Disclaimer: I do not own The 100 or any of its characters.
Author's note: I am the worst and haven't updated this fic in so long D: Please accept my apology and this chapter. I actually just got back into the show since I realized the final season aired (I've been so out of everything), and I do intend on finishing this story...some day!
WAR ON ICE
An admission.
"This way, Clarke," Lexa said softly, peeking out from the folds of her canvas tent.
It was the quiet of morning as the two slipped out of Lexa's make-shift headquarters, their steps light and fleeting as they made their way just outside of camp. Lexa was breathless as they moved forward, pressed close together and silently laughing as they moved from tent-to-tent away from Lexa's guards. She felt excited in a way she hadn't in a very long time. Giddy, even, as she acted on a whim in a way she didn't even realize she was capable of.
"This almost feels dangerous," Clarke teased, her voice slightly louder than prudent which caused Lyra to shush her and smack a finger against her lips. She was so reckless sometimes. The blonde merely smiled back, her eyes twinkling from the reflection of a nearby fire. Even when she was reckless she was beautiful, Lexa thought, temporarily losing herself as she felt Clarke's lips beneath her fingers curve into a smile. They proceeded to enter the woods and make their way deeper into the foliage, arms brushing against the other's with each step as they made careful glances all around them.
" Finally!" Clarke exclaimed once they were out of earshot of the rest of Trikru. She threw her hands into the air and spun around in a dance, her laugh swirling through Lexa's senses as she stomped on the leaves across the forest floor. "Freedom is ours."
"For now," Lexa cautioned, but she couldn't help but smile and watch Clarke's intoxicating happiness as they stole a few unguarded moments out in the open and away from war planning. Lexa felt light. Weightless. Happy, even if only for a moment.
They stretched out onto the ground then to look up at the sky, one of their favorite pastimes. The sky meant many important things to both of them for different purposes—home for Clarke, and ancestry for Lexa. Yet it was still uniting for them, as an important symbol of things greater than who they or their people were individually. It was cloudy tonight, however, so the stars were harder to see unless one knew where to look.
"I've looked at these stars my entire life, yet now I can't seem to find them," Clarke finally sighed after a while.
"What was it like, up in the sky?" They didn't talk about the Ark often. Lexa respected that, as she knew Clarke's prior home held many sad memories for her. Lexa herself sometimes wanted to forget the memories that plagued her, so she wouldn't impose that pain upon someone else. But the moment felt right now. It felt like Clarke was extending an invitation. And they were otherwise so tired and almost slap-happy at this moment.
"It was beautiful, really," Clarke responded. Her eyes shifted toward Lexa as she spoke. "But also lonely, seeing constellations across the universe that we'd never be able to find. Seeing earth, so close yet so far away."
"For us the stars are also far away," Lexa mused, "although the ground is constant."
They sat together in pleasurable silence for a few more minutes, accompanied by the light melody of the forest.
"I'm happy you came here, Clarke." Lexa's voice was low as she strained to see through the cloud cover, wondering if she could see even the brightest and closets of stars.
"Me, too," Clarke breathed back, her voice also low as the two continued to stare up above them, lost in a sea of universes they could never quite make out.
o - o - o - o - o - o
Chapter 16
"What are you doing, Lexa?"
Clarke's voice was high-pitched as she grabbed Lexa by the arm and dragged her over to the other side of a big tree, taking care to keep Costia in her peripheral vision. They were almost to Trikru territory after hours of traveling as they stopped to rest for the night. They couldn't go any further, with Costia's fragile condition and Lexa's utter dumbfoundment over the entire ordeal of escaping captivity and then finding her again. It still didn't sit well with Clarke, though, that Costia would magically appear at a moment where Lexa was almost free from enemy territory. It was a trap of some sort. Clarke knew it. It was an Azgeda tactic if she ever saw one. And she was surprised and upset that Lexa couldn't see it, or that she perhaps chose not to.
"Everything is fine, Clarke," Lexa sighed back to her, resting a finger on her temple. "This will all be cleared up once we return to my people."
" If we ever get there!" Clarke protested, taking a step closer to the other woman. She was tired, Clarke noticed, with growing bags under her eyes that hadn't been there before. She also was slouching slightly and looked utterly drained. Clarke couldn't help but feel momentarily worried as well as outright furious. "Think about this logically, Lexa. Doesn't this look like it's a trap? Can't you see that?"
The Commander didn't answer her. She continued to rub her forehead as she breathed in slowly, seemingly counting her breaths. The air between them was tense yet subdued, as if Lexa gave up on trying to reason with her and instead chose to wait out whatever Clarke had to say before she made some fancy appeal. It was annoying, to say the least. Clarke felt herself fume at the thought.
But all Lexa did was stare at the ground before eventually looking off into the distance, her green eyes glimmering in the fading sunlight. Nightfall was near. The late-fall air was starting to chill, too, and they'd need to find shelter if they wanted to ride out the rest of the night.
"I need to find out what happened to her, Clarke," Lexa finally said, shifting her gaze so that it instead pierced Clarke with such intensity that Clarke almost had to look away. "She is...not well. And I cannot turn my back on someone I have loved. I am sure you can understand that."
