I'll Handle This

by P-Artsypants

"I'll solve all your problems," Plagg had said. "You just have to agree to it." A fixed relationship with his father, Lila to stop bothering him, and Ladybug to fall in love with him? Who wouldn't agree to that? Except Plagg was the God of Destruction and Chaos and had a more…hands-on approach. Adrien just wants his body back.

8. In Which Nino is Sus

I've always wanted to write a sleepover/truth or dare fic, but I never could come up with a plot. This is my wish fulfillment.

—

"So what does one do at the beginning of a sleepover?" Asked Plagg. "Is it like it is in the movies?"

"Some things are similar," Alya provided, digging through her duffel. "First, one must change into their pajamas." She held up an oversized t-shirt and red flannel pants.

"Oh! I get it!" Plagg undid his button.

"What are you doing?" Asked Nino, looking meaningfully to the girls in the room.

"Changing?" And Plagg dropped his pants in one fluid motion.

Alya saw it coming and turned away with a laugh.

But Marinette caught an eyeful (as much as Adrien in boxer briefs could be considered an eyeful) before she too turned away with an 'eep!'

"I change in front of people all the time," Plagg explained. "As a model that is. Not my fault you're all shy. I've got underwear on."

"Well if Sunshine isn't ashamed, then I'm not going to make a big deal out of it." Alya stopped shielding her face, though she didn't look directly at him.

Plagg peeled his shirts off next, eliciting another squeal from Marinette.

"I, for one, will be changing in the bathroom," said Alya, PJs in hand.

Plagg bent over and ruffled through his bag, derrière within smacking distance to Marinette.

"I-I-I'll join you," said Marinette, scrambling to get her PJs.

Alya was already halfway out the door. "Wait your turn, M."

And Marinette was forced to wait as Adrien stepped those long, beautifully toned legs into a pair of...oh, Ladybug spot patterned pants. Then he slipped on a shirt covering those perfect, sculpted abs.

The shirt was red, and had words sharpied onto it, but it wasn't until he got it on and smoothed it out that she could read what it said.

"Ladybug's sexiest fan."

She laughed. Not a laugh of, 'oh, that's funny' but a laugh of 'why me God?'

"Your turn, M!" Alya sang, coming into the room. Her eyes landed on Adrien. "Where did you get that shirt? I need one!"

Plagg puffed out his chest. "Sorry Alya, this is a one of a kind piece! I made it myself!"

"It's really good for being hand drawn!"

"Thanks!" He beamed.

From his bag, Adrien had to wonder when Plagg had the time to make such a thing.

Marinette excused herself to change, and immediately Alya and Nino whirled on him. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That strip tease! What the heck?!"

"Oh that? Well, when you have a bod like mine, you gotta flaunt it on occasion."

"Sure Dude," Nino raised a brow. "But like, we just talked last week about how you were having self confidence issues. Why the change?"

Plagg had forgotten about that conversation. Granted, he had tried not to listen to it, since it wasn't a conversation for him...

"Well, you know how it is when you're around people you trust."

"You've got the hots for Marinette!" Alya blurted.

Plagg played bashful. "Well...maybe a little..."

She squealed in excitement, clapping her hands together. "Oh em gee! I've been waiting for this day for forever! You have to ask her out! She'll say yes, I promise!"

"Oh, I know about her crush." Plagg explained, "I just wanted to...encourage her to confess herself."

Alya and Nino both went wide-eyed. "You knew? Since when?"

"And you didn't tell me?" Nino asked, slightly hurt. "I thought I was your wingman."

"It's a recent thing." At least for Adrien it was. "I haven't really had to think things through. I'm just...having fun and flirting." He quirked a smile. "I am flirting, right? I'm not coming off like a creep, right?"

"Oh no no," Alya insisted. "You're a natural! How did you find out?"

Plagg twirled a lock of hair close to his scalp. "I have my ways."

Nino narrowed his eyes, the action going unnoticed by Plagg.

Marinette returned, wearing pink shorts and an oversized sweatshirt.

