December 5, 2020 (Present Time)

"Are you sure you don't want me to come, baby?" Apple asks, her voice heavy with concern.
As Raven gazes at Apple, at her wide blue eyes filled with pain-for Raven, for Dexter, for the whole situation-Raven desperately wants to say yes. She wants Apple by her side, the girl who has held her through the worst moments of her life. She knows, with a dreadful cold certainty, though, that she has to do this on her own. Dexter needs her now more than ever. She has to be strong, stronger than she's ever been.
As Apple reaches out and grips her hand, Raven is suddenly tempted to tell her to drive away from the hospital, to get on the freeway and go somewhere far away, somewhere they don't have to confront the horrific reality they're trapped in.

She shakes her head. She can't do that. Not now. Not when Dexter is more vulnerable than he's ever been. Not when people are breaking their backs caring for her. No. She has to plow ahead, no matter how painful the outcome is. She takes a deep, shaky breath.
"Yes, I'm sure," she says, sounding much more confident than she feels. "Thank you for the offer, but this is something I need to do on my own.
Apple nods, a determined expression on her face.
"Okay, sweetie. But don't hesitate to call if you need anything, alright?"
"Of course," Raven replies, squeezing her hand.
"Come here," Apple says, pulling her into a tight hug.
Raven closes her eyes, sighing with relief at the warmth and security of Apple's arms around her.
"I love you, baby," Apple murmurs, her breath hot against Raven's ear.
"I love you too," Raven answers, squeezing Apple tighter.

Finally, she's able to find the strength to pull back. She breathes deeply before opening the car door and walking into the cold winter afternoon. After Apple drives away, Raven stands in the parking lot for a minute, clutching the photo books to her chest. She stares up at the gray sky, the sunshine a meager glow among the clouds.
"Okay," she says, closing her eyes and taking the deepest breath she can muster. "I can do this."

XXX

When she reaches Dexter's room, she stands outside the door, frozen. It takes all the resolve within her to slowly make her way in. Dexter is awake, his eyes glued to the television that some action movie is playing on. As she looks at him, at his tousled brown hair, the cowlick that always stands up in the front no matter how much he brushes it; the look of concentration on his face as he watches the movie, analyzing every scene; more than anything she wants to run to him, throw her arms around him, and tell him how much she loves him. This is her boyfriend. The man she loves more than life itself. And when he looks at her, his dark blue eyes dull with confusion, he doesn't feel anything. He doesn't feel the love, so beautiful and so painful at the same time, that beats in her chest. He doesn't feel any of it. And that realization should be enough to overwhelm her, to reduce her to a broken human capable of only grief. But the love inside of her is fierce; it fills her with energy, pulling her towards him; to love him, to heal him, to make him whole again.
"Dexter," she says, slowly approaching his bedside.
His gaze snaps from the television screen to her face so fast that her stomach jolts.
"Hey, Raven," he stutters, just like he used to when they were first together, when the mere sight of her would turn him into a bumbling mess.

Seeing him sit there, looking so small and vulnerable, she feels like she's looking at the Dexter from high school, the boy who didn't believe in himself, who was afraid to put himself out there, terrified of rejection.
"Hi," she says. She motions to the chair beside the bed. "Can I sit?"
He nods, his eyes wide with fear. She sighs as she settles in the chair, the photo books heavy on her lap.
"How are you doing?" she asks, struggling more than she ever has to summon the words.
He shrugs.
"Been better," he says, a trace of humor in his voice. "I'm just lucky to be alive."
Raven nods, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"I don't know what would've happened to me if you–" her voice cracks. She takes a shaky breath. "If you'd died, I don't know what I would've done. You mean the world to me."
Tears prick her eyes like needles, but she refuses to let them fall. She needs to be strong for Dexter, like he was strong for her when her father was sick.
"I'm okay, though," Dexter says, his eyes filled with sympathy.
Raven is unable to resist a tearful laugh.
"That you are," she says, her voice cracking with emotion.
Dexter smiles softly. Raven takes a deep, steadying breath.

"So, we met when we were fourteen," she says. "We were both awkward, clueless teenagers just trying to get through every day in one piece." She chuckles. "I was always taken aback by how kind you were to me. It was a time where not many people were. You were always so sweet and understanding, and when you finally asked me out on a date in junior year, I was ecstatic." She closes her eyes, remembering the feeling of euphoria. "Our first date was so awkward. We were both such a hot mess." She laughs at the memory of sweaty hands and flushed faces. "At the end, though, we decided to just be ourselves and after that, it was so comfortable to just be there with you."
Her eyes slip closed as she remembers that night, Dexter's soft hand in hers, the glint of his glasses in the dim light, how much he laughed at the funny scenes of the cheesy movie they were watching.
"Every moment with you is spellbinding," she murmurs. "You've always been there for me. When my father had cancer, you were right by my side, supporting me. You always make me feel safe and loved and important and-" She lets out a shaky breath, her voice giving out as the pressure behind her eyes builds.
She slowly turns her head to look at Dexter. He's staring at her, looking as lost and confused as a homeless person on the street. She feels like a fist is squeezing her heart. She would do anything to make Dexter remember; all their memories-the happy, the funny, the sad, the exciting, the passionate. She shakes her head, blinking back tears. There's no use in dwelling on such fantasies.

