"Gone? Gone where?" Cora looked perplexed. Her eyes searched Doctor Clarkson's face for some sort of answer.
"Back to Manchester. On the train. This morning." Doctor Clarkson rattled off. He was in shock, the conversation with Isobel still replaying in his head.
"Why on earth would she leave?" Violet asked. "You told her, didn't you? Why would she go?" The Dowager put a hand to her mouth and sighed. "Sometimes I really do not understand that woman."
"Yes, I told her your ladyship. I told her I loved her. I told her I would help her, that we could find a way out together – her and I," Doctor Clarkson answered. He noticed that the eyes of Lady Grantham and Lady Mary now rested upon him. He took a deep breath. "I told her, and she left. She was so, so angry. I know now I have done wrong…I…I must have. For her to leave, to go so quickly…" His voice trailed off.
The Crawley women noted that the good doctor was clearly upset and so obviously in love.
"I'm sorry to speak out of turn," he mumbled when he saw the women still watching him.
Everyone sat silent for a moment, lost in thought and deeply concerned about Isobel Crawley.
Did I…did I push too hard? The Dowager considered for a moment, then thought better of it. No. Never. Someone needs to if she is ever going to return to us.
Mary regarded the man standing across from her. His eyes cast downward, staring at his hands that he had folded in front of him. She breathed a heavy sigh and then spoke. "Well, Matthew and I were wondering when you were going to say that. He knows…knew…that you love his mother." Speaking of Matthew in the past tense was still a fresh experience in Mary's mind, raw and painful.
Doctor Clarkson looked at Mary, struck by her comment. "Matthew knew?"
"It's not so very hard to tell," Mary replied, readjusting herself on the settee.
Cora nodded her head in agreement.
"Well, now that everyone reads me like an open book," Doctor Clarkson said slightly embarrassed, "what do we do about Isobel?"
"We go after her. Now." Cora affirmed, standing to ring for the car. "With any luck, we'll find her before the train leaves for Manchester."
"I'll go with you both," Mary answered, "I somehow feel that I am to blame for all of this. I should have checked on her." She held back the tears she felt, no doubt, were coming. "Granny?"
"Oh, no," Violet replied, "you can leave me here. A lover's meeting at a train station is not something I usually attend. Go on." She motioned with her cane that they should head out the door.
Cora, Mary, and Doctor Clarkson got into the car and raced to the station.
Throughout the trip, Richard's mind raced. Please, he silently prayed, please make her come home. Let her see some reason. Return to her some sort of strength. It's all I ask.
For her part, Mary could scarcely believe that Isobel would bolt. She wouldn't leave George. Curse that Nanny West. Isobel just couldn't vanish. She can't leave me. I need her too. Then, why have you never told her so?
Cora stared out the car window. She's lost, Cora thought, so desperately lost. I understand, more than she thinks I do. Will we make it in time? Will she even want to come back with us? I don't know.
The car arrived at the station, and Doctor Clarkson leaped out. He ran to the platform, searching for the woman clad in black, the woman with that distant look on her face. He brushed past the crowds, hoping he could find her.
His hope was in vain.
"Excuse me," Cora asked an attendant, "could you tell me where the train to Manchester is? Is it still boarding?"
"No ma'am," the attendant responded, "you just missed it. Pulled out of the station not ten minutes ago."
"Thank you," Cora responded, a sad expression forming at her lips.
She found Mary and Doctor Clarkson and broke the news. "The train is gone. We've missed it," Cora breathed. "Maybe she decided not to board? Have you seen her?" Cora looked around the mass of people standing on the platform.
"No," Mary responded. "Not in this multitude."
Doctor Clarkson shrugged his shoulders. The worry and pain on his face was obvious. He voiced what they all had been thinking. "She's gone."
They stood silent for a moment as if they were the only ones at the station. People shuffled around them, coughing or motioning for the three to get out of the way so others could pass.
Cora then broke their reverie. "I'll ask the ticket booth when the next train to Manchester is." Mary nodded, and Clarkson looked hopeful.
After a moment, Cora returned, rather dismayed. "Unfortunately," she bobbed her head to one side, "the next train is not for another week." The other two let out a disappointed huff. "But I already booked us tickets." Cora gave a small smile.
Mary thought for a moment. "Why don't we just leave now? Take the car and go."
"Is that wise?" Doctor Clarkson asked carefully. "To barge in on her like that? I already tried that once, and you saw what happened," he said as he motioned around the train station.
