This is not the ending to this chapter that you were expecting, but I swear I know where I'm going with this. Trust me.

Did it matter if I could barely contain the screaming? She kissed him - on the lips! - as if I hadn't spent hours considering that and worrying over every angle of that situation. Yes, I have, have always had feelings for Soul but… there's so many other factors that don't include kissing him on the mouth! That was not for her to do! That was… that was mine.

It's so strange to be jealous of yourself.

Because… that was our first kiss.

Our first kiss!

Why did it have to be so imperfect?

Why couldn't it have been us, on the couch, one night after a long movie when his arm was comfortably wrapped around my shoulders?

Or when he woke up from a nightmare and I pulled him close, why couldn't I just brush a kiss on his lips to lull him back into sleep?

Instead it's me - well, not me - with only a corner of the memories of us just taking a shot in the dark.

Death, it's so strange to be jealous of yourself.

When the door opened to show Maka's green eyes surrounded by puffy lids, Kid sighed.

Kid, do something! Internal Maka raged with the words that she would be surprised to find were the same that the forgetful Maka begged internally, her face desperately searching Kid's.

"May I come in?" Kid tried on a soft smile.

"Um…" Maka trailed off as her eyes hit the floor. "Soul is- I guess he's not feeling well, so if you need him…"

"I'm here to see you," Kid answered as he pressed a little further in the door, and Maka could do nothing but move out of the way and close it behind him.

He made his way to the living room, Maka following closely on his heels. It was strange to watch her sit so stiffly on her own couch as Kid eased into the familiar armchair. Kid cleared his throat, "It seems strange to tell you to trust me since while at least you know me, back then it was more by face than by anything else, right?"

Maka nodded, "But… we're friends?"

Kid sighed, "Yes, close friends. You helped me a great deal when it came to mourning my father and… I came to look at you as a sister of sorts."

Maka pressed a hand to her forehead, taking in a shaky breath as she tried to clear away the urge to cry. "I'm sorry, I don't-"

"That's not important right now," Kid interjected. "I'm going to ask that you confide in me and tell me what happened."

Her cheeks reddened.

Tell him, trapped Maka urged.

"I… I thought maybe… we were more than partners." Kid nodded, alleviating some of distress but instantly riling up Maka's confusion again. "Soul said we weren't, but… why was he upset about it? Have I…? Did I… reject him?"

Kid planted a soft, sullen smile on his lips, "No. Nothing like that. I think this has just been a failed experiment. The plan that hoping everything would come naturally to you or that telling you too many truths would be too much - well, it might have been idiotic."

Both Makas sighed.

"So I'd like to tell you something that you told me in confidence recently. If that's alright."

Yes! The Maka locked away screamed. Thank you, Kid, thank you, thank you, thank you!

"Yes, please," Maka murmured.

"Your feelings for Soul…" Kid arranged his words as carefully as his picture frames on the wall. "It's easy to say a meister cares for their weapon and that's reciprocated - risking your life for someone has to create that, right?"

Maka nodded.

"So it goes without saying that the two of you love each other deeply in that regard," he didn't shy away from the word but he watched the way it still ignited color on her cheeks and he couldn't help but smile a little stronger. "Your initial fears came when you started comparing him and you to your parents. While that kept your other feelings at bay for a time, it did not last long. Soul is definitely not Spirit."

"No," Maka intoned flatly.

Definitely not, the other Maka spat.

"Your secondary fears came with questioning whether or not his feelings were developing in the same kind of direction as yours. You liked to blame most of his actions on hormones- boyish idiocy," Kid paused to chuckle. "You and Liz had many arguments on this topic." Before Maka could even offer another sigh at another reminder of another lost bond, Kid continued, "But the end result was always the same: none of us questioned the reciprocation. The two of you were just very stubborn with one another."

"Then…" Maka's voice reached up hopefully.

"It was your tertiary fears that were the only thing left," Kid could now let the smile drift away, his fingers clenching into his knees. "And they were… not wrong. Maka, you were deeply afraid that if something were to happen, if something didn't go right, he'd be alone. You were terrified of that."

"Is he that… lonely?" It felt stupid coming from her lips, but it was the only answer she wanted.

