December 13, 1937
Breakfast had been silent, completely unlike the previous day.
Tristan and Siegfried had not yet spoken. Not even when the eldest slid the check across the table a word was exchanged, and the looks that Audrey was giving him didn't seem to have any effect. Stubborn man.
"Pay attention to the tests, you will make it. I believe you." Audrey whispers in Tristan's ear when she hugs him tight. "And don't forget to eat right!" She completes out loud when she lets go of him.
"The poor, poor quality food in that place doesn't have the same grace as your delights, but I will try hard to eat enough." Always charming. She smiles at the boy one last time and steps aside, standing next to Siegfried.
Tristan turns his attention to his brother. His posture changes completely. His youthful smile and cheerfulness fade, his shoulders bow slightly. Audrey is tempted to nudge Siegfried, but she just looks at him intently from the corner of the eyes. Doesn't he notice how his posture affects his brother? She wonders while trying to emanate at all costs the message "DO SOMETHING!" with her look, which he deliberately ignored.
"Big brother." Tristan says, with a nod.
"See you next Monday." Siegfried responds in his most professional tone.
"Until then, then."
Not even a handshake! Audrey wrings her hands in front of her and exchanges an exasperated look with James, who shrugs. It would be easier to make a door understand than Siegfried. And then, to her surprise and Tristan's, Siegfried's hand rested on his brother's shoulder before he turns completely to get into the car.
"Good luck, little brother." He says a little awkwardly.
Tristan presses his lips together and only nods in response before getting into the car.
Beside her, Siegfried sighs as the car turns the corner and Audrey slides her left hand in his, immediately catching his eye.
"It wasn't that hard to give the boy a little support, was it?" She tries to provoke, but her lips curve into a small smile.
It seems that he is finally willing to listen to her a little more on this subject.
"I just hope that he finally passes and puts a end in this unending chapter of our lives." Siegfried replies, squeezing her hand soflty.
"He will pass." Audrey's voice echoes down the hall for a moment as she follows him into the exam room.
Siegfried sincerely hopes so, he saw the boy's evolution in the last few months, he helped in the best way he can and still he has his doubts. To make matters worse the fact that he helped makes him feel that his brother's new failure is also his, more than the previous times. Had he tried hard enough to help Tristan?
"Says the Patron Saint of Lost Causes. I think I should make a promise to you, maybe with your help he'll finally pass." He responds to her sarcastically while checking the contents of his bag.
While James was taking Tristan to the station, he was left to go to Mr. Sharpe's farm that morning.
"I'm all ears."
His attention turns to Audrey. Leaning back on his table and folding her arms, she watches him closely. The truce had settled down well then. But he suspected that part of her behavior was intrinsically linked to Tristan's farewell. He wouldn't mind having to make small sacrifices to please her, but with hindsight in mind, he's been doing it ever since he met her.
"Shouldn't promises be made in our heads?"
"Not necessarily. In that case only the saint would hear it, but I still can't hear your thoughts. So how am I supposed to perform my miracle if I don't know what this bargain will bring me?"
"Bargain?" He asks, arching his eyebrows. "You were once a more religious woman, Audrey." He adds with mockery.
"You want to use my faith, I want something in return, it is still a bargain." Audrey shrugs. Terribly practical when she wants to.
"And what do you want?"
"The promise is yours, what do you offer?"
He doesn't answer right away. Because in the end what can he offer her? Something material would be rejected for sure. An invitation to dinner didn't seem like a good alternative, he didn't want a new date to feel like part of a business. His heart he had already given her gladly...
Trying to buy time, he closes his bag and leaves the exam room. She follows him and continues to study him with her arms crossed in front of her body waiting for an answer.
"Can I offer myself?" He finally askes, hopefully and making her laugh.
"How presumptuous of you, Siegfried Farnon!"
"I have to go, but I will think of something." With a mischievous smile on his lips he puts his bag on one of the chairs while he puts on his coat. "See you later?"
"I do hope so." She smiles at him and the two look at each other.
Should he kiss her, Siegfried asks himself. He wanted to, but was afraid to try. A thanks is sent to heaven by him when Audrey takes the initiative and step closer to him. She kiss his cheek briefly and he kiss hers back.
Siegfried turns to leave. His heart hurts from having to go and spend hours away, a feeling he hasn't had for many, many years. If only Tristan had actually completed his training, he or James would now be going to Sharpe's home while Siegfried could stay at the clinic and maybe have a quiet time with her throughout the day.
