All I Want For Christmas (Is To Give My Love Away)
The last thing that Addison Montgomery bargained for was to absolutely hate the game of surgical 'secret Santa'.
TEN
It's the final day of surgical secret Santa, and it's bittersweet, to say the least.
Despite all of her earlier protests, Addison Montgomery is now thoroughly enjoying picking out a new present each day, and she's also thoroughly enjoying receiving a new mystery gift as well.
Her initial plan failed completely though; because Addison had intended to make Meredith Grey fall in love with someone else, and now she's finding herself damn nearly desperately trying to seduce the woman for herself.
Before this all started, Addison hadn't given much thought to women, but now that she's been watching Meredith react to being given sex toys, and gift cards, and secret keys to surgery...
Now Addison is just incredibly frustrated, and wondering how this had gotten to be so ridiculously bad - and so fast!
'It's like my entire day is focused on seeing her smile and laugh,' Addison thinks to herself.
Currently, Addison is putting the finishing touches on her final gift, and she's even adding a card to go with it.
She knows the official game of secret Santa is to guess your secret Santa without having them guess you back, but Addison has an internal need to claim her gifts.
To own up to them.
'But surely not to confess her undying love for Grey, no, because that would be way WAY too far. This isn't that. This is just a phase, or an infatuation, or some bizarre effect of the winter,' Addison imagines.
So Addison is still freaking out a little bit. Okay, a lot. Okay- constantly!
Everything that seemed to be love to her before is now compared to this… Crush…? That Addison seems to be having.
All eleven years of her marriage, all eleven months of secretly seeing Mark, all eleven days of seeing Skippy Gold in high school…
All of that pales in comparison to indulging in Meredith Grey moments, whether she's present or not.
Some of these moments are just her, alone, smelling something like lavender.
Or her, alone, remembering Meredith bringing her coffee.
Or her, alone, thinking of what Meredith might be doing that afternoon.
It's an obsession that's verging on insanity, as Addison ties and unties this big bow for the umpteenth time, and finally settles on an arrangement she's happy with.
She stows the gift in her car as she drives to the hospital, and plays her Meredith Grey inspired playlist all the way there, singing along with the songs that she now knows by heart.
"Good morning, Dr. Montgomery," says Dr. Yang, and Addison has to re-focus to answer her.
"Good morning, Dr. Yang," says Addison politely, while subtly hiding the gift behind her back because she knows for a fact that Meredith's best friend will not keep a secret.
"Could I scrub in on your case today?" Cristina asks bluntly.
"Sure," says Addison, not wanting to cause any conflict.
"Thank you," she hops off, and Addison hopes that the rest of the morning goes just as smoothly.
Of course, it never goes anything at all like she'd planned it to.
For starters, she hadn't planned to practically plow Meredith over with a gurney just because she was lost in thought, thinking about her.
"Ahhh-" Meredith squealed as she jumped out of the way.
"Oh, no. Grey, are you okay," Addison releases the gurney at once to go check on the blonde.
"Yeah, I'm okay, I guess I better watch where I'm sleeping, huh," says Meredith, as she sits up in the gurney.
"I suppose so," Addison purrs subconsciously.
"Are you okay?" Meredith asks her in return.
"What, yeah, I'm great, thanks for asking," says Addison, still a bit flustered.
"You look a bit… Hot…" Meredith says rather carefully, as she studies the redhead in front of her.
"Oh-" says Addison, reactionarily. "Well, it's really warm in here they always have the temperature up so high…" she fumbles, cursing inwardly at her inherent lameness.
'Not like it's just so hot because YOU are hot…' Addison scolds herself for thinking.
"Your hair looks great either way," Meredith smiles, noting that the redhead's hair never seems to be frizzy.
"Thanks…" Addison smiles happily, melting more and more at each of the blonde's sweet words.
"You're welcome," says Meredith easily, as she picks up her things and walks past Addison. As she does so, Meredith purposefully brushes past Addsion so her skin touches Addison's skin, so that they're so close, if only for an instant.
'When she touches me, I feel like I'm on fire,' thinks Addison. 'My skin feels as though it's burning where she's touching me. My body hums when I'm in her presence…' Addison moans internally.
When Addison looks back, she can see Meredith smirking, and the look is nearly her very undoing.
'Oh my goodness. I feel as though she just KNOWS everything that I've bought for her. Every time that I've gone to the mall and leafed through nearly a hundred notebooks. Or picked out a message for her to write. Or gone to a sex shop and even picked out a toy she might like- and use. Or pick out a gift card just to imagine what she might buy. The way she is looking at me now, I feel as though she's undressing me while we're both fully clothed. It's sensational-' Addison's imagination runs wild.
"Hey, Addie?" Meredith asks Addison casually, though if she had been in a more acute state of mind, she might have noticed that Meredith was biting her lip, so she was just as nervous as Addison.
"Yeah?" Addison smiles big with a grin at the use of her nickname from the blonde.
"Would you like to get lunch together?" Meredith asks, seemingly noncommittally, but really in near desperation.
"Sure," says Addison, without missing a beat.
