We Who Are About To Wed Salute You
"As Queen, I decree that this man shall marry all six of my daughters!" Queen Lyra pointed at Phineas.
His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, and he spontaneously began hyperventilating. "Heek-woo! Heek-woo!" The air made a high-pitched whistle as he sucked it between his teeth.
"I call being his first wife!" Cassie jubilantly shot a fist in the air, her other arm being still wrapped around the crook of Phineas' elbow. "As the oldest, it is my birthright, after all!"
"Then I get to be his second! We'll do it by age!" Stella latched onto Phineas' other arm with a smirk.
"Wha―wait! I can't marry all of you! Isn't there some law against that?"
"Yandaray has no laws against polygamy," Miranda breathlessly pointed out. "Whatever the Queen says is law."
Phineas gulped.
Phoebe sidled up beside Phineas as well. "Fufufu! Phineas dear, I can't wait until our honeymoon! They say that on a couple's first night together, they have the world's best pillow fight!"
Phineas had puffed out his cheeks in desperation and was making squelching noises by letting the air escape.
"I'm especially looking forward to starting our family together!" Alexia cooed softly into his ear. "We can take it slow at first; perhaps only start with a hundred thousand children and grow from there."
"And I already have the first million names picked for our children, Phineas!"
"M-million?" he squeaked. "H-how many children can Yandarians have?"
"Fufufu!" The sisters twittered in unison.
"Let's just say there will be a lot of mouths to feed. I hope you are prepared to work hard to provide for all our families!"
"That is, when you aren't busy attending to your other Queens in their bedrooms!"
With those words, Phineas' hyperventilation reached its peak, and he emitted a tiny squeak. Just like that, his eyes rolled back into his head, and he fainted.
"Phineas, Phineas, can you hear us? Wake up!" The six sisters were gathered around Phineas' limp body. A few of them were fanning his face with their hands.
Phineas grunted and furrowed his eyebrows. "Uwoh, I'm okay, just give me a second."
"I'm embarrassed to have such a wimp for a fiancé!" With that, Luna slapped him across the cheek. "Wake up!"
"Ow! I'm awake! I'm awake!" He rubbed his hand-shaped welt.
"C'mon, let's get you up on your feet." The girls helped him stand.
"So, now that our engagement is in order, Mother, when will the wedding ceremony be held?"
"Eh? Wedding ceremony? What wedding? Who's getting married?" The Queen looked around at all of them in confusion.
"We are! You just said Phineas would be marrying all of us!"
"I did? Who is Phineas?"
"This boy we brought home! How have you forgotten everything already?"
"Ooh, you certainly are a handsome one, aren't you?" The Queen waggled her eyebrows in Phineas' direction. "How about marrying me instead?"
"Mother!"
"I kid! I kid! Hohohoho!" The Queen covered her mouth as she twittered. "What good girls you are! About time you brought home a man. When are you marrying him?"
"That's what we're asking you!"
"Well, when you're in love, there's no reason to wait around, is there? After all, I am an old lady, and I don't want to miss my daughters' big day. Let's have the wedding immediately!"
"R-right now?!" Stella stepped forward. "That won't work! What about the invitations? The cake? My dress?"
"Hey, she's got a point! I want a nice wedding too!"
"Yeah, me too! With lots of pink banners and flowers lining the aisle and all my friends as bridesmaids…"
"It would take days or even weeks to get everything ready though! I want to marry Phineas as soon as possible!"
"Then what if we don't go too overboard in making it fancy? Let's just have a nice and simple wedding here in the castle. Something like that would only take two or three days to set up."
"Wait, a wedding? Who's getting married?" interjected the Queen.
Everyone collectively sighed. Phineas couldn't help but feel bad for their mother's state. Even so―
"Hey, didn't you say that whatever the Queen says goes?" he asked, getting an idea. The Queen couldn't seem to hold a conversation for more than a minute, yet her word was legally binding. Perhaps he could find a way to cross her up? It might be a tad dishonest, but he was desperate.
"Your majesty?" He stepped forward, getting the Queen's attention. "As I seem to recall, you were just saying a minute ago that I could choose who I wanted to marry, isn't that right?"
"Oh? Did I say that?" asked the Queen.
"Hey, what are you up to?" the sisters followed up.
"That's right!" Phineas ignored the girls. "In fact, she's a girl I'm positively head over heels for, and you wouldn't want to get in the way of true love, right?"
"Ooh!" The Queen's eyes lit up. "This sounds interesting!"
"It is!" Phineas wiggled his way out of the grip of the girls, dodging the glares they were tossing his way like knives. "So, with your permission, I'll just take my leave and go―uh, continue on with my life, and continue dating Isabella, and hopefully even marrying her someday, right, your Majesty? I remember you saying just a minute ago you wanted me to marry the girl I love, so you'll let me do that, right?"
"Did I say that?" The Queen put her hand to her chin in thought? "I do remember saying something…"
"It's just a simple 'yes' or 'no' question." Phineas bore down on her short frame with a smile. "Will you let me go be with the girl I―oof!"
Klonk! Phineas' eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped to the floor.
"Whoops! My hand slipped! There I go, being clumsy again!" Phoebe stuck her tongue out and punished herself for hitting Phineas by applying a playful noogie to the side of her own head.
"Good work, Phoebe!" Cassie gave her sister the thumb's up. "He was this close to ruining everything!"
"No, not good work!" Luna shouted, kneeling at Phineas' side. "I think you killed him, Phoebe! Look, I think I see his spirit leaving his mouth!"
"Thatta girl, Phoebe!" complimented Queen Lyra. "That was a rock-solid punch! As expected of one of my daughters!"
"Don't compliment her! Get Phineas a doctor!"
"It's just that it was so moving to see…" Queen Lyra softened. "In fact, it's got me in the mood for a tournament arc! By my decree, that's how we'll decide which of you gets to be his first wife!"
