A/N: I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue. Love and be loved. Read… and review!
Trust Me
The last of the bonfire embers go cold and leave the teens in the dark. Water crashes against the shore nearby, supplying the only sound as they sit in reflective quiet. Only the moonlight shines upon them now. Ty Lee gathers her courage as the others straighten themselves up.
"I'm going to stay and smooth out my aura," she announces to a mostly indifferent audience. She feels her heart beat faster as she says aloud, "Will someone stay so I don't have to walk back alone?"
Azula and Mai make eye contact at this request. Zuko will obviously not be the one to sit with her. Azula is conflicted about this and unsure what she should do. She felt something just a second ago and is interested in mending the bridge. 'But this late at night? Just to watch her meditate?' She briefly considers wielding her influence over Mai to force her hand.
"Azula, a word?" Mai asks.
Surprised, Azula nods apprehensively. They step a few paces away until they're beyond earshot. Mai looks with pleading eyes, "Please, Azula, can you stay with her?"
"Why? Why did we need to step away for you to say that?" Suspicions run deep.
"I just, I want some alone time with Zuko," she says and Azula immediately feels awkward. "He's going through a lot, and I think he'll open up to me if it's just the two of us."
Azula nods her head and thinks of her brother. She thinks about his outburst just a moment ago to ignite and ultimately extinguish the fire. Azula had called him pathetic, and that was probably too harsh. He said he doesn't know what's right or wrong and that worries Azula. When she had offered her hand to him in Ba Sing Se, she suspected that he had doubts. Perhaps he still has doubts. Azula had no such problem. She always knew which course of action to take; that's what separated them.
"Azula, please," Mai begs her when she doesn't get an answer. "Just don't come back right away. Give me some time to talk to him."
"Alright," she relents. "I'll kill time with Ty Lee."
In the dimly lit light of the beach side, Azula sits on a rock formation and tries not to stare. Ty Lee sits cross legged, her hands out in front of her, and lets the day wash over her. She lets her pain and her frustrations run through her like a river. She releases the hurt. It crashes down upon her again and again and she feels her aura smooth over. She breathes deeply, taking long inhales, holding them, and then slowly exhaling.
'In through the nose, out through the mouth.'
Against her better judgement, Azula watches her meditate. She watches her hold her breath for a few seconds before releasing it. She sees a girl at peace with the world. She sees someone letting go. If she had been paying attention to her aura, she may have seen the colors changing. Instead, Azula watches as Ty Lee's chest rises and falls with each breath. She looks directly at the little bow at the center of her top, with pieces falling down. How they went up with each inhale and down with each exhale. She tries to look away but being here alone with her at last, it's hard.
Her eyes linger until she abandons all decorum. The choker necklace, the exposed belly button. The wristbands to complete her look. Her braided ponytail cascading down the back. Azula stares at her like it's her first time seeing the sun.
Ty Lee opens her eyes into Azula's, and smiles. Azula quickly looks away and grows flush with red. Ty Lee noted how wide her eyes were looking at her, but doesn't understand why or why Azula looks away now. Nonetheless, she stands up and begins walking towards the Princess.
"Alright, ready to head back?"
"Not quite," Azula replies. She looks up at Ty Lee as the acrobat stops and stands over her. Azula consciously stares up at her face, trying to avoid letting her eyes dip below her neck. "Mai asked for some time alone with Zuzu."
"Oh? Well, what should we do then?"
Azula looks back at the water for a moment. She replies, "Shall we walk down for a bit?"
Ty Lee also now looks out at the rolling tide. She replies, "Sounds perfect."
Azula stands up, refusing to look at Ty Lee, and begins walking out in front of her. The brunette catches up instantly to stride beside her in rhythm as they move away from the beach house.
Ty Lee is on Azula's right, striding closer to the water as it rolls up. She enjoys the cool sensation as it washes over her feet and sandals. She eyes her friend up and playfully says, "C'mon, Azula, get your feet wet!"
