tai through the open window.
"Junior as a police officer?" was written on Neo's sign.
"Not gonna lie, the shades really fit him." Roman commented.
A faint background guitar riff started playing and was getting louder and louder as Taiyang adopted angrier and angrier expressions until…
The instrumental kicked in, Tai smiled in joy and started singing:
It's time to party! Let's party!
Hang out with yourself and have a crazy party!
Taiyang started head-banging in the car while the police officer switched his clothes to be identical to Taiyangs – which were simple white t-shirt and white trousers.
With a long, blonde wig under his police officer cap.
"What-what just happened?" Illia mumbled. Yang grinned hard and wide, feeling proud for what she was seeing on the screen.
"Something awesome." She responded.
The scene opened with Emerald putting dirty laundry in the washing machine when, suddenly, Taiyang appears before her who was sitting on it.
"Huh?" Emerald muttered in confusion.
Taiyang gave her a loud 'Yeah!'. Emerald looked at him in suspicion. Taiyang began mumbling incoherently…
Hey you! Let's party!
Have a killer party and party!
Which made Emerald cheer as she was in the identical outfit Taiyang was and started drinking bleach that he was pouring on her.
"What." A baffled Emerald whispered.
That was enough to send Mercury rolling on the ground and bursting out like a maniac.
Cinder, on the other hand, continued watching in amusement – she would never admit it to herself, but deep down she did find it funny seeing a loyal subordinate of hers voluntarily drinking chemicals.
The next scene was a cash register in a supermarket where Cinder Fall was scanning the goods as usual. Not until she found a happy, smiling Taiyang standing on the cash register.
Don't even try and deny it
'Cause you're gonna have a party tonight!
With a smile, Cinder accepted her new outfit (and her new hair color) and proceeded to have some fun – mainly her being in a shopping cart while Taiyang drove her around the market.
'Well, that does look quite fun, heh.' Cinder thought with a smile.
"Wait, so that's Junior, Emerald and Cinder off, which means the next one is…" Nora held her sentence and waited…
A dentist' light shone on Hazel Rainart, who had his mouth opened by a metal prosthetic for a dental surgery.
Only, instead of the dentist, it was Taiyang who pulled down his doctor's mask, showing his teeth-baring grin and holding an anesthetic syringe. At first Hazel looked clearly wary…
And you know we're gonna do it tonight
We're gonna lose it all
When you open your door!
But when Tai pulled off the safety cap, all of Hazel's worries passed away, as he gladly accepted whatever Tai had in mind.
He was also dressed like Tai, blonde wig included.
While we couldn't see what exactly was happening, it was clear that Tai shoved the syringe in Hazel, who just flayed his arms like he was in a rock concert. Perhaps in his mind he was.
"Aw, shucks. Thought it'd be Merc the jerk…" Nora wined.
"Merc the jerk, huh? I'll be stealing that, thank you very much." Responded the assassin.
No one really thought of the whole unsafe medical practice thing seriously due to the nature of the clip being a music video.
Hazel, on the other hand, was a bit weirded out by the scene on the screen. Not that he didn't like it or anything, but it looked a tad bit strange for him.
Next was Tyrian the hairdresser who was carefully combing Salem's hair. She looked at herself in the mirror only to see Taiyang under the hairdressing machine. His face was molded by a skin softening cream and had a pair of cucumbers on his eyes.
The reason why she noticed him was because he was giving her the thumbs up. She was initially puzzled by the gesture, but when Tai removed the cucumbers…well:
Party, party, there's gonna be a party tonight!
Both her and Tyrian were "Tai-fied" while Tai removed himself from the machine to show off the new afro her now had.
"HAHAHAH, NOW IT'S EVEN WORSE!" Qrow laughed, obviously mocking Taiyang's hair.
Tyrian chuckled at the whole prospect of him combing the hair of his Queen, while Salem herself tried to look at the video with disinterest. But she had to admit, the man's antiques were somewhat entertaining.
Watts placed a golf ball on its tee and pulled out a fresh club from his bag. When he was about to hit the ball, he saw the most peculiar thing.
