The thought had crossed his mind once, but he had quickly shooed it away. Dismissed it like a shifty yokai. And he had forced himself never to think of it again — not for as long as he could help it anyway.

It was within that small space of time between moving into his dorm and the first week of classes, where they had enough free time to hang out together for the first time in over a year. Free time, when Kisumi wasn't working his part-time job that was. But Katsumi was liberal about his nephew's hours, so Kisumi took a whole week off just to help Asahi move in and get re-adjusted to the city. He'd been to Tokyo before, lived in Tokyo before, but it had been some years, so he was content with allowing Kisumi to tote him around and jog his memory, pointing out hotspots and his favorite restaurants, ranting off a list of things they'd have to do together throughout the entire span of their college days.

There was one night in particular that they'd spent at an arcade, racing and playing shooting games for hours before they finally picked up some street food and went for a stroll along the river as the sun was setting and the lights were popping on across the skyline. It had been a rather chilly night then as well, which might have been the reason they'd subconsciously elected to walk so close to each other, or at least, that was what he'd told himself that day — until their arms brushed against each other for the fourth time and Kisumi finally curled his arm around Asahi's.

It was the first time he'd ever done so, and it was so casual, but it had shot Asahi's heart straight up to his throat and immediately slammed it back into his stomach. Though, he'd kept very intentionally quiet about it, which had been incredibly difficult for him. He'd looked over to find Kisumi's gaze staring out over the river, a small pacified smile on the corner of his lips, the orange-red glow of the sun warming his cheeks. A breeze weaved through his hair and he brushed it back with his other hand, then turned his shining lavender eyes onto Asahi with a look of purity that he had no idea how to return.

He remembered becoming intensely stiff in that moment, gaping, probably with a bright red face.

"It's about time, huh?" Kisumi had said, his voice warm and airy.

"Huh?"

"It's been so long since we've lived in the same city." He turned his head away again, returning his gaze to the reflection of the sunset on the water. His body shifted closer, and Asahi couldn't tell if that was on purpose or not. "I'm so used to saying goodbye to you and never knowing when I'll see you next. It's strange to think you're just a fifteen-minute walk away now."

"Ah," was the sound that had come out of Asahi's mouth. He remembered being very transfixed by the line of Kisumi's jaw at that moment. "Yeah … strange."

"In a good way though," Kisumi said, looking back and forcing Asahi to blink. "It feels … peaceful. Does that make sense?"

He didn't remember nodding, because that was the moment the thought had explicitly hit him.

Kiss Kisumi.

No, what? Don't do that!

Why not? Would it be weird? Just a little one — on his cheek maybe?

God no!

On his lips then.

That's even worse!

What about that oddly appealing spot right there just under his jaw —

STOP!

"Asahi, are you okay?"

"Mmhm." It came out as an extremely strangled noise, and he could tell Kisumi was looking at him funny, but his focus was so very blurred. He had to blink several times, shake his head, and then face forward and slap his own cheeks.

"I'm fine!" he shouted, though he was pretty sure, in that moment, he was mostly telling himself that.

There had been a brief wavering pause of perplexity, and then Kisumi had giggled and nuzzled his cheek against Asahi's shoulder. "You're so weird."

"I'm weird?" Asahi had said, snapping back to his standard train of thought. "Kisumi, you look like a walking cotton-candy stick."

Kisumi burst with laughter, head falling back as he lifted his voice to the sky. Asahi smiled. And he never thought about kissing his friend again …

Until his 20th birthday.

He woke up to his phone vibrating underneath his pillow.

He'd been sent an address and a text that read: Meet me in 30 minutes.

Admittedly, it took him a good five minutes to regain full consciousness — to remember where he was and why he was grimacing in the sunlight against a splitting headache. He read the time first: 1:36 pm. He rolled over onto his side, yawned, scratched at the back of his head, closed his eyes for another twenty seconds. And then the moment it flooded back to him, he popped up and threw his blanket to the floor.

He tripped into the bathroom, splashed his face with cold water, wet and aggressively ruffled his hair, threw on whatever random clothes met his fingers first, and tossed his new jacket on top. Then he was slamming his dorm door shut and flying down the hallway.