He's about to look over his shoulder when Audrey grabs him by the wrist and pulls him back to her. She says nothing when he casts her an inquiring look, just look softly. Her hands run over his vest, smoothing the fabric and sending a shiver over his entire body.
Unable to resist, Siegfried wraps his left arm around her and brings her to his chest. Their foreheads rest against each other and her hands slip between his clothes. Thats when he realizes that this was what was missing in his life, this feeling of wanting and being wanted and the simple joy that came with a look. And Audrey's eyes were a balm for a lonely soul like his.
"Expectations shouldn't be created on the subject, but is this your way to tell me I'm forgiven?"
"It's a way of saying that you are going on the right way."
Audrey changes the angle of the neck and a long moment the hesitation extends. He wants to break the short distance between the two, but he waits. They share the same breath for an instant and she kisses him softly with parted lips.
Siegfried never wanted free time so much. He could spend the whole morning standing there, with his bag in hand and she next to him, but he could only hope that every morning would start like this.
"This is a much better way to send me away." He places two pecks on her lips.
"Thought you would appreciate it." Audrey smiles warmly.
"Is there any chance that we can continue this later?" He asks, more curious about her reaction than her answer.
"We'll see." She says unpretentiously, but her eyes have a subtle sparkle.
"Better be going then." And with one last kiss he forces himself to let her go and leaves the house for another long day at work.
The morning went smoothly for Audrey and in the afternoon, with Jenny Alderson, she removed all the Christmas decorations from the closet. Together they went out looking for a Christmas tree and everything couldn't look better.
"Christmas is for small children. I don't know why people get so excited about it." Jenny grunted and on another occasion that would have elicited a laugh from Audrey, but at that moment she was distracted.
Some people looked at her differently. Others treated her with the same courtesy as always, and there was a small group that simply turned their heads when they saw her, especially her 'friends' from the church. She had become an outcast overnight and she knew exactly why.
This is not fair! She thought indignantly. Those people knew her and knew her character. How could they change their minds about her so suddenly and for something so small? It wasn't like she was seen with a married man, after all. They were both single and free people. But he is my employer and we share the same roof, she thought.
"Aunt Audrey?" Jenny called ehr. "Aunt Audrey?" The second time her attention turns to the girl.
"What is it, love?"
"What about that one?" Jenny points to one of the trees at the bottom of the pen.
The size is good and the branches look firm. It was a good choice.
"That one is good." She smiles briefly at the girl and then turns to the seller. "We'll have that one."
Back at Skeldale House, things remained strange.
The phone rang several times, but when she answered the call it was ended. It was impossible for her not to start to feel restless.
It had been a serious mistake. Not the date itself, not even the fact that it happened at the fair, where everyone knew them, but they shouldn't have given in to the temptation of the moment. A feeling of guilt was building in her stomach. That sort of people's attitude would bring problems for both of them, especially to the clinic if people refused to talk to her or them.
Jenny didn't notice Audrey's restlessness and ended up having fun with the Christmas ornaments, especially when Jess decided to investigate the tree more closely. Between the girl and the dog Audrey managed to distract herself for a while from ther worries.
"I heard some interesting comments today. It is true?" Helen asked hours later, when she came to fetch her sister and they shared a cup of tea in the kitchen while the girl ran with Jess in the backyard.
"It depends on what you heard." Audrey leaves the cup of tea and joins hands. Sooner or later she'll have to start answering those questions. At least the first time would be with someone friendly.
"Among the many things that you and Siegfried are together." Helen comments cautiously.
"It's not a lie."
"So you guys were really exchanging kisses at the fair?" The lass's question sounds cheerful.
Audrey tries not to smile, but fails miserably and her cheeks turn red. Helen laughs happily.
"This is great! It was about time to happen. I'm very happy for you!"
"You seem to be one of the few people, Helen."
The lass looks at her fondly and puts her hand over hers. "I don't think it's true. People will get used to the idea."
"My concern is what may happen until then."
"Nothing that Siegfried cannot solve." Helen says it for sure and her comment brings relief to Audrey. Yes, she is right, this is the kind of challenge that stimulates him.
"Is the wedding part true?" Helen teases.
"Not that I drank too much that night, but if it is I don'remember." Audrey responds laughing.
