CHAPTER 8

Matt picked his phone up off the coffee table and scrolled through his contacts until he came to Maddy's number. His finger hovered over her name for several seconds before hastily putting the phone back down. He had done this at least a dozen times in the last few hours. He hadn't heard from her since she sent him a text telling him she had landed safely in Texas yesterday. He wanted to talk to her to hear her voice. He could always tell everything she was feeling by her tone and the inflection in the way she spoke to him. He could read her thoughts, her frame of mind, everything she was feeling just by listening closely. Ever since they met, her expressive way of talking had captivated him. She was unlike any of the other girls in high school back then. Most other girls their age were concerned with their looks more than anything else. Not Maddy. She was mostly concerned with people having a social conscience than she was with the everyday machinations of being a teenager. She wasn't a slave to a mirror or make up or pep rallies or parties . Instead, she was a slave to helping others. She was always organizing blood drives and charity fundraisers for the families of Lincoln Park High who were less fortunate than others. It was a combination of her grades, hard work and altruism in high school that got her a full scholarship to NYU. To his eyes, he thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, inside and out. Twenty years later, he still thought that.

As he sipped his second cup of coffee and watched Finn playing on the floor of the living room, he thanked all that was holy for the forgiveness that Maddy had shown him a few months ago. He had jumped to the wrong conclusion that ultimately led to him making the worst mistake of his life. It pained him to think about that time in their lives and how he could have been so wrong about everything. He should have had more faith in her than to believe she could ever betray him, but the connection that she had to Jace Walker was undeniable. So many times, he wanted to ask her about what happened between them while she was staying with him, but he knew he had no right to after what he had done. But something about that time still haunted him. She had loved the man once and Walker had made it clear to him that he was still in love with her. Matt knew that his comments to come back and take Maddy away from him weren't empty threats. He knew enough about Jace Walker to realize he was a man of his word and Matt wouldn't give him a reason to live up to it.

When Maddy told him she was going to Texas, his first instinct was to fight the decision, but he ultimately knew that would get him nowhere. It would only serve to drive a wedge between him and Maddy and he was trying to avoid that at all costs. For the family to reach out to Maddy for help, Walker must be in dire straits. He was confident that his wife, in her infinite capacity to help people, would do everything she could for him to get his life back on track. He trusted her. He had to or they would be right back to where they were a few months ago. It was Walker that he didn't trust. When a man loves a woman as much as Walker claimed to love Maddy, he'd do anything in his power to get her. Matt thought his own love for her was big and boundless, having loved her since he was sixteen, but the way Walker seemed obsessed with her concerned him. He was resolute in the belief that Maddy would always do the right thing. She would get Walker on the right path and would come back home to him and Finn. He got up from the couch to freshen his coffee when there was a knock on the door. He walked around into the entry hall and pulled open the front door.

"What are you doing here?" asked Matt, surprised to see Emily Morrison standing on his front porch. She rarely visited when Maddy wasn't home.

"Nice to see you too, Casey. Can I come in?"

"Of course. Sorry about that," said Matt, opening the door wider so Em could step inside the entry hall.

"Auntie Em!" screamed Finn as he ran across the living room towards her. Em picked him up and gave him a kiss on the side of his head.

"Hey Finster! How's my favorite munchkin?" said Em as the toddler wrapped his arms around her neck.

"Why do I feel like I'm suddenly watching a hipster version of 'The Wizard of Oz'?" joked Matt.

"Funny," said Em, putting Finn back down on the floor and handing him a small package of mini Lorna Doone cookies.

"I'm sure you know that Maddy's not here. She's in Texas," said Matt, pulling open the bag and handing Finn a cookie.

"Yeah, the fact that she gave me the key to her office and dumped her work on me for the next week sort of gave that away. I came here to talk to you," she said. The look on her face concerned him. She seemed hesitant, but at the same time, like she had an urgency to tell him something.

"OK, so talk," said Matt. Em had never wanted to talk just to him, at least not when Maddy wasn't there, too. He had a feeling of panic rise in his throat. He had never seen Emily Morrison look as serious as she did right now.

"Can I at least get a cup of coffee first?"