She clasps onto Azula's arm and quickly jerks her towards the water. Azula is caught off guard and can't brace her footwork in the sand. She is carried forward by the strength of Ty Lee's arms, "Wait, wait-"
A flash of moonlight reflects off of the water. It is barely a ghost of themselves that Azula sees, but she sees it all the same. Her foot presses into the ground with the strength of an earthbender. "Ty Lee, no," she yells and pulls her arm back. The brunette's strength is greater, but she quickly releases her grip as Azula shouts, "Stop!"
Azula steps away hastily. Her agitation grows as Ty Lee silently now walks beside her. She looks at Azula for a moment then looks ahead. She quickly offers, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry."
"I'm not angry," Azula huffs back.
"I'm sor-"
"Why does everyone always say that I'm angry?"
"Huh?"
Azula vents her frustrations, "I'm not angry but then people say that I'm angry and that makes me angry. Then I get angry and they blame me for being angry and acting out."
She takes a breath as they walk on. Her voice returns with less force now, "Why do they say that? Why does everyone think I'm angry?"
Ty Lee doesn't know how to answer so she doesn't. The quiet suffocates Azula's fire. Somberly she admits, "Maybe I am angry."
The acrobat steps in sync with the princess and thinks what's been said is too heavy for her. She can't just leave it alone either though. She searches her brain and an old quote rises to the top.
She broaches the silence between them, "At the circus there was this older lady, her name was Elphee. She had the cutest pet and she was so wise. And she once told me, 'people will always try to darken things that shine brightest,' and I think that's why that happens to you."
Azula looks at Ty Lee's side profile as they walk along. This quote sticks to her and she thinks about why her friend is bringing this up. Ty Lee summons all of her bravery to her chest. 'Have to say this next part, have to say it, even if it scares her off.' She prepares to put out into the world the internal thought she has clung to for so long.
"Azula," she pauses. Louder now she continues,"I think you're a lot like the sun!"
Ty Lee takes a breath and waits. Azula peeks at her again but doesn't think much of it. She jokes, "Why's that? Because I'm awake when it rises and we can both use fire?"
"Ha! No, not that. You're bright and powerful and you're always there for me and everyone else. I know you act like you only look out for yourself, but really you'd do anything for your friends," she tells her. Azula can't look directly at her as she says this. It was oddly personal in ways that she couldn't explain. Ty Lee adds, "And yes, the fire definitely helps."
Azula had thought such high praise of herself for most of her life. Tonight though she feels no such shining pride. She thinks back to being 3 feet tall, standing on the balcony alone after Chan left her. She explains to Ty Lee, "I don't know. I don't think I'm much of anything without my family and titles."
"That is not true!" Ty Lee flat out rejects this. She peers at her friend sideways as they walk through the dark. "What is with you tonight?
"What do you mean?"
"You're so down on yourself, and it's just not like you," she answers. "That just now, the angry thing and earlier about being a monster. None of those things are true, Azula. You're not worthless. You're not angry. You're not a monster."
"Oh, I assure you, Ty Lee, I am definitely a monster," she replies. Quietly she adds, "I might even be the end of the Fire Nation."
"What'd you say?" Ty Lee asks, having not quite heard. Azula had barely mumbled it and the rolling tide had drowned the words at sea.
"Nothing," she assures the brunette.
Trying to refocus her efforts, Ty Lee asks,"Why do you think you're a monster?"
"Ty Lee, we hardly have to discuss it," she cooly replies.
"But I want to. I want to understand you better," Ty Lee cuts her off. Her voice is sincere. "Why do you think you're a monster?"
"I… I just do. I'm not like other people," she replies truthfully. Her voice is uncertain. "I'm... built different."
Ty Lee digs for answers, "Did your mother ever say anything to you to make you think that?"
"In the Fire Nation, little girls like little boys."
"No." She lies.
"Then why do you say she thought you were a monster?"
"I guess it was how she treated me. How everyone treats me, really." Azula says.
'Why am I telling her this? Why am I doing this?'
She looks at Ty Lee. Those grey-brown eyes meet hers and implore her to go on. Looking into those eyes, she feels safe. She can share her inner turmoil. She does not need to carry it alone. She takes a deep breath.