"Here," she says, opening one of the photo albums.
Her eyes sting as she gazes at the first picture–her and Dexter standing in the clearing of the Enchanted Forest, hand in hand. Apple and Briar are photobombing them, posing behind them with their tongues out. How small and innocent they all look, not yet scarred from the painful injustices that life has thrown at them. She takes a deep breath before holding the album up.
"Look," she says. "There's us. That's right after we got together, around February of junior year."
Dexter stares at the photo with wide eyes.
"I remember that forest," he says softly. "The Enchanted Forest, right?"
Raven nods.
"Yeah," she says. "We would go for walks there all the time. It was always so beautiful in the evening when the fireflies came out."
She closes her eyes, smiling at the memory of the fireflies' beautiful golden glow, Dexter's warm hand in hers as they watched in amazement. What she wouldn't give to go back to that time–before her father got sick and died, before Dexter crashed on that dragon and lost every memory he had of her.

No, she tells herself. Stay in the moment. She sighs, turning the page. She bursts into sudden laughter as her gaze rests on the next picture. She and Dexter are standing on the bookball field, drenched in green slime.
"Oh kingdoms, I remember this!" she exclaims. "Apple had claimed that you and I couldn't go more than a day without being disgustingly cute in public. I said, 'Wanna bet?' Of course she did! We made a deal that, if we were affectionate in public within the next twenty four hours she'd get to slime us. Then of course we messed up a few hours later when I got an A on a Queenometry test, and you gave me a congratulatory kiss!" She covers her mouth, trying to stifle her laughter. "Ah, that was a fun day!"
She looks at Dexter, her vision blurred with tears of mirth. He smiles awkwardly at her.
"Yeah," he says, laughing nervously. "That sounds like Apple alright."

All the humor drains from Raven, seeing the fear in Dexter's eyes. He's scared of her, of this overly emotional stranger that is bombarding him with forgotten memories. She sighs shakily, turning the page of the album. Her eyes burn at the sight of the next picture. It's a selfie of her, Dexter, and her father on the beach. Her father is strong and healthy, his blue eyes bright. She remembers how excited her father was when she'd told him about her and Dexter getting together, how they should all spend a day at the beach together that summer. The day was wonderful, as every one was with her father. They'd surfed, snorkeled, and sang songs around a campfire when evening came. She remembers the warmth she'd felt, watching the two most important men in her life bond. She lets out a shaky breath.
"This is my father," she says. "He got cancer in our senior year, and he died the next year. You-you were so amazing through it all. You were there for me through everything, and it just-it meant so much."
She slowly raises her head, meeting his eyes. His gaze is soft. He gives her a small smile.
"I'm glad I was able to help," he says quietly.
Raven smiles.
"Me too," she murmurs. "Me too."

They spend the next few hours looking at pictures. The confusion doesn't leave Dexter's expression, but he smiles when she tells him the stories of the pictures–how last year they got lost on a hike and Darling and Apple had to walk through waist-deep snow to find them, how they'd won a couple's baking challenge put on by Ginger in junior year, how they caught flying fish when they went sailing with her father the summer before senior year.

When the sun begins to set outside, turning the sky a vibrant orange, and Dexter yawns, Raven closes the photo album.
"Hey," she says softly. "You seem tired. Maybe you should get some sleep?"
He nods, his eyes fluttering.
"Here," she says, scooting her chair closer to the bed.
She slowly reaches her hand out. Dexter looks at her, his eyes wide.
"Oh," he whispers, taking her hand.
Raven's breath quickens at the feeling of his hand in hers. It feels like it's been ages since they touched, since she felt the warmth of his skin against hers. She takes a deep breath.
"Just lay back and relax," she murmurs. "I'm right here."
He slowly lies down, resting his head on the pillow and closing his eyes. She watches as the tension gradually leaves his frame, listens as his breathing evens out. He looks so peaceful as he sleeps, like the young boy that she met in high school, not yet touched by the brutality of life.
"I love you," she whispers, her chest aching with the love she feels for him; the beautiful, horrible love for this boy that throbs within her.
She looks out the window at the setting sun. It'll be back tomorrow morning to shine its brilliant rays upon the earth. But what she wants to return the most, the years of memories her beloved has lost, is trapped in the cosmos, out of reach. |

Apple is quiet as they drive back to her house. Raven feels the tension in the air, the urge that Apple has to say something, anything. Neither of them know what to say, though. So they stay silent, eyes on the road as they drive through the twilight.

Back at Apple and Darling's house, Raven sits in the garden amongst the bare rose bushes. The cold winter wind blows, stinging her eyes. She shivers, drawing her knees to her chest. She closes her eyes, breathing in the crisp air. The whistling of the wind and the pounding of her heart are the only sounds she hears until the crunching of leaves breaks the stillness. Her eyes snap open. Apple is slowly walking towards her, a red blanket in her arms.
"Hey, sweetie," Apple says as she approaches her. "It's so cold out, I figured you'd need something to warm you up."
"Thanks," Raven whispers, her teeth chattering as the wind blows harder.
"Here, baby," Apple murmurs, draping the blanket over Raven's shoulders.
Raven doesn't know what it is; the softness in Apple's eyes, the gentleness of her touch, the warmth of the blanket as it surrounds her. But the next thing she knows, she's choking on sobs. The tears warm her chilled face as they stream down her cheeks, falling on the grass beneath her.

Apple pulls her close.
"I'm here, baby," she whispers, her breath hot against Raven's ear. "I've got you. Just let it all out."
Raven clings to Apple with all her remaining strength, her chest burning with the force of her sobs. All she can hear is the buzzing in her head, like angry wasps ready to tear her apart. All she can feel is Apple's warm arms around her, her fingers stroking through her hair. All she can think is that the Dexter she knows is gone, every memory of her erased from his mind, never to return.