That burning feeling was back in Clarke's stomach as Lexa then turned away from her and went back over to Costia, reaching out her hand to her and helping her stand up. The weakened woman leaned into Lexa then, her arm crooking itself into Lexa's comfortably as if they had done so a thousand times before-which they probably had. The two talked quietly, leaning closer together as they stepped forward over to a little stream where Lexa filled her canteen and then held it to Costia's lips. She was patient with Costia. Gentle. Kind. Everything Clarke admired about Lexa yet hadn't seen addressed to anyone except herself.
Was she just being jealous, Clarke wondered? Maybe she was, part of her could admit. Her body's reactions could tell her that much. She still wasn't entirely sure how she felt about the other woman and how her betrayal at the mountain had ruptured what they'd developed. But now was also a time to think practically, which Clarke was doing. They'd only just escaped capture from the very same people Costia belonged to. That couldn't be ignored, in the way Lexa was doing. And it was that which fueled Clarke the most in this moment.
It was strange as the trio found shelter for the evening. They'd settled along a close patch of wooded trees, pulling together fallen branches to serve as some shelter from the wind. They'd had a space only big enough for two of them at one time, given their materials and the now-moonlight guiding their progress.
"I suppose one of us will have to keep watch while the others sleep," Lexa said after a while, her voice tired and devoid of her earlier emotion.
"I can keep watch if you'd like," Costia offered.
"Uh, no thanks," Clarke spat back, her blue eyes hardening. "You don't think I'm that stupid, do you?"
"Clarke," Lexa interrupted, eyes flashing between the two. "She was only offering to help. She knows we are tired and have been held captive for days."
"Rest, then," Clarke growled. "Curl up to your precious Costia while I do all the work and keep us safe."
Clarke knew she was being petty now. Childish, even. Costia rolled her eyes and let out a soft sigh as she brushed by the two to head over to the shelter. It was just Clarke and Lexa now, both glaring at each other's silhouettes illuminated only just barely by the dark evening sky.
"Your feelings are hurt," Lexa said after a while, her voice soft. "I can understand that, Clarke."
"No, you can't," Clarke argued, feeling as if she would fight anything the brunette would say to her. She also felt uncomfortable, confronting whatever was happening between them at this moment. "You can't possibly know how I feel, Lexa. So you may as well stop trying."
"Clarke."
As Clarke went to move away, Lexa reached out to grab her wrist. Her touch was light as it sent an electric shock through Clarke's system. It reminded her of a time seemingly long ago, when Clarke had done the same to Lexa during an argument in her makeshift headquarters. The Commander had glared at her, eyes wide with surprise, as Clarke held her in place and stated her claim, not standing down or giving up on what she believed to be true.
Yet here they were now, caught up in a scheme that neither of them could truly understand.
"Leave it, Lexa," Clarke finally sighed, bowing her head and slouching forward. "I'll be fine. Go rest. You look very tired."
Lexa simply gripped Clarke's wrist tighter, pulling her to her. Normally she'd give in when Clarke made it clear she was finished. She also usually reacted well to Clarke's concern. But not this time.
"Lexa," Clarke started, but before she could finish, the other woman had come so close to her that all she could see were bright, glimmering green eyes.
"I'm sorry," Lexa said quietly. "For all of it."
Clarke stopped, allowing herself to feel it. The pain. The guilt. The betrayal. The uncertainty. The shock. The anger. The fear. The hope. All of it—every single thing from burning all those soldiers through Mount Weather up to their captivity together by the Ice Nation. And she could barely breathe, with the weight of it all. It suffocated her, drowned her. She didn't know what to do as she simply stared at Lexa and allowed herself to feel everything.
"Lexa?"
And with that the moment was broken. Both Clarke and Lexa snapped their heads to look at Costia, who was hobbling over to them. "Oh, Lexa, there are people here!"
Clarke's heart jolted then. A hot wave of fear followed by anger burst through her as she looked from Costia to Lexa and then back again, her eyes narrowing.
"I told you!" Clarke exclaimed, wiggling out of Lexa's grasp and charging forward, pushing Costia aside with so much force that the woman stumbled and tripped over a tree root as she fell to the ground.
" Wait, Clarke!" Lexa yelled, pausing by Costia's side but then bolting forward herself. "You don't know who it is or what they want!"
I know exactly who it is, Clarke thought, darkly, reaching for her gun and gripping it tightly. She knew Costia would be nothing but trouble, whether Lexa decided to realize it or not. It was inevitable, that Costia lead her people directly to them after lulling them into a false sense of security. Finding Costia was no mere coincidence or good fortune or whatever else Lexa wanted to think. Clarke experienced too much of this world's cruelty to safely trust anything or anyone.
As she neared the stream and the clearing, however, she tripped to a stop, her mouth falling open and her eyes widening.
Waiting for her there was not an army of Azgeda warriors but a small, shivering group that contained Jasper, Raven, Monty, Murphy, Bellamy, and her mother.