"How about you decree we get him some medical treatment?!"
When Phineas came to, his head was throbbing. He found himself in the same bed as before, a clean white bandage wrapped around his head.
"Oh, good! You're awake!" The maid Callie smiled in relief. "It would not have been good for you to die so close to your wedding date, master!"
"Ungh…" Phineas groaned as he sank deeper into the pillow, seriously considering whether death wasn't a worse fate than what he had been dealt. "I need to get out of here…"
"By the way, I was told to inform you that a tournament will be held tomorrow between the princesses," Callie dutifully reported. "The outcome will determine the order in which the princesses will be arranged as your wives."
Phineas didn't think he fully comprehended that statement, but he said, "Hey, Callie, can I ask you something? You said it was your duty to help me in any way I needed, didn't you?"
"That's correct."
"In that case, I got a whopper for you. Would it be too much to ask of you to help me sneak out of here and run away before they marry me off?"
"That would go against the Queen's wishes, which is contrary to my primary directive."
"I was afraid you'd say that."
"However, you are free to roam about the castle as you please. Nowhere is off limits for the future King, not even the Queen's personal quarters! In fact, she specifically mentioned how happy she would be if you were to―
"No way is that happening!"
"Of course."
"Plus, I can barely walk in this gravity, so I guess this is basically the same as being under house arrest."
"Not to worry! The princesses and Queen took your needs under consideration and decided to give you this, to assist with your mobility while you acclimatize to Yandaray's gravity!" She gestured palm up towards an item at the foot of the bed. Phineas raised his head to see the indicated object was the Queen's walker, positioned at a convenient angle so he could easily reach it.
Phineas let his head drop back against the pillow. "Pft! Yeah right! There is no way I'm using that!"
"Well, I shall let you get your rest!" Callie moved toward the door. "Call me if you need anything else!" With that, she departed, leaving him completely alone.
Phineas glanced back at the walker. Nobody was watching him at the moment. If it meant his escape, it might be worth using―
"Definitely not gonna happen!" He rolled over to face away from the walker. There are some things in life are things you just can't submit to as a matter of a man's pride.
One hour later, he was frantically pushing his way down the hallway, using the walker to hold himself up. "Where's the bathroom? I gotta pee so badly!"
In a safe orbit high above the surface of Yandaray, Andromeda was alerted to an incoming call. She tapped the screen, and an image of the Captain's buyer, the Shipper, flashed into view.
"I just received the package you delivered from Keturah," the Shipper said, a dark shadow crossing her face. "I asked Captain Jabberwock to retrieve a device capable of purifying or purging anything. What I received was―"
The Shipper paused for dramatic effect. Andromeda narrowed her eyes, but showed no other reaction as she braced herself for the bad news.
"What I received was―exactly what I wanted, the De-Love-Inator satellite! Do you have any idea how incredibly useful this satellite is? It can not only purge all the love out of a single person; given enough power, it could eradicate all love on an entire planet! With this device, I am one step closer to achieving my ultimate dreams!"
Andromeda hid her sigh of relief behind her poker mask. "Congratulations, ma'am."
"Yes, of course, I didn't call you simply to celebrate. You see, the De-Love-Inator will need some modifications before it is ready to suit my needs. As it turns out, there is something else I will need you to collect for me. And what a coincidence? Your ship's coordinates are exactly where I wanted you to go.
"It is said that there is a rare perfume produced only on Yandaray using the Queen's pheromones. It is an aphrodasiac so intoxicating, they call it the 'love potion,' because it can make any man instantly fall in love with whoever is wearing it. With a vial of that love potion, I should be able to reverse the polarity of the De-Love-Inator, and I'll finally be able to―whoopsie, it's still too soon to give away my final plan just yet!"
"I'll let the Captain know right away," Andromeda said frostily. "Anything else?"
"No, that is all. Er, actually, while you're at it, could you also give that Captain of yours a big hug and a kiss? Just for me? If possible, make a recording and forward me the video as well! Ehehehehe!" The Shipper laughed as she brought a handkerchief to her face to treat a spontaneous nosebleed, which had afflicted her from seemingly nowhere.
Andromeda delivered her an icy glare before swiping the console, ending the call.
Dusk had come and gone, and the castle had settled in for another beautiful night in paradise on Yandaray. The windows carved high into the stone walls let in the silvery light of Yandaray's moon and two accompanying moonmoons, which is what any natural satellites orbiting around a planet's moon are colloquially known as. Cassie, the oldest non-banished princess of Yandaray, used the light to sneak softly down the corridor in her nightdress.
She thought she was alone, but when she reached the door to Phineas' room, she sensed a presence lurking in the shadows. "Who's there?" she whispered.
"Cassie?" Stella stepped into view. "What are you doing here?"
"I was just making a trip to the restroom is all. More importantly, what are you doing here?"
"You expect me to believe that? It's obvious that I have caught you sneaking into Phineas' room in the dead of night."
Cassie sniffed the air. "You caught me? Then care to explain that fragrance? You stole some of Mother's special perfume, didn't you?"
"Eh? Y-you must be mistaken… There was an extra bottle in the bathroom I didn't recognize, so I simply tried a dash to see what it was…"
"You expect me to believe that?" Cassie crossed her arms.
Stella sighed. "It seems we both came here for the same reason. But I was here first, so scram! Shoo!"
"I'm not a stray! And don't think I'm about to let you enter Phineas' room alone while wearing that!"
"I should be saying the same about you! You better go cover up, or someone might get the wrong impression!"
The two girls growled at each other, glaring with an intensity that seemed to light up the corridor with sporadic jolts of static electricity.
"Guys, enough with the fighting!" Alexia suddenly appeared, wiping her eyes sleepily. "Why don't we just all sleep in Phineas' bed?"
Stella and Cassie turned their backs to each other and crossed their arms. "Fine! But only because someone needs to be making sure she doesn't try anything with him!" they said in unison.