Tension in my hand
When you're standin' there
Which was a smiling Tai holding the golf tea in its mouth.
"Oh my…" Ozpin muttered, knowing what was to come.
Watts watched curiously as he fiddled with his moustache though.
The now "Tai-fied" Watts had a large grin on his face as he swung the club.
Not thinkin' anything
It's time to party!
Que Tai getting up and spitting out the tee from his bloody mouth. The mad lad simply laughed.
The disgraced Atlas scientist found the whole thing quite reminiscent of his school years where his peers (mostly spoiled children from rich families) would mostly spend their days in partying rather than actual studying which he found often infuriating when they distracted him with such irrelevant temporary experiences.
He chuckled at the scene before him. Watts didn't have any regrets in his academy years, but he did find this whole 'party' thing the blonde man was singing about a bit amusing.
"Nothing fazes him, huh?" James Ironwood smiled.
The public library is usually a quiet place where people go to either study in peace or spend time reading a book, which was what Merlot was looking for as he searched through the books on a nearby shelf.
What he didn't expect was Tai looking from the other side of the shelf, which caught Merlot of guard. But as soon as Tai smiled at him and started rubbing his hands together, Merlot's change in clothes and hair meant that he became a part of the hive mind.
Doing it fast, when you're doing it long
Keep gettin' your money
It's time to party!
And then they proceeded to tear several books to pieces.
"Wait, that's illegal." Neptune plainly noted.
"You are correct, friend Neptune! Intentional destruction of books, or book mutilation is a punishable offense and it is urged by librarians all around the world not to commit such an offense due to loss of intellectual property as its primary consequence!" said Penny cheerfully.
Roman looked at the android with open faux disdain and muttered:
"Killjoys, these kids are."
The current location is now a gas station where an unaware Mercury was simply refueling his car…until he turned around to see Taiyang drinking from the gas hose.
Most of the Beacon faculty joined their students in laughing at the sheer absurdity of the scene. More so at what was about to happen next:
Pounding on one, touchin' yourself
It's not too late!
It's time to party!
Mercury yelled out as he got "Tai-fied" and joined Tai in drinking gas from the fuel box.
And while her colleagues were having a good time, Glynda's famous attention to detail didn't miss that last part of the lyric. But she had no intention to bring it up, because even Glynda Goodwitch herself wasn't fond of people who were nitpicky over trivial things. She'll let it slide.
'This time.'
The screen showed a wooden door of a house opening to a group of people dressed all in white clothes and shoes with long blonde wigs on their heads. The most peculiar thing was that they all had different smiles on their faces, and at the center of the group…
Open your mouth, we're all gonna come
In! Your! Face!
Was Taiyang Xiao-Long with the stupidest expression to ever exist.
"That-That face is priceless!" Yang laughed out, not noticing the last lyric her dad sang.
Glynda noticed. Her only reaction was tapping her palm with her finger, knowing that Taiyang Xiao Long would never pull something like that in public.
And while Bob did perform that… 'bounce' song with the criminal duo and the android girl, Taiyang wouldn't have the courage to sing something like that live in front of her.
"Did…did he just sang a masturbation lyric?!"
Weiss also noticed and was quick to voice her disapproval. But since almost everyone was enjoying both the music and the video, nobody really cared.
The instrumental kicked into overdrive as waves upon waves of white-clothed people with blonde wigs stormed the house.
"This seems to be…a cult." Oobleck noted as he adjusted his glasses.
The camera then cuts to everyone listening to Taiyang passionately preaching something from a book. Then everyone was on the couch cheering on Tai giving someone a piggyback. The same man then performed a worm on the floor.
"The good kind, heh." Qrow smirked.
Tai was serving people some barbeque. But when it was the turn for the next guy, the barbeque ran out of meat and Tai sadly shrugged at the guy.
Next scene was in the kitchen, where everyone froze in their own pose while Tai was making banana milkshake. Then it switched to everyone headbanging near the piano which Tai was playing.
And by playing, I mean slamming it thoroughly.
