CW: referenced alcohol abuse, referenced child abuse, panic attacks, emotional flashbacks, dissociation, disordered eating

In early November Toni woke up and stumbled into the kitchen. Sobs choking in her throat as tears rushed down her face, her body ached and her head burned. She poured whisky only half making it in her hands were shaking so much. She shut her eyes downing it, not even tasting it, just wanting to dull something. The second time she poured most of it actually made the glass that time. Toni held the cold glass her vision swimming, She jumped when she felt hands on her shoulder.

"Get the fuck off me" She yelled pushing the person back her mind screaming at her to run. She turned to walk and fell over hitting the ground harshly

"Toni!" The figure shouted

She stared into the dark and the light clicked on. Oh god, it was going to happen, they were going to hurt her. Who was it? Didn't sound like Obie, too much to be her Mother. She felt the strangling feeling overtaking her. But it was just Rhodey standing over her.

"What are you doing?" He shouted, "it's two in the goddamn morning!"

"Why are you yelling at me!" Toni screamed back

"Look at me"

Toni starred up he had what she assumed was her drink splashed on his shirt. It then clicked in her head she had hit him. God, she was awful, why was she so awful?

"I'm sorry."

He sat down,

"Toni I know you are going through shit. Just you can't hit me when I touch you."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What do you want? I can get you anything. I swear they don't really monitor what I buy." Toni said then snapped her mouth shut so she didn't actually beg him to stay.

"You can't buy my love Toni, you already have it. Just please work on not throwing whiskey on my shirt, okay?"

Toni nodded.