It's nice to have another woman to talk to and suddenly she thinks of Dorothy. Her friend would be happy and certainly quite surprised by the unexpected news. Even more so now that apparently she had become the city gossip. The sinner.
"Speaking of marriage," Audrey begins with curiosity, "How are the preparations going?"
Helen immediately becomes more serious and introspective and Audrey regrets the question.
"Almost all ready, finally." Her answer is impassive. Helen concentrates on her cup of tea after taking a sip.
"You don't look very excited to me."
"I think I'm tired." Helen sighs. "I didn't expect organizing a wedding would to be such an exhausting task."
"That's true." Yes, indeed it was, but while it was an exhausting task it was also an emotional one and Audrey had the impression that Helen did not feel it. "If you want to talk, I'm here."
"I know, Mrs. H and I am also here if I need someone to talk to."
Later that night, Siegfried tries to occupy James, but the boy decides to retire shortly after dinner, giving him a brief but significant smile. The fact that James left them alone is appreciated by Siegfried, but he feels sympathetic to his colleague's pain and wishes he could do more for him.
When they switch from the dining room to the living room, Siegfried serves them two drinks and they sit in the armchairs, while Jess slept peacefully on the couch. It was ironic. In the past few months the dog had left their company for James and now there she was, taking care of them, as if she sensed the change between them. He wondered who was guarding it after all.
Siegfried listens as Audrey tells him the day's events. She looks more angry than anxiour about it and he leaves aside Sharpe's comment made as soon as he saw him in the morning. "Finally the woman managed to tie the bow on you!" Siegfried's look had been enough to shut him up, but he couldn't resist and replied: "To be honest and truthful about it, it was quite the opposite."
"We have lived in the same house for two years, how can we be frowned upon by people? It is nothing new."
"This is the fact that has made us sinners since we started kissing in public. If we lived in different places, people would still comment on it, but we would not be frowned upon."
"This is preposterous. If only we were still living alone they could think what they wanted from our relationship, but with James and Tristan living here? What do people think? That we are living a married life outside the marriage bond?"
In the minds of some people, especially the women's from church, he risked thinking, they had been devouring each other in every moment of privacy for the past two years.
"I wouldn't be surprised if they soon started to question whether we hadn't been in a relationship for a long time. And the truth is not exactly that, but it is close." Only after the words are spoken she seems to understand the duality of its meaning. They had already agreed that they behaved like a married couple, that was what she meant.
"Is it?" He asks in a velvety voice, his eyebrows raised and his eyes bright. Siegfried was referring to the second meaning, as if their situation would change to the point that they would have a full married life soon.
She gives him a scolding look. "Don't change the subject, you understand what I mean."
"Very well!" Siegfried sinks into the chair and stretches his legs in front of him "People can think whatever they want. We will continue to live together, so there is nothing we can do about it. Are you concerned about this situation?"
"I am concerned about what this could bring to the clinic." She responds with sincerity and although he knows her very well and knows that she always cares more about others than about herself, it touches him. Siegfried covers her left hand with his and her fingers intertwine.
"Don't worry about it. You know how people here always act the same way. Maybe they don't want to be attended by me or don't want to talk to you on the phone for a while, but it will pass. They will come around. It is exactly the same situation that James faced when he had to put Andante down."
"Are you comparing us to a horse, Siegfried Farnon?" Audrey wilden her eyes in a mixture of surprise and horror.
"I am comparing people's feelings towards us. And maybe not all people really care about that. James' situation was worse because it involved work, ours is a matter of a personal nature. I don't think it will influence the clinic. However, it is influencing how some people see and treat it. And honestly that worries me." The last sentence comes out low, in a soft tone. His thumb gently strokes hers.
"I know how to defend myself very well, thank you." Audrey says one with a small defiant smile.
Poor idiot who tried anything against her, he thought and smiled. She was a strong woman.
"I have no doubts about that, but it doesn't mean that the situation pleases me, my darling."
Audrey smiles and lowers her head for a moment. Her cheeks are red and he turns in his armchair to look her in the face. She looks genuinely ashamed, as if having someone worrying about her is a reason for that. In these moments that he notices the weaknesses that she hides most of the time.
Siegfried pulls thei joined hands close to him and kisses her hand. He expects her to get used to his concern and care.
"You are a sweet man when you want to."
"You haven't see anything yet."