"Meyer! You have to strike the goddamn cardboard, not fly by it!" Commander Shadis was screaming at her, his face blood red.
She was doing horrible.
And everyone else, of course, was doing relatively well. Armin had struggled a little bit at the beginning, but he had gotten the hang of it shortly after almost falling out of the sky.
Sasha and Connie were even doing well. Sure, they were doing stupid lunges and Connie had done a fantastic split that left him screaming like a girl, but they were still doing well.
She wasn't.
Why couldn't she get a hang of this?
"Come down, Meyer!" Shadis snapped, and Eva felt her insides curl with shame at failing another task.
Getting to her feet, she put her dull, training swords back in their sheath.
"What is going on in that tiny mind of yours, cadet? All you have to do is swing the fucking blade at the cardboard. The hardest part of the gear you've already bypassed, just swing the sword the right way and you'll cut its neck!" He yelled, voice growing hysterical.
Eva cringed and fiddled with her buckle straps.
"Get out of my sight, Meyer. If you don't come out here tomorrow and do better, I will throw your ass out of this core, do you understand me?"
Eva felt tears build up in her eyes, but she blinked them back, shoving her fist into her chest.
"Yes, sir!"
She waited till she got down the hall to fall apart, steps away from her bedroom door.
She was humiliated.
Why? Why couldn't she grasp these obstacles the way everybody else did? Was she so unfocused?
Leaning against one of the tall windows, she sobbed quietly, looking out to the field, watching the other cadets fly through the trees.
Sigh.
"Is there a reason why you're here and not out there training?"
Eva closed her eyes and took a deep breath, turning around, saluting the Corporal stoically.
"Commander Shadis is punishing me for struggling with the ODM gear, sir."
Steel eyes did not look impressed at that omission, well, he could join the club of people who were disappointed at her failings.
"So, instead of fighting back, and pushing yourself, you scurried in here like a wounded puppy to cry at one of the windows?" He asked, shoving one hand into his pocket.
Eva felt her eyes narrow at his mocking tone.
He just raised an unimpressed brow and glanced away.
"Tch. Pathetic. Grow thicker skin you little idiot, and maybe Shadis wouldn't push you around so much." And he stepped past her to move away.
Gritting her teeth, Eva felt her temper boil over.
"Yeah, it's so easy for you to say that, sir. You may have grown up in the Underground, but you're also 'humanities strongest.' What could you possibly understanding about having to prove yourself?" She snapped, not caring in the slightest if she was being disrespectful.
He stopped walking and turned slightly to her; expression bored.
"Same goes to you, brat. You grew up in the wealthiest portion of Sina. What the hell would you know about suffering, in the slightest?"
Eva felt her nails clamp into her skin at the fury that washed through her body like a river.
"That doesn't mean I know nothing of hardship. A-And screw you for throwing that in my face, again. You really are nothing but a judgmental bully!" She yelled at him, forcing hair out of her eyes as tears of aggravation started to flow.
Not waiting around to catch what other vile things he had to say, Eva turned to get back to her room.
She didn't make it far though as she felt his hand clamp down on her bicep. Gasping, she tried to wrench it away as he forcefully turned her to face him.
"I don't think so." He muttered, voice calm.
Eva wrenched harder, slowly realizing it was futile.
"Settle." He whispered to her, grip loosening.
She did, feeling her knees go weak, the tension leaving, but the tears wouldn't stop falling. She felt like such a disappointment.
"I-I don't know what I'm doing here." She sobbed, embarrassment blooming in her stomach over the scene she was making.
He didn't say anything as he watched her fall apart.
"Take a moment. Go to your room and shower, take your time. Then, when you're finished, come to my quarters."
Eva sniffled, and looked at him, nodding softly.
She took a little over an hour, making sure she was washed thoroughly. She hadn't realized there was dirt in very unpleasant places.
Stopping outside his door, Eva closed her eyes and tried to center herself. But todays activities prohibited that from happening.
Sighing, she knocked lightly.
"Enter."
And she did.
Opening the door, she took a whole step before his voice halted her.
"Stop."
Whipping her head up, she met his eyes, confused at his outburst.
"Shut the door." He commanded, and she did, lightly.
Turning to look at him again, she noticed he was standing up now, hands tucked behind his back.
"I've been doing a little bit of research on our extracurricular activities, Meyer. It's remarkable what the library on the grounds hold."