"C'mon, let's just go in already," Alexia yawned, pushing open the bedroom door. "Assuming we haven't already woken him up with all this noise―huh?"
The three sisters took one step inside and stopped when they heard something coming from deeper in the room.
"Oh Phineas, you're so warm and squishy! So soft! Hyumhyumhyumhyum…"
"Who is that purring like a kitten under the covers with Phineas!?" the sisters demanded, grabbing the blanket together and ripping it off the bed.
"Oops! Uh, hi!?" Phoebe's visage blushed from the shadows, her arms and legs wrapped around―
"A decoy!" the sisters all realized at once. Phoebe relinquished the full-size body pillow, which had a red-orange wig taped to the top.
"So that's why he was so soft…" Phoebe said, scratching her head.
"And what about the fact that he was missing his arms and legs? When were you going to realize that?"
"Well, you know me, I'm the clumsy one!"
"Being clumsy doesn't make you forget people have arms and legs!"
"Yeah, but he is an alien. Maybe he takes them off in his sleep? You never know…"
"Maybe we should start calling you the stupid one or the ditzy one instead of the clumsy one!"
"Girls! Girls! Girls!" Cassie halted the bickering. "None of that is important right now! The important thing is that Phineas is probably wandering around somewhere, lost and alone! We need to go look for him!"
"He's probably trying to escape."
"Now now, we shouldn't jump to conclusions."
"Who's jumping to conclusions? You remember when he tried to trick Mother into letting him go earlier?"
"If he is trying to escape, it's because he only loves me and can't stand the thought of being married to all the rest of you!"
Just then, the light switch clicked on, illuminating the room. "Hey, Phineas, can we sleep in here with―"
Luna and Miranda dropped short where they stood at the doorway, the looks on their faces showing their surprise at how crowded the room was. All six sisters stared blankly at each other.
Then Miranda slammed the door closed on the four who had just been bickering inside.
"Hey! Don't pretend like we weren't here!" Stella shouted, wrenching the door open again.
"You all snuck into Phineas' room to try to sleep with him!" Luna accused flatly, with a finger point.
"Takes one to know one!" Alexia shot back.
"Okay, look," Cassie ejaculated, "we're all guilty, so let's just move on! Obviously, Phineas snuck out, and it's up to us to find him, so let's make it a competition―a little warm-up for the tournament tomorrow! Whoever finds Phineas first gets to have the closest spot to him on the bed. Agreed?"
There was a general mutter of consent.
"Then let the hunt begin! Oooooon-yourmarkgetsetgo!" Cassie quickly dashed out of the room first, before the others could react.
"What the?! Cheater!"
"Cassie's up to her old tricks again!"
"Get back here!"
The rest of the sisters took off after her into the night.
Phineas rhythmically thrusted out into the darkness with the walker, breathing heavily as he continued putting more distance between himself and the castle. Even if he felt like an old man using this thing, he had to admit, it really helped him move much more easily.
The steep trail cutting across the mountainous terrain behind the castle didn't do him any favors. As soon as he'd exited the castle, he discovered there was a quaint village extending from the foothills, starting at the castle's front gates, and stretching down into the valley. Therefore, he chose this more difficult path, hoping not to be spotted. Plus, his sense of direction told him the other side of the mountain was where Isabella and the ship were at. He just hoped he could make the crossing before anyone discovered he had run away.
"Aha!" Something appeared out of nowhere directly in front of him. Phineas jumped back at the movement.
"P-Phoebe?" He recognized the silhouette by the light of the three moons. Phoebe was hanging from a vine upside-down at about eye level, arms crossed, grinning.
"Looks like I found you, honey!" She reached out to embrace him, but Phineas dodged her arms. "Shoot!"
In a panic, Phineas did the equivalent of sprinting with the walker, shuffling as fast as he could.
"Uh-oh," Phoebe said as she tried to move after him, but the vine somehow got knotted up around her ankle, holding her back. She reached for her foot and wrestled with the branches. "Grk! Gotta―get―loose!"
"I heard something! Over there!"
Another one of the girls' voices was close by. Phineas pushed around a bend and hid behind a tree, gasping for air, but trying his best to do so without making noise.
A shadow emerged on the far side of the tree. He held his breath, sweating bullets. The silhouette approached the tree he was hiding behind. One hand appeared around the side of the trunk, and Phineas reactively slid around behind the opposite side, narrowly avoiding being seen.
Then, sensing the presence coming now back round to check this other side, he shuffled around again, just as a hand appeared on the spot he had been only moments before. There was a sniffing sound coming from the space behind the stump. He waited, watching the hand with trepidation.
Crack! A twig snapped in the background.
"I gotcha now!" The hand flew from the tree trunk as the shadow dove into the bushes.
Crash! The owner of the hand pounded into the nearby foliage.
"Hey, Stella, that's me!"
"Alexia?"
"No-o, the President of the Galaxy!"
"Sorry! I thought you were Phineas!"
"Get off me!"
Phineas tiptoed silently away, adrenaline spiking. He'd barely escaped that one, but he needed an idea, fast. Think, think! He racked his brain.
"Hey, what's that?" another one of the girls shouted, and it sounded like they were coming his way.
"Do you see that? Up ahead? Is that him?"
"Yes, I see it! The walker, the triangular head, there's no mistaking it! There he is!"
"You're as good as mine now, baby!"
Miranda and Luna rushed forward, clearly seeing Phineas' profile outlined against the backdrop of a patch of moonlight. Racing each other neck and neck, the moment they were within range, they dove for the dark image and grabbed hold.
"Aha! I got you! Wait, this is..."
"No way, I was here first―huh?"
The sisters looked more closely at the triangular shape they were hugging. Now that they could see it, it was definitely―
A logic-defying, triangular-shaped, giant mushroom, with two twigs stabbed into the stem to look like arms attached to a body holding the walker.
"Aw geez, it's just a mushroom!"