"Soul lets us in," Kid nodded solemnly. "He allows us maybe a few steps into his heart. You are the only person that I've witnessed having that connection so deeply rooted that it wasn't about whether or not he let you. You simply are a part of him. You imagined that losing that connection would make him… lost. He already struggles with the madness, not to mention his other very human feelings, especially those about his parents and you wanted to protect him, just as he's always protected you."

"If I loved him and hurt him, I thought he'd shut down," Maka murmured.

"Very much," Kid nodded. "So you were struggling with the decision of whether or not you were being selfish to ask for more of a relationship with him."

"Then I made the worst mistake," Maka heaved.

It's not your fault, the other Maka murmured, hand in the darkness reaching out, wishing she could calm herself. You didn't know. You didn't know how selfish that was. How much he's… this was the last thing he needed right now.

"It's not your fault," Kid unknowingly echoed, "but I'm worried that there's no easy solution - not to say that anything with you two is ever easy." He stood slowly. "Will you wait here?"

She blinked up at him, worry starting to thump in her chest. "What are you going to do?"

Kid shrugged, "Whatever I can." He tried to afford her one last smile before he walked into the hallway and down to the crossroad of doors. Slowly, without much oomph, Kid rapped his knuckles to the door.

"Maka, just-" started weakly through the wood.

"Not Maka," Kid clarified.

There was silence.

"Your options are to open the door or I'll just come in through the window: it's up to you." He smiled glumly as the knob turned, the door edging open just enough for the lithe man to squeeze through.

Soul was seated in the corner behind the door with his knees pulled tightly to his chest. Apathetic eyes ticked up from the floor to meet Kid's but he could see the puffiness, the fine red ring around the lids. "What?"

"Consider this your boss speaking," Kid toned flatly with a frown. "We were wrong. We tell Maka the truth. If she overloads, she overloads and we'll deal with it as it comes but keeping the truth from her is obviously not working."

"Sure," Soul let out with a quaking breath.

"Which means you will have to admit to the complications in your partnership."

"Fuck off, Kid," the words scraped against Soul's already raw throat.

"I'm not Liz," Kid snapped back coolly. "Saying that doesn't work with me. I don't find it funny or useful. Instead, I'm going to repeat my orders to you: you need to admit to Maka - and to yourself - that your partnership has long been complicated. What you have is not simple, and you need to lay that out to her at least analytically. You don't have to tell her you love her-"

"Shut up, Kid," gritted through his teeth again.

"But you have to be honest about how much being forgotten has killed you. She needs to understand why it matters, and why someone would do this to the two of you." Kid brought his feet directly to Soul's, towering above him with a stern stretch to his lips. "You will work on getting the entirety of your partnership back, not just one small piece because you think it's the most important. You as a Death Scythe are completely useless to me if you cannot."

A gritty groan bubbled in Soul's throat before he clenched his fists in front of him.

"Can I take that as 'Yes, Kid, I'll try my best'?"

Soul's lips stayed buttoned as his jaw ground back and forth.

"I'm going to take Maka home with me tonight," Kid sighed. "I'm going to continue to tell her everything that I know about the two of you and I'm going to encourage Liz to do the same."

"No," Soul growled.

"Stop me," Kid spat back.

Wounded red eyes tried to bubble with rage but the only thing they could offer Kid was another wave of tears. "Kid, what if she-"

"Loves you?" Kid finished easily. "Because that's what I think you're really afraid of. Before you could pretend, give into that doubtful voice that said you were just her weapon, that there was never any other type of ownership between the two of you. But right now the only thing she has is her heart to tell her what to do and it told her to kiss you. Maybe you can translate that to just us telling her that maybe there was something between the two of you but I think the both of us know very well that whether it's the Maka before your partnership or after, she would never do anything that she didn't resoundingly believe in her heart."

His lip trembled as a breath barely ran over it. There was no clear view of Kid anymore, just a blur of liquid puddling in his eyes that felt unstoppable. "You'll bring her back? Tomorrow?"

Kid sighed, "I don't know, you think one night is enough for you to pull yourself together?"

"Try," he murmured as he rested his head on his knees, letting his shoulders collapse.

"Can she come in and say goodnight?"

"No," he griped to his knees.

"Soul…" Kid chided.

"Fine," he muttered.