"Everyone thinks my life is so great. That I'm good at everything. But I don't think anything has ever truly been mine," she looks out across the water as the waves crash. "I'm the former Crown Princess, Ty Lee. A Firebending prodigy. The Child of Ozai and the Seed of Sozin. After Zuko, I'm next in line to the throne. My life is 'perfect.'"
Ty Lee just listens. She keeps her eyes trained on Azula as she looks about. Mostly, though, she just looks down at the sand as they walk onward.
"But no one has any idea what my life was like with my mother. She and my father and my uncle, everyone except for Zuko, they've always kept me at arm's length. Close, but never too close. So they can watch me, but far enough that they're safe. Like I'm some animal in a cage."
She speaks these last few words with venom. The thought has been developing in her mind for so long she doesn't even remember when she first came up with it. She just knows it comes from a dark place. Now she speaks it into a dark place with her best friend.
"It's why I can't trust people," she admits. "I don't see how it's possible. Fear is a far more reliable way to get people to help you."
"Do you do that with me?" Ty Lee asks. It cracks from her voice like glass about to break.
Azula recalls her self consciousness at the party earlier. She shoots back, "Do you laugh even when what I said isn't funny?"
Ty Lee had figured this question might come up after her advice earlier in the night. Confidently she replies, "Never."
"Not once?" Azula asks, looking sideways at her.
"Not once," she reassures her with her words and her tone. "Now your turn: do you use fear to control me?"
Azula grows silent. She doesn't answer, because she's not sure. She knows that she has abused her power, influence, and authority over her friend. She feels guilty for it. But fear? Has she used fear to control her?
When she doesn't answer, Ty Lee asks, "Do you trust me?"
"No, I don't trust anyone," but not even Azula believes the words anymore.
Ty Lee comes to a stop. She reaches up and grips Azula's forearm to stop her from walking away. Azula stops and looks at the hand wrapped around her bicep. It was so cool to the touch. It gave her comfort. She looks into those grey-brown eyes again.
Ty Lee stares into the golden pools. She tries to express herself through her tone, "I want you to know that I'm here for you. If you ever want to talk, or," her hand slips down Azula's arm. Almost to her hand, "anything."
Just as her hand is about to clasp Azula's, the Princess pulls it away apprehensively. She averts her eyes. Ty Lee wonders if she had said or done something wrong.
Azula looks away and says, "We should turn back and head home. We've given them plenty of time to be alone."
Without another word they turn around and go back the way they came. A few moments pass in silence as they walk back towards the beach house. Ty Lee still wonders if she has done something to upset the Princess. Azula thinks of what Ty Lee had said. She thinks back on her life and her life gone. She works up the courage. She clears her throat.
"Ahem, you said we can talk about anything?"
Ty Lee springs to life at this, her steps suddenly lighter. "Yes! Anything!"
"I've always felt like I can't trust the people who are closest to me. But what do I do if they all leave me? What if they get sick of me one day and just leave me? Or I," she pauses. She's already said so much, she might as well finish it. "Or if I push them away forever? You know? But fear… it's all I've ever known. I don't know how to be different. I can't be different."
Ty Lee stops and looks at her. She knows this struggle. The desire to be different. The fear of being the same as everyone else. She has battled her own demons in that regard. She will help Azula to be different, if that's what Azula wants. Azula reluctantly stops and looks back at her friend. She's not close enough this time for Ty Lee to hold. Her eyes are distant and Ty Lee wishes she could pull the moon closer just so she could use the light to see the color of Azula's golden eyes better.
"They won't do that, Azula."
Dismissively, Azula replies, "You don't know that."
"You're right. I can't speak for them," Ty Lee concedes, nodding her head. "But I can speak for myself. So take comfort and know this: I won't leave you."
Azula can't help but smile at this. She turns away and looks out at the expanse of the ocean and the endless cosmos. The moon beams down upon them. Ty Lee had told her about the sun earlier. Azula decides to repay the comparison.