"But to wait a week?" Mary asked incredulously. "What would that look like to Isobel? She already thinks we can manage without her."
They arrived back at the car and got inside, unsure of what to do.
"Maybe," Cora began, folding her hands in front of her, "just maybe, she needs this time away. I thought differently at first." Cora admitted, her mind wondering back to her conversation with Robert when they first discovered the news of Matthew's death. "But Isobel is not the same as I am. Maybe she needs to clear her head. She needs to remember that we care for her. That she's family. Perhaps, she can find her way again in Manchester. In the house where she raised Matthew, maybe she can feel like she is near him." Cora then eyed Doctor Clarkson. Her gaze on him fixed, and she continued, "Isobel needs to think about what Doctor Clarkson said. That he loves her."
Lady Mary gave her mother an odd expression, not quite sure what she was hearing. In fact, Mary was ready to have the driver take her to Manchester as soon as he dropped off Mama and the doctor.
Richard's heart, on the other hand, had been debating what to do. Lady Grantham's words, at least, gave him some small sense of reassurance. Perhaps, she does love me. My Isobel. My Nurse Crawley. Will you ever stop trying to handle the world alone?
Cora peered at them both, hoping beyond words that they would agree with her proposal. "Let's give her this week. One week. It is all I ask, and then we can, as you phrase it, Doctor, barge in." She gave him a small grin.
"Alright," Doctor Clarkson agreed.
Mary nodded. "One week and then we get Cousin Isobel back."
They returned to Downton to inform the Dowager of their plan.
…
Isobel Crawley felt relieved to be back in Manchester. To return to the house where she and Reginald raised Matthew felt like a dream. She had not been back in quite some time. She made the odd trip, every now and again with her son to check on the house as he worked. They never stayed too long. Matthew was always anxious to return to the Abbey – to return to his Mary really. Isobel smiled at the memory.
She traced her fingers along the stairwell, remembering the feel of the house. How it once felt so alive and happy. How a young blond boy would bound down the stairs to welcome his Papa home. How her son, her precious boy, would sneak into her study to distract her from some paperwork by asking all sorts of questions.
Mother, can we play together tomorrow?
Manchester held wonderful memories, but also some painful ones. Those other children, her other babies that she had lost.
Oh darling, I cannot do this? She would say to Reginald after a loss. I cannot take this pain anymore, this inability of mine to do what I should be able to do. I cannot keep them safe.
Isobel shuddered at that moment. What kind of a mother are you? You could not keep those little ones safe, just as you have now failed Matthew.
She pushed aside the thought.
You are here to work, Isobel Crawley, she reminded herself. You are here to help at the hospital, to be of some use. Not to cry. Not to fall apart.
Isobel made her way to her and Reginald's old bedroom, lifting a suitcase onto the bed. She looked at a photo of Reginald that still sat on the nightstand.
He was a handsome man. So kind and so caring. How she missed him and now Matthew.
Richard Clarkson is an attractive man too. Piercing blue eyes that knew far too much about her than she felt comfortable revealing.
She shocked herself; she was not sure where that thought came from. Out of the void, she supposed. Isobel tried to shove it entirely from her mind.
It would not leave.
He said he loved you. He had always loved you. Somehow, and Isobel was not entirely sure why, this sentiment made her so terribly angry. If he truly loved her, why tell her now? Why? When she felt quite sure her world had ended…when nothing really made sense anymore. Why tell her this?
What is love, if in the end, it cannot save another? Isobel wondered. It didn't save my son. When I wake up in the morning, I will still be here, and my Matthew will not. How is that even remotely fair?
It's not, Isobel reasoned. How can I even begin to think about, let alone love, another person when it is I who should not be here? When it is I who should have gone first? Children bury their parents – never the other way around.
Isobel breathed a sigh and cleared her mind, secreting all these feelings, these reservations, these uncertainties, these doubts, somewhere deep down inside her. They would rest there for a while.
For now, Isobel had to return to the hospital – a job to perform, an occupation to distract herself for the time being. That was why she came to Manchester – for a cause, not for herself, not to wallow in grief - but to find something to do.
…
It had been a week since Isobel Crawley had returned to Manchester. She had thrown herself into work at the hospital, and she was glad for it.