Kid didn't have to go far, just stick his head out the doorway to find Maka watching intently. "Come here for a moment."

Maka tried not to be in a rush but her feet betrayed her, stumbling down the hallway to get into his room. "Soul?" It didn't matter whether he replied or not, Maka tumbling to the floor to be next to him. She wanted to force her hands to hover but they took on a will of their own as they clutched into his shirt at the shoulders. "I'm sorry, please, I'm-"

"S'OK," he murmured weakly as he raised his head, barely letting his eyes come to hers. "Not somethin' to be sorry about, just…" A smile wouldn't come to his lips, the fear gripping his gut but his hands still reaching for her. "Come here for a second." Maka let him grasp her, arms slipping around her to pull her in towards his chest. For Soul, it was the same as the kiss, just so much sweetness surrounded by bitterness, his heart yearning for it and denying it at the same time.

Her breath caught in her throat, a heat coming to her cheeks as he anchored her to him with obvious practice. "Soul…" She tilted her head just enough to see his throat bob with a swallow.

"You're going to go to Kid's tonight," he murmured as his hand came into her hair, keeping her cheek pressed to his shoulder instead of giving her any hope to see his face. "I just… I just need tonight, OK? And then…"

"I don't want to leave you alone," she whispered as her arms tightened around his neck.

A shaky sigh left him, "I'm not, Maka. I know I'm not." He tapped his chin to her forehead, his breath tempting at her hairline. "I promise I won't stay here by myself."

Why can't you just stay with me? Maka bit the begging back on her tongue. "Alright."

"I'll see you tomorrow." His fingers drifted out her hair but Maka still refused to move, squeezing the air out of him for another few desperate beats of her heart.

"Come on, Maka," Kid chided as if she was a child, his hands reaching down to steady her shoulders.

Maka let him pull but her hands still gripped Soul's shirt like a burr in the cloth. "I-" she started, stopped, gnawing on her lip before forcing the words off her tongue. "I'm going to go but I don't want you to think that means I think I'm wrong."

Soul's eyebrows popped in surprise.

"I know what you said, and maybe you think I don't feel that way but I do." Maka shook her head firmly before making the rest burst off from her lips. "Because I don't think she and I are different. Maybe I don't know the same things she does but I definitely feel them. So I- I want to stop saying her like it's not me. You can have tonight but I need you to treat me like Maka because I am Maka."

"Yeah," Soul only managed as his mouth gaped slightly.

She is me, trapped Maka could actually laugh, especially as Soul continued to look at her bewildered as the body out in the real world stood.

All the doubt in him tried to smother the words but his heart forced them out of his throat first. "You're sure that's what you want?"

She nodded, some strength coming back to her smile.

Soul sighed but tried his best to return at least half the look she gave him.

Soul always wanted to keep his promises to Maka and in a way he was, though he was sure if he'd even let her know half of his plan she would have socked him one - memory or no memory. When he knocked on Kim's door, the look on her face spelled out the same thing. "No," Kim blared as she tried to shut the door in his face.

"Didn't even ask you yet," Soul grumbled as he stationed a steady foot in the door.

As Kim attempted to break said foot, she continued, "I know what you're going to ask and the answer is no."

"What if I say please?" Soul smirked, this time adding a hand to the door so on the next swing out he could pin it the rest of the way open. "I mean, I can't force ya, but-"

"Not for a million dollars!" Kim threw up her hands in exasperation, letting him have the door and the hallway alike as she started stomping back into the living room, a bewildered Jackie blinking at her.

"Kimial Diehl turning down money," Soul clicked his tongue.

"Because if you're here to ask what I think- no, know you're here to ask-"

"You didn't even let him ask," Jackie muttered.

Kim answered with a spiky glare that she only quickly maneuvered back to Soul.

"Kim, take me to Mabaa," Soul offered with a completely even keel.

"Oh," Jackie's eyebrows hit the roof. "Seriously?"

"See?" Kim waved crazily back at Soul as she shot her eyes back to Jackie. "Tell him that's crazy."

"Well…" Jackie shrugged. "She probably won't kill him, right? It's sort of the pact - witches and DWMA getting along - so maybe the worst that could happen is she… refuses to see him? And, honestly, with Maka how she is, does he have a lot to lose?"

