"Ok G, you can park there, behind that red car" pointed Gerald

"Fine" I said, starting signaling and reversing

When I reached the ideal point, I attempted a parallel park, that luckily went pretty well: "Nice parking" commented Kyle's dad "It seems that you have finally learnt how to drive properly, you can face your test with serenity"

"Thank you, Gerald" I thanked "I hope so..."

Well, I think I have forgotten to talk about my driving license: when I arrived in Colorado, one of the first thing I did was the enrollment in driving school, since I already had an Italian pink slip and I wanted to have a mean of transport to be more independent.

My driving test was approaching fastly and, honestly, I was a little bit worried, despite the fact that the last driving lessons had been convincing and I did very few errors while practicing with Kyle's dad.

We returned home, and when I opened the door Shelia welcomed me: "So? Was a good drive?"

"Almost perfect" declared Gerald, behind me

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Kyle, who was sitting on the sofa "Are your hands too tired or you can play video games with me?"

"I'm never tired!" I exclaimed, switching the TV on

Channel 4 was transmitting breaking news, and the presenter informed: "Official: caffeine is now illegal in all Colorado"

My happy face turned soon in a shocked one: "What?"

The presented continued: "After numerous cases of beating at the hands of coffee-swilling people, this substance is now outlaw in the whole State"

"Oh, no!" I commented

"Oh no what?" asked Kyle

"My driving test will surely be in the early morning" I explained "How could I be properly awake without coffee?"

"Don't be so worried" my host brother comforted me "The exam is next Saturday, we have an exact week to find a way to keep you awake..."

"Maybe you're right" I noticed "Well, let's play for some time, but later I have to prepare the tactics for the day after tomorrow's derby..."

South Park-North Park is like Red Sox-Yankees, Cowboys-Redskins, Bears-Packers and I could continue for hours.

Is an incredible rivalry and, sadly, it usually awards the second ones: North Park Elementary has always been the strongest team in the championship, since they regularly win it and join the National Finals, that they won a lot of times.

"But this year is different" I declared in the vesting room, while I was making my pre-match speech "This year we are in the first places, we can finally fight for the title, so are you ready to show those morons what we got?"

"Yes, coach!" exclaimed the whole team

"Fantastic!" I exclaimed "We start with Kenny; Token, Cartman and Tweek; Kyle and Craig; Stan. Is there any question?"

Tweek raised his hand: "Yes, Tweek?" I asked

"Aaah, coach, can I please play, aaah, later?" requested him, shanking like he never did before "I don't feel so good..."

"Do you wanna go home?" I asked "I'm not getting angry..."

"No, no, aaah" refused Tweek "I only need more, aaah, time to prepare myself"

"Ok, no problem" I declared "Clyde, you're gonna play there"

"As ordered, coach!" exclaimed the kid

"Let's go to win this game, guys!" I concluded, going out of the vesting room with the others.

The match began, and we started attacking strongly, surprising the opponents, that probably weren't expecting such an intense start from a team that they usually beat with 6 or more goals.

A corner kicked by Kyle in the first minutes didn't reach Cartman's head and was repelled by the defense, but Craig was waiting out of the area and tried a volley shot, that hit the crossbar and entered.

The stands exploded after that masterpiece that lead us to advantage, but since that moment North Park understood how to stop my players: by hitting them.

To be more precise, this tactic was suggested by their coach (a psycho that shouted like an eagle for the whole match), I think I counted at least twenty fouls: the referee was really permissive and I was forced to substitute Craig and Stan with Bradley and Butters before the end of the first half, but we managed to close that with our precious 1-0.

"Good, guys" I complimented "Now let's try to resist, we can do it!"

The tactic I chose for the second half was defensive, as we had to protect the advantage that we had: that choice seemed ideal, since Kenny didn't received a single shot and we also managed to make us dangerous with our counterattacks.

During one of those, Token received the ball from Clyde and conducted the ball for the whole pitch (at least forty meters) before shooting and being downed by the opponent defender: the shot entered the goal, but the kid remained on the pitch, crying.

I run there and asked him: "How are you?"

"Not good" admitted Token "My ankle hurts a lot..."

I held him, bringing him out from the pitch, and asked Tweek: "Do you feel good?"

"Aaah, not too much..." declared him

"You must enter, or we'll be six against seven..." I informed "Please..."

