On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
An office holiday party.
The day of the firm holiday party finally arrives, and the work day passes in a flash for Donna. Between the work she's trying to get done and the final preparations for the evening's event, she hardly has a moment to herself. Harvey is in and out of court all day so she doesn't have to deal with the awkwardness surrounding a potential interaction with him, though she continues to overthink their kiss and the fallout.
Donna confirms the caterers and spends nearly an hour consoling Louis, promising him that everything would be fine for the party. She packs up her desk and prepares everything for the following day, when she plans on heading to her moms after work for the duration of the holiday break. Once she clears Harvey's calendar for the following two days, she heads home to get ready for the party.
He's out of the office when she leaves, and part of her wonders if he'll even bother showing up at the party. Harvey had never been a fan of office gatherings, and it was usually Donna's gentle reminders throughout the day that "encouraged" him to go. Since she hadn't spoken to him all day, she wasn't certain he wouldn't try to skip out on the event all together. It may be a good thing if he skips out on the event. She knows there's no way she can go through the entire event without speaking to him, but she's still unsure of what she wants to say to him.
She'd gone over both possibilities. Bring up the kiss and watch him run scared, inevitably changing their working relationship going forward, or ignore what happened and change their working relationship anyways. Either way it was a lose-lose, she just needed to determine how she wanted to lose. Part of her wanted to force Harvey to confront what happened, but the other half of her was terrified of what would happen if she admitted she wanted something more.
She debates it the entire taxi ride back to her apartment and ultimately decides the decision isn't up to her. Harvey was the one who chose to ignore what happened in the first place, and he was going to have to be the one that decided how they were going to move forward. As much as she wanted to march into his office and scream at him for doing something rash and then pretending it didn't happen, she didn't have it in her to fight him because he wasn't ready. She didn't have it in her to push him away again.
.
.
Donna adds a few extra curls to her hair before pinning it to the side with a sparkly clip and fastening it in place over her left shoulder. She dusts a layer of shimmery gold eyeshadow across her eyelids and coats her lips in a deep shade of red. She completes the look with some mascara and a light layer of blush and decides she's happy with how the look came together.
She steps into the blue dress she bought for the event and tugs the zipper up. The silk low cut gown was practically made for her and while she hadn't planned on purchasing a new dress, she needed this one. It hugged her body perfectly and made her feel incredible. She steps into some silver strappy heels and tosses a white fur scarf over her shoulder and decides she's ready for the evening.
With her winter coat secured over her shoulders, she heads down to hail a taxi and head to the venue to meet Louis.
Louis is already waiting outside, frantically pacing the width of the steps when Donna's cab pulls up.
"What took you so long?" he barks.
"This doesn't just happen," she smirks, gesturing down at the gown peeking out from beneath her jacket.
"Sorry, you look incredible. You always look incredible."
"Thank you Louis," she says.
"We have a problem," Louis exclaims, "the caterer screwed up and they did a shrimp dish instead of chicken."
"Breathe," she instructs, "let's go inside, we'll sort it out."
She follows Louis into the venue and smiles when she spots the sparkly blue and white tinsel lining the walls and the snowflakes hanging from the ceiling. Everything is decorated in shimmery white and the tables are lined with fake snow. The venue is an old reference library so each of the book cases lining the back wall is covered in silver and white decorations and the entire room looks like a winter wonderland.
Donna makes her way over to one of the caterers and begins to sort out the shrimp fiasco while Louis touches up the decorations around the punch bowl. Once she's fixed the issue, she returns to Louis and smiles.
"Problem solved."
"What, how?!"
"I'm Donna," she winks. "'Everything looks incredible Louis."
"You think it looks like a wonderland?"
"It truly does," she says, reaching for his shoulder to give him a reassuring squeeze.
"Why don't we check your coat before the guests arrive?"
"Sure," she says, slipping off her jacket and following him towards the coat check.
She exchanges her jacket for a ticket and smooths out her gown while Louis gawks at her. "I almost forgot, I got this for you," he grins, handing her a clear box containing a white corsage.
"Louis, this is beautiful, you didn't have to."