"Great," says Meredith. "I'll see you at noon," Meredith offers, leaning in seductively again, and Addison swooning subconsciously at the proximity.
"See you then," Addison attempts to say casually, though it comes out all huskily and full of desire.
"Can't wait," says Meredith quickly, as she lays a hand gently onto the small of Addison's back before she really does walk away this time.
Addison can barely breathe, much less converse as Meredith does this, and she's left with a pounding in her heart, and a throbbing at her core, and convoluted dizziness that carries her through the rest of the morning.
As Addison watches Meredith walk away, wistfully, Addison notes to herself that her mindset has been shifting swiftly to undertones of admiration, and appreciation, and joy that she associates with Meredith, and her hatred and jealousy and sense of competition has fallen to the wayside.
Interesting…
Meredith Grey is expecting to find a new gift from her secret Santa before lunchtime, but on the other hand, the deliveries have been unpredictable, so she tries not to get too hung up about it.
"Hey Mer," says Izzie Stevens, as she shows off her now complete set of plushies.
"Oh cool, you have them all in a basket," says Meredith.
"Yeah," says Izzie. "I'm going to decorate the house with them along with the lights," Izzie says.
"Nice," says Meredith, although she might not be a major decorating fan, she's glad now that Izzie is, because it really does make her mother's house feel all cozy.
"And what about you, Meredith? What has your secret Santa brought you? You've been so secretive about your gifts… Have they been bad?" Izzie asks her in a whisper.
'Only bad in the dirty sense,' Meredith thinks to herself inwardly, as she prepares her answer for Izzie.
"I've received some very nice gifts," Meredith offers to her friend mildly.
"So nice that you don't care to announce what they are, except for the dildo you proudly showed off to everyone at the bar?" Izzie asks her questioningly.
"Exactly," says Meredith.
"You realize that this is highly suspicious, right?" Izzie raises her eyebrows at Meredith.
"Uh-huh," Meredith tries to brush past her to dodge through the litany of incoming questions.
"What's suspicious?" Cristina asks as she rounds the corner with her new fidget chain.
"Meredith isn't telling us what gifts she's gotten. Everyone else shows them off, and she's always hiding hers!" Izzie offers.
"True!" says Cristina. "And I am your person here!" she exclaims.
"Hey, I don't have to tell you what they were, that was never a part of the game," offers Meredith defensively.
"Well it's part of the fun of it, don't you want help to guess who your secret Santa might be?" says Cristina.
"It's alright, I'm thinking about that all on my own," says Meredith, trying to find her way out of this.
"Yo, check about this new fishing set," says George, entering the conversation. "They must really know me now, I love fishing!" He adds.
"I think they want me to join you," says Alex. "This is a camping set. Or maybe they just noticed I never had one last time we went camping," says Alex.
"Do either of you know what Meredith's been getting?" Cristina questions. She knows about the dildo and the vibrator, as does Izzie, but Meredith has not been forthcoming about any of the other ones.
"Dude," offers Alex.
"Well, she got ah-" George blushes as he remembers the sex toy at Joe's.
"We are NOT talking about that again," Meredith facepalms. "I was a little bit drunk and that was a bit awful the next day," she grimaces.
"Oh, I bet the gifts have all been like that," Cristina has a revelation.
"Right," offers Izzie, remembering.
"Like what?" says George.
"Dude," Alex chuckles.
"We are done talking about this!" says Meredith frustratedly, as she finally does push on past them to get away from their staring.
The next person Meredith Grey runs into is Mark Sloan, who is also smirking at her.
"Long night, Dr. Grey," he murmurs suggestively.
"Oh, you wish McSteamy," Meredith rolls her eyes jokingly.
"Hey, I always said if the dirty mistresses' club wanted to have a meeting, and you wanted to show me that new dong of yours then-" Mark says very blatantly.
"Nope," says Meredith, turning on her heels at Sloan's overt proposition.
Of course, in comedic timing, she bumps right on into Dr. Derek Shepherd.
"Hey," says Derek, also smirking at her.
"Hey…" Meredith says awkwardly, realizing he's probably, definitely heard about her secret Santa gift from Mark.
"So, I heard you had a gift delivery at Joe's the other day," Derek smiles.
'Yup. Here we go…' Meredith sighs to herself inwardly.
"Yes," Meredith says formally, finding herself naturally backing away from her former… She's not sure what at this point.
"You know, I do have one to match," Derek tries to lean in to whisper to her, as she's backing away, so she hears it even as he says it.
"Oh," is Meredith's shrugging reaction.
"So…" Derek goes on to continue, but Meredith wants out of this conversation so badly she fakes receiving a page and scampers off before he can finish that sentence.
"Hey," Mark calls out to her as he sees her running along the halls.
"Gotta go McSteamy, we've got lives to save," says Meredith as she avoids another awkward interaction.
She notes in her head that Mark and Derek were both wearing their cumulative secret Santa outfits today, both topped off with new scarves to go along with the rest of their new clothing outfits.
"They were nice outfits,' Meredith thinks to herself thoughtfully.