From Adrien's point of view, she looked adorable, and he wished he could just pull her into a hug and snuggle up with her...maybe press a kiss to her temple.

"There you are, Princess. We missed you!" Plagg chirped.

Marinette blushed. "I was gone for like a minute."

"Oh but it felt so much longer! Nino and Alya were making out the whole time! It was torture!"

"We did not!" Alya barked. "Don't you lie to my girl!"

"Don't listen to her," Plagg insisted. "She was sucking the soul out of him."

Alya gasped in mock horror. "You keep your vulgar rebellion away from my innocent baby!"

Plagg wrapped his arms around Marinette, pulling her towards him. "On the contrary, I think I'll pull Marinette with me into the depths of my depravity!"

"Nooo!" Alya cried. "What horrors do you plan to subject her to?"

"Well, I know I can't convince her to dress like me."

"Over my dead body," Marinette agreed, her face red hot.

"But perhaps she will sneak out of her house like me?" He leaned in closer to her ear and purred. "We can stay out all night doing who knows what?"

Marinette gave a full body shiver, wriggling away from him. "Uh, you don't—I'm not very good at—surely they'll notice—"

Plagg smiled to himself. God it was so funny seeing her so flustered.

"Alright," said Alya, pulling him away. "Give her a break before she combusts."

Nino watched with narrowed eyes, but they softened before Plagg could notice.

"So? What's next on the agenda?" Asked Plagg, still in great spirits.

"Since this is a first sleepover for Adrien," began Alya, with bravado, "I have an assemblage of traditional sleepover games. Including," she slammed down a box. "Truth or dare."

Nino and Marinette both moaned.

Plagg sat a little straighter at the reaction. "Oh, a game that causes suffering. Do tell!"

"You've never heard of truth or dare?" Asked Nino.

Plagg shook his head. "Never been to a sleepover, remember?"

"Yeah, but you've at least had to hear about it in movies or books, right?"

Plagg shrugged. "Maybe I just don't remember. What are the rules?"

"Simple," explained Alya. "On your turn, you get to pick between truth or dare. Dare is an action you must do, and truth is a confession you have to make. Once you do it, you get to come up with the next person's truth or dare."

"Oh yes, this sounds familiar now. What is the box for?"

"Suggestions." She opened the lid to reveal two sets of cards. "I'm sure we can all come up with two or three really good truths or dares, but these are in case we run out."

"Passes?" Asked Marinette.

"Everyone gets one pass."

Plagg had to keep that in mind. While this game could be really fun and he could lie his way through most of it, he had the potential of ruining his master plan.

But these kids wouldn't try to oust Adrien's brand new crush on the same night they learned about it.

Right?

Alya set a bottle sideways on the floor.

"What's that?" Plagg asked.

"Since we can't play 'Spin the Bottle', we'll use it as a player picker."

"What's 'Spin the Bottle'?"

"A kissing game." Marinette provided. "You spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on, you kiss."

"Sounds spicy, but not a good game for just the four of us if you two are dating..." Plagg gestured between Alya and Nino.

"Now you get it!"

"So who goes first?"

"I'll go, because I suggested the game." Alya sang, spinning the bottle.

Plagg glanced at Marinette, who had her fingers crossed. Obviously hoping that she wouldn't face Alya's wrath.

The bottle slowed to a stop pointing at Nino.

"Narts…"

"Alright babe, Truth…or Dare?"

"Dare I guess."

"Perfect! I dare you to shave your legs."

"What!" Nino cried.

Plagg barked out a laugh. "Oh she got you good!"

"I'm not going to shave my legs!"

"You have to, it's a dare." Alya protested.

"Fine, I'll do it later."

"Nope. Right now, Mister. Hop to it!"

Nino groaned in defeat before rising to his feet. "Fine, I'm going."

"Do you need help?"

"I know how to shave!" And Nino stormed off to the bathroom.

"That was a pretty extreme dare for our first round." Said Marinette. "How are we going to beat it?"