"Please Donna, someone as lovely as you deserves to wear something equally as lovely."
She extends her arm and allows Louis to slip the flower on her wrist. Turning her hand over, she observes the white and silver flower that matches the theme and she pulls Louis in for a hug.
Louis and Donna do one final check and grab two glasses of champagne while they wait for their coworkers to arrive. Louis asks Donna about her holiday plans and she explains she plans on spending the holiday with her mother, though she isn't overly thrilled about it. In return, Donna asks about Louis' about Hanukkah and he tells her about some of his favourite traditions.
The room slowly starts to fill with their coworkers, who all greet Donna and make pleasant small talk before moving on to the bar to fetch drinks. She's mingling with Katrina when she spots Harvey come in wearing a wool overcoat and a satin red scarf. He catches her eye, but quickly breaks the eye contact and moves to check his coat. She watches for him in the corner of her eye and can feel herself pale when he re-emerges from the hall wearing a three-piece tuxedo.
She hates him for looking so good. She hates herself for thinking he looks so good. And above all else, she hates that she wouldn't be angry if he strolled across the room and kissed her.
Donna downs her glass of champagne in one swift motion and turns back to the bar to order another glass.
.
.
Donna is engrossed in a conversation with Mike and Rachel when Harvey comes up behind them and slips into their circle. He has one hand stuffed in his pocket, the other holding a glass of whiskey and he offers her a gruff, "hey."
"Hey," she replies.
Mike and Harvey begin talking about a client, while she continues her conversation about her day with Rachel. She notices Harvey eyeing her while she speaks, and while she knows they won't be able to avoid each other, she isn't sure she wants to confront him here.
Inevitably, her conversation with Rachel dies out and Mike steals Rachel away to introduce her to a client, leaving Donna alone with Harvey. He awkwardly drags his hand through his hair and weakly smiles at her. They stand in awkward silence for a moment before Harvey finally shatters the silence.
"Do you want to dance?" he asks.
"Um, sure," she finds herself answering before she can fully process what he's even asked. He extends his hand and takes hers, wordlessly leading her to the dance floor.
He places one hand on her waist and begins to lead them, moving two steps forward and two back. She looks away from him at the crowd around them, her free hand resting softly on his shoulder as she follows his lead. They don't speak for the first few beats and she can feel the tension budding between them. She pulls her head back and looks at him, willing him to be the first one to speak.
"I started watching that stupid show," he tells her.
Donna shrugs and ignores him, waiting for him to address the elephant in the room.
"Donna," he sighs.
She leans back and locks eyes with him.
"I'm sorry."
She can tell his words are truthful, the earnest look in his eye hurts her in a way she can't explain. She knows he's just as confused as she is, but she's angry that he isn't in the same emotional place as her. Overall, she's frustrated.
"You're sorry?" she stares at him and blinks.
"I am."
"Why?"
She wants to hear him say it. She needs him to know if he's sorry for kissing her or if he's sorry he didn't bring it up. She just needs more.
"What do you mean why? I think we both know why I'm apologizing."
"Do we?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nevermind," she snaps. She turns her head away from him and stares across the room at where Mike and Rachel are dancing. His grip on her hand tightens as he moves them forward, and he closes the distance between them by a few inches so he can lower his voice when he speaks again. The silk fabric of her dress brushes against his leg and goosebumps arise on her lower arms.
"I really am sorry Donna. I should have addressed what happened when I saw you yesterday and I'm sorry I didn't."
She swallows hard. He didn't regret kissing her. Her mind begins to race and the feeling of her hand clasped in his does nothing to steady her nerves.
"I just didn't know what to say. I didn't know what you wanted me to say," he admits.
"What did you want to say?" she whispers, stepping closer to him. Close enough that their breath mingles and she can almost taste the glass of whiskey he must have downed before approaching her.
"I-" he stutters and waits for her to look at him. "I …"
"Yes?" she urges him to continue.
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to do it again," he whispers.
"Harvey," she sighs, she lets her hand slip from his shoulder and places it on his chest. Her thumb runs over the fabric of his bowtie.
"Could I?"