Rhodey helped her back to bed. He grimaced when he turned back to see the glass smashed on the floor. There was a significant part of him who wanted to just throw all the alcohol out the window. But she had actually been doing a lot better than when they'd first been hanging out. He didn't want to break her trust so he went to bed, they'd clean the shit up in the morning.

~~~~~

Toni found herself curled in the passenger seat of Rhodey's car, they were on the drive to his house for Thanksgiving. She was unbelievably nervous, she didn't know what to expect, god she just hoped that she would be okay and not fuck shit up too bad.

"Okay Toni start talking we have been in this car for almost two hours and you haven't said anything"

"Maybe I find road signs fascinating!" Toni quipped.

"Stop being a jerk and tell me what's wrong." Rohedey sighed.

Toni figured she could keep snapping and not have to deal with feelings but then Rhodey would be pissed at her, she could tell him the truth, or, or she could skirt the truth "I have a migraine. And I hate leaving the Bots. and it's just weird to spend Thanksgiving with mostly strangers."

"Well you could sleep then you might have less of a headache. And the bots are fine." Rhodey said.

"Yeah, I just hope U and Dum-E aren't too lonely."

"You left them all summer."

"I turned them off. I didn't this time. They weren't all that pleased at missing months."

"Well don't be too worried. You're a fantastic mother."

"Oh god me a mother."

"And as for Thanksgiving with strangers, I won't leave you to the masses I promise."

Toni gave Rohdey a weak smile.

Toni woke with a start banging her head on the door frame. Her heart beating fast she glanced at Rhodey who was looking at her concerned. The scene surrounded by an orange glare.

"You okay?"

"Sorry, I fell asleep huh?"

"Yeah and we're here."

Toni glanced around at a street of row cramped houses. She pulled her backpack on her shoulder. It was a modified version of the 'go-bag' from Nicky's SHIELD book. It was lighter on weapons and rations but it was the things she couldn't live without. She took a deep breath as Rhodey opened the door.

The living room had a group of people talking softly but the calm was broken when a girl a little younger than Toni rushed towards Rhodey.

"Jeanette!" Rhodey shouted.

"It took you forever to get here," Jeanette whined

"Yeah well someone took forever to get ready."

Toni huffed

"You must be Toni," Mrs Rhodes said, "I'm Roberta, that's my husband Terrance and You have met Jeanette."

"I'm Toni. But I guess you know that," Toni said and then felt her face flush red.

"Hi Toni, James talks about you a lot." Mr Rhodes said and stuck his hand out to Toni

Toni flinched in a way she hoped was not obvious when their hands met.

"Hey, so when is Josh getting here?" Rhodey said.

"He, Mary and Anne will be here tomorrow"

"Who are they?" Toni asked.

"My uncle and aunt and their daughter is around my age," Rhodey explained.

Toni nodded as they moved into the house. Rhodey took the bags up to the room Toni sat in the living room. Jeanette came and sat next to her.

"You are like my age?"

"How old are you?"

"Thirteen."

"Yeah, I guess I'm fifteen."

"But you're in college?"

"Yes. I'm just really smart."

"The internet says your dad bought your spot."

"Believe everything you read?" Toni snapped.

"God, don't like people pointing out you're spoiled?" Jeanet snarked back.

"Why are we fighting?" Rhodey said, "You picking on my little sis?"

"No," Toni mumbled

"I guess I wasn't nice. Just Rhodey talks about you all the time so looked you up. I'm supposed to watch out for him he's my brother, and obligated by like the rules of siblinghood to be nosy"

"Yeah, Jen don't do that. I don't think gossip blogs are the best place to learn about people." Rhodey chastised

Jeanette rolled her eyes, "Sorry I said your dad bought your grades."

"Sorry I snapped," Toni grumbled

Rhodes smiled, "See I knew you could get along."

That comment earned him two almost identical eye rolls.

"Quit harassing the girls James help me bring the holiday table up!" Mr Rhodes called.

Toni heard something fall in the kitchen. She jumped up and she walked to the doorway.

"Mrs Rhodes are you okay?" She asked cautiously.

"Yes, Toni I'm fine. Preparing Thanksgiving is a lot of work."

"Okay."

"Come In here help me out." Mrs Rhodes said enthusiastically

Toni stepped fully into the kitchen hugging her arms into herself. It was homey, everything was slightly messy, and nothing had an unnatural level of shine.

"Just so you know. I can only cook cereal, ramen and peanut butter sandwiches."

"That's fine you can lay out the plates for Tonight."

Toni nodded as she pulled plates from the open cabinet.

"Do you like James?"

"Umm, what do you mean?"

"I mean do you have a crush on him?"

"No, " Toni said, turning to face Mrs Rhodes. "Mrs Rhodes, he's my best friend. I do love him, but no, I don't want to date him or..."

"Okay." She said smiling, "just making sure."

Toni nodded and returned to placing everything out. She noted that they only had one kind of fork with a kind of perverse pleasure. See she thought we only need one fork. They sat at the kitchen table. Everyone chatted lightly. Toni found she was actually enjoying herself and then, well when did Toni have good luck.'

"Oh come on I hate that class, do I have to go?"

Toni's eyes widened she turned to Jeanette