"Oh the hair will grow back, and he never wears shorts. I could have dared him to shave his head. I'm sure there will be more amazing opportunities!" Alya sang.

"So, are we waiting for him before we keep going?" Asked Plagg.

"Might as well, don't want him to feel left out."

"So these dares...how extreme is extreme?" Plagg asked, curling his legs up underneath him.

Alya and Marinette shared a look, entertained on Alya's end, and fear on Marinette's.

"Well, we all have one pass..." mused Alya.

"Nothing physically detrimental or permanent!" Marinette objected. "Like a tattoo or piercing or something!"

"Pft, that leaves a whole lot of open space."

"And nothing traumatic or emotionally detrimental."

Plagg flapped his lips like a horse. "Now you're being a party pooper."

"Oh!" Said Alya with a snap. "Lila said you guys had a photoshoot yesterday, but she didn't tell me anything else. She usually tells me all about it! What happened?"

Plagg chuckled. "Oh nothing in particular. I was just telling her about Magic."

Alya groaned. "Oh don't even get started on it. Ever since Nath introduced it to you guys, Nino won't shut up about it! It's 'Blue Black' this, and 'tarmogoyf' that. I'm glad you guys are all bonding, I am, I'm just so lost!"

"So you talked to Lila about that card game?" Marinette probed.

"Yeah, basically the whole time." He sent her a wink on the sly. "I can't imagine that would have given her a bad experience. I thought she was my friend..." he played sad.

Thankfully, Alya bought it. "Aww, Sunshine, maybe something else happened when you weren't there. Don't take it too harshly."

"NINO MICHELE LAHIFFE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY RAZOR!?"

"IT'S FOR A DARE MOM! I'LL CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS!"

"THERE IS BLOOD ALL OVER THE TUB! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

"I'M SHAVING MY LEGS! I HAVE HAIRY ANKLES!"

"GIVE ME THAT! I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT!"

"MOOOOM I KNOW HOW TO SHAVE!"

The three teens in the room sprawled on the floor, gasping for air and desperate not to laugh too loud.

Alya had tears in her eyes. "Oh my god he's going to kill me."

"We'll plan a beautiful funeral for you." Marinette teased.

Eventually, Nino rejoined the group, hiking his pants up so his legs were visible. "Ba-BAM!"

Alya dragged a hand up his calf. "Damn babe, you clean up nice!"

"Don't get used to it."

"Now you know my struggle." She sassed back.

"Al, I never gave you a hard time about unshaved legs. If you can put up with mine, I can certainly put up with yours."

Plagg turned to Marinette. "It's certainly fascinating what couples will argue about, Hmm?"

"Uh, y-yeah. It's funny..."

"Alright Nino, your turn to spin the bottle." Alya gestured.

Nino cracked his knuckles. "Don't mind if I do!" And he gave it a whirl.

It landed on Marinette.

"Truth or Dare?"

"Umm...truth?"

Nino smiled fiendishly, a smile that was uncharacteristic for him. "Okay. What's the most embarrassing thing you've done to get your crush to notice you?"

Marinette gasped in horror. "NINO!"

"You could pass."

"And then for the rest of the game I live in terror that I'm going to get something worse? No."

Plagg leaned in closer, head in his hands, trying and failing not to look extremely curious. "Soo?"

"So what?"

"What's the most embarrassing thing you've done to get your crush to notice you?"

Her face colored brightly, all the way up to the tips of her ears.

"We're all friends here, M." Assured Alya. "And you don't have to say who it is."

Finally, Marinette exhaled slowly and admitted, "there's been a lot. And I'm not sure if I can pick just one above the others...but the least incriminating would be the voicemail."

Alya chuckled. "Ah, the voicemail."

Marinette covered her eyes with both hands, but continued. "It was normal at first. I rambled a little bit through it, stammered it out…just asked him if he wanted to go to the movies, and then…instead of hanging up like a normal, sane person. I threw my phone, while it was still recording. I then proceeded to say a bunch of stuff to Alya, like 'I couldn't have just said 'blah blah blah' and the phone recorded the whole thing."