"Ya know, I used to imagine, when we were apart, that when I looked up at the moon, that you would be looking up at it too," she huffs a breath out. "It's a ridiculous thought of course."
"Of course it's not. It's a beautiful thought!" Ty Lee interrupts her. She stares at the Princess and she is shining. Her necklace, her clothes, her body language. It was all so luminous. "Although we were separated, we shared the same moonlight, Azula."
Azula turns to her with a giant smile. Her aura is violet color. She feels eight feet tall to hear Ty Lee say these things. Ty Lee grins back at her. Azula turns away to hide her blush and walks on again. Ty Lee steps to catch up once more.
They walk on for a long time without saying anything. It is a comfortable quiet that encompasses them. They had both arrived that morning wanting to come back together and mend the bridge between them. They go into the last day of their weekend together having succeeded in that goal.
They are almost home when Azula looks up into the night sky and spots a familiar friend. She points up, leans over and says to Ty Lee, "Look, it's Ruki's Bird."
The brunette looks up as well and smiles at the sight. "Sure is."
"And Mai isn't here to steal the question from me."
"She isn't. So what do you want to know, Azula?"
The beach house is finally within sight. Azula's mind wanders to a thought that she doesn't like. She tries to shake it free, but it traps her like glue. The more she struggles against it, the harder it pulls her in. She finally asks,
"What are you going to do if this guy shows up finally, and you're with someone else?"
'And what if that someone else was…'
Ty Lee stares up at Ruki's Bird. She doesn't blink. She doesn't hesitate. She knows the answer. "Nothing would stop me from giving it a try."
Azula nods and looks away, back up at the constellations. She should be more hurt by that answer, but for some reason she isn't. She also isn't sure why the thought wouldn't quit her. She brushes it off and focuses on the higher spirits and the heavy things that are behind them now.
Ty Lee wants to change topics and lighten the mood. She reflects on their day together and asks, "So, did you have fun tonight, Azula?"
"Some things were better than others," she says mischievously. "I wish we had gone back to the house party and trashed it.
"Oh that's bad, but I totally would've done it."
They giggle about this. Ty Lee wants to prod a little bit. She wonders if she can get Azula to admit their long walk had been one of the 'better' parts. She asks, "Anything else particularly good or bad?"
Azula doesn't forget easily. She figures she should tell one of her friends, and Ty Lee was less likely to mock her than Mai. She confides, "I kissed that boy, Chan."
"YOU WHAT!"
Ty Lee can't stop herself. This news was completely unexpected and has caught her fully off guard. 'Was this a better part? Was it good? Did she enjoy it? When did this happen? Why wasn't I there?' Ty Lee doesn't even feel it, but her aura roars into a bright, crimson red. She tries to settle it but there's not much she can do when it gets this far off base, short of meditating or screeching.
'Screeching would be great right now, actually.'
"How was it? What happened? You have to tell me everything! Wait, was that your first kiss?"
Silently the violet of Azula's aura slides into a lilac hue. Sheepishly she replies, "It was extremely awkward and just strange. Nothing like what people have said it would be."
"What did you think it would be like?"
"Not this." She quips and they laugh.
Azula picks back up, "I used all the tips that you gave me. I looked at him a lot, and smiled, and laughed at his pathetic joke. And I got it, Ty Lee. It finally happened for me. But…"
She trails off and stares down. Ty Lee notices and asks, "But what?"
"It just felt wrong. I don't know if I-"
Azula keeps talking but the brunette isn't paying attention anymore. She stares out at the ocean. She watches a wave crest.
'Chase the dragon.'
Her eyes turn to the golden ones. "Maybe you didn't do it right?"
"-and I think… what?" Azula stops mid-sentence.
"How did you do it?"
"I-I don't know? I just did?"
'Chase the dragon!'
"Can you show me?" Ty Lee comes to a stop and so does Azula.
"Can I-?" But Azula's brain has short circuited. She stares into those old, familiar grey-brown eyes with confusion. Her heart beats against her chest.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
"Do you want to try with me?" Ty Lee asks, a sweetness in her voice. "You know, so I can maybe help you or something?"
