Your Smile in August
One-sided
The brown-haired journalist wiped the sweat that trickled on his jawline. He paused. Realizing the wet sand had soaked the material of his pants, he stood from his kneeling position and looked up. The sky was especially blue, the seaside breeze was cool and refreshing as it hit his face.
It was a welcome change, especially from the arid heat from Western Texas.
"Standing around like an idiot won't win us the competition." A most familiar female commented, and Sanosuke clutched his rake tighter, a twinge of annoyance threatening his moment of bliss.
"At least one of us is actually standing," He muttered dryly. "This is supposed to be a team effort, foxy." He turned around, and he restrained the downward curve of distaste on his lips: lounging on a folding chair, under the shade of a beach umbrella was his supposed "partner". She held a bottle of iced tea in her right hand, had her cellphone in her left.
He shifted his gaze to the two buckets on his hand, one held four measly clams, the other one empty. He brought his gaze back to the woman. A brow raised in cynicism. "Any help would be appreciated."
"You know how careful I am with my complexion." The woman sighed vainly.
Sanosuke heaved a long, audible breath. He turned his sights to the other direction, where their self-proclaimed moderator was. "Sojiro's on his phone right now."
"Probably talking to his wife," Megumi took a sip from her beverage. "I can't imagine being a commercial-airlines pilot at this time of the year."
"Foxy," He smirked, "He's not looking this way."
Megumi put her phone on her lap, and she tilted her sunglasses down to serve him a dagger-like glare. Her voice dropped dangerously low. "We are not pulling the same stunt we did last year," she said through clenched teeth.
"C'mon. Who's to know?" His eyes cautiously darted around. His sights immediately settled on an elderly couple by the far end of the shore, who had a bucketful of clams on each hand. "Hey, there's a kind-looking grandma and grandpa right there. How about we offer them 200 yen per pound—"
"And get us disqualified again? Do you remember what they had us do when they found out?" She shuddered at the memory. "I bet that was the reason we have a 'moderator' this year. And to think it was Sojiro who first caught us in the act, no wonder he volunteered." The woman sighed in annoyance. "And please stop talking about last year, or the year before that, or anything way before. We're only supposed to have met each other for the first time last week."
"My dear fiancée, I may not be Einstein, but don't you think those two are bound to figure out pretty soon? I mean... they literally talk to each other."
Megumi leaned on her chair, and she held a smug look on her pretty face. "Of course they will, and that is expected. And we can hold the truth off... your skills of deception are exceptional."
Sanosuke shot her a deadpan look.
"But I'm not worried about the boy, even if he figured it out." Megumi shrugged, "He probably wouldn't mind... judging at how smitten he already is at such an early point in time."
"Her diary on his hands was a stroke of genius." Sanosuke commented offhand, "Sped things up with him a hundredfold."
The woman nodded her head affirmatively.
He then gave her a sidelong glance, "But how about girl?"
"Girl?" Megumi frowned. "I don't know. She's been very friendly, as she always is. Nothing more, nothing less."
Sanosuke huffed, and he turned away, waving to the said Girl who was happily calling out to them from afar.
**September 13
Today is the day!
For the whole week, I've been rehearsing in front of my bathroom mirror, and I thought I had mastered my whole spiel for him with my eyes closed... but apparently not! I feel really jittery... I don't know why.
Maybe this has something to do with that revelation I had last week? (That I like him. I like him! Just writing this down makes my cheeks burn...)
Aaahhh... I should get my act together! Even if I just realized that I like President Himura, this should not change anything. I've been waiting for this moment for two years now.
I can't believe this is really happening. When I meet him under the Sakura cove,
I can finally ask him to be my FRIEND!**
She threw her cares to the easy ocean wind, and he laughed with her when she pointed to the humorous sight in the distance:
A shirtless Sanosuke was holding two buckets, looking exhausted,
While his partner Megumi was seated on a foldable chair, sipping iced tea.
She called out to them and waved, and the pair waved back.
"Sure is nice to see them together," Kaoru said.
Kenshin stiffened. "Who?"
