Chapter 10: John Phoenix and His Uncle Fuse
On the train back from Kurian, John Phoenix sat in his seat in his private compartment. The apartment had a plaque on the door (on the outside of the door) and if you read the plaque there were words that made up a group of words that read "John Phoenix's Private Compartment (Phoenix Wright Also Allowed)". One of the many perks of being an up-and-coming defense attorney who solved his first case in 45 seconds was getting private compartments on trains.
One thing you may not know about John Phoenix is that he can solve cases even when he's on the train. He just uses his psychic powers to communicate with the Judge. He cross-examines, presents evidence, and gets his Not Guilty verdicts remotely via telepathy. He doesn't even need to be in the courtroom. The Judge made a special exception for him, because John Phoenix is very special indeed. In the six hours he has been on the train, he solved a few additional cases whenever he got bored. The court was like a dollhouse to John Phoenix, and the people inside, mere action figures for him to play with. Sometimes he even implants subliminal messages in the Judge's mind to make him deliver a Not Guilty verdict right away, because sometimes it is so obvious that the defendant is innocent that a trial would be superfluous.
If his client is guilty? Then he merely successfully defends the client anyway, and after the trial he telepathically communicates with Shelly de Killer, with whom he is in league, and has him assassinate the man outside the district court. That way, he maintains his perfect win record and also kills the bad guy.
His win record, by the way, currently stands at an impressive 12-0, and he's only been a defense attorney for less than 24 hours, which makes him very impressive indeed.
"What do we do now, John Phoenix?" asked his Uncle Phoenix Wright. "John Phoenix?"
John Phoenix was brooding. He was ignoring his Uncle Phoenix because he was brooding. And because, frankly, his uncle was exceedingly simple-minded and slow when compared to himself. True, to the average person Phoenix Wright might seem like a bright boy, but when compared to John Phoenix, Phoenix Wright could barely be classified as sentient.
"It is not hubris," thought John Phoenix internally, in the vaunted halls of his mind, "to think that I am superior to my uncle in every way. No. It is merely the truth. But am I disparaging my uncle, or putting him down? No. In his own way, he is a good defense attorney. And it was due to him apprenticing me, even if my apprenticeship lasted less than an hour, that I was able to become a defense attorney.
"Still," continued John Phoenix in his mind, while subconsciously representing a man in court, "I have so far surpassed him, that any additional help is unneeded. He should step back, be quiet, and let me, John Phoenix, solve the mystery. Perhaps, if I feel so inclined, I will even deign to tell him how I figured out the location of Manfred von Karma's secret hideout. Ha ha ha. Because, you see, I already know..."
He didn't actually already know, and this thought was a mere bluff, but it served an important purpose, one that will be revealed in the chapters to come.
Phoenix Wright got depressed that his nephew wouldn't talk to him, so he took out a Highlights for Children magazine from under the seat and began reading it. He didn't care for Highlights for Children, but it was the only publication that John Phoenix allowed on the train nowadays. John Phoenix liked the "Spot the Differences" pictures, and he also liked Goofus and Gallant, because he saw a lot of himself in Gallant. As for Goofus? He would fain send him to the hangman.
Meanwhile, on top of the train running parallel to John Phoenix's, a sniper was lying in wait to assassinate John Phoenix. But, on the orders of whom? Not von Karma's. Because von Karma wants to defeat him in court, as the ultimate revenge. Therefore, the assassin's client must be someone else...
"Assassinate John Phoenix at once," said a mysterious voice over the sniper's headset.
"Roger that," said the sniper.
"John Phoenix looks a lot like his uncle, so don't shoot the uncle by mistake, because it would be a mere waste of bullets." That logic... so cold and perfect. Could the client be...?
The sniper put on his special glasses. His glasses let him see how good of a lawyer someone was. They were also X-ray glasses as well. He used the glasses to look into John Phoenix's private compartment (he couldn't look through the windows without the X-ray glasses because the blinds were up) and he was able to see two people.
The glasses showed a number above the head of the person with the magazine: 604. That was how good of a lawyer that person was.
"604..." whispered the sniper. "I'm not a legal expert, but that seems like a high score to me. Could that man be John Phoenix?" Then he looked at the other person and was shocked.
1,222,555. That was how good a lawyer the other person, clearly John Phoenix, was.
"Over a million points?" said the sniper. "Clearly, that must be John Phoenix!" He sighted his scope and aimed through the closed blinds at John Phoenix's head. He was almost sorry to have to assassinate such a brilliant young man, but his client was paying the big bucks, and he had a family to feed. So after a moment of hesitation, the sniper pulled the trigger.
Bang, went the gun. The bullet went through the air and through the window of the train.
"What the heck," said Phoenix Wright, looking up from the magazine. Then he saw the bullet rapidly approaching. "No! John Phoenix, look out!"
But then something strange happened. The angel bullet that killed Mary Wright came out out of John Phoenix's pocket at slammed into the sniper's bullet, knocking it off course so that instead of going through John Phoenix's head it went through the compartment door and into the conductor's leg.
"Good work, John Phoenix," said Phoenix Wright.
But, for the first or perhaps second time in his life, John Phoenix was confused. "But Uncle Phoenix, that wasn't me... the bullet acted of its own accord!"
"What?" said Phoenix Wright, bending over to retrieve the bullet. "No physic powers? But how..."
Meanwhile, the sniper cursed. "Curses!" he cursed. "A wasted bullet! Oh well, I was warned about this youth's psychic powers." He prepared to fire again again.
"Wonder where that bullet came from," wondered Phoenix Wright. Then something happened. His badge began glowing.
"W-what?" Phoenix said, taken aback.
"Touch the badge, John Phoenix..." whispered the angel bullet in Phoenix's hand.
John Phoenix, never one to hesitate in a moment of crisis, quickly leapt across the room and touched his uncle's badge. The second he touched the badge, John Phoenix and his Uncle Phoenix began to combine into one human being. That human being was named Phoenix Phoenix. Their fusion had two badges and two ties. The suit was half green, half blue, incorporating the signature colors of both attorneys.
The sniper's X-ray glasses showed how good of a lawyer Phoenix Phoenix was.
2,555,256.
To be continued...
BONUS EMOJIS
👤the assassin
️😠Phoenix Phoenix