"I was born on September 29th at exactly 9:29 AM"
Dansia Loraine, 12.
District 2.
I am literally perfect. I am so perfect. I am too young, too perfect, and too pretty. Oh, woe is me! I have perfect curves, beautifully tanned skin, and a gorgeous face. I am tall for my age, and I am so perfect. I mean, I'm a child but I'm still so perfect.
I grin at my friend, Persephone (I call her Persy). She's so hopeless, it's lovely how hard she tries at training and how hard she tries to be like me! It's a really cute vibe. I slash my knife perfectly at the target, which hits the centre perfectly. It's literally all I do: perfection. I'm already the best in my Academy, because all of the trainers revere me like I'm a god, and I am certainly flawless (and not a catastrophe).
I go back to home. Imogen and Rigor look at me and immediately gush at my presence. "Oh my gosh, Dansia, you're just perfect!" I blush. "Thank you so much! I love you too!"
Ugh, I just love them so much. I'm so perfect that my parents decided not to have another child because nobody could be more intelligent or better or more amazing than me.
I turn my eyes to the Reaping stage. I want to be the youngest Career to ever win! So I walk down to the stage and volunteer. Everybody in the District clapped and burst into happy tears because they knew I was going to come back with the crown.
And then I volunteered! And everybody clapped.
Maxemillion Jones, 18
District 2 Male.
"AWE FUCK!" I thought that my life would never get worse from the time that I ate my brother in the womb yet here I am…
"THIS HURTS!" i looked down at my pinky to see that it was bleeding and then i looked at my axe to see that it produced the blood on my pinky… shit…
"I feel better so much better, thank you doc for taking all the ouchies away…" pshh I'm too cool for Doc McStuffins, I must take care of this myself. I AM STRONG MAN! GRR! So cool i love to skateboard
I took some thread that was conveniently located just there and i stitched up the womb like boom snap! Ugh my brain is so huge and girthy sometimes (a/n: his penis is also huge and girthy).
Everyone clapped… good i like when i am clapped for it makes me feel special and unique!
WOOOF WOOOF
That was my dog max i am so sorry for the interruption. I have trained him to do many cool things such as taxes.
"Are you being audited and do you owe the IRS $10,000 or more in back taxes? Is the IRS threatening to take more of YOUR money? Don't fight the IRS alone! The Tax Doctor is here to help you negotiate a lower tax bill! We'll fight for you to reduce your past tax bill, so you pay the IRS less. Owe $10,000 or more? Call the Tax Doctor now for a FREE IRS review!" I was just fucking chilling when Max (the dog not me) said that.
...taxes (taxes)...
"WHO GOES THERE!" my brother jack was talking to me in my head again because he does that sometimes, "you need to pay the taxes!"
Consider this: taxes are gay.
Consider this: I am gay.
BRUH I DON'T HAVE A LEFT PINKY I GUESS I DO SUCK AT SURGERY
And then I was Reaped.