Gone

I went home that night with an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I thought I'd never get to bed, but surprisingly, I went bed fairly easy. It didn't matter in the long run though.

I was shaken awake, in the dead middle of the night, by my mom. She was yelling incoherent nonsense. Well, it sounded like so, but that may have been because I wasn't exactly awake yet. My brain was still a little fuzzy.

"What's going on?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. My mom grabbed my shoulders and said,

"Eric's gone!"

I didn't need time to wake up after the words left her lips. I sprung out of bed and started asking as many questions as I could. She didn't know the answer to any of them, but she told me that my friends were waiting downstairs so we could look for him. I quickly glided down the steps and turned on the living room light to see Stan pacing around the living room, Kenny calling up people to ask if they've seen him, and Butters rubbing his knuckles together, worried. When they heard me come down, they crowded around me and bombarded me with questions, since Stan saw me go to Cartman's before he left. I didn't hear a word, but I knew what they saying.

"I don't know where he is!" I yelled.

They moved away from me and continued to think about where on Earth he could be. I sniffled and felt hot tears stream down my face. I should've have left him alone. I knew something was off. I knew something was wrong, and I went home anyways. Don't I ever learn? I felt myself being pulled into an embrace and saw Stan. He welcomed me into his arms and comforted me as I calmed down.

"It's my fault Stan. I knew something was up, but I left anyways. He's probably dead somewhere, and it's all my fault."

"Shhhh, It's not your fault Kyle. Anyone could've made that mistake. Also, don't think like that. Cartman's not dead. We'll find him."

Stan held me for a few more second, then a gasp erupted from the room. We all turned to the noise, and saw Kenny with his eyes wide and brows curved worriedly.

"Guys." he said simply, then he showed his phone screen to all us three. On the screen was Cartman's latest Tweet. It read 'I'm done. Bye'. That's it. That was all. No explanation, no hints, nothing.

I was out the door before anyone could stop me. I didn't want them to stop me. I need to find him. I need him. No matter how much he gets on my nerves, or makes my face flush red with anger, he's important to me. He matters, he always has. Whether I wanted to admit it, I cared about him. He matters to me. He's a big part of my life, and I can't imagine being without him again. I'm afraid no one will ever get on my nerves as much as he does. I'll never feel the warmth of him body against mine. Never hear his taunting laugh, or see his smug smile. Never feel his strong glare ring deep within me, making my knees weak.

God, I need to find him. No matter what it takes, I'll find him. I'm not giving up on him.

I ran all around town. Everywhere. Every alley, every building, every place I could think of. Nothing. Not even a fingerprint. I never stopped running though. My head hurt from both the cold and how much stamina I was using, but I never stopped. All I could think about was Cartman's corpse lying somewhere, lifeless, and that made my legs move without my permission. Tears streamed freely, and I didn't even bother wiping them. The wind was doing that for me already. I decided to check the poor part of town, a.k.a. the old Sodosopa. After what felt like years, I spotted something at the top of the building. It was a silhouette of something.

or someone.

"Cartman!". I screamed at the top of my lungs. My voice shook and cracked with that one word, but Cartman didn't move. He stay at the top, staring down at the ground below him. I need to get to him. Stop him. Convince him to come down with me. What could I say? It doesn't matter what I say, I just need to make him come down safely with me. Hold him in my arms again.

It didn't take a lot of thinking to realise I needed to climb the structure. It was a seriously dangerous process, and my foot slipped more times than I thought it would. That doesn't matter. Nothing matters except making sure he's okay. That's all I want. I just want him to be okay. I got to the top where Cartman sat, legs dangling. After catching my breath, and spoke softly,

"Eric, please come down."

He flinched. Only for a second, but it was there. My voice was incredibly soft, too soft. It didn't sound like me at all. And I called him Eric.

"Have you been crying?" he asked. His voice was monotone, but I sense something else hidden underneath. It sounded like pity, or maybe confusion. I'm not sure.

"Everyone's worried about you. Just...just please. Please come down. Whatever you're going through, we can do it together. I promise."

"Why do you care?!"

The harshness of his voice made me cringe. "wha-"

"Why are you here? You have Stan and Kenny and Butters! Yet, you keep choosing me! Why?! After everything I've done, everything I've said, you still want to be around me? Are a masochist or something? What is wrong with you?"

I took a step back. He sounds so angry. I can't even answer some of his questions, because I'm not even sure myself.

"Why do I matter?!" He shouted. The building around us shook as he sprung up to face me. I back away, but my foot slipped and I could stop myself. Then, I was weightless. As if I were floating. I caught Cartman look of sheer terror before falling out of sight, then I saw the sky above. The moonlight stung my eyes, but I didn't look away. I was falling. Falling forever maybe? It felt like forever. I wondered if my life was gonna flash before my eyes like they say it does. It didn't. Maybe because I didn't have much of a life anyways. All I remember is sitting at my desk doing work everyday. I was depressed. I never realised it, but I was depressed. I never did anything. Never spoke to anyone without having been spoken to first. I was sad, and lonely and tired all the , there was Cartman. He saved me from that prison. He came to my rescue and gave my life meaning again. He made me laugh, and smile, and angry, and everything in between. Most importantly, he made me love. He made me love him, flaws and all. He gave me everything I thought I lost, and that's why I love him. I love Eric Theodore Cartman.

