Bonnie felt like every nerve in her body are going to explode. As she lies there on her bed she can feel the world spinning around and her palms are still burning with Damon's breath—tingling as his eyes told her that the last thing he wanted to see is something bad happening to her.
His blue eyes are all she could remember. They were ocean-like and frightened but they also remain as somehow a comfort to her. The colors were bursting when they were in the warehouse, everything from violet to copper to dark red and black. The force was something she never felt before, even stronger than anything she ever witnessed. Damon kept asking her if she was okay, if casting a fire spell is harmful to her as if he can do something else to prevent them from being put to death by the vengeful vampire.
His first instinct was to protect her. Walking two steps behind, with his hand on her back. And then the next thing she knew is that his right palm warm against her mouth. She is the powerful one—able to raise the dead or put someone to their eternal misery—yet when she looked at him the only thing she can hear is that he was begging for everything to stop so he would not lose her again.
In that span of 5 minutes that felt like forever, she can list everything from the smell of his aftershave to the tiny cut mark on his chin. His hair trimmed neatly, he brings out earthy scents as well as aged wine and it made her struggling for air.
She imagined the little cottage in Nebraska. Kids running around the house, and Elena's big smile as she shows her a diamond ring being beautifully placed on her slender finger.
I was willing to go to hell for her, Damon's voice ringing in her ear.
I was willing to die, and go back to life, and die and go back to life just to be with her. I even let you and other people sacrificed everything for us, so no—I am not pressured by the tiniest thing such as a wedding or opening a bar to provide for her or trying to get over Stefan's death. I am fine, I am marvelous, and the most important part is that I am trying.
Damon loves selfishly because he tends to get rid of everything that prevents him from getting Elena's approval. Bonnie knows well how sometimes his effort to gain her affection can be too much, even dangerous to other people around them.
But right now, he's asking himself questions. She can see that there are doubts buried under that powerful love—doubts that create these thick and murky colors, growing and itching, and magnetic to her magic. She was left breathless because she couldn't resist the urge to see his energy. She was left with pain inside her heart because the future has already laid itself in front of her. And it's there but she keeps refusing to see because she already knows where this is going to be.
She wants her to stop reliving the touch of his palm on her lips—like his desperation to keep her alive is not just for Elena. Like it was for him, sincerely and out of pure intention, because he was desperate to keep her alive for no other reason.
And the fact that all she can see right now is his vibrant colors—demanding to be seen, forcing her to read him—makes every nerve in her body screaming for something she shouldn't even dare to imagine.
Bonnie couldn't sleep, her magic is betraying her.
But when she finally does, she saw Stefan in her dreams.
He was thanking her a million times. As if even on his death, he's still trying to save Damon.
A knock on the door—an inpatient one—is the reason why Damon stops thinking about how he just cheated death for the first time as a human. He looks at his watch, it's almost 1 in the morning and Elena is still ignoring his texts. He almost forgets about the party because all he can think about is Bonnie's magic, and the force inside him that keeps putting her in danger. He rubs his face in frustration, getting up to open the door, only to find Elena there, clinging into a man's arms—looking so drunk that she can't keep her balance.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Salvatore." He sees the man in a suit offering his right hand, while the other one is laying on Elena's shoulder.
"I'm doctor William Anderson—Elena's attending physician as well as the host of the party she was present at. Allow me to apologize, but it appears that Elena had too many drinks and I was worried that she couldn't get herself home, so here I am,"
Damon froze on the spot and he quickly holds Elena, she almost fell but he's able to catch her.
"She said you're on a one day trip out of town. I was thinking to get her an uber but I was doubtful for its safety. That's all, I'm sorry if I was being disrespectful but I just want to make sure she gets home safely,"
Damon looks at him and then at Elena. She's nuzzling her face on his neck, and God she smells like champagne and too much perfume that it almost feels nauseous.
"Well, thank you for getting her home." Damon tries to sound polite,
"And goodnight, Doctor William."
He didn't wait for the doctor's reply and proceed to shut the door close. He carries Elena upstairs to the bedroom, help her to undress and put her into more comfortable clothes. Although he can feel something is not right, Damon decided that today he had enough and he can deal with this later in the morning when she's already sober.
However to his surprise, Elena is resisting so much. She keeps whining when Damon tried to keep her position straight. He was exhausted from driving and everything, but he keeps trying to be patient until Elena cups his face with her eyes closed, lipstick smearing on the corner of her lips.