Soul motioned a hand of agreement towards Jackie as Kim's pitch hit the roof, "Seriously? You too?"

Jackie only rolled her shoulders again before looking at Soul. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Soul gave half a grin before raising his eyebrows at Kim. "Please?"

A long, guttural cry burst from Kim before she pounded out of the living room. Only her irritated voice fluttered down the hall behind her. "Fine, but you can't watch me summon the portal!"

Soul looked back at Jackie helplessly.

She only shook her head. "You don't want to know."

Bravado was definitely something Soul could summon. It was as easy as calculus when running on almost no sleep with the constant worry of the girl you love more than anything in the world forgetting about you, but it was manageable. And, boy, did he lay it on thick as he ambled on behind Kim, smirk glinting his teeth for all the witches in attendance. It wasn't the full tribunal - not like Soul had actually given Kim time and warning to get this together - and instead was just a smattering of witches, one in particular wearing a special breed of frown.

He'd seen the fox-witch before, one of the judges that had dealt with Kid with as much warmth as an ice cube but he held on to at least a smidgen of hope as Mabaa clearly stood next to her. Kim waved him to stay, Soul stopping with a slow ease of his heels as she walked up to the podium. Kim leaned, her whisper completely eaten by the distance even though the silence that had hit the arena was resounding. A murmur from Mabaa eked between them and Kim turned a solemn face to Soul before nodding.

"Soul Evans, Death's Last Weapon," he announced with that pleasant grit to his voice. "And I'm here to ask for your help, Mabaa-sama."

The fox-witch scoffed, "You come here without invitation, without making a request-"

"Kid tried," Soul grumbled out the words, "and, sorry, my mom always said I sucked at manners, so I can't say this is any different. But you're the only person who'd know for sure."

Mabaa dipped closer to Kim again before the pink-haired girl adopted an even deeper grimace. "She said she knows about the curse and there's no fixing it without the witch who did it."

"But you know who," Soul shot back.

Mabaa nodded.

"There's only a few options and, well, only one who'd have the guts to do that to you," Kim paused, sending a searching glance at Mabaa.

The master witch only nodded again.

"But… she wants to know what price you'd pay," Kim's voice held a trembling note.

Soul chuckled softly, "Whatever. Name it."

"You'd throw your life away like that, boy?" The fox-witch sneered.

"Don't expect you to get it," Soul shrugged.

"Oh, no, it's just noble self-sacrifice," she snapped back.

"Not really," Soul shook his head glumly. "Honestly? This is the closest to selfish you're gonna see me get. See, she's technically fine. She told me today that I should stop seein' her as anything other than herself. Memories or no, she's Maka Albarn. She'll be a great meister, just needs the practice, and that's just a matter of time." Soul paused, taking in a stuttering breath as he placed a hand over the start of his scar. "And, hell, maybe… maybe she could love me like this, too, even without all that behind us, but… I'll trade anything for those memories because I want her to love me down to the deepest edge of her soul and I don't think she can do that without every last moment of the last few years because while I wasn't sayin' it, I sure as hell was trying to show her every day."

"So, nah, it's technically not for her. It's for me. So it should make sense that I'm willing to trade anything of mine to have what I really want, doesn't it?" Soul's fist clenched into the fabric of his shirt. "So whatever you want, name it, and I'll give it. Just give me the damn name."

Mabaa pulled on Kim's sleeve, bringing her lower and close enough that her breath tickled at Kim's ear. Soul thought that was why her face contorted like it did, a strange wrinkle coming to her forehead, but after the whisper was done, Kim blinked blankly at Mabaa's face for a moment before turning bewildered eyes back to Soul. "She says… you'd have to garden for her for a year."

All of the gears in Soul's brain lit up, churning that sentence over to try to untangle hidden meanings or calculating deceit. "Garden? Like… pullin' weeds?" he spat incredulously.

Mabaa nodded.

"Just… one year of gardening?" Soul tried again, ready for knowing laughter to erupt from the thin crowd but finding only questioning faces around him.

"Yes?" Kim offered and got the reassuring nod from Mabaa in reply. "Gardening."

"Well, yeah, OK." Soul nodded slowly, still trying to shake loose the truth behind the idea. I hope I have one hell of a green thumb.