"Donna!" Louis cries from across the room, forcing Donna to step back and let her hand fall from Harvey's torso.
"Yes," she says to Harvey, barely above a whisper.
Harvey swallows hard and releases Donna's hand, giving her space to turn and face Louis.
"We have another problem! Come quick," he ushers her across the room and towards the bar. Louis begins to tell her the problem but Donna is only half listening. She turns back and finds Harvey staring at her, but forces herself to focus on the task at hand with Louis.
Donna spends the next forty-five minutes helping Louis solve the party faver crisis, which, granted, is a helpful distraction from what almost just happened between her and Harvey. When she rejoins the party, a lot of the guests have begun to head home and Mike and Rachel are retrieving their coats. She doesn't see Harvey anywhere so she joins Mike and Rachel and exchanges her ticket for her coat.
"Hey, where have you been?" Rachel asks.
"I had to help Louis with something," she explains.
"Have you seen Harvey?" Donna asks.
"Last time I saw him he was with Jessica but that was a while ago. Everything alright?"
"Oh yeah. Everything's fine."
"Did you want to catch a ride with us?" Rachel offers.
"I'm going to stick around and make sure everything here is taken care of," Donna says, "but I'll call you later and we can talk about the episode."
"We have to go home and watch that?" Mike groans.
"Yes," Rachel tells him, "we do."
"Good night Donna," Rachel hugs Donna, "see you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow," she waves as Mike and Rachel leave.
"Hey," Harvey's voice echoes from behind her.
"Hey," she smiles. "I thought maybe you left."
"I wanted to see if you needed a ride?"
She considers taking him up on his offer, but she knows it's not wise. She needs time to process everything that's happened (or almost happened) tonight and she knows if she leaves with him, she won't be going home. It's tempting; to go home with him and burst through the wall they'd spent so long building, but deep down she knows that for them to have a chance, she needs to decline his offer.
"I have to stay and help Louis," she admits, "but I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Um, yeah," he responds, "see you tomorrow. Maybe we can talk before you leave for your vacation?"
"I'd like that."
He makes a motion to hug her but promptly changes his mind and awkwardly staggers forward and bumps into her. He saves the awkward motion by leaning down and kissing her on the cheek. "Goodnight Donna."
She watches him walk away, the butterflies in her stomach rampaging.
.
The Twelve Days of Christmas
Chapter 10: An office holiday party
The office holiday party was a sore spot for Mr. Shawn. Michelle knew from last year that while he loved to mingle with his employees and show off his daughters, he hated the pressure that came with socializing and dancing.
Last year, she noticed he managed to avoid the dance floor, but this year he's standing on it twirling Rebecca and Sadie around when she enters.
He pauses when he spots her and offers her a timid smile before returning his attention to the two small girls holding his hands.
She was wearing a stunning emerald green dress and a pair of silver heels and had her hair straight and down. He looked handsome, wearing a black tuxedo, while the girls were in the party dresses they'd excitedly told Michelle about.
When the girls spot her, they squeal, release Mr. Shawn's hand and run across the room towards her. They wrap their little arms around her legs and start gushing about how beautiful she looks.
Mr. Shawn follows close behind and runs a hand through his hair. "Hey."
"Hey," she greets him. "Girls, you look like princesses!"
"Will you come dance with us?" they ask.
"I would love to," she says, she takes each of their hands and allows them to lead her back to the dance floor.
She takes turns twirling them, each of them giggling as she shakes her hips and has them follow her lead, the three of them doing the twist to an upbeat Christmas song.
Mr. Shawn watches the girls with Michelle and his heart swells. As the song comes to end, he raps her on the shoulder and extends his palm.
"May I have this dance?"
She nods and takes his hand.
"Girls, can you go and play in daddy's office?"
"Okay!" they grin and toddle off in the direction of his office.
They watch until the girls are in the office and Michelle takes Mr. Shawn's hand in hers.
"You look beautiful tonight," he tells her. He places his palm on her waist and brings her closer. With one hand trapped in his and the other resting on his shoulder, she allows her lips to hover just below his ear.
"Thank you," she blushes.