Ba-thump Ba-thump
"We, I, we-"
"Think of it as practice for your future spouse."
Ba-thump Ba-thump
"Practice?"
"Like your fire bending. You only get better by practicing. Maybe we can practice together?"
Ba-thump Ba-thump
"I-I don't know if we should, Ty Lee."
'Take the plunge.'
'Chase the dragon.'
'When an important moment comes, you can not hesitate. You have to attack it with conviction.'
Ty Lee shuts her eyes. She turns her nose upward and turns her head away from the ex-Crown Princess. "I guess you just won't be a good kisser then."
Affronted, Azula sternly asks her, "Excuse me?"
Ty Lee begins turning her body away from the child of Ozai. "Like you said earlier, people just assume you're good at everything but that's not true. I guess kissing is just going to be one of those things you're not good at."
Ty Lee takes a step away from the seed of Sozin. She steps towards the beach house.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Clench!
Ty Lee stops. She looks down and sees Azula's hand gripping her left wrist. "Azu-"
Whip!
Ty Lee's entire body is pulled away from the house. She tumbles through the sand until she crash lands into a seething hot body. Their torsos and arms entangle for a moment. Azula grips Ty Lee's wrist in her right hand, then raises her left hand and snags Ty Lee's right wrist. She holds tightly and pulls them up above the brunette's head.
Ty Lee looks into those old, familiar golden eyes and searches them. She sees excitement. She sees desperation. She sees a girl who is lost and doesn't know what she's doing right now. Ty Lee's smile broadens. She looks around them and sees a rock formation nearby. Azula holds her wrists above her head but Ty Lee is in charge. She steps backwards and Azula instinctively steps forward to follow.
Ty Lee hides them from any prying eyes that may be out after midnight. She leans back against the formation and let's Azula lean into her. They stand inches apart, drawing hushed breaths, their faces close together. Something important comes to Ty Lee, more important than this moment itself.
She whispers urgently, "Wait, wait!"
Ba-thump Ba-thump
"What? Wait for what?" Azula can't barely control herself. She feels the coolness of Ty Lee's body against her. It calms the raging fire within, but she feels if she waits any longer the fire will expand and consume her.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Azula releases her wrists. Ty Lee lowers them until her right hand is on Azula's shoulder and her left hand is on her hip. Ty Lee stares into her eyes, searching them in the darkness. Finding them the way Azula found her after all those years.
"Do you trust me?"
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Azula pauses. She reflects on a lifetime of memories.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
"I do." She gives the slightest nod of the head.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
A grateful smile dawns on her lips, "Good."
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Ty Lee's right hand reaches up and knits itself into Azula's hair. Her left hand slinks to the small of her back. She pulls the back of her head towards her and their lips meet at long last.
Azula knows this feeling. She recognizes it from before. The heat rises in her heart. The power surges through her veins. This is the same feeling she had from a few years ago, when she first learned how to bend something other than fire. It cracks and rips through her and strengthens her and threatens to destroy her.
'Electricity!'
This is something Azula has been lacking her entire life. She has never known a moment like this. It is everything to her.
Although she has never bent any element, let alone lightning, Ty Lee feels something she has never felt before either. She doesn't know what it is yet, she can't quite describe it. But it is strong and powerful and it feels good.
Their lips meet and part for a few moments and they are lost in this affair. Not even the sound of the rolling waves reaches them. Azula's hands rest on Ty Lee's hips, not knowing what to do or how to act. Ty Lee's hands roam, but not far. She pulls Azula closer, flush against her body.
The way Ty Lee's lips caress hers, play with hers, the bob of her head, is so different from earlier. Ty Lee opens her mouth slightly and presses her tongue outward, tickling Azula's closed lips. She opens her mouth and her tongue asks for consent to enter. Azula, learning suddenly and swiftly, tries opening her lips and then accepts the tongue coming in. She feels it lapping against her own. It was wrong earlier. It is right now. Ty Lee is affectionate and soft.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
She is not pushing.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
She is guiding.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Finally, Ty Lee pulls back for air. Azula doesn't know why she pulls back, but she is thankful for the breather. The Princess is beside herself. She wants to dive right back in. She wants the brunette to kiss her again. She wants her to guide the firebending prodigy. Ty Lee had taken what was hers, and now Azula wants to take what is hers, and then some.