He earned a lot of looks, running like a maniac down the sidewalk, but he hardly paid them any mind, nor did he acknowledge the pounding in the back of his brain. He just squinted and bared his teeth, sprinting, turning left, right, and then left again. He ran the whole way, barely aware of how long it took him, because he seemed to get there in an instant. His eyes tightened in a manic glare the moment he saw that pink head of hair bobbing up onto the sidewalk, and he forced his limbs to push double-time.

"Kisumiiiii!" he growled.

Kisumi turned, purple eyes blinking with surprise the moment he saw Asahi barreling toward him, and he barely had enough time to flinch before nearly getting body slammed to the ground.

Some lady, who just happened to be walking past in that exact moment, squeaked out a yelp and jumped out of the way, narrowly avoiding getting bowled over as Asahi threw all of his weight on top of the other boy to snatched up his neck and throttle him.

Kisumi was already laughing.

"What did you mean by what you said last night, asshole?" he demanded through his teeth.

"Asahi," Kisumi choked, more because he was snickering so hard than anything else — but also Asahi's grip was really tight. "You're so — ack — vibrant first thing when you wake up."

"Answer the fucking question, shithead!"

"I — can't — breathe."

"Then tap out!"

Kisumi urgently tapped Asahi's forearm, and he let him go. They both stood, breathing heavily, and stretched out their backs, completely disregarding all of the astonished commuters that rushed quickly past them with wide eyes. And it was probably because goddamn Kisumi was still goddamn laughing, though it was intensely breathless.

He leaned over with his palms on his knees, face red, giggles shaking his shoulders. Asahi wrinkled his nose at him.

"Shut up."

"Please, sir, may I have another?"

"Kisumi, goddammit," Asahi growled, cheeks turning pink with mild embarrassment now, because Kisumi being annoying really shouldn't have been so attractive.

Kisumi sighed as he stretched up to his full height, joyous tears in his eyes. He raked his hair back and smiled a glittering smile. "Good morning, Asa-chan," he said cheerfully.

"Good afternoon, bitch."

"Ah," Kisumi said, glancing at his phone before he stuffed it back into his pocket. He shrugged. "Everyone under the age of ten knows that when you wake up, it's morning, no matter the time of day."

"We're in fucking college, idiot. It's two o'clock in the afternoon."

"Gosh, you must be starving." Kisumi weaved his arm through Asahi's and lead him to the doors of the restaurant he'd directed them to. "Come on. I'll feed you."

"Don't patronize me. You're a fucktard of a human being, you know that?" He held the door open over Kisumi's head as they walked into a cozy-looking, American-style diner. "What kind of person leaves another person hanging like that? I called you five fucking times, moron."

"Asahi, it was four o'clock in the morning."

"I couldn't sleep! I woke up in a fucking cold sweat and everything."

"Aw, Asahi. I told you you could have spent the night at my place."

He shoved Kisumi's shoulder, earning yet another giggle. Kisumi waved a flippant hand at the girl who hesitated on her way up to greet them and take them to a table. She slowly plucked up a couple of menus and turned away quickly, mumbling for them to follow.

"I couldn't sleep because of your shithead comment, asshole," Asahi continued. "What about what happened was what you expected? Was that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Kisumi's twinkling laugh was high and clear ringing across the restaurant. "Asahiii," he gasped with a light-hearted whine, sitting down opposite him at the booth the girl stopped at.

"Your server will be with you in a moment."

"I'm sorry," Kisumi said to the girl, smiling brightly. "Thank you so much."

She bent over in an awkward bow and walked away quickly. Asahi kept a glaring gaze on Kisumi all the while, secretly appalled, because his pink-haired friend was suddenly ten times as appealing to look at, and the only thing he wanted to do was kiss him right now. There was nothing different about him, at least not on a surface level. He was wearing a mint blue hoodie that Asahi had seen plenty of times before. His hair was wild at the moment, attractively so, but it wasn't anything Asahi was unaccustomed to on a Saturday afternoon. There was a glow to his skin and a shine to his eyes, a brightness to him that Asahi felt in the pit of his stomach, but Kisumi always looked that way.

"Of course it wasn't a bad thing," he said, leaning over the table, smiling as he dropped his chin in his palms.

Asahi narrowed his eyes. "How was I supposed to know that? You're always smiling like you've got goddamn poison up your- … Look at you! You're fucking doing it now. I can never take you seriously. What a fucking peeve."