"Ah, my lovely Damon. My lovely vampire Damon,"
Elena reeks of alcohol and illusion.
"God, Elena, why you let yourself get this drunk,"
Damon puts her heels off and then tying her hair up so he can remove her fake eyelashes. But Elena refuses to be still.
"I was having fun, Damon. I need fun too. I may drink a liiiittle too much, but hey it's not like you never got this drunk right? I can only have fun like this at least once a month. I'm not like you who can drink whatever and whenever you want, am I right?"
She's too drunk, Damon thought as he put aside Elena's stuff so she can lie comfortably on the bed. She needs to get some sleep as soon as possible because he is too tired to deal with this. He's not in the best condition to go along with this little play fight.
"Where's Doctor William? Is the party over?"
Elena forced herself to get up but keeps staggering. Damon watches her over from behind as she goes to the bathroom to clean herself.
"You're at home, Elena. And yes, the party is over."
Damon helps her as she starts to get nauseous and vomiting in the sink. He holds her hair, grabs her some tissues to wipe her mouth,
"Why didn't you call me to pick you up? I'd prefer to go there instead of seeing you go home with that man." Damon's voice softened as he washes her face—failed to remove the rest of her makeup but at least now she looks better.
"That man's name is Doctor William, Damon." Elena corrects him, getting her toothbrush as she keeps avoiding Damon's jealous stare.
Damon crossed his arms over his chest, "I don't care about that doctor, I care about the reason why you didn't call me."
Damon felt like his voice getting tensed but he shouldn't let Elena knows that seeing the man's arm on her shoulder is slightly getting on his nerve. He should drop this before it's turning into a real fight. But his question seems to be the right fuel to the fire he just unknowingly ignite.
"Oh, you want to know about that? Well, Damon, you were on your little wine tasting trip with Bonnie and I was working my ass off trying to impress important people so I can climb the ladder faster. Do you see why I didn't call you?"
Elena shows frustration in her voice. She's no longer drunk, just tired and angry. They are both standing at an awkward distance between each other and it feels far.
"I texted you that I would be at home by 10 and I did. But you ignored my text. Why?"
Elena is silent.
"Because you were having fun with him?" Damon can feel his jaw clenching.
He scolds himself for his insecurities that he could never keep well hidden. But Elena agrees.
"Well, I was! I was having fun with him and the rest of my attending doctors. Why? Is it wrong that I had fun once in a while? Is it wrong that I refrain from saving people's lives and delivering bad news every day?" Elena is almost yelling to his face, Damon could feel tightness around the air.
"Elena, shh, It's okay." He rubs her shoulders, feeling regretful for his stupid response. He should've known better that she is more sensitive when she's drunk.
"I'm sorry. I was just tired, and you're probably too. Let's just sleep it away, shall we? It's late. Here, let me help you."He gets her a towel and guides her back to their bed, but Elena refuses his touch.
Damon froze there, waiting. But Elena's expression went cold, and all of a sudden it feels too hard to breathe.
"To be fair, there's another reason why I didn't call you,"
She mutters under her breath, her eyes are still red but something told Damon that she was just waiting for this chance to appear and she didn't want to waste it.
"Elena, please. I didn't want to do this. You're drunk talking if we keep doing this we would end up fighting."
Damon groans in his frustration, he was trying so hard to make this work. To keep his emotion under control so he wouldn't let himself saying things that would he regret later.
But Elena is testing his patience.
She walks out from the bathroom, distancing herself away from him as if there is this pent up agitation that would burst once she lets it.
"God, just freaking listen to me, Damon!"
All this time Damon knew Elena is hiding something. Maybe it's a slight doubt, a regret. or maybe it's just a question she was too afraid to ask. He knew it because sometimes he feels that too. Sometimes he wants to tell Elena something that he knew would hurt both of them—something that been sitting on the back of his throat for a long time and consuming him more and more each day as it waits for him to come at peace with the truth.
However, Damon always resists that urge because he knows once they're out there's no way to get it back.
"Okay, Okay. I'm listening. What is it, Elena? What do you want to say?"
When they were vampires, they had this energy that made them feel helpless without each other. They were bounded by dangerous adventures, often time being chased by bad creatures with uncertainty around them. Damon would sacrifice everything just to get her back, his life filled with despair and a maddening desire to see her again. When they reunited they would have this strong attachment because they kept challenging the universe. Everyone said it had always been them against the world.