"And he didn't say anything about it?" Asked Nino.

"It gets better," Alya smirked.

"No…because he never heard it…I stole his phone and deleted it."

"YOU STOLE HIS PHONE?!" Plagg shouted. He was 1) Shocked that such an occurrence happened around him. He was pretty diligent around Adrien's belongings. God knows the amount of times Lila had tried to rifle through his bag. And 2) Shocked and delighted that Marinette had the guts to do something so radical. "That's amazing, Marinette!"

"It's not amazing!" Marinette lamented. "I'm a phone thief!"

"She stole mine too," smiled Alya. "She's a scoundrel."

"I am! I am a scoundrel!"

"So what did the voicemail say?" Asked Plagg, much too invested in this story.

Marinette blushed even brighter, pulling her shoulders up to her ears. "You can't ask that! You have to wait your turn!"

"Oh clever. I see. Well then, I'll hold on to that for now." He chuckled. "It's your turn to spin the bottle."

Marinette relaxed slightly, thrilled that she had made it through the question with minor embarrassment (and her secret crush unaware, as far as she knew.) She spun the bottle with gusto.

It landed on Plagg.

"Oh boy." Plagg winced.

"Ha! Truth or dare?"

"Hmm…I'll do a dare."

"I dare you to call Principle Damocles, pretending to be your father."

"Oh my god yes!" Cheered Alya. "Anyone have his number?"

"I do, for student council purposes. Best not use my phone then."

Plagg took out Adrien's phone, unlocking it, and handed it over to Marinette.

She dialed the number. "All you have to do is start the call."

"What should I say?"

"Don't get anyone in trouble." Marinette warned.

"Oh, and don't give him a reason to call back and follow up."

"Okay…I got an idea." He hit the call button.

After a few heart pounding seconds, he answered. "Hello, Principle Damocles here!"

"Yes, quite, this is Gabriel Agreste." Plagg said, in his perfectly flawless impersonation.

The other three in the room had to hold their breath to avoid laughing out loud.

"Ah, Mr. Agreste! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I assure you, monsieur, this conversation will not be a pleasure. Do you think you're a good administrator?"

"I uh…"

"No stammering, I hate stammering!"

"Yes! I think I'm very accomplished!"

"My son came home with a cold today." Plagg narrowed his eyes, putting anger in his voice.

"Oh well…I'm very sorry to hear that, sir. But after all, this is a school with many children, they're bound to pass colds along."

"How is your sanitation? Do you regularly clean tables and desks?"

"I-well, not usually the desks. The floors, yes, and the bathrooms…"

"And the air system? Do you keep good air flow?"

"The courtyard is open air, so yes, there should be—"

"Is your heater running?"

"It should be! It's March after all!"

"Well then, you better go catch it." And he hung up.

As soon as he pulled the phone away, all three of his friends were on the floor, crying with laughter.

"OH MY GOD! THAT WAS THE BEST!"

"Flawless setup, flawless execution." Alya giggled.

Marinette rubbed the tears from her cheeks. "Man, your impersonation of your dad is spot on."

"I have a lot of practice." Plagg shrugged. Plagg's impression in his own body was pretty good, but combined with Adrien's vocal chords, it was just too good. Almost too much power.

The game continued onward. With the dares becoming even more crazy. Nino ingested a random concoction of sauces Alya had brewed in the kitchen, while Alya displayed her acting prowess in pretending to be a baby being born. The truths were pretty good, as Nino had confessed to having a secret Gumby fetish, and Marinette had to admit that she had accidentally peed her pants at a water park last summer.

Then Alya spun the bottle, only for it to land on Plagg.

"Dare."

Alya grinned manically, and Marinette felt a chill creep down her spine. Alya had a tendency to go too far, and this would be one of those times where she tried to help Marinette out.