Addison Montgomery sees Meredith Grey flying by her office from her window, and she sighs to herself as she sees the blonde's hair flowing gracefully down her back, and her tiny, ineffectual fists curling at the wrists as she scampers.
It's so sweet, and Addison can't help but find her mind drifting to all of the non-physical things she likes about Meredith as well.
Sure, she might not be the greatest cook as reported by her roommates, but she's a great and loyal friend. She is a great surgeon in her own right, even if some people treat her as though her skill only comes inherited from her mother.
Meredith Grey is an enigma, and Addison Montgomery can't get her mind off of her.
As she sighs to herself, and tries to focus back on her office work, that's when Addison notices a box that must have been snuck into her office.
"For you, from Santa," it reads, and Addison recognizes the wrapping paper.
Addison's heart beats out of her chest at the sight of it, and she opens it with eons of anticipation.
"Oh!" Addison grins audibly as she opens it.
It's a set of bedsheets, silken to match the pajamas. They feel soft to the touch, and the color is one that she absolutely adores.
It touches Addison to the core, because since she's left Derek she's been in and out of hotels, and while she loves the convenience of having housekeeping, she can't help but feel as though she's always a guest, and that she's never truly at home.
This gift makes her feel whole and healed in a way, and she runs them over her hands before she sees the little embroidering marks on it, clearly done by a surgeon because they are in fact, done with little teeny sutures.
"Just know you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna make this place your home," is inscribed, along with the song artist. Addison recognizes the words from the playlist she'd opened earlier in the week.
She's moved to tears, and she wraps them around herself and sits in her office for a moment.
Addison imagines sharing them with Meredith in an indulgent and elaborate fantasy, and she resumes thinking about this until she's paged into work again.
Meredith is almost grateful to run into the Chief and Preston Burke next, along with Callie Torres for her surgery.
At least they aren't asking her inappropriate questions of any kind.
Dr. Webber is sporting a new keychain, and Dr. Burke has a new disc set of a show that he likes. Callie directs the conversation about her new necklace, and Meredith finds it quite comfortable.
"Thanks for organizing this," says Richard Webber. "It's been nice to have a fun thing to bond over," he adds.
"Yes," Burke agrees. "It's been challenging and also quite humorous," he adds.
"Mm," Meredith nods along, not wanting to draw too much attention to herself.
"So this afternoon, I was planning a reveal party, are you folks in?" Callie asks them.
"A- what?" says Meredith nervously.
"It's a party where we all come together and guess who the secret Santa was!" offers Callie.
"That sounds nice," offers Richard.
"Yeah," says Burke.
"Yeah…" Meredith says a bit tensely.
"Come on, it'll be fun!" offers Callie.
'If you say so…' Meredith gulps to herself.
Meredith finds her last remaining secret Santa gift under the journal this time.
Usually, they'd been hidden, but this one was just placed there, perfectly aligned, underneath it.
There is a note typed in the journal, and Meredith looks to read that first.
"It's been a pleasure bringing you treasures. Please know that I hope you treasure them as I have this entire experience. And know too, that I treasure you, too," says the note.
Meredith presses this firmly to her chest, before she reads and re-reads the pages again.
She unwraps the small final present from its box, and when she opens it she swoons even more.
It's a weighted blanket, with a fabric quilt over it that perfectly matches her bed set, and room decor.
It also seems like the perfect size for her to snuggle into at night.
"To cuddle you to sleep at night, from me to you," reads a note which falls out of it when Meredith opens it.
The blonde curls it into her chest and wraps it around her shoulders.
She'll sleep well tonight, feeling safe and loved, she imagines.
Meredith loves that someone thinks about her needs so deeply, and though they've sent her gifts that were perhaps sexual in nature, that they care much more about her than just physically, and about just getting into her pants.
These presents are so much about worming her way into her life; into her heart.
And Meredith is so touched by that.
Both Meredith and Addison wrap their arms around their final secret Santa presents, and think to themselves about how grateful they are this Christmas.
Meredith feels happy that she's gotten to care for someone, and that they've cared for her.
Addison feels secure and clean, and that she's been offered redemption.
They anxiously await their final reveal party and the inevitable revelations that could come with it.
As they hope for the best and enjoy the anticipation and the feelings of hope for just a little bit longer.
****** END OF CHAPTER 10
Author's Note:
Hello folks, thanks for all of your kind and encouraging comments. I'm back, aha! This chapter may have been the final gift-giving, but no, it is not the end of the story… Yet! Thanks to everyone who has submitted guesses about the gifts, and I hope you've enjoyed the short one-shots to go with them!
Predictions for the ending of this story are still welcome, and I can reward those with short one-shots as well especially for folks who haven't gotten a one-shot from a correct gift guess yet, as well I'll make some one-shots potentially for folks who've left a lot of in-depth reviews that have really helped in supporting this story's writing.
This fic is planned for 12 chapters, just like the 12 days of Christmas, and will take a little longer, to sum up, and I hope you'll be along for the ride!
Other updates are hopefully on the way, we'll see what happens…
Cheers!
bobbiejelly