"Ok, aaah" accepted Tweek, substituting the black kid

The team was pretty tired, North Park scored the 2-1 with a nice shot from the limit of the area and continued to hit our players, but the dam resisted and, when it was violated, Kenny preserved the result with incredible saves.

I looked at my watch: "Come on, one minute missing..."

When I raised my head, the only things I saw were Tweek hitting an opponent in his face and the referee waving the red card in front of him: "Holy shit!" I exclaimed, launching a bottle on the ground "What the fuck is wrong with him?"

"Come on, guys!" shouted Craig and Stan

"One last effort!" added Token, with the ice on his ankle

On the consequent free kick, the opponent striker hit the ball with his head: Kenny made another miracle, but the ball returned on the foot of another player, who scored the 2-2.

I kicked the bottle that I had dropped: "Goddamn it!" I exclaimed again

The referee whistled three times, and I reunited the team: "I'm really sorry, guys: we almost made it" I declared "You gave your best, and I'm proud of that, let's go into the vesting room"

I looked at those sad faces going out of the pitch, and said one last thing: "Tweek, after the shower I wanna talk with you..."

He was the last one to finish, and when everybody had went out of the vesting room I asked him: "Why have you hit that guy?"

"I don't, aaah, know" answered him "It was like aaah raptus..."

"I see you really nervous" I declared "More than the usual: is it linked to the fact that you can't drink coffee anymore?"

"Aaah!" shouted the kid "Don't talk about caffeine, I miss it so much..."

"Tweek, you have a serious problem" I commented "You're like... addicted, and you must do something about that"

"I know" agreed Tweek "But, aaah, what could I do..."

"Well, caffeine is like a drug for you, and where does junkies go?" I wondered "Rehab..."

The kid looked at me in a strange way: "I don't want to go there..."

"It would be just for a short time" I insisted "You have a big problem and can be solved in this way, and I need you to be focused in the next months..."

Tweek thought about it for some instants, then asked: "Do you think I could talk aaahbout that with my parents, coach?"

"You could try, I'm sure they will find the best solution for you..." I declared

"Thanks for the advice, coach" thanked Tweek

"I only want the best for my players" I affirmed, messing up his hair "Bye!"

The following day, I discovered that his parents had agreed to send him in a rehabilitation center, and I hoped that was the solution to his problem...

"G, G!" exclaimed mr. Jones, the Maths teacher, during the lesson "Are you there with us?"

I opened my eyes and raised my head from the desk: "What? Yes, yes..."

"It's the fifth time that I reproach you for this reason" commented the teacher "The school is not a place to sleep..."

"Sorry, mr. Jones, you're right" I agreed, while the bell rang, announcing the beginning of the break

"Goodbye, guys" greeted the teacher, going out

Jessie approached to me: "What's wrong, honey?"

"This coffee-affaire has brought me down" I admitted "Maths is normally boring, and without caffeine I can't keep my eyes opened..."

"Don't blame Maths" reproached Jessie "You also do that with all the other subjects: have you tried alternative ways to keep awake?"

"Every. Single. One" I affirmed "Natural infusions, integrators, cold water in the face...Everything useless! Me and Kyle have lost our inventiveness..."

"And what are you going to do with you driving test?" my girlfriend asked "It's tomorrow, so just hope there won't be Mr. Vern..."

"Mr. Vern?" I repeated

"Yeah, he was my examiner..." remembered Jessie "He's really picky and only awards perfect drivers: the minimum mistake could be fatal to you..."

"Thanks for the encouragement..." I commented

"Sorry, honey" laughed Jessie "I'm sure you'll manage to do that, you're a good driver..."

When I returned home, I was welcomed by Kyle's voice: "Switch on the TV, now!"

I obeyed, and Channel 4's presenter was speaking: "The 'caffeine law' has just been declared invalid: great victory for all coffee lovers, with a lot of lawyers that pointed out the illegitimacy of the rule"

I launched the rucksack on the floor and run to hug Kyle: "YES!" I shouted "I'm safe!"

"Let's call Tweek and inform him" proposed

I composed the number of the rehabilitation center, and asked the employee to pass me Tweek: "Hey, Tweek! You're free! Coffee is legal again!" I informed, putting my phone in hands-free mode and lying it on the sofa

"AAAAH" cried out Tweek "Is this a dream? Or are you joking?"

"No, dude" denied Kyle "It's all true, you can leave the rehab..."