"Adrien Agreste…I dare you…to kiss…Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

Plagg had seen it coming a mile away. It was so predictable. And yet he had been considering what to do. He still had a pass. Kissing humans, while he was human or not, was not up there on his list of things he enjoyed.

Oh, what the hell. It wasn't his body!

Marinette's mouth dropped open in shock. "You can't make him do that! Adrien, you can pass! I won't be offend—"

Then she was laying on her back, with Adrien's wonderful, perfect frame pressing her against the floor. His lips were on hers, full, and absent of any hesitation.

Someone wolf-whistled.

Before she could even think of how to respond, he clamored off of her, and sat up. "That good enough for you?"

"Damn, I wish you had warned me so I could have got a picture!"

"No way! What happens at Nino's stays at Nino's!"

"You good down there, girl?"

Marinette let out a string of consonants.

"You broke her," Nino mused.

"Worth it." He slyly gazed back to his overnight bag, where Adrien was hiding for the evening. Only his eyes, glowing green slits, full of anger were visible.

Plagg just smirked, and then winked.

—

Marinette and Alya left at 9. Marinette because she had to 'wake up early' and Alya because she wanted to 'get homework done'. Plagg saw it for what it really was. They were going to gossip about his little stunt for a while.

"Wanna play UMS?" Nino asked, once the girls had left.

"You know it!"

Nino gestured him forward, letting him lead the way to Nino's bedroom.

But upon entering the bedroom, Plagg heard the door close, heard a bang, felt an extreme pain in his head, and then blacked out.

—

When he awoke, the room was dark.

He was sitting in a chair, Nino's computer chair, with his hands and feet bound with duct tape.

The pain in his head swelled again, as a bright light was flashed in his face.

"Uh, what the hell?" He grouched.

"Are you okay dude?" Nino asked, with sympathy.

"Besides the concussion? Just peachy."

Nino sighed in relief. "Oh good." Then his voice took on an edge he had never heard before. "Now, who are you, and what have you done with the real Adrien?"

Plagg blinked once, twice. "Pardon?"

"You heard me. Where is my best friend?"

"I...don't know what you mean? I'm just me, Nino?"

"Oh no no no," anger creeped into his voice. "You may have everyone fooled, but I know better! Marinette thinks you're having a crisis, Alya says the fame and fortune have gone to your head, but I know Adrien! And I know that you aren't him!"

Still slightly shocked, Plagg had to ask, "what makes you say that?"

"Evidence A: you've been wearing sunglasses to hide your weird cat-pupils. And I know they aren't colored contacts, because Adrien lamented to me that he couldn't wear colored contacts with his astigmatism!"

Plagg blinked again. "Shit dude, got me there."

"Evidence B: at dinner, Marinette offered an array of macrons, and instead of your hard and true first choice of passion fruit, you went with pumpkin spice! You never went for the passion fruit!"

"I just...wanted to be adventurous?"

"Evidence C: the kiss."

"Of course."

"Even if Adrien was head over heels madly in love with Marinette, he is far too meek to kiss her like you did tonight."

"Facts."

"So, I'll ask you one more time. Who are you, and where's the real Adrien?"

Plagg considered this for a moment, but only a moment before answering. "Yeah, you got me. I'm not Adrien."

Nino pumped his fist in victory. "I knew it! I told the girls but they didn't believe me!"

"Adrien's in my overnight bag."

Before Nino could check himself, Adrien came spiraling out to reprimand him. "Plagg! You can't just give away our situation like that! What happened to secrecy? Secret identities?!"

Plagg shrugged. "He obviously had me figured out. Mortals are particularly stubborn when they know a truth."

Adrien didn't argue anymore as he was scooped out of the air and crushed to Nino's chest. "Dude! I've been so worried!"

"I'm okay. A little traumatized, but okay." Adrien squeaked out.

Nino held him in his hands. "What happened? Why are you—hey, you're a Kwami!"

"The Black Cat Kwami," Plagg clarified.

"So that means...you're Chat Noir!"

"Yep. And now you're the only other human that knows."

"I figured Carapace could keep the secret." Plagg hummed. "Wayzz certainly trusts him enough."