But now that they don't need to avoid any bad creatures anymore, they don't have to be consumed by worry and fear thinking that one would be killed while the other is trying to stay alive.
They are now attached by human mortality—so ordinary and normal, so plain and dull.
And it's no longer keeping them on the edge of their seat.
"Can you see that things are just different now between us?"
They've been living together for almost 8 months now and Elena is always working at the hospital most days of the week with only a spare of time enough for her to rest and get ready for the day again. Damon is trying to keep the house clean, dealing with bills and spend his day at the bar to continue with his work while keeping the budget low to save for their wedding.
"What are you talking about? What things are different, Elena?"
He's too busy making amends to make up for his sins, while she's too caught up with the ideal life she has always been dreaming. He keeps wanting to be validated by her, to get approved and wanted. But she wants something else, something glossier, something that meets her standard because this life is too precious for her to be spent in temporary satisfaction.
"Oh, you're just pretending like you didn't know. I'm tired of this game, Damon. Aren't you too?"
They are in it for the long run, but Damon is walking step by step meanwhile she cheated the start line and wants him to sprint his way.
"I don't know what you are saying, Elena. You're talking nonsense. You're tired and you're drunk and you need to sleep,"
Damon walks closer to her, hoping she would lose her balance so he can catch her and put her to sleep wishing that tomorrow she would forget about all of this. But Elena is as conscious as when she was sober, and Damon could see that she's contemplating whether to break it to him now or keep playing safe.
"I didn't call you because I was embarrassed by you,"
There was hesitation in Elena's voice when she finally said that. But there it is, the truth. The bare naked honesty that Damon always thought would be buried forever under empty words and promises she kept making. With that lay the only string Damon was holding, the life he gave for her, the time he had spent waiting for her. And so it snaps. It shatters alongside everything he was trying so hard to resist.
"What did you say?"
Damon's voice coming off too small, the question hangs and it pains him to hear himself say that.
"Did you just say that you're embarrassed by me?"
He remembers all the things he said to Bonnie. About how he was trying to not be overwhelmed by the things Elena wanted him to do. To not be pressured in taking her hand at their wedding because it was just formality to profess his love that she shouldn't be doubtful of. But he respects what Elena wants, he respects the road she chooses for both of them because if he could wait a hundred years to be reunited with the former love of his life, if he was willing to be burned to hell just for her to stay alive, then all of this is only requires him to drown a bit,
Because he's got the whole ocean for Elena.
"Yeah, I was embarrassed by you because all you do is laying around and drinking your heart out because you're starting to regret letting Stefan died for me. I am embarrassed by you because all you want is fun times and challenging death and you hate everything about stability. You keep wanting to mess with adrenaline, and I was afraid that they see the man I am together with is someone who likes danger too much that he craves for it every day!"
He bought notebooks and lists everything Elena told him to. He bought painting supplies because his budget is too tight to hire a construction worker. He gathers all his liquor collection from the boarding house back in Mystic Falls, looking through them and picking the best one. He assembles the furniture himself, stopping through every antique store to look for a piece that would bring the place together.
"I am embarrassed by you because while I am working almost 20 hours a day, you were drowning yourself in bourbon. I didn't call you to pick me up because I didn't want them to see you. I didn't want them to see that I'm with this alcoholic and an egoistic maniac who loves to pick up bar fights and still thinking he can get away with it!"
He keeps going every day. He keeps making breakfast for her and go to throw the trash, he keeps getting the mail and watch youtube videos on how to do taxes and fill in paperwork. He learned how to register a business, how long does it take to finally get a permit, how to negotiate with his landlord for the lease payment for the bar.
But still, it wasn't enough. Because he only has the ocean while Elena wants the universe.
"What? Do you think I didn't know? I know about your petty bar fight with the bartender. It's a small neighborhood, Damon, for god's sake my coworker went there and saw you while they were off duty,"
It was the only night that he lost his control because Bonnie was with him. And everything about Bonnie reminds him that he can be a better man. She never changed as a person—not even after she lost so many things in her life, and Damon felt ashamed because she's that strong and he's this vulnerable and she can see everything wrong in him right away.