"Ehm..." muttered the kid

"What?" I asked

"I actually can't go out of this center" explained Tweek "The doctors say I must be totally pure to go back to my life..."

"Oh, god..." murmured Kyle

"Don't worry, we'll find a solution, we're calling later..." I said "Bye, Tweek!"

I closed the call and Kyle asked: "Have you seriously a plan?"

"Yes, but we're gonna need the others..." I declared, mysteriously

The following morning I was perfectly awake (finally!) and everybody was in his action station, ready to act.

I was waiting for my turn for the test and I called Kyle: "Are you ready?"

"Yes" he confirmed "Cartman and Stan are going to the center with the ladder and I'm behind a tree with Kenny, ready to come when you warn me..."

"Perfect" I declared "And let's synchronize our phones..."

While I was talking, the examiner, a bald old man with glasses, arrived and I said: "Wait a minute..."

"Hello, I'm mr. Vern and I'll be your examiner" were the terrifiying words "Who's the first one?"

I opened my eyes wide and talked again with Kyle: "I'm not doing that anymore..."

"What?" asked Kyle "Why?"

"This is the most terrible examiner of the school" I informed "I'm gonna fail the test, he won't accept my excuse: everybody will, but not him..."

"You've sent Tweek there, and you've to free him" declared Kyle "I don't give a fuck about the stupid examiner, everything will go on as planned..."

I sighed deeply, then decided: "Ok, may heaven help us... See you in a while"

Meanwhile, the first driver had failed the test, and it was my turn, so I made a circle with my hands: it was the signal, and Kyle ran to me, pretending to cry: "G, G, mum had an incident! She's at the hospital and dad says that he may not pass the morning..."

"What? This is terrible!" I exclaimed, then I asked the examiner "Please, can we reach her? My host brother deserves to greet his mother for one last time..."

The man looked at me in an inquisitive way, and I think I had a sort of short heart attack, but then he declared: "I guess we could make a little deviation from the usual path... Jump in the car!"

"Thank you so much!" I exclaimed, looking sideways and seeing Kenny entering the trunk "Can we go now?"

I started driving, trying to be as precise as possible, and when we arrived to the center Kyle said: "You can leave me here, thank you so much!"

"You're welcome, son" said mr. Vern, and seemed not to notice that Kenny had went out of the car "Now we can make some parkings..."

I obeyed and prayed that everything went well: I did every single thing he asked me and we went back to the rehab, where the examiner looked me icily: "Get down of the car"

I was terrified and started to think about what I could have missed, but then mr. Vern gave me a little paper: "Congratulations"

I did it! I DID IT! I made a high jump and exclaimed: "Thank you! Thank you!"

Meanwhile, I saw the boys coming back to the car with Tweek and entering the luggage van: everything as planned.

We returned to the starting point and, while I was shaking the hand of the examiner, the five boys went out of the car and hide themselves behind a house.

When I joined them and showed my driving license, there was a collective exultation: "Yes!"

"I think I'm gonna pass out" I laughed

"Me too" agreed Cartman "It was fun, but terribly tiring..."

"Shut up, fat ass, you didn't do anything" replied Kyle "You only held the ladder for Tweek..."

"It was mentally tiring..." precised Cartman

"You should have seen when the employees saw us, G" laughed Stan "I've never seen anyone so angry..."

"Yeah, we ran away and I shouted 'Blow me, dumbasses'" reminded Kenny

"They surely have understood everything you said..." I joked, then I spoke to Tweek "Sorry, dude, I shouldn't have suggested you that: I hope you haven't suffered too much in that center..."

"A bit" admitted the kid "But you only gave me aaahn advice, it's my parents' fault: they were the ones who decided to send me there..."

"Let's forget everything" declared Stan "Everything has ended in the best way..."

In that moment my phone rang and I answered: "Hey, have you passed it?" asked Jessie

"Yes" I confirmed "And mr. Vern has been really kind and permissive: just the opposite of what you have told me..."

"Well, I must admit that I was joking" laughed Jessie "When he's the examiner, everyone passes the test..."

"Oh, fine" I commented, sarcastically "There will be time to insult you later, at our romantic lunch at the new Italian restaurant.."

"Will there be a romantic lunch?" asked Jessie

"Yes, I've just decided it" I declared "And you can't refuse since you made fun of me..."

"Ok, honey, I'll be there!" greeted Jessie "Bye!"

I closed the call and smiled: in one way or another, everything went as I wanted...