She notices a few of their fellow employees looking on and pulls her head back so she can lock eyes with him.
"People are staring," she says.
"Since when do you care about people staring?"
"They're going to get the wrong idea."
"Let them think whatever they want. I don't care."
He tugs her hip gently and forces her to twirl away. Without another word, he begins to lead her in a simple waltz, effortlessly gliding from one step to the next.
She's impressed with the way he moves them, mesmerized by each step he takes, but she follows his lead and allows herself to inch closer until her chest is practically pressed against his. She draws in a deep breath when their eyes meet and the air between them crackles with anticipation.
He leans down and cups her chin with his thumb and pointer finger and lifts her lips until his can softly press against them.
It's chaste and only lasts a moment but it sets her skin ablaze and she's left seeing stars. The music comes to an end and he whispers "thank you for the dance," before excusing himself to check on the girls. Michelle fetches herself a drink and mingles with a few coworkers before the girls steal her away and she ends up playing games with them. She spends the entire evening holding the hands of the two little girls, stealing glances of her boss (who she catches stealing glances of her). Mr. Shawn convinces Michelle to ride home with him and the girls, and he slips his hand in hers and squeezes her palm while Sadie talks about her favourite parts of the party.
He gets out of the car and considers kissing her goodnight but the peeping girls in the back seat demand his attention and he kisses Michelle on the cheek and nods her good night.
.
.
After wrapping up at the venue, Donna decides to walk a few blocks before hailing a cab.
He wasn't sorry for kissing her.
He wanted to kiss her again.
And she wanted to be kissed by him again. Didn't she?
Was he finally ready for something more? The more she walks, the more she begins to overthink everything that had happened between them over the past decade. Just because he wanted to kiss her again, that didn't mean he wanted to be with her. She knows they need to sit and talk about what this all meant; the kiss, tonight, the flirting that crossed the line. She wants more. She wants him. But she wants him to want the same things and it's overwhelming to think that he may not.
She ends up walking the entire way to her apartment, not realizing how frozen her toes are because she's too lost in her own thoughts. She draws a hot bath the moment she enters her apartment, slips out of her dress and into the warm water. Leaning back against the tiles, she closes her eyes and thinks about the way her entire body tingled with anticipation when told her he wanted to kiss her again.
Tomorrow was their last day at the office before they closed for the holidays, and also her last day in the city before visiting her mother, which meant they needed to talk about what was happening between them within the next twenty four hours. There would be no putting it off, no brushing it under the rug; Harvey had made sure that things were never going to be the same between them the moment he admitted he didn't regret kissing her.
She's so preoccupied with her own thoughts, the what-ifs and the could-be's, that she forgets to watch the episode and call Rachel. Instead, she climbs into bed with a childish grin, a nervous excitement about what was to come pulsing through her. She and Harvey were at a turning point, and for once, she allows herself to be hopeful that they may actually make the right turn.
.
.
Across town, Harvey stumbles into his empty apartment with a sad sigh. He understands why Donna declined his offer for a ride home. He knows emotions were running high and that they likely would have done something they regretted, but he wishes she was here with him. Talking about it was the right thing to do, but selfishly, he wants to feel her lips against his.
He hadn't stopped thinking about their kiss since it happened, and while he told himself he wasn't going to do anything about it, holding her in his arms, her big brown eyes gazing up at him shifted something in him. While he was holding her, he couldn't imagine never getting to have her in his arms again, or never getting to taste her kiss. He may not be worthy of being with her, but maybe he was worthy of a chance.
So, he took a chance on himself and did something he never thought he'd find the courage to do. He told her he wanted to kiss her again; took a chance on himself and them, and he was pleasantly surprised to discover she wanted the same thing.
He's too nervous to sleep, anxious about the conversation he knows is coming, so he settles onto his couch and continues to watch the Christmas show he began the day prior. He was nearly done with the first season and much to his surprise, he found himself enjoying the episodes. The only frustrating thing was watching the two main characters remain oblivious to how they felt about one another. Midway through the second season he actually sighs and says aloud, "When will they realize what's right in front of their stupid faces?"
And then it hits him.
What was right in front of his stupid face.