"Renny, Renny, I wanna join the cult!" Nora chirped, tugging Ren's shirt. Ren remained silent…for a total of 3 seconds before he and Nora broke into a laughing fit.
"Seconded that!" Sun added.
Now everyone was around the couch on which Tai was sitting. He was looking at his wristwatch, counted to three and gave the que for everyone:
It's time to
PARTY!
PARTY!
THERE'S GONNA BE A PARTY TONIGHT!
Yeah!
And then the camera abruptly cut the scene of everyone cheering to the song to a lone Tai snoring on the pavement around food waste and plastic bottles.
…
"That…was something." Commented Ghira.
"Entertaining I suppose…" Winter coldly added.
"Huh, never would've guessed that you knew the meaning of that word."
"Your juvenile jests won't work on me anymore Qrow." Responded the Specialist.
"So, Bob said that Dad should be here any moment…?" Ruby looked around and noticed that both Roman and Neo are not in their seats.
"Uh, anyone noticed where Torchwick and his sidekick are?"
Nobody got the time to answer Ruby's question since the occupant's attention turned to the stage lights suddenly going off.
"Oh, exciting!" Tyrian chirped, eager to see what will happen.
And then, the lights turned on. On stage were Both Roman and Bob with electric guitars, Neo with the bass guitar…
And Tai in the center with a microphone and an electronic keyboard in front of him. He had his head down on the keyboard and the mic close to his mouth, giving off a serious vibe around him. Or that's what Ruby and Yang thought since they couldn't actually see their father's face.
There was also an empty drummer spot, which Penny jolted quickly to fill in. As soon as the android girl prepared herself and took both sticks.
"I am performance ready!" she exclaimed.
Tai slowly grabbed the mic in front of him…
When it's time to party
we will party hard.
The words came out in a robotic voice, which then proceeded with a heavy guitar riff (Bob) and drums beating.
And headbanging from the performers.
Lots of headbanging.
A light guitar (Roman) riff joined in, providing an actual melody to the song.
The first two to get up from their seats, to no one's surprise, were Nora and Yang. Nora dragged Renny with her, and it looked like he didn't mind it at all. Yang encouraged her teammates and Oscar to join in, although Ruby and Weiss were hesitant for different reasons.
"Yang, I told you I can't dance!" Ruby whispered.
"Sis, sis, this is as simple as it gets – I'll show you. You too Weiss cream!"
"This music isn't really my cup of tea…ugh, fine. And don't call me that!" Weiss said.
"Time to party! Blake, Oscar, on me! And I didn't forget about you three!" the blonde said, pointing out Neptune and Sun as she marched to the stage. Both Sun, Neptune & Ilia looked at each other and shrugged at the same time before joining the gang on the floor.
The initial guitar riff ended, and a clear piano note was introduced before another guitar riff was integrated into the melody.
HEY!
"So, Miss Nikos."
Pyrrha turned to Jaune, whom she heard talking in his known 'wannabe-suave' voice. She chuckled, fully knowing what he'll say next.
"Care for, ahem, a dance?"
"I'd love to, Mister Arc."
Meanwhile, Taiyang began to flail with the microphone cable as he began to sing:
YOU!
You work all night! (All night!)
And when you work you don't feel all right
And WE!
When things stop feeling all right! (All right!)
And everything is all right!
A different guitar riff was included as the second verse came:
'Cause we will never listen to your rules!
(NO!)
We will never do what others do!
(NO!)
Do what we want, and we get it from you!
Do what we like and we like what we do!
And then the whole stage went wild as the chorus played with the background screen occasionally flashing red-tinted words that stated - 'PARTY HARD!':
So, let's get a party going! (Let's get a party going!)
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard (Party hard!)
Let's get a party going! (Let's get a party going!)
When it's time to party we will always party hard!
PARTY HARD!
(Party hard! Party hard! Party hard! Party hard! Party hard!)
Ruby realized that dancing to this kind of music isn't really that difficult. From what she's seeing, its mainly either headbanging, jumping around or flailing your arms and legs all around. She also took notice how Weiss quickly changed her stance on the music genre once she started dancing besides Neptune.