Azula breathes out, "Whoa."
Ty Lee leans her forehead into Azula's. Her brown-grey eyes stare into the golden ones that glow in the dark. She breathes out, "I know."
Azula still wants to go again. She wants the brunette now more than she has ever wanted her. Knowing none of this, Ty Lee decides to take her ball and go home while she still has it. "Well, I, um, I think you have some work to do. I think we, you, um, can do better."
Azula nods her head in agreement and tries to cool down. Ty Lee adds, "We should practice more, erhm, in the future."
She slips her hands away from their grasp on her best friend. Azula takes a step back and nods in hasty agreement. She thinks through what the proper response would be and settles on, "That would please me."
Ty Lee steps closer to her, and whispers, "Well, I live to serve."
She quickly moves away from Azula. The black haired beauty looks up at the brunette. A pair of playful smiles and flirtatious stares meet one another. Ty Lee bites her lip, giggles, turns, and then begins skipping off towards the beach house.
Azula's aura slides into a lavender shade. She chases after the former circus star. They run home together.
Creak
The door to the bedroom opens slowly. The intruders are cautious about the dead silence on the other side. Azula peers into the dark trying to locate their friends. Leaning against her back, hands draped all over her, is Ty Lee. The brunette is also trying to peer into the dark, but mostly she is just taking advantage of the predicament as an excuse to hold onto the Princess.
Azula whispers, "I think they're asleep."
"So we'll be quiet," Ty Lee whispers into her ear. Her hot breath right in Azula's ear makes the hairs on her arms stand up.
They remain at the door and quietly discuss what they should do. The girls have much to talk about still. So much to discuss and think about and share. That's what they keep telling themselves anyway.
"Should we go down to the living room?" Azula asks.
"No, Lo and Li might wake up and find us."
"Ugh, true. So what do we do?"
"Let's get in the same bed together." Ty Lee proposes.
Azula is punch drunk from their 'practicing' on the beach. If she was in her right mind, she would have quickly explained why this was preposterous. But she's not in her right mind. She is intoxicated with the taste of her second kiss. Now she is ready to climb into bed together just at the suggestion.
"Yes, let's, that's perfect! They won't hear us whispering if we're that close."
Mai and Zuko were fast asleep in their shared couch-bed. Azula had the full to herself, so it was perfect for the two of them together. She suggests, "Let's lie down in my bed."
Creak
Azula begins stepping into the room, but is pulled back. To her surprise, Ty Lee whispers, "No, wait, Zula. Let's get in my bed. I'm so tired, if we lay down in your big comfy bed I'll fall asleep right away!"
Azula nods again. The feeling of warmth in her ear is overriding her sensibilities. Ty Lee continues, "At least the two of us scrunched in my little bed will be too small for either of us to fall asleep in."
"Sounds perfect." Azula replies. They enter the room, Ty Lee quietly closing the door behind them.
Azula stops at her own bed and carefully slips off her shoes. Ty Lee strides past her and stops at the seashell bedspread in the back. She quickly slips one shoe off but struggles with the other. Azula moves towards her. Ty Lee pulls with extreme effort. The shoe pops off just as Azula arrives.
Ty Lee had exerted too much effort trying to remove it; her momentum sends her leg up. The normally fleet footed acrobat can't stay upright. She tips backwards over the mattress and falls down. Azula panics that her fall will cause a raucous. Ty Lee panics about falling. They reach out to one another and Ty Lee pulls the Princess down with her onto the bed.
Creak
The floor betrays them, but neither even notices. The two girls lay on the bed, pressed against each other. Azula tops Ty Lee, her elbows and hands pressed against the bedsheets. Ty Lee feels all of the black hair tickling her face. She slips her hand up, accidentally brushing against Azula's body as she does, and moves the hair out of the way.