"Megumi and Sano-kun." Kaoru shrugged, and she continued walking. "After all they had been through, they're finally fulfilling their childhood promise to each other."
For a moment Kenshin froze, but with her blue doe-eyes upon him, he managed to gather his wits together. "Yeah," he said, treading carefully, "Amazing, isn't it..." He cleared his throat, acting as nonchalant as he can, "Remind me what it was?"
She gave him a skeptical, yet playful look.
"I recall there was more than one promise," Kenshin lied. He had absolutely no idea about any promises, yet if he needed an answer...
"The one he made when he left the country," Kaoru admitted. Kenshin breathed a sigh of relief, at least she bought his lie, "When he went to Texas, to study high school," she continued.
And it was at that moment when it dawned on him.
**She (Megumi) said her boyfriend lived in Texas.**
Kenshin recalled the entry in her diary,
** Although maintaining their long-distance relationship was hard, she was looking forward to his phone calls and yearly visits, until they both graduate and they could finally be together for good. **
His friend, Sanosuke, had been a mutual friend of the Oniwaban all along.
"Sagara," he mentally cursed the rooster head in his mind, "You better have a good explanation for this."
"Eh, why the sudden frown?" his companion said, and he paused. Kaoru had stopped right in front of him, looking up at him,
And he was directly looking down.
Kaoru smiled at him sweetly before stepping back.
The rake in her empty bucket clinked as she swayed, giving him a sidelong glance, and he held her confident look in a soft regard.
It was then that he decided: he will worry about Sagara later.
Right now, he was with her.
"Broken promises... they always crush my heart." she said, settling her blue gaze towards the horizon of the open ocean, " It always makes me happy to think that he kept his promise to her, even after so many years."
A certain feeling crept into Kenshin's gut:
a heavy, lonely feeling,
and he stopped in his tracks.
She continued to walk away, oblivious to the one left behind,
And the one left behind held a wistful stare.
"Is it because..." Kenshin treaded, "Someone made a promise to you... and that person never kept it?"
The woman halted.
A mild gust of ocean wind blew their way, bringing in another spectacular deluge of wings and feathers.
Kenshin watched as the ends of her white dress flapped wildly. Her loosely braided hair came undone.
For a while they stood there, and he stepped back and fell silent.
He did not have his camera at hand, so the photojournalist, who was wearied from his travels from around the world,
Allowed himself to drink in every visual element, every beautiful detail around. The vast ocean, the blue, blue sky, the woman that stood a distance before him, white summer dress blown by the wind—
"Yes... a very special person," She finally said, "And a very special promise." Her voice held such a sad, unfathomable nostalgia, he did not notice his feet taking him forward.
As he walked towards her figure, he found himself back in the school grounds, back in the Sakura Cove: more than ten years ago, his shoes crushed the soft pink petals as he walked,
And the figure of a pigtail-braided girl with oversized glasses, her back to him, as she waited nervously for his arrival.
** September 13
He rejected me.
He probably thought I was about to confess my 'feelings' for him again... because he didn't even let me speak.
When he walked up to me, he immediately told me no, he couldn't reciprocate my feelings, and he was sorry.
I tried to speak to him, I tried to explain to him that this was all a misunderstanding, yet he shut me off.
He wouldn't even listen...
He shook his head and sighed,
And with one last soft 'sorry', he walked away.
He didn't even give me the chance to explain to him:
That I only wanted to be his friend.
Normally I would have been stubborn, if it were another I would have just blurted my feelings out, or gave him a piece of my mind.
But I don't know, diary...
With him it's different.
I don't want to pressure him or force him. Why is it like this?
Why am I like this,
when it comes to him?
I watch him as he walks away from me, and I remain mute. A heavy feeling lingers inside. I want to call out but I can't... because who am I to him to do so?
Another year has gone by, and still, I am a stranger to him.
I'm crying in my room right now.
I don't know...
Dammit, diary.
This really sucks.**
"So many memories, when promises are brought up." She was smiling, her blue eyes staring wistfully to the bright, blue horizon. "Most of them were embarrassing," she laughed softly, a touch of pink settling on her cheeks, "But that's how you learn, ne? Lessons worth having don't come easy."