"You are on fire today," Kisumi giggled, as though everything Asahi said was a compliment. "Are you making up for being so nice last night?"

"Don't change the subject. I asked you a question."

At this, Kisumi scoffed, shoulders dropping as a glint of something like desperation crossed his eyes and his smile half disappeared.

"Asahi," he stated, this time reproaching. "What do you think it meant? Last night wasn't the first time I've ever thought about kissing you. I mean, goddammit I've been waiting for years. I can't believe it took you so long."

A blistering chill crawled up Asahi's back but then got stuck between his shoulders. "What the hell, man?"

"No, you don't get to say that," Kisumi argued, his smile completely gone now. "I'm the one who gets to complain right now. I can't believe you would let me sit there pining after you like that. I mean, I get that we spent a lot of time building up our friendship over the phone, but you could have made a move within the past year at least. You've had a million and one chances. Did you really have to get drunk just to grow a ball sack?"

Asahi's jaw dropped. "Wha-? You don't … Kisumi, what the fuck?"

Kisumi scowled, but it was still so goddamn cute. "I'm mad at you," he whined. "You have no idea how frustrating it's been being patient with you. I tried fucking everything to get your attention. I mean …" He suddenly slapped his hands on the table and hissed, "Do you know how embarrassing it is to flirt with Tachibana Makoto all the time? Gods, I was literally going to die if I had to do that again."

"Hold on, wait, stop," Asahi said loudly, throwing up his hands. "Hold that there for just a fucking minute. What the hell are you talking about right now? Don't you dare tell me you were pretending to like Makoto just to get my attention. I know I know you fucking better than that."

Kisumi crossed his arms over his chest. "I wasn't pretending," he said, stuffily turning his head to the side. "There's no way anyone that godly could walk around this earth without attracting me."

"Kisumi."

"I'm for real," he said, shooting a glare back across the table. "No one was lying when I said I had a crush on him. I still do. And it would have been nice if he'd returned my affections at all, then I could have given up on your dumb ass. But do you really think I would be that obnoxious about trying to seduce someone? I mean, gods. Honestly. The poor guy never even knew how to respond. I was two seconds from drowning myself that day at the pool."

A raging heat flushed its way through Asahi's face. He opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again with an inhale, but just groaned out a sigh and sat back with his knee bouncing, fingers curling on top of their table as he stared across at Kisumi with pinched lips, and Kisumi stared right back.

Within that time, their server showed up before Asahi could gather his thoughts enough to speak, and she asked them for their drink orders. Once she'd been sent away on a quest for two coffees and a chocolate milk, Asahi took another full breath and then leaned forward again.

"So. What you're saying to me is that, this whole time, you've been over-exaggerating your crush on Makoto."

Kisumi shrugged, chin tilted up. "That's one way to put it."

Asahi tried not to visibly tremble with the sudden wave of frustration, but his face sure did get hotter. "Kisumi. Why?"

Kisumi pursed his lips. His purple eyes were piercing this time. "Because I wanted you to do something about it, stupid. That's why. I wanted you to be jealous."

"You wanted me to be jealous?"

"Yes! But for whatever reason you just sat there and let it happen." He scoffed, poking out a pouting lip as he glanced off to the side. "I think I'm worth a little more effort than that."

Asahi gritted his teeth and raised his fists to his forehead, dropping his gaze away before he could do something rash like leap across the table. He was sure, mostly, that he just wanted to throttle him again — punish him really, for having made everything so unnecessarily complicated — but he wasn't all that sure, if he did leap across the table, that he wouldn't just end up kissing him instead.

"I — can't — fucking believe you right now," he mumbled, closing his eyes as he rhythmically hit his forehead with his knuckles.

"I can't fucking believe you," Kisumi shot back. "What else did you want me to do, Asahi? What else was there for me to say to you? I'm pretty sure I've made it painfully clear over the past several years that I like you, have I not?"

Asahi groaned and dropped his face in his hands.

"Have I not, Asahi?"

He mumbled to himself, and Kisumi sighed.

"You really are so stupid."

Asahi popped his head up, nose wrinkled. "That's not fair. You literally flirt with everyone."