When she does they find themselves eye-to-eye, gold mixing with grey, their bodies flush against one another, arms in close proximity. Their minds track the same thing. They look at the other's lips. They take in hushed breaths. Their hearts beating in unison.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Azula leans her head and puckers her lips. Ty Lee's hands reach up and around the Princess' back. Her hands search and pull her in closer. Their kiss is innocent enough, Azula still unsure of what she is doing. Before it can advance though, Azula rolls on to her side and lies next to her instead. Ty Lee pushes herself back and up against the wall. Azula positions herself opposite of her.
They both peak across the dark to where Zuko and Mai sleep. There is no sound, no movement, just the soft lull of their quiet snoring. After another moment Azula fixes her positioning. She lays on her left side and Ty Lee lays on her right. They squeeze into the tiny bed and face one another. There are just a few inches between them. Azula believes that Ty Lee was shrewd in her suggestion. It would be quite impossible for either of them to get comfortable enough to sleep in this tiny bed.
"Can I ask you something?" Ty Lee asks.
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Azula brings a hand up and places it under her head. Ty Lee brings a hand up and rests it in the space between them. Azula finally answers, "Perhaps."
"It's important. I'm not sure if you'll want to answer," she whispers. "And if you don't want to, you don't have-"
"Just ask already." Azula commands her, excited to hear what will come out of her mouth.
A less excited Ty Lee would bite her tongue. But her tongue has been active tonight and she is feeling daring. She asks the question she has pondered for months. "Why don't you like looking in mirrors?"
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Azula feels much of the joy sucked out of the room. Yet her heart still beats against her chest. She is more vulnerable right now than she has ever been in her entire life.
"I don't…"
She trails off and looks around the dark room at the walls and at her feet. She is scared to tell the truth. She is scared that if she says this next part, that will make it real. If she keeps it locked up, hidden inside of her, then it's just a thought. Once she says it out loud though, that makes it real.
"Yeah, of course, and if you're not comfortable-"
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Ty Lee is a guardian over Azula's heart. She has been watching out for her for so long. She guided her in their kiss. She has asked something now and immediately is ready to let it go at the slightest hesitation. Azula is scared, but moreover she wants to share her life with the girl lying next to her. She cuts the brunette off.
"When I look at myself," she says and Ty Lee grows quiet. "I see my mother. And I hate how much I look like her. I hate to see what I look like."
Ba-thump Ba-thump
Ty Lee gulps. She lifts her hand up and brushes back a single hair on Azula's face and tucks it behind her ear. Her hand lingers there. She contemplates gripping the back of her friend's head and pulling her into another kiss. Yet she doesn't. That's not the right response to what has been shared.
"Thank you, Azula, for telling me that," she says and Azula releases a deep breath. "But just so you know, I love what you look like."
Ba-thump Ba-thump
"Thank you." Azula whispers back.
Ty Lee pulls her hand away finally and places it back in the little bit of space between them. Her body finally begins catching up to her and she opens her mouth involuntarily.
Yawn
Ty Lee stares through the dark into her eyes. She wants to remember this moment always. This is how she wants to die, staring into those golden eyes. Azula looks into the grey-brown of hers. She thinks about all the nights they were apart. All of the time alone. How she would stare out into the night sky and wish to see these grey-brown eyes.
Ty Lee sleepily whispers to her, "When I traveled with the circus, I saw many boys kissing boys, and girls kissing girls."
Azula is more awake than her friend and replies, "You told me this before. My father would have their heads for that."
Ty Lee struggles to keep her eyes open. She asks, "But would you?"
Caught off guard once again, Azula stumbles over her words. "It's-that-it doesn't matter what I want. This is what Fire Lord Sozin decided 100 years ago. We don't get to decide."
Yawn
"You might be the Fire Lord someday. You might get to decide," Ty Lee only keeps one eyelid open now after her most recent yawn had shut the other. "So what do you want, Azula?"