"But this is definitely his walker! He can't have gone far without it!"
Phineas held his breath from behind a tree stump, waiting for the footsteps to fade away. After the girls had moved sufficiently far off, he finally allowed himself to inhale, panting softly for air, his heart still pounding.
"Whew! That was too close," he whispered.
No sooner than he had, an arm shot out from the opposite side of the stump, an impossibly strong hand catching his collar in a vice-like grip. The arm's owner lifted him off the ground and brought him round into view, and Phineas looked into the eyes of Cassie, the oldest princess-sister. "I win," she smugly said.
"How did you find me?" Phineas gasped.
"By feeling your air," Cassie responded. "After hiking up the mountain and then running from us like that in this gravity, you couldn't hold your breath forever."
(Fan's Notes: Yandarian Biology Trivia
Yandarians evolved a small, unique organ posterior to the nasal cavity, near the base of the brain, called a nastroumtis. This organ grants them a specialized sense: the perception of air flows and air currents, which allows them to "see"―or perhaps, "smell"―the movement of air particles in their surroundings. No other species in the galaxy has been found to have an analogous organ, nor shown signs of possessing this peculiar extra sense.
Some scientists have theorized that the nastroumtis helps Yandarians react faster to certain threats in the thick of battle, such as projectiles. There are also recorded instances of Yandarians using their extra sense of air movements for tracking and hunting respirating prey as far as fifty meters away.
―Taken from Gulliver's notes on Yandarians)
In no time at all, Phineas found himself back in the king-sized poster bed in the castle, now with six beautiful Yandarian girls snuggled up closely with their arms about him, three to a side. The peaceful sounds of gentle snoring filled the room, but Phineas knew he would be getting no sleep tonight.
He fell asleep after all. Turns out being placed in a high gravity environment increases one's metabolic rate and tires the body much faster, his scientific brain would later realize. But that thought provided little comfort the next morning when he opened his eyes and remembered where he was.
The six sisters were laying beside him, most of them still asleep.
"Good morning, Phineas," Cassie cooed contentedly, their faces inches apart. "Would you like breakfast? A bath? Or," she licked her lips seductively, "would you rather have―me?"
She ended the sentence with a cute wink, but her face quickly contorted when an unidentified fist was cordially introduced to the back of her cranium. "Ow!" She rubbed the spot vigorously.
"You don't get to say lines like that until after you're married!" Luna seethed.
"Fine, fine," Cassie sighed. "It'll just have to wait until after the tournament." She leaned over and whispered in Phineas' ear, "To be continued."
Phineas bolted upright, in spite of the gravity. "Okay, nature is calling, so let me up!" His tone was less of a statement and more of a plea.
Captain Jabberwock strolled through the outskirts of a small town located at the feet of a majestic mountain pass, overlooked by a picturesque, fairytale castle. It was dawn, and the pastures of exotic domesticated animals were just beginning to come alive.
His muscular physique was not bothered by the planet's gravity in the slightest; in fact, he felt energized by it, like the enervating feeling one gets breathing crisp alpine air on a morning hike.
He saw movement coming from a small cottage down the road. A couple of young, attractive women, dressed in laborers' attire akin to a peasant woman's full dress and apron from the Middle Ages, were setting out on their morning chores.
"Excuse me," he called out, holding up an image. "I'm looking for these two Earthlings. Have you seen them?"
The women dropped the buckets they were carrying and immediately ran up to him, completely ignoring the display.
"Ooh, you're a man!"
"I've never seen a real man before!"
"Look at how big his arms are! Squeee!"
The Captain brushed them off. "Here, take a good look at these images. Are you sure you haven't seen this boy and girl around here?"
"Forget about them, you can have me!"
"What's the matter, baby? Am I not pretty enough for you?"
Captain Jabberwock growled in frustration, baring his fangs. "Look, I don't have time to play games!"
"Good! Then we can just cut to the good stuff!" The women smilingly latched on to his arms and directed him toward the cottage.
"Hold on, let go!" Captain Jabberwock yanked to free himself, and was extremely surprised when neither of the women gave an inch. "Huh? You resisted my muscles? My muscles?"
"My my, we found a strong one, didn't we, sister?"
"Yes, sister! This will be even more fun than I imagined!"
"Hey, wait! Stop! Let go of me!" Captain Jabberwock struggled, but their grips held all the more firmly. The two women looked up at him, and though they were smiling, something in their smiles glinted a certain way that made this hardened space pirate realize what made Yandarians so feared throughout the galaxy.
"Come this way, mister, and let's get to know each other a bit better!" The worker Yandarians leaned forward, pressing their bosoms firmly against the space pirate.
A certain highly undignified and unmanly scream was heard echoing across the valley that morning.
(Fan's Notes: Yandarian Biology Trivia
Although worker Yandarians are infertile, they still share the Yandarian Queen's notoriously strong libido.)
The bright yellow sun was already high in the sky as huge crowds gathered from all across the planet, quickly filling the amphitheater-style seats of a massive stone building in the town below the castle. The venue was not a far cry architecturally from the Roman Coliseum, Phineas thought.
He was seated in the royalty box close to the Queen, dressed in the perfectly tailored suit of a groom. The wedding would be held immediately after a winner to today's tournament was decided, and there was nowhere for him to run now.
I wonder what Isabella is doing right now, he wondered. I wish I at least had the chance to tell her how I feel.
"My sisters, welcome one and all!" A loud announcer's voice boomed throughout the stadium. "The Princess Tournament will now begin!"
The stadium boomed and thundered with cheers and applause.
"You all know our princesses! Princess Cassiopeia! Princess Stella! Princess Phoebe! Princess Miranda! Princess Galexia! And, last but not least, Princess Luna!"
The six sisters stood in a line at the center of the stadium, dressed in their battle gear, solemnly awaiting the start of the tourney.