"Yeah, you do." Mr Rhodes said.

The conversation continued after a dramatic sigh on the kids part. but Toni was on edge that hasn't set anything off but it was strike one she knew now she had to be extra careful, not to make anything worse. But as soon as Toni thought it she knocked her cup over. Panic ran through her chest.

"I'm sorry Mr Rhodes I really am," Toni said as the man looked at her, "Please, I swear I really am." She repeated and shut her eyes, waiting for yelling or worse. Tears sliding from her eyes god now he would be mad at her for crying.

But nothing happened. She opened her eyes and everyone was just staring at her.

"I'm sorry" Toni repeated numbly. Why didn't he just do whatever it was he was going to do?

"Baby girl calm down." Rhodey said, "no one's gonna hurt you."

"I'll clean it up," Toni said, her mind not fully processing Rhodey's words.

"Stop." Mrs Rhodes said. Toni froze.

"What are you doing?"

Toni didn't know what she wanted, why did people not just say what they wanted?

"Do you really think we're that mad at you for spilling water?"

Toni stared blankly, "what do you want?"

"You need to sit down."

Toni sat.

"Jen, why don't you clean up the water?"

She did look confused.

Toni couldn't get her heart to stop pounding against her ribs, everything felt disjointed.

Rhodey's voice came through, "baby girl I promise they aren't going to hurt you."

She nodded.

"Can I give you a hug?"

"Yeah"

Rhodey hugged her. She let out a shuddering breath leaning into the hug.

"Do you wanna lay down?" he said.

Toni nodded.

Rhodey took her upstairs and waved his arm. She looked around the room. It was pretty normal, cliche even, he had model planes and a tiny green army like a nerd. But the best part was the Top Gun poster.

"You got a crush on Tom Cruise?" Toni said her voice mercifully coming out teasing and calm. Good, she was so embarrassed.

"Yeah, I do! Don't judge me Ms in love with Captain America. Now lay down you look the wind could knock you over."

Toni did and breathed out a breath she hadn't constantly been holding. Much to her surprise, she fell asleep fast, "nighty night Rhodey Bear"

Rhodey went back downstairs and his family looked at him expectantly.

"What the hell was that?" Jen asked.

"Toni's parents, they abuse her." He said, then anger overtook him, " If they weren't the richest people I swear to god."

"James it's okay." Mrs Rhodes said.

"No mom it isn't. I can't protect her!" Rhodey said.

"That isn't your job." Mr Rhodes said placating.

"If someone were hurting Jen, it would be my job."

"I'm your sister."

"Yeah but I feel like that for Toni, she is family. God, she thinks she can do everything on her own, but she doesn't even remember to feed herself!"

"Well Bring her here for Christmas too." Mrs Rhodes said with finality, "If she is your family then she's ours."

Rhodey smiled.

That morning Toni stepped Over Rhodey's sleeping form and wandered down to the kitchen in search of coffee.

Mrs Rhodes was already there drinking a cup.

"Good morning Toni."

"Oh hi. I'm sorry about last night Mrs Rhodes."

"Call me mama Rhodes everyone else does."

"Oh okay. Nickname." Toni smiled. Then she frowned again. "Umm do I need to pay you? To not tell people about what happened. Because you know I can get much of anything."

"No." Mama Rhodes cut her off, "God no why would you need to do that?"

"People like money," Toni said shrugging her shoulders

"Yes but I'm not going to make you pay me for giving you a panic attack." Mama Rhodes said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh. Sorry"

"Toni, You don't have to apologise for everything." Mama Rhodes said. Toni poured coffee and she sat at a seat built into the window watching the snow. She drank some thinking about how dumb it was that people being nice was stressful for her. Mr Rhodes came inside.

"Happy Thanksgiving." He said kissing his wife. He turned to face Toni, "How'd you sleep?"

"Well, thank you."

"Sorry if we frightened you last night."

"That's not your fault, I'm just sensitive I guess." Toni shrugged.

He gave her a brief pitying expression but then turned to get his own coffee. They all jumped when the door to the kitchen crashed open,

"Good god Toni you should have woken me up!" Rhodey said.

"Where'd you think I went?" Toni mocked.

"I don't know. Call Jarvis to take you away."

"If I wanted an evac I'd Call uncle Nicky. I'm pretty sure he has helicopters and he don't give a crap if it's legal to land on the street."

Rhodey sighed, "you know better than to scare me like that."

"Okay but I'm not passing out in the snow this time. " Toni countered.

Rhodey rolled his eyes and started another pot of coffee.

"What does your Uncle do? He a pilot?" Mr Rhodes said changing the subject.

"He's CIA," Toni said, people knew what the CIA was, people weren't supposed to know what SHIELD was.

"Oh, those guys." Mr Rhodes said shaking his head clearly disgusted.

"What do you do?" Toni said hotly.

"I'm a chief master sergeant in the air force." Mr Rhodes said, "We fight on the front lines, unlike the spies."

"Hey Uncle Nicky is very brave" Toni shot back.

"I'm sure he is." Mr Rhodes said, "I wasn't trying to insult your uncle."

"I'm sorry I snapped. He's just"

"Your uncle I get it, we stand up for our family."

Jen called, "They're here"