He settled beside her. The side of his hand accidentally brushed hers, and he immediately pulled back, painfully aware of their contact.
She didn't even notice.
Something in him fell.
"Kaoru," he said quietly, "You deserve better than broken promises."
Noticing his unusual quiet, she looked at him, and their eyes met.
"How am I different from you, or our friends... or from the strangers we come across the street?" she said, "We all deserve better. But sometimes, things happen, and there's nothing else you can do but to endure."
Heavier and heavier it was falling,
Whatever it was...
"But those awful moments, it's a part of your past," she smiled at him so freely, "It's a part of you. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but you just got to accept it and move on with what pieces you have."
A pregnant silence fell between them, the cry of the seagulls interspersed from the burst of the wind.
"I'm sorry." He suddenly said. He thought he sounded like a distant ghost, it felt a bit surreal. She looked at him with scrunched brows, confused, and so he thought he did not make himself clear,
"I'm sorry," he repeated.
The wrinkling on her forehead relaxed, and she tilted her head some. "Huh? Sorry for what?"
Sorry for not remembering what happened in the Obon.
His throat felt dry,
Sorry for not giving you a chance to speak. Sorry for shutting you down, sorry for being a biased jerk. If I knew back then what I knew now, I wouldn't be that way.
She suddenly laughed.
Kenshin stepped back, stunned. And he realized, he had not said anything... Perhaps his prolonged silence deemed him bizarre,
"Himura-san, you've been acting so weird this morning, staring at me so suddenly. Is there something in my face?" she reached out and patted his cheek, "Maybe because you're hungry again? Don't worry. One more hour, we'll grab something to eat."
Something squirted from the sand behind him, and her eyes immediately lit up and widened.
"Wait, is that what I think it is?!" she dashed past him, towards the anomalous item in the sand, and she crouched down. "Ah, I think we hit the jackpot, Himura-san!" she took out her rake and started digging.
Kenshin blinked. And then, he smiled despite himself.
He started his way towards her.
She was so absorbed in her digging, she did not notice him watching her the whole time.
"I found one!" she declared happily, and she pulled back and beamed.
The redhead dug around briefly, "I found three," he collected the clams onto the bucket, failing to notice the sudden frown on the woman's face.
With a lace of annoyance, she resumed digging. "I found four!"
"I found five."
She looked at him, crossed. She angrily dug her rake in the sand. "He just has to be better than me, huh?" she muttered to herself. "Mister Perfect."
Kenshin pulled away, and he looked at her, an amused smile curling his lips.
He chuckled softly.
"I found six!" She shot up, pointing at him with her rake. "Hah! Read 'em and weep!"
As she was happily collecting her prize, Kenshin looked down at the little area he dug. There was a cluster of about eight to ten clams.
He looked at her, taking in her pretty smile.
He quietly shoved sand into his little area, effectively concealing his trove. "Didn't find anything," he said as he stood, sighing for effect.
"Hn," she stood herself, folding her arms before her chest. Her chin was tilted up, and a lopsided smile graced her face. "Don't worry, you have the amazing Kaoru on your side."
"Bless your heart, little dear," he laughed, reaching out and pinching her haughty, upturned nose, "Now move along and take your humble-brag elsewhere—"
She swatted his hand playfully. "Hey! What's with that? Tryin' to get fresh with me now?" she taunted, backing away.
"I can't help it," he joked, taking careful steps towards her. "You're so touchable..."
"Perv!" she yelled, and she ran off, laughing.
**September 20
I realized that I like him, more than I thought I did. Just a mere passing glance sends my poor stomach into flutters. Weird, isn't it?
This constant feeling of frustration.
But what can I do? He rejected me royally, even as a friend. Didn't even give me a chance to say a word.
I won't blame him, though. From whichever angle you look, I am a serious case of 'stranger danger'. (Sojiro and Aoshi almost died laughing, telling me that.)
Misao and Megumi, though, my girls to the end... they told me they'd stand by me, should I decide to march on my cause.
I'm kind of scared.