The announcer continued. "The rules are simple! The challengers will take turns facing each other in one-on-one combat! Each challenger can use any weapons she chooses. Matches will be decided when a combatant leaves the arena, admits defeat, is knocked unconscious, or is killed, and the winner gets to advance to the next round. The grand prize is a bottle of the 'love potion,' the ultra-rare Yandarian perfume possessed only by a Yandarian Queen, a perfume which can only be produced using the Queen's pheromones and is said to be so potent it can instantly make any man fall in desperate love with its wearer! (According to some legends, it even provides the man with other boosts as well!)" Said bottle was held up by Queen Lyra herself in the VIP box for the whole audience to see, while many in the crowd oohed. "Guess the winner gets to have a very fun honeymoon with the future King! Now then, are! You! Ready!?"
The crowd roared in anticipation. "Whoo! Yeah!" The Queen even jumped up from her luxurious chair in the VIP section to cheer.
"She just said your daughters could kill each other, and you're cheering?" Phineas lectured her.
"Dying in battle is something all Yandarians are proud to do," she responded.
"Seriously?" That just made Phineas worry all the more. "I've seen them fight! They won't hold back!"
"I'm looking forward to it!"
Phineas facepalmed.
"All right! Then, let's get ready to r―!"
"Wait!"
A single figure made its way onto the pitch. The figure was covered in a black cloak with the hood pulled high over its head. Its semicircular head sat at a height and was mounted to a slender frame Phineas knew he'd seen somewhere.
"Wait!" The cloaked figure said once more, now capturing the attention of every set of eyes in the stadium. "I wish to also participate in the tournament!"
It was so quiet, the entire audience could have heard a pin drop. And then―
"Isabella!" Phineas shouted from the Queen's quarters while waving his arms. "Isabella, thank goodness! You've got to help me!"
It was the hooded figure's turn to facepalm. "You revealed my identity too soon!" Isabella's voice yelled.
"Uh, who are you?" asked the announcer.
"She's Isabella! My girlfriend!" Phineas called from the booth.
"Dang it, Phineas, that was my one chance to make a cool appearance, and you blew it!" Sighing, Isabella pulled down the hood and shrugged off the cape, revealing that she was wearing a ratty black shirt and dark, patched up pants. A bandolier was wrapped about her right shoulder, and a dark gray beret sat atop her head. She looked determined and ready for battle.
"Your Majesty!" Isabella directed in a loud voice toward the Queen. "According to Yandaray's laws, any eligible bachelorette is allowed to participate in the tournament! And as a teenage girl from Earth, I am granted all the same rights of a Yandarian citizen! Isn't that right?" Isabella glanced at the announcer for confirmation. "Therefore, I demand entrance into this tournament!"
Every head in the stadium turned to the Queen.
Queen Lyra stood from her seat. "Earthling, do you really think you can defeat my daughters in pitched combat? I'm amazed you can even stand in this planet's gravity! How can you hope to stand a chance against them, who were trained from birth to be the galaxy's deadliest warriors?"
Isabella didn't flinch. "That may be true. I know I don't stand much of a chance. But Phineas is still my boyfriend! Of course, he's gonna be in a lot of trouble for leaving me all alone on that beach, running off with a bunch of pretty alien girls like that… But I can't abandon him! So just you watch me win! And if I do, I also demand that his engagements with the princesses be annulled as well!"
"Hold on!" Cassie spoke out of turn. "Mother, you can't seriously be considering this! Yandaray needs a new queen, soon! Otherwise, our whole species will be brought to the brink of extinction!"
"Cassiopeia!" The Queen's tone instantly silenced her daughter. "I know full well what is at stake here! However, how can I say no to a maiden in love?" She clasped her hands together in admiration.
Affected by Isabella's rousing speech, the crowd began to chant. "Let her fight! Let her fight!" Within seconds, the whole arena was shaking. "Let her fight! Let her fight!"
At last, Queen Lyra raised a hand, communicating she has reached a decision. The chanting died out.
"By my decree―" she began, as everyone moved to the edges of their seats― "What were we talking about again?"
Everyone fell flat on their backs.
"Oh, that's right, I remember now! By my decree, she can fight!"
The crowd went wild.
"No! Isabella, don't do this!" Phineas was not thrilled like everyone else. "Listen, they could seriously kill you!"
Isabella angled her body away from him and inserted a pinky in her ear to clean it. "That's strange, I thought I heard something just now. Was it the wind?"
"Isabella? Isabella, I know you can hear me!"
She continued to ignore him.
"There you have it, folks!" The announcer retook control of the situation. "That makes seven contestants, and now we're ready to begin! It's time for the randomized drawing to see who will be in our first match!"
A great wheel with each of the combatants' names placed in evenly sized pie slices was spinning and spinning, eventually slowing. Everyone watched the needle eagerly, waiting to see who would be in the first round.
Click-a-clack-a-clack… Ding!
The first name to be selected―Phineas craned his neck to see.
The announcer read the spinner. "In the first match, contestant number one will be: Isabella!"
Phineas started chewing on his nails as Isabella took a deep breath and stepped forward.
"And her opponent will be―" The spinner started up again, whirling and twirling.
"Contestant number two is Miranda! All other contestants will now leave the field."
Miranda waited behind as the other five sisters moved to the sidelines.
"Hmm, interesting," Queen Lyra muttered.
"What? What's interesting?" asked the nervous wreck called Phineas.
"Miranda has always been the most timid and shy one of the group. Her hesitation and self-doubt have always held her back. She is, without a doubt, the weakest fighter among my daughters."
"You mean Isabella might actually stand a chance?" he asked hopefully. Before he could get an answer―
"Begin!" The announcer signaled the start of the fight.
"I must win, for Phineas' sake!" declared Isabella, charging forward and letting loose a battle cry. "Haaaahhh!" To Phineas' surprise, she didn't seem to be struggling with the gravity at all.