"Not the way I do with you. How many of our other friends do you see me hanging off of on a daily basis? Who else have I spent thousands of hours on the phone with? I took a whole week off of work just to spend time with you when you moved to Tokyo. I volunteered to plan out everything for your birthday. I've been to every single one of your competitions since we started college. We eat almost every meal together. I babysit your sister's kid. I spend every weekend with you, Shiina Asahi, because I want to. For chrissake, did you want me to scream it at you?"

Asahi pressed his lips, trying to stave off the heat swelling in his chest now. "You're such a cunt."

Kisumi's jaw dropped with a gasp. They both slapped their hands over their mouths, and there was a long weightless moment in which they just stared at each other with wide eyes, neither of them sure how to respond, much less process this exact moment. And Asahi could have sworn he could feel the heartbeats ticking by, until a strangled snicker burst out of Kisumi's nose and he buried his face in his palms with giggles that turned his skin red. It was contagious. The laughter bubbled up like soda water from the depths of Asahi's stomach and he had to cup his hands around his nose and close his eyes.

It took a very long time for them to pull themselves together, and he was sure there were several sets of eyes glancing at them with furrowed brows. Their waitress even came by with their drinks and they both had to shake their heads and wave their hands to communicate that they were not at all ready to order, when she asked. It wasn't until she turned away that they both gasped for air and wiped the wet from their faces.

"I'm sorry," Asahi said breathlessly. "That was really mean."

"Oh my god," Kisumi responded, breaking down into more giggles. "I can't believe you said that. Asahi, you are so ruthless."

"I'm sorry."

"I love it." Kisumi chuckled and shook his head. He exhaled a long, controlled sigh and wiped at his eyes with a knuckle before looking back to Asahi with a smile. "Just maybe don't use that on other people, okay?"

"Jesus, of course not."

Kisumi giggled some more and his smile turned tender. He sighed again. "Wow. I must be really special to you, huh?" He raised an eyebrow and returned to propping his chin on his palms.

Asahi pursed his lips. He stared down those sweet lavender eyes for a moment, and took another large breath. "You are," he said honestly, ignoring the way his skin crawled with embarrassment. His gaze dropped to his fingers as they fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves. "S-Sorry. I'm not good at putting puzzle pieces together. You probably really would have been more successful just screaming it at me, or … maybe not, I don't know. I couldn't even put the pieces together for how I was feeling." He frowned and then hid his face in his hands. "Gods, I really am stupid."

There was another pause, and then Kisumi's fingers curled around his wrists and pulled them down. He slid his hands into Asahi's and rested them on the middle of the table between them, then smiled, this time both affectionately and timidly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that," he said, his voice soft. "You can be really thick sometimes, yes, but not entirely stupid. And …" He shrugged. "I was playing games with you a little bit, or at least, I can see how it might come across that way. So it really isn't fair of me." He tilted up his chin with a confident inhale. "I will accept 'little shit' or 'pain in the ass,' but maybe not so much cunt."

Asahi grinned. "Deal."

"Deal," Kisumi echoed in a whisper. His grip tightened on Asahi's hands, fingertips just barely rubbing into his skin.

Asahi dropped his eyes to their hands, his own grip sure as he held Kisumi back. "Sooo …" he began, voice low, cheeks hot.

"That was a mostly-sober, consensual kiss, right?" Kisumi asked, filling in the space Asahi left open with his own question.

Asahi furrowed his brow and looked back up. "Of course it was."

Kisumi shrugged at the look Asahi gave him. "Can you really blame me for asking?"

"I wanted to kiss you, Kisumi."

This time Kisumi was the one who blushed and nervously turned his gaze away. "Okay. I mean, you tried to run away after just barely pecking me on the cheek so …"

"… I flaked out at the last second."

Kisumi pursed his lips, gaze thoughtful as he watched a family across the room for a moment. They'd brought their baby with them. It was playing in a puddle of syrup. Kisumi's smile returned, and he looked back with a teasing shimmer in his eye. "That doesn't sound like you."

The heat rose in Asahi's face. His nose twitched and his heart skipped a couple of beats, staring down those purple eyes, but he couldn't find the words to respond with.

"Were you embarrassed?"

"No."

"Change your mind?"

"No."

"And you're sure you were mostly sober at that point?"

"I was definitely sober."

"Did you get scared?"

"I- …" Asahi grimaced and looked away. "I'd never kissed anyone before, okay?"

Kisumi gasped. "Asahi."

"Shut up."