The idea of ruling is all that Azula had ever wanted. Zuko's recent return to grace had made it harder to see happening, but for years she pictures herself on the throne. Most of her life she thought about it. But this is the first she thought about changing laws, let alone ones set by her ancestors. "It doesn't matter what I want… I can't have what I want right now."
Ty Lee slowly blinks her one eye. Lazily she whispers, "Then I guess we better not tell anyone… about us practicing."
Azula opens both eyes wide at this. She stares at her friend, who is falling fast asleep. This last comment creates anxiety in her.
Ty Lee coos at her, "It'll be our little secret."
The brunette shuts both of her eyes. Azula says nothing to wake her, too paralyzed by her final comment to say or do anything. Yet the idea also excites her and makes her happy. Ty Lee's final thought of consciousness is the distant and vague feeling of an aura that is almost… pink.
Azula lays and watches Ty Lee sleep. She reflects on the day. The boat ride into Ember Island. The odd metaphors by Lo and Li. The beach and seeing green all day. Dinner besides the brunette. Being jealous. The most beautiful, smartest, perfect girl in the world. Her first kiss and feeling so small. Lending her help to Zuko even when he didn't ask for it. The bonfire and admitting she's a monster. Watching her meditate. Walking along the beach. Her second kiss and feeling invincible. All of those moments leading her to this one. Lying in bed besides the girl she had traveled the world with. Her best friend since the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. The one who gave her the moon flower.
Azula feels soft. She suddenly feels weak in her stomach and her throat catches. She is without tears but if she had been familiar with them, she may have classified it as a sob. She is overcome with emotions from the day. She looks at the girl sleeping beside her.
They're so close it feels like one is breathing the air out and the other is taking it in. Azula longs to kiss again. It's all she wants. She stares at Ty Lee's lips as she sleeps and imagines them pressed against her own. It is wrong, but it is just a thought. And her mother isn't here to tell her it is wrong. No one is going to stop her. Maybe Ty Lee is right. Maybe if she becomes Fire Lord, she can make it right. Maybe she can change things.
Azula knows she should get up and go to her own bed. She knows she must not be caught here in the morning or in the middle of the night. 'But this is peace.' This is the closest she has ever felt to another person. This is the closest she has ever been to Ty Lee.
Her eyes wander down, to the hand that lies in the space between them. She slowly moves her own hand up and holds it in hers. She is immediately filled with warmth. The fire within is given new oxygen. Azula shuts her eyes for just a moment.
For the first time in her life she holds something perfect in her hand, and it doesn't turn to ash.
Azula opens her eyes.
She groans lightly and tries to move but something heavy is pressed against her. She looks down and is met with a mop of brown hair. Ty Lee is the heavy object pressed against her. Azula's hand is still clutching hers and the acrobat has buried her head into Azula's chest, nuzzled into the crook under her chin.
'So much for being too small to fall asleep in.'
Azula dislodges her arm and carefully pulls away from the weight of her friend. However, as she gets up the rustling ends up prodding the sleeping girl. Azula escapes from the bed and carefully gets up. In her sleeping, semi-conscious state, Ty Lee mumbles to herself.
"Mhhh… love you… 'Zula."
Azula knows this was mumbled, but she hears it so clearly that it feels like it was screamed into the night. She shakes her head, too tired to think about it too much. She steps towards her bed in the dark.
Creak
The floorboards again betray her, but thankfully again no one moves or reacts. She climbs into her full sized bed. She pulls the sheets over herself. She can't believe she had fallen asleep with Ty Lee. It was so risky and carried grave consequences if anyone saw them or found out.
Yet… it had been wonderful. In fact, it was the best sleep Azula had gotten in almost half a year, since before her father first tasked her with the search for Zuko. It is a memory she will hold on to tightly.
As she drifts off again, she thinks about Ty Lee mumbling in her sleep. She had said that she loves her. She wasn't even awake. Why not say it back? Why could she not say it back? Why is she afraid of these emotions?
Because she didn't say it.
She didn't mean it.
She wasn't even awake.
'How could somebody ever love me?'
A/N: This Chapter's OST is "Back to You" by Selena Gomez.
Love always. Tyzula forever.
Notorious