Isabella extracted a telescoping bo staff from the small rucksack on her back, raised it high, then struck a blow with all her might.
Clank!
"She did it!" Phineas pumped a fist, then took it back. "Huh?"
Miranda had effortlessly caught the business end of the staff between her second and third fingers, holding it at a distance like it was a strand of yarn. "Oh, so that was your best strike, huh? I guess I overestimated you by quite a lot."
Isabella gritted her teeth, her arms shaking from the strength she was putting into the attack. Starkly contrasting this was the steady hand of Miranda, who was exerting so little effort to hold Isabella back she looked almost bored.
"Miranda may be the weakest one of her sisters," said the Queen, while Phineas looked on with his hands covering his mouth, "but compared to even elite soldiers from almost any other race, she would be considered extremely dangerous."
With just a flick of her wrist, Miranda tossed Isabella aside like she weighed no more than a pencil, disarming her of the bo staff. Isabella rolled and climbed back to her feet, while simultaneously extracting a small crossbow from the inside of her sleeves. She wasted no time in aiming and firing.
Stifling a yawn, Miranda deflected the dart with the bo staff without looking. Isabella tossed aside the crossbow and pulled a couple of small grenades out of her rucksack. Using her teeth to remove the pins, she tossed them Miranda's way and jumped for cover.
Boom! The grenades exploded, shrouding the princess in smoke, but she didn't seem to care. Isabella flanked her opponent and, pulling something out of her rucksack Phineas couldn't see, she dove into the smoke.
Holding his breath, Phineas waited for the smoke to clear. Slowly but surely, it dissipated, revealing―
Isabella being held in a headlock by Miranda, who had a small knife held against Isabella's throat.
"Isabella!" Phineas stretched his hand out, but there was nothing he could do.
"Predictable, slow, choppy." Miranda tsked. "You're out of your league, I'm afraid." Loosening her grip, she flicked the knife over her shoulder, sticking it into the wheel spinner in a perfect bullseye from this considerable distance without looking. "You should quit. Don't you realize you are at my mercy? I could snap you like a toothpick right now! I wouldn't trust my sisters to show you this much restraint. Surrender already!"
Isabella grunted, then threw her hips back, catching Miranda off guard. Relying on her training in judo, hapkido, and jiu jitsu, the difference in strength no longer mattered; she could use her opponent's weight against her. Isabella rolled forward, kicking Miranda off her feet and throwing her bodily over her shoulder.
The Yandarian reacted quickly and adjusted in midair, gracefully landing on her feet. "You're definitely persistent, I'll give you that," she sighed, while Isabella backed away to rub her windpipe and catch her breath. But at least she was free of the chokehold.
"What if I told you this was all going exactly according to plan?" Isabella asked.
"Huh?" Miranda tilted her head.
Seizing her chance, Isabella tapped a small button hidden on the inside of her wristband, triggering the loop of rope Miranda was standing over unawares, snaring her ankle and lifting her upside-down into the air.
"Not bad," Miranda said, casually inspecting the trap. "You must have laid this while that smokescreen was up. Clever girl!"
Isabella picked up her bo staff and approached cautiously. "You're defenseless," she said, "so give me the victory!"
Miranda remained casually hanging by her ankle. "Just tell me something. Yesterday, you could barely stand under Yandaray's gravity. Although you are still not a threat to me, I must know how you improved so much so quickly."
Laying her staff against her shoulder, Isabella smirked. "It wasn't easy. After you left me stranded on that beach, I had to give it everything I had just to survive." Her vision rippled into a flashback.
"I had to train my body and my mind. Sharpen my senses. Hone my survival techniques." In her mind's eye, Isabella watched herself doing push-ups, sit-ups, and squats on the beach. Hours later, the sweat dripped down from her body as she swung her staff over and over against the backdrop of a beautiful sunset.
"Yes, after all that rigorous training, I was finally able to move about as well as I could on my home planet," she summarized.
"Wow, really?!" Miranda's eyes, as well as those of everyone within earshot, were shining. "That's so cool! My opinion of you really shot up just now!"
Isabella grinned. "Just kidding! Turns out our spaceship had a couple of exosuits in storage. They're made for wearing in high-gravity environments like this!" She pulled out the suit from under her clothes. To Phineas, it looked uncannily similar to a certain dancing exosuit he and Ferb had once developed for Jeremy a few years back.
Miranda's impressed demeanor quickly changed into a frown. "Wow, that's lame. I want my five seconds of being impressed back!"
"Surrender!" Isabella leaped forward and began raining down hits with her bo staff, but Miranda blocked every single one with her wrists without breaking a sweat, despite her position.
"You still can't lay a finger on me."
Isabella withdrew a pace. "It seems you're right." She gave the staff a resigned look before dropping it and withdrawing a feather from her bag. "Time to change tactics then! Coochie-coochie-coo!" She extended the feather and tickled Miranda mercilessly.
"Ahaha! Ahaha! No, stop! Ahaha!" Miranda writhed and contorted to escape, but Isabella didn't stop the onslaught.
"I said surrender!"
"Ahaha! No! Ahaha, never!"
"Amazing!" commented the announcer. "It seems Isabella has managed to bring the fight to a stalemate!"
"Whoo! Yeah, you can do it! Go, Isabella!" cheered on the crowd, having clearly picked their favorite.
"Don't you realize that you're cheering for your own extinction?!" Cassie turned and yelled to the stands.
"Oh, yeah, she's got a point," the crowd muttered, turning silent.
After putting her all into such a brutal assault with her only effective weapon, Isabella had to step back and catch her breath.
Miranda, having somehow endured her afflictions, took a deep breath and decided it was her turn. "Time to end this farce," she said, before wrapping her free ankle up in the rope and, like a pair of scissors, spreading her legs until the rope broke. She acrobatically landed in a pose with one leg out, the other supporting her weight in a crouch.
Isabella took up a stance, but the fight was over. Miranda sallied forward like the wind, laying a devastating combo attack on Isabella before she could react.