"But Hawkmoth knows who Carapace is...or was..."

"And he hasn't bothered me since," Nino offered. "I don't think he cares?"

"See? Everything is copacetic. Now unbind me mortal, or face the consequences."

"What consequences?" Asked Adrien with a laugh. "You're in my body. You can't do anything!"

"I can still cast my lip chapping spell."

There was a brief knock at the door before Mrs. Lahiffe entered. It was enough time for Nino to hide Adrien in his hands.

"Alright boys, dad has to wake up early tomorrow, so make sure to keep it down!"

"MOOOOM! I'm in the middle of an interrogation!"

"Well, interrogate quietly, honey." And she closed the door.

"Okay, one of you, explain what the heck is going on?"

Adrien held his tail. "It's my fault. I pissed Plagg off and he punished me."

"Sounds an awful lot like his fault, dude."

Plagg scoffed. "Fine, I'll take responsibility for this amazing master plan! Adrien was complaining about his unrequited love life, his poor relationship with his father, and Lila's constant sexual harassment. So I told him that could fix it all if he agreed to it."

"And the solution was to...swap bodies?"

"I didn't know!" Adrien defended. "I thought...well I don't know what I thought. He just said he would fix it. I guess I didn't imagine it would be this..."

"In my defense..." started Plagg, "it is really fun to mess with Adrien."

Nino mostly ignored him. "So what has to happen to get you to switch back?"

"Well, we have to get Marinette to confess to me, making our crushes mutual."

"Ah, I see." Nino said sagely. "That makes sense. What else?"

"I have to get Lila to leave me alone. Like, permanently."

"I guess I didn't realize she was that much of a problem. I know you mentioned that she was harassing you..."

"That's not even the half of it. Marinette told me, Chat Noir me, that Lila has been actively threatening her."

Nino frowned. "Threatening her with what?"

"Taking all of her friends and me away from her. I got Lila to lay off by allowing her to model with me, but since Plagg and I swapped bodies, she's threatened to go back on our deal. If Plagg can get her to drop the whole thing, that would be ideal. But to fulfill the contract, he has to get her to leave me alone."

"And she's been falling for it, hook, line, and sinker." Said Plagg, with pride.

"What did you do?"

"I just explained Magic: The Gathering to her."

"...and? I mean, I know it's a game that's pretty hard to visualize in your head."

"I explained it badly, and gave her no chance to talk. For about four hours."

"Oh! So you're annoying her?"

"He's annoying everyone." Adrien clarified.

"That's how I got to school today. Gabriel put the house on lockdown and I serenaded him until he let me out."

"You were serious about that?" Nino chuckled.

"Naturally!"

"Wait, so the last thing is your dad?"

"Yeah, Plagg has to fix our relationship."

"WOOF! That's a tall order! Well, I better get used to having a Kwami as a best friend."

"Oh come on, Nino!" Plagg groaned, "have some faith in me, dude."

"Dude, I have all the faith in you. But I also know Adrien's tyrant of a father. Unless you do brain surgery, you aren't changing his mind."

Plagg seemed to consider this. "Hmm, brain surgery..."

"No, NO!" Adrien reprimanded.

"I'm just kidding. I know it's going to be tough, but I know a thing or two about manipulation and lust for control. Gabriel is cracking. It's more and more evident every time I push him. And once he cracks, he'll listen."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Asked Nino.

"Yes, but not right now. I have a great use for you soon, Nino Lahiffe."

"Don't talk like that," Adrien reprimanded. "It's freaky."

"Oooo someone's still bitter about not getting to kiss his crush~!"

"I'M NOT BITTER!" Adrien yowled.

"Bitter like an old grapefruit! I got to kiss pigtails and you're grumpy!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Are you guys always like this?" Nino asked.

"Sometimes, when Plagg is being annoying."

"Which is often. I am a creature of mischief and chaos."

"Which explains a lot…" Nino murmured.

"Hey, are you going to teach me to play UMS or not?!"