He giggled, squeezing the feeling from Asahi's hands now. "You mean I was your first kiss?"

"That's what I just said, stupid." Asahi made a face and snapped his eyes back up. "Who have you been kissing?"

Kisumi smiled innocently, and Asahi knew better than to fall for it. He also intentionally ignored the question. "What about all your girlfriends?"

"What girlfriends?"

"Asahi, all the girlfriends you said you were going to have, remember? Did you never accomplish your goals?"

"Don't talk to me like that," he snapped, arms tingling. His knee started to bounce again. "I talked a big game, okay? Is that what you want me to say? I never had a girlfriend. There was no point. I never knew when I'd be uprooted again, and I'm not heartless, so I stayed away from that. What do you want from me?"

Kisumi tilted his head curiously. "You never went on any dates at least?"

"Don't you think I would have told you if I had?"

"Well, why didn't you?"

Asahi furrowed his brow. "Did you want me to?"

Kisumi stretched out a wise smile. "I want you to admit why you never did."

Asahi's heart dropped into his stomach and he felt the blood rush suddenly away from his face. Kisumi's gaze was insistent, patient, clear, and intuitive. His expression didn't flinch except to pull the corners of his lips further up his cheeks. He already knew the answer — probably to every question he had. He was just waiting for Asahi to spit it out of his own mouth and validate his guesses.

Had he really been so obvious to literally everyone but himself? He couldn't have been that stupid. For all that time? Was he just really bad at this? How mortifying. It would have been nice to sink into the floor at this point. That would have been better than taking on the brunt of Kisumi's gaze like this, where he now felt it so deeply he knew he was all kinds of fucked with this guy. They were still acting the same, but all of a sudden everything about their friendship had just changed with the snap of a finger.

"Are you ready to order now?"

They both glanced up to their waitress, who was looking at them very oddly, and it took a moment for Asahi to realize it was because they were still holding hands in the middle of the table. His muscles twitched, but Kisumi's grip tightened and he refused to let go. He gave her a pleasant smile.

"Can we have chocolate chip waffles, please?" he said, as though he was asking for a favor instead of placing an order that he expected to be filled.

She nodded, lips pinched. Her eyes glanced from him to Asahi, to their hands, and back. "Anything else?"

"Bacon," Kisumi said. "Lots of bacon."

She just barely gave him another nod, then looked to Asahi and silently raised an eyebrow.

He shot a glance to Kisumi. "Yeah," he said, nodding his head to second the order.

"Okay," she responded, turning away. "I'll have that right out."

"Thank you," Kisumi called to her back. He continued to watch her for a while, this time with a tautness to his smile and a glaze to his eyes that thought about a lot of things just within the one moment before she disappeared. "She's nice."

"She was judging us."

"I know," he said, looking back.

Something almost painful blossomed in Asahi's chest as he watched Kisumi's expression and realized this was nothing new to him, nothing he'd never thought about before. He pulled in a courageous breath.

"I've always felt something for you. I just didn't always know what and … didn't always want to."

Kisumi's smile was tender, encouraging. His shoulders dropped peacefully. "I know."

Asahi's spine shuddered, and it wasn't all that uncomfortable of a feeling. "You're one of the few parts of my life that's been constant, and I guess …" That pressure filled his chest again, and he felt the heat returning to his cheeks and, this time, the bridge of his nose. He forced himself to continue, forced himself to meet Kisumi's gaze. "I guess our r-relationship is the only one that I've um … trusted."

Kisumi was unsurprised. He knew all of this, had been waiting for it, and still Asahi felt completely stupid, but Kisumi's purple gaze only communicated an encouraging warmth that Asahi would have been okay with keeping forever.

"And so you've never ventured outside of what you already trusted?"

Asahi's lips twitched. "I never really wanted to."

Kisumi nodded, smiling a flattered kind of smile now. "So I did something right, is what you're saying?"

Asahi released a long exhale through his nose. "You're so full of yourself."

Kisumi flashed his teeth. "But you're not at all, right?"

"Shut up."

Kisumi giggled. He stood up from his seat, leaned across the table and placed a kiss on Asahi's forehead. It was quick, and Kisumi was sitting down again within the next second, but the very moment in which his lips had touched Asahi's skin felt infinite, and Asahi then just sat there staring … as did several other waffle-eating citizens of Tokyo.