"Sure," said Matt, walking through the dining room table. He walked into the kitchen, poured a mug full of coffee, grabbed the cream and sugar and a spoon. He came back into the dining room and set them down in front of Em, who had taken a seat at the dining room table. Matt took a seat across from her.

"It's decaf, by the way. It's all we had in the house,"

"Lightweight," said Em, grumbling.

"What's on your mind, Em?"

"Maddy," she said, taking a spoonful of sugar and stirring it into the coffee.

"What about her?" Em took a sip from the mug, keeping her eyes turned away from him. He was becoming increasingly nervous, but tried not to show it..

"Goddammit...I feel like I'm about to betray my best friend," she said, setting the mug back down on the table. Matt suppressed the urge to scream at her and tell her to stop fucking around and say what she came here to say. She drew a deep breath in and slowly blew it out.

"Before I say anything, I need to know two things….first, do you love Gabby Dawson? Do you have any feelings for her at all?" Matt was taken aback by the directness of the question. His first instinct was to snap at her for asking him something like that, but he reasoned that given she loved Maddy like a sister and what had happened between him and Gabby, he resigned himself to being honest with her.

"No, Em...I don't love Gabby and the only real feelings I have about her is that I'm thankful she's out of my life for good. What's the second thing you need to know?"

"Do you love Maddy? Do you love her more than anything in the world? Because if you don't I'm afraid…" Em stopped talking and choked back a sob. She bit her bottom lip to keep it from quivering and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"What are you afraid of, Em? Please tell me because you're scaring the hell out of me."

"I'm afraid of Jackson Walker and all he represents." Em took another gulp of coffee, hoping the strong brown liquid would give her the courage to say everything she came here to say. "The way he loves her...it's..."

"No one loves Maddy more than I do, Emily. No one," said Matt, becoming defensive. He pushed back from the table and got up from the chair to assist Finn, who had toddled over to him holding up his sippy cup. Matt went into the kitchen and filled it with milk. He came back into the dining room and handed it to Finn, who took a big sip then went back to playing with his toys. "What's that got to do with anything, anyway?"

"When a man loves you like that, it's hard to ignore, Matt...especially when you've given her a reason not to ignore it," she said, looking him directly in the eye.

"Look, I know I made a huge mistake, Em...but…"

"But Walker never made that mistake! She even told me he hasn't been with anyone else since her...that he felt that he'd be betraying their vows even after all this time. He never hurt her the way that you have," she said, giving in to the cascade of tears that had been threatening to fall since she walked into the house.

"Even if that's true, it has nothing to do with us. Maddy and I are fine now."

"Are you? Because where is she, Matt? Where is she right now?" Em's face was pleading with him to understand what she was trying to tell him.

"I couldn't deny her wanting to help him, Em. It's what she does for a living, for Christ's sake! She's been helping people since we first met. Besides, you know Maddy as well as I do. She would have gone no matter what my feelings about it were." Em shook her head, dismissing what Matt just told her.

"I know all that, but this is Jackson Walker we're talking about. Her first husband. The man she thought was dead. The man that gave her everything she needed after you were nowhere to be found. Have you ever considered what would have happened if he hadn't been declared as dead, Matt? She'd still be with him in Texas, raising their daughter and probably an entire passel of kids by now, living a pretty damn good life."

"But she isn't. Her life is here with me and Finn and the new baby we're expecting. Nothing's gonna change that," said Matt, his voice becoming angry and defensive.

"But there's an electricity around them when they're together. I've seen it and so have you."

"There's no denying that they have a connection, Em, I couldn't change that even if I tried. Besides that, I trust Maddy. Don't you?"

"With my life," said Em.

"Then why are we even having this conversation?"

"I don't know, really...just a little niggle in the back of my head tells me that there's more than meets the eye when it comes to Maddy and Walker. Your first love is always the hardest to forget."

"I'm her first love, Em. Not Walker," said Matt, with a defiant tone in his voice.

"OK, then your first husband is hard to forget...especially one that treated you like a queen and never once hurt you," said Em.

"I know Maddy and I know where her heart lies. She cares a lot about him, Em. She doesn't deny that, but it's me she's in love with."