A moment later, Isabella was laying on the ground, covered in dirt and bruises. Her body quivered in pain.
"Isabella's down!" The announcer started the countdown. "One! Two! Three!"
Fighting through the pain, Isabella forced herself onto her hands and knees. "I can't lose!" she told herself. "Phineas is counting on me!"
"Four! Five!"
Grunting, Isabella tried to push herself up, but Miranda placed her boot on the small of her back, holding her down. "You won't be getting back up after I do this!" Having said that, she reached for Isabella's spine.
Snap!
Everyone gasped.
Phineas cried out. "Isabella! No!"
"Relax! I just broke the exosuit, the girl is fine!" Miranda pulled the exosuit off Isabella's body and tossed it limply aside.
"Six! Seven! Eight!"
"No! This can't be happening!" Isabella fought with all her might, but now without the suit, there was no way she could stand on her own. "I can't lose!" She reached out and grabbed Miranda by the ankle, but there was nothing else she could do.
Miranda extracted herself from Isabella's grip and began walking away.
"Nine! Ten!" A bell rang out. "Isabella is out! The winner is Miranda!"
"Whoo!" The stands erupted in cheers.
Phineas' knuckles were white from gripping the handrail at the front of the booth. "Isabella! Are you alright?" he shouted, leaning over.
Isabella rolled on her side and smiled up at her boyfriend, totally exhausted. "I'm sorry, Phineas, I gave it my best shot, but I couldn't save you."
"No, it was my fault!" Phineas shook his head. "I wasn't paying enough attention to you yesterday. If I had, I would have realized what you were going through sooner. I am sorry!"
"Even stevens?" Isabella said, wincing as she tested her wounds.
"Even stevens!" Phineas gave her a thumbs up. "If I wasn't about to be married off, I would still want to be your boyfriend!"
"Oh, Phineas!" Isabella gushed. "Even if you can't ever leave this planet, I still want to be your girlfriend!"
"Aww!" The crowd awwed.
"What's this?" the announcer boomed. "It seems that Phineas' and Isabella's heartfelt reunion have captured the heartstrings of every spectator in this all-female, romance-starved audience! Why, even I'm choking up a little over it!"
Phineas looked around and realized there wasn't a dry eye to be seen. Even Cassie and her other sisters waiting on the sidelines seemed moved.
"Sob! How romantic!"
"Wah! It's so tragic!"
"Sniff! They care about each other so much, yet can never be together!"
"Hic! And after she tried so hard in a match she couldn't possibly win!"
Even Queen Lyra was dabbing at the corners of her eyes with a handkerchief. She stood and told one of her servants, "Bring the girl up here!"
Isabella was carried up into the royalty box and laid to rest on a hastily erected cot.
The Queen held the megaphone up to her mouth. "In all my years, I've never been so moved by the love two youngsters shared with each other. So, by my decree, I hereby grant―um, what was your name again?"
"Isabella."
"Right, I hereby grant Isabella honorary Yandarian citizenship! Once all my daughters are wed to him, I will allow her to be taken on by my future son-in-law immediately after, as a concubine!"
"Whooo!" The crowd whooed.
"Yes!" Phineas and Isabella cheered as well, then the rest of the sentence caught up to their brains. "Wait, what was that last part again?"
"Congratulations, daughter!" Queen Lyra placed her hand on Isabella's shoulder and gave her a warm smile.
Isabella's face drained. "You mean I'm―m-m-marrying―" She glanced at Phineas―
―then immediately fainted.
"And that brings the second match of the tournament to a stunning conclusion! It was a close one, but Stella pulled through in the end, eliminating Alexia!"
The stadium erupted after the thrilling bout, and a team of workers moved onto the arena to fix the damage, as there were multiple craters dotting the pitch. Alexia was carted off to the medical tent, although Stella had to limp there for treatments as well.
"Now, if you'll turn your attention with me to the spinner, we will see who our next matchup is! There are three combatants remaining in the first round, who will it be? There it goes, the wheel is spinning, and next up is―Phoebe!
"Now, let's spin the wheel one more time! Phoebe's opponent will be―Luna!"
Phoebe and Luna glanced at each other.
"So, looks like I get the easy win, huh?" Phoebe said with a greedy smile.
"I'll make you eat those words!" flared up Luna, squaring up to her sister at the center of the arena.
"And let the match―begin!"
"Haaaa!"
"Waaaargh!"
A shockwave rippled across the arena as the combatants traded blows furiously.
"The match is off to a flashy start! Phoebe and Luna are flying all over the pitch at incredible speed, and what power! It feels like I'm getting the wind knocked out of me just by hearing those crunching hits! Ooh, that's gotta hurt!
"And the battle has taken to the sky now, with Luna leaping high into the air, chasing after her sister! Oh, but what's this? Phoebe has piledrived her back into the ground, blasting a huge crater in the center of the pitch! But Luna's right back up and going at it, yowza! These princesses are really something else! My word of advice, Phineas, don't make any of your future wives angry!"
After checking both ways to make sure the street was empty, Captain Jabberwock cautiously emerged from the leafy covering in a tree he had climbed. He was running out of hiding places; luckily, he was almost to his goal. Perhaps even more luckily, he still had all his clothing. The huge amphitheater where the tournament was being held, and where he had located his bounties, was just ahead. Most of the locals were crowding inside for the tournament, allowing him to finally sneak in without being seen and, more importantly, without being hit on, flirted with, or picked up.
This was two planets in a row this job had taken him to, now, which were absolute nutcase worlds with people who deserved to be kept in insane asylums. None of this ridiculousness seemed to have anything to do with his curse, he figured it was just plain bad luck.
He strolled through the lower level of the amphitheater and took a peek onto the field. A couple of Yandarians were buzzing back and forth at eye-popping speeds, filling the air with clashing noises that made his skin crawl. He had a lot of confidence in his muscles, so he figured he could handle one Yandarian in a fight if things came to that. But apparently they were all sisters, so if he picked a fight with even one Yandarian, the whole planet would probably have her back. He had to be careful.