Eva couldn't agree more.
"So. Do you want to set a scene? To help get you a little out of your head?" He questioned her, voice clear, posture straight.
The younger woman felt her knees wobble as her vision grew heady.
She didn't want anything more in that very moment.
"Y-Yes, please, yes." She whispered, wanting to reach out to clutch onto something to stay standing.
He nodded, turning back to his desk.
"Say a word that is of no special means to you. That specific word will be stated if you want to end anything we're doing. Understand?"
Eva nodded.
"Um, I- Grapefruit."
She could have swore she saw his mouth twitch in humor.
"I hated them as a kid." She muttered, face breaking out in a blush.
He nodding, rolling his shoulders.
"Good. Now, we'll begin."
Silence.
Sitting down, he grabbed at some papers and plucked a pen.
Eva just stared, waiting on what he'd say next.
"Get on all fours and crawl over here." He told her, voice husky, eyes never leaving the papers he was flipping through.
A hot spurt of need rushed through her at his command. Lowering herself down, she got on her hands and knees and slowly moved in his direction.
She stopped at his chair, head hung low, fingertips buzzing with adrenaline.
"Sit down and lean your head against the side of the desk." He said to her, voice smooth, like a sip of expensive whiskey.
Eva shut her eyes slowly, already floating on her cloud.
"Yes, sir."
She sat fully on her butt and laid her head to the side, closing her eyes, taking in the sounds of his writing.
"Good little cadet." He mumbled, engrossed in his work.
After some time, dozing in and out of awareness, Eva heard him call out to her.
"Lean forward." He demanded, flipping through papers, tching in slight aggravation at the mountain of work he had to sift through.
Eva nodded sluggishly, watching as his hand was held out for her. His finger beckoned her closer, her hair stopping at his hand.
Then, he weaved them into her hair and Eva felt the room tilt. Whimpering at the feelings that exploded in her stomach, she closed her eyes and laid her head on the arm rest of his chair, eliciting a soft sigh.
His fingers carded through her blonde hair, gripping tighter at the root, and letting go a bit towards the ends.
It was perfect.
In the midst of her dozing off, his voice broke through her haze.
"What exactly did Shadis say about your performance today?" Fingers still carding through her hair.
Eva tried to access words, but it took a second, shaking her head loose of the daze he had put her in.
"I was having trouble with slicing through the cardboard they have set up. I can aim for it, drag my swords up to cut the spot I'm supposed to, but always at the last second, I pull up." She admitted, feeling her shoulders tense at the feeling of failure that went through her heart.
His hand moved to her temples, pushing slightly.
"Settle. We're just going over how we can better your performance, nothing to be stressed about, little cadet."
Eva tried to let his words comfort her, but the threat Shadis threw at the end, left worry behind, a knot of unease clutching her.
"Look at me." He said, fingers moving down to clutch her chin.
Moving her head up, her nostrils flared, tears coming to the forefront again.
"What else did Shadis say?" He asked.
Eva just shrugged, his fingers light on her skin.
"Just…he'll throw me out if I don't get better. I've struggled the most out of this class, so, I guess I kind of deserved that." She muttered, glancing away from his intense gaze.
Silence.
"Shadis doesn't have the authority to throw you out of the Scouts, brat. And anyway, he wouldn't have said that if he didn't see any potential in you."
Eva just huffed, shrugging lightly.
"Look back down now, I have a lot of work to get done. Are you alright, run?"
She smiled and nodded her head, getting back to her original position.
It was a strange day when Eva could say the best sleep she had ever gotten was kneeling beside her Scout Captain, his fingers carding through her hair while he did his paperwork.
"Time to wake up, little cadet." His voice broke through and Eva groggily opened her eyes.
Sighing, she raised her head, but not too far, his order flitting through her mind.
"Feel better?" He asked her, hand out of her hair now.
She nodded.
"Good. I think you should head back to your barracks now. Dinners in two hours, and I think it would be wise if you rested a little bit. And tomorrow…be prepared to do better with the gear. Understood?"
Eva nodded softly, "Yes, sir."
She never knew he could be so…soft.
Well, soft wasn't exactly the word.
She couldn't put her finger on it, and she was too tired to try at the moment. Shutting her eyes, she succumbed to the exhaustion that followed her around now and slipped into a dreamless sleep.