"All I'm saying is watch your back, Matt. Walker is a very powerful and influential man. We don't know what he's capable of doing."

"I know that, trust me. He threatened to come back here to take Maddy away from me if I ever hurt her again. I won't soon forget that."

"He'll do it, too. I have to believe that, so you had better not fuck up again. Ever."

"I'm going to be paying for that one mistake for the rest of my life. I know that," said Matt, sounding defeated.

"It was one hell of a mistake. It's not something you can easily make amends for. The fact that Maddy turned to Walker when it happened should worry you, if you ask me."

"Has Maddy ever talked to you about him?"

"Not really. If I ask her something specific, she answers it, but I've never asked for much detail. I did ask her once if she was sleeping with him."

"What was her answer?"

"She flatly denied it and I believed her."

"And you don't now?"

"After seeing them together at The Roadhouse that night, I'm just not sure anymore. I hate myself for even thinking that. She's my best friend in the entire world and I don't think she's even capable of that, but…"

"What night did they see each other at The Roadhouse?"

"One of the last times all of us were there together. The night Les asked her to be the female singer in the band."

"I had no idea Walker was there. Maddy never said anything about it."

"See? That's what I mean. She never said anything about it to me either. I just happened to see them together in the parking lot."

"Did you see anything that would tell you there was something going on between them?"

"Not really...I mean, they gave each other a hug...pretty generic stuff, but the fact that she didn't tell either of us is what bothers me. Besides that, do you remember the song she sang that night?"

"Not really. It was months ago," said Matt.

"It was 'What If I Never Get Over You' by Lady Antebellum. Don't tell me there's nothing to that," she said.

Matt scratched his forehead, then put his hands on his hips. He wasn't in the mood to go down this road, not after fighting his way back from the brink of his marriage coming to an end. He had no desire to pick at old wounds.

"I appreciate your concern, Em. I really do, but I think you're jumping to the same wrong conclusion that I did and look where that got me. I think we both need to trust her and forget about Walker and all he represents to her. It's best for everyone."

"OK, if you say so. I just thought it was worth mentioning to you."

"I'm glad you did. It just goes to prove that you actually do like me afterall," said Matt, giving her a crooked grin.

"I do, you asshole. See ya later, Finster!" She called out, but he had fallen asleep in the middle of the living room surrounded by several piles of toy fire trucks. "Brainwash that kid much?" she said. Matt unexpectedly pulled her into an embrace.

"I love how you love Maddy and me...how you look out for us," he said.

"Whoa…let's not go overboard. I love Maddy and Finn. I like you, Casey," she said, unexpectedly hugging him back.

"Yeah, yeah," he said.

"Have you talked to her at all?" she said, as she pulled open the front door.

"I'm gonna call her later today."

"Did you ever ask her if she slept with Walker?"

"I wanted to, but after what I did, I felt that I had no right to ask her that."

She nodded and gave him the thumbs up, thanked him for the coffee, then walked out of the house. He watched as she climbed into her car, backed out of the driveway and pulled away. He cared about Emily Morrison more than he ever let on and he was relieved to know that she cared about him too. He turned and walked back into the living room. He stopped next to where Finn was laying on the carpet

"I guess that's where you'll be taking your morning nap today, big guy," he said. He picked up the coffee mugs and put them in the dishwasher. He was walking back through the dining room when their wedding picture caught his eye. It was one of the two of them staring into each other's eyes and holding hands. He remembered thinking at the time how it seemed too staged, but looking at it now, he could see the intense love they had for each other. It was a simpler time, before Jackson Walker came crashing into their lives...before his own transgression that had ripped a hole in the fabric that wove him and Maddy together.

Their fourth wedding anniversary was in another few weeks and he had already made plans for them to go away to a little bed and breakfast just outside of Chicago. He couldn't wait to surprise her with it. It had been too long since they had spent any time together, just the two of them. Their lives always seemed to be wrapped up with Finn, his father-in-law, Maddy's job, the firehouse and their friends. He wanted to have her all to himself for a couple of days. After this unexpected trip to Texas, it would be more urgent than ever. He had to do everything in his power to prove that he was a better man than Walker. After all that had happened in the last couple of months, he wasn't confident that he could.