"They said you punched him twice even after the manager came. The ironic thing is that I immediately know that it was you, Damon. Because nobody else would crave that much adrenaline as much as you,"
She was right. It was a petty fight to relieve his anger, his doubt, and his confusion towards what he really feels. Towards what is happening.
And now it's here.
"I'm sorry, Elena. I really am. But I was just defending Bonnie because he was rude to her, and—"
"Oh screw you Damon to bring Bonnie up to this,"
But Bonnie healed him, she was there for him with bandages and everything. And she asked him what was wrong.
"I had to pretend I didn't know about it when I met Bonnie because I know she would tell me that there's no hope for you, Damon. There's really no hope for you."
She is regretting her decision because she loves being worshipped too much by two brothers who were hungry for her love. She couldn't choose between them who deserves to play the prince to protect her for the rest of her life because Stefan's love was too pure and wise, while Damon's is too tempting to ignore.
But still, after getting them all, nothing was ever enough for her.
"Elena, stop, You didn't mean your words"
"Oh yes, I do. I do mean everything. Let me ask you something else, Damon. Why do you keep drinking if you couldn't keep it together, huh? Why you're still obsessed with bourbon and all? Because it reminds you of Stefan? Because it makes you miss him less?"
Elena wants to be selfish because she thought her life was tragic enough and nobody had it worse than her. She was rising from the devil's curse, get abducted and tortured and had to see her loved ones be killed in front of her.
She didn't want to waste another minute.
"Elena, you didn't want to hurt me."
"Oh shut up, Damon! Do you think I am not hurt after he left us? He was my first love, he was my friend. But all you do is drowning yourself in grieve and be drunk all the time because you can't get over it,"
Elena wants a big house with backyard overseeing the lake. She wants a medical degree hanging on the wall and fancy bachelor party with cocktails and rich friends. She wants her future kids to go to the best private school in town and grow up to be another doctor to continue her legacy.
"I was working on the bar, Elena. I was tasting products to sell. I wasn't drunk all the time, ironically it's you who's now reeks of alcohol."
But Damon, Damon wants redemption. Damon wants a life where he can live simply and peacefully and the only way he thought would fit that besides being with Elena is to live up his old dream that he and Stefan had.
"Enough with that bar crap. You can just get a job, Damon. Get a freaking job and help me with the bills. You can just let go of that stupid dreams of yours and actually live a normal, proper human life with me"
She wants normal—her standard of normal. She wants a polished kitchen counter, flowers for every anniversary, and pension planning at 35.
"Elena, I want that for us too. I want to get a job too. But please let me build this place for Stefan. It was our dream, you know that. You have that dream too, becoming a doctor, right? Let me have mine too, you don't have to do anything but just support me, I'll do everything on my own,"
But for Elena ambitions is what made her get through everything. First, her obsession with survival. And the next thing she knew written on her list is how she want to relive her epic love story because she's the martyr and she's the heroine and she will get everything she wants eventually.
"Why? because Damon loves the fun too much? Because you can't imagine yourself sitting on a desk job every day and go home to a crying kid asking for attention? Because that is how human life is Damon, that is the normal struggle we need to feel."
The bar Damon is currently building is the only place he can feel close to Stefan. He can't be at Mystic Falls because he chose to be here, at Whitmore with Elena. And the short time he spends watching the sunset with a glass of Stefan's favorite Bourbon is what makes him believe that he is watching over him somewhere—with his own glass on the other side, not regretting his choice to sacrifice himself for his brother's happiness.
"I want to live that life with you too, Elena. Believe me, I am trying. But I-."
"What are your excuses, Damon? Tell me what other excuses you have?"
The thought of building that place is his only purpose other than being with her throughout everything she wants in this life. Because beside her, the small amount of happiness that he feels when he sees the "Salvatore's" last name engraved at the bar cabinet is the only thing that keeps him sane.
But now she wants him to let go of it.
Damon looks at her underneath the darkness of their cold room. His mind went back to the conversation he had with Bonnie in the car. It was only hours earlier but the day felt so long that he forgot about everything that happened.
He knows Elena means her words. All of it. Eventually, she gave him the same ultimatum she always brings when it comes to his biggest fear.
And just like every other time, he made himself believe that he had no other option to choose.
AN : writing fight scenes are hard and I don't know I did it right or not. But here's the chapter of the day and I hope you like it. Please leave a review because it motivates me to keep working on this story and thank you for reading :)