I never liked someone before,
And after him rejecting me as a friend and crying my eyes out that night,
A foreboding feeling came to me:
this won't be easy.
Just yesterday I overheard his friends teasing him about "Kooky Kamiya."
Guess that's me.
In a normal world I would have grabbed them by the collar of their shirt, and asked them who the hell they were calling 'Kooky'. Maybe give them a sample of the combo that won me a gold medal in the Kendo Junior Nationals.
But since it was Himura-senpai's friends, I couldn't act all Godzilla on them. He likes "cool beauties", so I heard. (I am a "cool beauty" too! The only thing that differentiates me from the other cool beauties is that I can be a formidable opponent. I can seriously kick someone's ASS.
I am proud of that, and I see it as a plus.)
Even if he rejected me (twice now), I have decided I will stand by with my feelings for him. He is a strong, kind person... and I am so lucky to have had the chance to know him two years ago. That being said, I want to know him more.
I want to know what makes him laugh, what makes him frown, I want to know what annoys him...
I want to be the shoulder he leans on when he feels exhausted, the one he confides his problems with.
Diary, I want to be one of the reasons he smiles.
I really, really like him.
There's no turning back. **
"Look," Aoshi said, and Misao peered through her sunglasses and paused.
She was in the middle of recovering clams in their bucket when the event in question caught her stare.
"Well would you look at that," she muttered, lowering her glasses to get a clearer view: a certain female in a white summer dress was being chased by a redhead. The two were oblivious, laughing like little kids. The redhead reached out and wrapped his arms around the woman's waist in an attempt to restrain her, but the move backfired.
Since they were in the middle of a run, the pair ended up tumbling over each other clumsily.
"That was quicker than anticipated," Aoshi turned to resume his clam hunting when—
"Wait," Misao said, and Aoshi's gaze snapped back.
The young man had his arms braced on the sand in classic kabe-don, an unreadable depth to his gaze as he spoke something to the woman...
Yet the woman was smiling casually, no fluster whatsoever... and she patted his cheek fondly. Gently she nudged him off, and the man obediently complied.
As she walked off he reached out and grabbed her wrist, effectively stopping her, and the woman turned around, a friendly look on her face. The redhead held a somber look as he asked her something.
It was at this point that Misao lifted her phone and zoomed the focus, and she snapped a picture.
"What are you doing?" Aoshi asked.
From afar the white-dress woman shrugged, and she smiled as she answered the man's question.
"He's too much of a gentleman. We'll never go forward like this. Time to spice things up a bit." Misao smirked, searching for her contacts. She hit SEND.
"Who'd you send it to?"
"Someone he will consider his greatest threat." She turned to her husband.
Aoshi merely raised his brows at her.
Misao sighed. "Aside from her dear 'Himura-senpai', whose name pops up more often than not, in every entry, in every important detail in her life?"
"Ah," the stoic man nodded his head once in understanding.
Immediately, the blue-eyed woman's phone rang, and she answered the call.
With hesitation, the man let go,
And she walked away.
** November 11
Himura-senpai has a lot of enemies,
But he will never know.
He will never know, because I am here to intercept them, each and every time,
Even before he will hear of them.
He is juggling so much in his hands, I don't want him to be bothered by more problems. I have been doing the best that I can to protect him.
I have kept him safe for the past two years, running on to three...
With and without my friends. Without, when there are certain times that I think it would be too dangerous for them to get involved.
I lie to my guardians, I tell them that the bruises that frequent my body are from hard Kendo practice, when in truth, it is not.
Himura-senpai is in his third term, and it's only getting rougher.
Mentally, because I have my own school work,
Emotionally, because this friendship is still one-sided,
Physically,
Because his opponents are really strong.
I think... the incident in the storage building is... by far... the worst.
It is my third day here in the hospital, yet my body is still recovering from the bruises and broken bones. My hands are still trembling from hypothermia...
From such nasty damage, there was no way I could explain this off as a sparring injury. And so I had to tell the truth.
I guess I didn't have to because Ue-sama already knew, and I'm pretty sure he told them. He was the one who found me, after all.