My body impacted on something springy. I landed on an old couch. Not my first choice, but better than the floor. Pain shot through my entire body like wildfire, and my left arm went numb. Thankfully, my head landed on the cushion and not the armrest. Suddenly, my eyes were heavy and my head was spinning. Just as my vision started to cloud, I caught a large figure climbing down the Sodosopa quickly. After my eyes had closed, his voice faded into the abyss.

"Kyle!"

There are few times I remember that Cartman and I got along. The rare occasions where we would agree on something, and were at each others sides in the situation. Times where I was reminded that he is indeed my friend. One of my favorite times is when we agreed on the whole Faith hilling incident. Despite what Kenny and Stan thought, me and Cartman agreed that Faith hilling was much better in comparison and even expressed sadness that our favorite thing didn't feel cool anymore. That was one of the only times I remember us getting along the entire time, not fighting once. We even agreed after we'd said we didn't like it anymore, but we both still did. I like how we can be like that. We don't even need to talk and we'll both know how each other are really feeling about something. I think it's because of how long we've been together. We've been together so long, I can point out things that have changed about Cartman's appearance without even having to see them side by side.

I have one memory of Cartman that I like to think about sometimes. It takes place back in preschool. The first halloween we went trick or treating. I dressed up as Woody from toy story because I liked his character. My mom kept bringing up how much money she spent on the costume, but I was so excited to go trick or treating, I didn't bother asking anyone besides Stan what they were wearing. When we all met up at Cartman's house, I found out that he was dressing up as Buzz Lightyear. The angry looks we shot each other that whole night were enough to make any jerseyite uncomfortable. Nonetheless, we tried not to let it ruin our night. Every house we stopped at, they would always point us out as 'Woody and Buzz'. We hated that, and I was determined to get the night over with and get home to throw away the dumb costume. Finally, Liane brought all us kids home and we waited for out parents to come. Despite us living literally right next door, our parents didn't trust us to walk home in the dark. When Stan and Kenny left, me and Cartman were counting our candy and separating them into piles. Cartman looked at my pile of candy I didn't want often, and I saw some candy I wanted him his 'groos' pile. So, I offered him a trade.

"Fatso, I'll give you the candy I don't want and you have to give me the ones you don't want. Okay?"

He agreed and we swapped piles. Then Cartman gave me some stickers he didn't want, and I gave him some little plastic toys. He offered to give me three Reeses cups for my red tootsie pop and that turned into a Traders exchange. He'd give me something, and I'd offer him something of equal value in return. That went on for some time, and it got to the point where we were counting each others candy and making sure it was equal for both of us. We had the exact same amount of everything, and threw the extra candy at the older kids who were hanging around the neighborhood. We had a blast, and I remember my parents forgetting to pick me up, even though I was literally just a house down. I started to cry at 12:00 PM, because I wanted to go home. Cartman's mom had fallen asleep, drunk, and Cartman didn't know what to do. So, he took me to his room, gave me all of his Reeses, because they were my favorite at the time, and we read some books he had in his room. My favorite part of this story though is when we read the story 'Harold and the purple crayon'. It was a very long story, with big words and a boring plot, but we read it. Afterward, we agreed that if we had that purple crayon, we'd do something bigger with it, like a cure for cancer. My reason was to heal the sick, but his was to gain fame and money from selling it. I then asked him if I got cancer, would he give it to me for free. Of course, he answered no, but then he changed his mind. I didn't understand it, and I still don't, but he just suddenly changed his mind and said,

"Actually, if you had cancer, I'd give you the cure. Then, I'd make you my slave, and I'd make you clean my big mansion. You'd be my maid. And, you and I would be the only ones there, because I'm not sharing my money with anyone. Since you're a greedy jew, you can give me tips on how to hide the money."

"I'm not doing all of that!"

"Of course you are. I cured cancer."

"You haven't cured cancer yet."

"Exactly, yet."

"Even if I were sick, I'd never get anything from you. I'd rather die."

"Well, it's not like you'd have a choice."

I decided to take his bed and sleep in it to piss him off. He tried to push me out, but I was a stubborn little prick and didn't move. Eventually, I did fall asleep, and woke up a few hours later in the middle of the night. Cartman was still awake, and I soon found out why. His mom was getting fucked downstairs, and moaning the house down. I was uncomfortable, but I can't imagine how he felt. I peeked an eye to see what he was doing, and he was just sitting at his door, Clyde frog in hand. As if he was waiting for something. I know he wasn't watching them, because we were upstairs and they were downstairs, but he was very alert the whole time. Soon though, the sounds stopped and the door slammed. Cartman didn't move from his post until footsteps came upstairs. He cracked the door open and watched his mom go to her room. I heard him murmur, "Not again." and quietly went out into the hallway. I followed, and saw him cleaning up the hallway from drugs, alcohol and another substance I'd rather not name. He didn't seem as disgusted as I was, more just angry. I never thought that Cartman would be one to clean up such a mess, but he did, and very quickly too. The sun was peeking over the horizon when he finished, and I climbed back into his bed, pretending to be asleep. He looked me over, and climbed in with me, grumbling about how tired he was. I felt bad for him that day, and actually gave him all my Jolly Ranchers in the morning. That day, we were truly friends. Even though the night had started with us hating each other, when we were at our lowest, the other came and provided support in small, yet effective ways. We might not show it often, but we do care. Even if it doesn't seem like it from the naked eye.

I'm glad I ever met Cartman.

Hello children.

Sorry it's so short. I'm really excited to write the final chapter and my way of expressing that is avoiding anything that doesn't sound as fun. I'll probably come back and redo these chapters when the motivation kicks in.

~Craigory