By her humble opinion, that was the best kind of dancing.
"Wanna dance, Ice Queen?"
Winter turned to Qrow who was already on his feet and was offering his hand to her. She suspiciously looked both at his hand, and then his face that sported the usual stupid smirk.
"…Alright. Don't you dare try anything." She politely responded and took his hand.
"Heh, wouldn't dream on it."
Bob and Neo started jumping around, while Tai began headbanging again to the rhythm of the drums.
"Ah, the joy of a live concert. Makes me miss my youth…" Port spoke in a reminiscent way, perhaps remembering all the good memories of his younger days.
While Glynda personally never liked rock concerts, Ozpin enjoyed the energy it gave off. He was not the one to 'rave' as modern youth would call it, but he always liked the atmosphere.
ALL RIGHT!
YOU!
You break the thing!
And when you play you feel all right!
But WE!
When things stop feeling all right! (All right!)
And everything is all right!
Adam wished he visited gatherings like these – his fellow members and even both Ghira and Sienna would often advise him to take a time off and have a break, so he doesn't overwork himself and break under the stress. Of course, he always ignored them, thinking that he can power through all obstacles without breaking a sweat.
'And look where that lead me…'
He took a single glimpse of Blake on the dance floor – she looked like she was having a good time with her team members and the monkey faunus. He didn't mind it though. While he was the reason why Blake joined the White Fang, it was also him that was the reason for her leaving it, and so he took Bob's advice and cut her off completely. So, he really didn't mind about Blake having another one.
He chuckled silently, and thought:
'Ghira, on the other hand…'
'Cause we will never listen to your rules!
(NO!)
We will never do what others do!
(NO!)
Do what we want, and we get it from you!
WE do what we like and we like what we do!
And on cue, everyone started jumping together, some even sitting on someone's shoulders. Those being Pyrrha and Nora on Jaune and Ren respectively.
So, let's get a party going! (Let's get a party going!)
Now it's time to party and we'll party hard (Party hard!)
Let's get a party going! (Let's get a party going!)
When it's time to party we will always party hard!
PARTY HARD!
(Party hard! Party hard! Party hard! Party hard! Party hard!)
PARTY HARD!
(Party hard! Party hard! Party hard! Party hard! Party hard!)
Salem found the whole prospect of a live concert…fascinating. While she knew that the previous music video was a scripted piece of media that was perhaps aimed at ridiculing fanatical cults and mass propaganda, she could never have guessed that people would actually band together and dance to the rhythm of music.
In her defense, she did spend almost all of her life completely isolated from the outer world and, beyond her servants and allies, didn't have any interaction with the modern world whatsoever.
Ultimately, it didn't matter to her at all. None of this shall remain after the accursed brothers' judgment…
PARTY HARD!
(Party hard!)
HEY!
(Party hard! Party hard!)
HEY!
(Party hard! Party hard!)
HEY!
Raven always knew that Tai was the entertaining one in her old team – a weakling jokester, is what the first impression was of him.
That was before she got demolished by him in their sparring sessions. Over, and over again.
She came to respect him, and later even love him. And she would've stayed if it weren't for Ozpin's machinations against Salem whom she discovered that fighting her was essentially a losing battle.
She wouldn't have stayed alongside Summer and Qrow, the idiots who followed Ozpin's word like good, trained dogs. If she were given the opportunity, she would've made the same choice, only…well, she never did entertain the idea of taking her husband and her daughter with her into the tribe.
'Ah well, the music is fun enough…'
PARTY HARD!
(Party hard!)
HEY!
(Party hard! Party hard!)
HEY!
(Party hard! Party hard!)
HEY!
PARTY HARD!
The music ended as Tai stopped and gazed in front of him. He let out a single scream and smiled. This was it – he'd done it.
He could hear their cheers, feel their approval and content – and it felt good.
Taiyang Xiao-Long finally achieved his lifelong dream, and he was damn sure to thank Bob again for helping him, in more ways than one.