They said he didn't stop looking for me, despite it being in the middle of a snowstorm, in the deep of the night.
I got a good scolding from Dr. Gensai and Sekihara-san. Yume nee-san told me off, too.
Ue-sama hasn't said anything yet. He went downstairs to get some food, said he will be back in a few.
He's most probably going to find me crying again,
Because that's what I'm doing right now, as I stare at this little gift that he left. **
He wrapped his arm around her waist to restrain her, but they both tripped, and he tumbled over her, pinning her down with his bodily weight.
She was laughing as he eased off, and he braced his hands at the sides of her head and looked down.
Her unbound hair fanned prettily in the sand, framing her face...
"It's been a long time since I smiled like this," he said, his expression growing solemn, as he stared straight into her blue, blue eyes.
"I'm glad you're having fun." She answered, smiling back at him sweetly.
"Kaoru, I think I like you."
She stiffened.
Then her shoulders suddenly relaxed, and she blew the ends of his hair away from his face. "Ah, I like you too." She said cheerily. "I knew you were a good man, ever since high school. Now, time to get off our asses and start digging. Don't want to lose this year,"
She made a motion to stand, but his hands remained planted on the ground, trapping her. "Iie," he shook his head, "Kaoru, I—"
She laughed. "Seriously, Himura-san." She reached out and tapped his cheek fondly, "Stop joking around. We still have a whole bucket to fill." She nudged him gently, pushing him with her hands, and he gave way.
"Yikes, I got my dress full of sand!" she dusted herself and started walking away when a hand shot out and seized her wrist.
She looked back, confused at the urgency in his stare.
"Kenshin," he said, "Call me Kenshin."
For a while she looked at him, the blue in her eyes shifting deep.
"Fine." She smiled, "Kenshin."
He held her stare for a little bit longer, but a most obnoxious sound rang through the gentle moment.
With her free hand she took her phone out, and she answered. "Hello?"
There was a short pause,
And suddenly, the deep blue in her eyes brightened like it never had before.
"Ue-sama," she said, the most beautiful smile settling on her lips. Without looking back, she pulled away from Kenshin, forgetting everything else around.
He watched her walk away,
And he thought...
That falling feeling from earlier,
Had already fallen too deep in to retrieve.
***The little gift he left me was a picture of us, back then when the world wasn't as complicated as it is now. I don't remember this being taken, (I was a mere four years old), but Ue-sama said I cried after that because I dripped ice cream on my bear.
That bear was a prize he had won for me during a shateki round, in one of the festivals that year.
Diary, I bawled my eyes out, when I saw that mean little note he wrote down on the back of the photo.
Typical Ue-sama.
Ahh, I'm too tired from crying,
And I can hear someone coming in the door.
I'll write about what happened in the storage building, maybe in the next entry. Right now, I need to rest.
Goodnight, Diary.
I hope Ue-sama brought me my favorite food.***
Kenshin watched her walk away, at the same time, his mind swirling with the words on her diary, and the image of the little gift she had mentioned:
Taped on the back of the page was a picture of a four-year-old girl, and what looked like a nine-year-old boy, in the midst of a crowded festival setting. The girl was unmistakably Kaoru, with her bright blue eyes and vibrant smile, holding a stuffed bear twice her size. She was beaming at the camera.
The boy was looking away. Clad in a summer yukata, he held a most annoyed look to his face as the girl pulled on his sleeve.
Ink black hair,
And the most striking scarlet eyes...
The redhead knew he had seen those eyes before.
On the back of the photo was the note, scribbled in extremely meticulous handwriting:
"Nakimushi,
What the hell were you thinking!?
If you pull this stunt again, I'll kill you. If you were already killed to begin with,
I'll raise you back from the dead and kill you myself.
I told you, life would be boring without someone as stupid you, but please don't be too stupid. Try to live longer, for my amusement, at least.
P.S.,
You owe me a parka. My $1000 Canada Goose, the one that I took off and put on you to save your freezing ass when I found you, got cut to pieces by the medical staff in the Emergency Department.
Nakimushi,
Stop being so stupid. "