Toni let the morning blur together Rhodey's uncle, aunt and cousin came. Toni was polite but she couldn't make her mind focus enough. They watched the parade as another long ad break started. Toni rolled her eyes and stood up to go get her journal with her invention ideas. She was walking when she caught her name.

"Mary do you think you could let Josh know to try and keep it together during the game." Mama Rhodes said

" You know you're not everyone's mom."

"No, Toni, she's...fragile and anxious. I think his usual level and excitement might be too much for her, she could get scared."

"Oh okay."

Mary's reply came in an odd kind of tone that Toni didn't much care for. She guessed it made sense she probably did come off as fragile breaking down over water. But it was still a bit insulting. When she came back down Mama Rhodey called her in.

.

"Toni you didn't eat any breakfast."

"I had coffee," Toni said

"Yes, but you should have something. We aren't really gonna have lunch but you need something before dinner."

"Alright." Toni grabbed some of the cinnamon bread that was on the counter. After she started eating Toni became hungry she finished three slices and smiled.

"That's fantastic!" Toni smiled.

"I'm glad."

"Where did you buy it?" Toni said absentmindedly.

"I made it."

"Oh, right you cook. Then you make amazing bread. Could I have the recipe, if there is one, I wanna see if Ana could make it?"

"Sure, Toni."

Toni smiled. She went back into the living room. She was in time to see a Santa Claus ring in the holiday season. Joy! Toni thought. She went back to her notebook curling her legs under her and going over her ideas and calculations.

She started when Mama Rhodey called her and Mr Josh to help her set the table.

"Why I gotta help?" Josh said.

"You're my little brother." She shrugged.

"Hi, Toni never really said hello. You're Rhodey's roommate right?"

Toni nodded.

"He told us you built a robot."

"I have three bots. They're my boys, Fido is a dog I've had him for like years. Then Dum-E and U are new. They're like my children. Do you know about AI? They're not true AI yet obviously but like that's the goal. What about mechanics do you know? for some reason, hands are proving to be a struggle?" Toni said, her eyes lighting up hands waving.

"Ahh no sorry. I'm an accountant."

"Oh sorry Mr Josh, I was rambling," Toni said she wrapped her hands around her digging her fingers in her eyes dropping to the ground."Sorry."

Josh furrowed his brow and stepped towards Toni. She took a step back. He turned to Mama Rhodey who cleared her throat,

"According to Rhodey what you will need to build is a functional watch." She said calmly.

"Rhodey. Yeah, he is always trying to get me to like to sleep at a reasonable hour and not live on energy drinks." She shrugged but she couldn't stop a fond smile spreading across his lips.

"Such a mother hen that boy. That would be your fault" Mr Josh said nodding at Mama Rhodey.

"Ahh yes but he does it from love just like his mother." Mama Rhodes replied.

Toni smiled and they finished laying out and plating all the food.

She sat down around a family dinner. Her own anxiety still ate at her chest but the conversation was kind and the food was fantastic. They talked about sports (Toni didn't care but everyone was very adamant about their team.) Toni joined in on the movie conversation, the conversation briefly drifted to news and politics which put everyone on edge but Jeanette mercifully brought up her algebra class, and everyone could let out a collective breath. Toni was rather happy no one noticed her food had mostly been strategically moved around on the plate, so it looked like she had eaten most of it.

Afterwards, they watched a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, Toni curled into Rhodey letting herself soak up his warmth. Rhodey wrapped his Toni up in his arm brushing her hair from her eyes. Anne gave him a raised eyebrow. He shrugged only a few minutes later Toni had fallen asleep. Hmm, he thought it was early for her but it was probably good she was asleep. He carried her to his room putting her down on the bed. He seemed to do this a lot and shook his head.

Rhodey went downstairs and went to get water from the kitchen.

Anne was perched with a glass of wine on the counter.

"What was that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you were gay?"

"I am?"

"Then what is between you and Toni?"

"She's family. She's also fifteen, she's like another little sister."

Anne nodded. "She has a family though? Why is she here"

Rhodey ground his teeth"Her family isn't a good one. So how's school going?"

"Good. Who knew being a dentist took so much work."

"I still don't understand why you want to poke in peoples mouths."

"I don't know why you want to get shot at five thousand feet."

"Yeah yeah."

Going back to campus was jarring; it was like she had walked through the Twilight Zone of Rhodey's home back to the reality of life.

Toni watched Buffy on tv, she was relatable as hell but something about her that was her trauma, everything from spike raping her to being buried alive meant something, she was a powerful tragedy. Every story was like that though from Van Gogh to Marilyn Monroe but Toni didn't feel like that curled on her couch bags under her eyes in Rhodey's oversized sweatshirt and unbrushed hair. She couldn't seem to manage the trauma beautifully of elegant starlight, just the pitiful pain of one the people who died in the first five minutes of a cop show.