The head physician, Doctor Michael Todd, was pleased to see her back. She had been welcomed by the nurses. She was a blessing to the patients. To the outside observer, she seemed the same tried and true Nurse Crawley that had always stepped up to help, had never failed to provide aid with such tenderness to those who need it.
But, to anyone who knew her, that spark was no longer there. That light that once shined in her eyes – extinguished. Her eyes had become an empty void – nothing, no hope, no warmth – just a void. Doctor Todd knew it, and his longstanding nurses saw it. However much Isobel Crawley tried to hide it; something had changed within her.
Nevertheless, Isobel got up every day and went to the hospital. She attended to patients, checking vitals, bringing food, and asking questions about their condition. It gave her purpose, gave her meaning in a world where she no longer felt like she had any.
It had been a week, and no member of the Crawley family or village ever came to check up on her. Isobel was glad of that too. She felt relieved that she would not have to explain herself to anyone – a burden lifted.
Therefore, it was not to Isobel's great pleasure that her doorbell rang one quiet Sunday afternoon.
When she opened it, none other than Doctor Richard Clarkson stood at her door.
…
Lady Grantham, Lady Mary, and Doctor Clarkson arrived in Manchester on Sunday morning. They had given Isobel her one week. Now, they determined, it was time to bring her back to Downton – back home.
The Crawleys had booked themselves and Doctor Clarkson some rooms at the local hotel. Now, it was not as glamorous as the accommodations they normally would occupy, but both women planned on not being in Manchester too terribly long.
After much debate, they determined that it should be Doctor Clarkson who first approached Isobel. He would be the one to make their presence known, to bring her back, to lead her out of the void.
If only she would listen. If only she would come back.
…
His nerves were shot. His jaw twitched, and he could feel his pulse pounding. His heart beating against the walls of his chest when he arrived at her home.
He observed the Crawley's home in Manchester – the house where she raised her son, where she was a wife and mother. It seemed a pleasant place on the outside, well suited to her, he thought.
He slowly walked up the steps to the front door and rang the bell. He hoped she was home and that she would answer.
He had thought for an entire week about what he would say to Isobel when he saw her again. No matter how many times he rehearsed, he could not capture what he wanted to voice. Nothing ever came out quite like he intended.
…
Isobel was, quite frankly, surprised to find Doctor Clarkson standing before her, hat in hand. "Doctor Clarkson? What are you doing here?" She asked, holding the door to steady herself. "I must say I did not expect you to show up on my doorstep here in Manchester."
"Mrs. Crawley," Richard began, "I did not come alone. Lady Grantham and Lady Mary are both here with me. They're staying at the local hotel. We wanted to check up…wanted to make sure…" He was not quite sure how to phrase this sentiment. "We wanted to bring you home," he sighed. "The Crawleys miss you. I miss you."
Isobel stood silent for a moment. Then, she voiced what Mary had feared. "Why did no one follow me? If I am missed, why did no one come until now?" Isobel searched his face. She could tell she struck a chord with him.
"The train…the next one to Manchester did not leave until this morning," he mumbled. "Lady Grantham thought that you might have needed this time…to clear your mind…to think for a moment. To remember that you are loved." Richard spoke the words with such conviction that Isobel wanted desperately to believe him.
She shrugged her shoulders. Tears pooled at her eyes that she tried very hard to blink back. "I…I…I just want him back," her voice cracked. I must look a fool, standing at my front door crying. She motioned to shut the door. "Please," she begged, "just go. Tell the Crawleys I appreciate what they are trying to do and that I love them. I do. I just need to be by myself. I want to be alone." She took a deep breath, summoning up her strength, trying to provide reasons not to return to her family.
Yes, she thought, they are your family. I know they love me. Then why do you keep pushing them away?
"I have work here in Manchester now. I have found some sort of purpose," she spoke, trying to choke back her emotions.
"You have work at Downton, at the village hospital…with me," Doctor Clarkson reasoned, meeting her eyes.
"Please understand Downton is no longer my home. Now, good day, Doctor Clarkson." Isobel went to shut her door once again, but his hand stopped her.
If you don't do this now, you will lose her forever. He grabbed her hand in one of his, cupping her jaw with his other. He brought his lips to hers in a slow, gentle kiss. He could feel her relax slightly under his touch.
Richard Clarkson pulled back after a moment, staring into the eyes of Isobel Crawley. Her tears fell freely now, but she did not say anything. "Isobel?" He asked softly.
He hoped that he had not done wrong by her again.