Scanning the field, he saw a VIP section with a wrinkly old grandma―come to think of it, that was the first Yandarian he'd seen on this planet who wasn't drop dead gorgeous, simply due to her age. Then, to her side, was the boy with a triangle for a head and red hair. The grandma was watching the fight on the battlefield eagerly, but the boy was looking at something inside the booth―there! The girl was there as well! Perfect, they were still together. Well, the girl didn't look like she was doing so well, judging from the way she was lying there.
That wasn't good. The Shipper wouldn't want them injured.
He held up his communicator. "Andromeda, I have eyes on the Earthlings. It's not gonna be easy to get them out, though. Andromeda? Are you there?" He didn't get an answer.
Cursing, the Captain put away his communicator and scanned the area, looking for the best course of action.
Phoebe bull-rushed at Luna, letting loose a war cry. Luna stood her ground, waiting for the right moment―and at the last second, swung the huge wooden hammer that was almost as big as she was, slamming Phoebe into the solid stone walls surrounding the field. Phoebe gasped at having the wind knocked out of her.
Luna wasn't done. Dropping the weapon, she pounced forward and grabbed Phoebe from the impression her body left in the rock. With Phoebe's stunned body in tow, Luna ran down the side of the pitch, skirting the wall, grinding Phoebe into the marble with so much force that pieces of rock were being shattered away from the wall. Without allowing her sister to recover, Luna swung Phoebe around and tossed her at incredible speed, launching her into a corner of the stands with so much force it caused the stadium to shake and nearly blasted apart a section of the bleachers, while also sending spectators scattering from their seats.
Ding ding ding!
"Phoebe has been ejected from the ring! Phoebe is disqualified! The winner is Luna!" screamed the announcer in a frenzy, as the crowd went nuts at that climactic finish.
"Haha! Yeah!" Luna flexed her muscles, smiling brightly. "That's what you get for underestimating me!"
"Hey! What gives?" A deep, angry voice bellowed from the stands somewhere in the vicinity of the crash. "I have had it up to here with this planet! First, I get sexually harassed everywhere I go, then I am forced to reckon with the fact that for once my big muscles don't make me the strongest one around, and now I'm having things thrown at me?"
A muscle-bound, blue-skinned alien emerged from the rubble where Phoebe had crash landed, baring his fangs. He climbed down the bleachers and hopped over the wall onto the pitch, marching up to Luna to give him a piece of his mind. "What is this, intergalactic 'pick on a man' day? I'm just here minding my own business, trying to track down a certain bounty, and this planet keeps throwing me sucker punch after sucker punch! I've had it!"
He then stopped and looked around, realizing he had caused a big scene. Now, tens of thousands of Yandarians were looking at his masculine body with lustful eyes.
"Razzjadoth droppings," he cursed.
"Captain Jabberwock!" Phineas said.
Luna, who was utterly dwarfed standing in front of him, didn't seem to hear a word he said. She was just looking brazenly at his bulging pectorals and chiseled abs, which were so defined they showed through his tight gray shirt, leaving little to the imagination. "Dang, son! I didn't know there were men in this galaxy who looked like this!" Her eyes were bulging to the size of grapefruits, and a trail of drool dangled halfway from her mouth to the ground.
"See? This is what I'm talking about! I'm not an object, I'm a space pirate, and I'll be collecting my bounty now, so stay out of my way!"
Captain Jabberwock turned on his heels and sprinted across the pitch, headed for the royalty box where Phineas and Isabella were.
Before he could make it halfway, a strawberry-haired girl who was as breathtakingly beautiful as Andromeda herself jumped in his way, drawing a sword. "Oi! Where do you think you're going?"
Captain Jabberwock dug his heels into the ground, gritted his teeth. "Listen, you! Yandarians aren't the only race in the galaxy with super strength! So if you don't want a piece of this," he patted his biceps, "you best step aside, girlie!"
Seemingly one of the few individuals in the whole arena that wasn't showing any interest in his physique, Cassie's brows furrowed. "I don't know who you think you are, but as the eldest princess and one of the future queens of Yandaray, I can't let you take one step closer to our Queen, and my mother!"
"I don't care about your Queen!" Captain Jabberwock spat. "I'm here for the Earthlings!" He pointed at Phineas and Isabella.
Cassie's face flushed with anger. "You mean you're here to take away my future husband, the man who makes my loins burn every time I look at him, and Yandaray's future king?"
"Wait," Captain Jabberwock halted, his face falling. "You selected him to become Yandaray's king? This pipsqueak from Earth?"
"Yes! Yes we did!"
"But she told me that was supposed to be impossible for a weak species like the humans!" Balling his fists, Captain Jabberwock fell into a cursing rage. "Dancing fuddlediffs! Piece of crawling Tarantatian nooglebach! Flying germalagus fur! Spathactic revoblasting actrobyootes! Higglespindle trash!" He stomped about for a good minute. Not far away, Miranda had to use her hands to stop Luna's ears, protecting her younger sister from the vulgar diatribe. "If you already selected that boy as your king, taking him to the Shipper now is going to start an all out war against Planet Yandaray!" concluded Captain Jabberwock.
"I'm glad you can appreciate the scope of the situation," Cassie glared. "I suggest you surrender before you make things any worse for yourself!"
Captain Jabberwock twitched spastically. "If I don't deliver the humans to the Shipper, I'll never be released from my curse," he muttered. "Nothing, not even being killed by Yandarians, is worse than that. I'll just have to do it!" Steeling himself, he faced Cassie. "Fine! It looks like I go through you! Hraaah!" He charged.
Cassie jumped back and took up a stance, pointing her sword. She then leapt into the fray, slicing and dicing. Captain Jabberwock dodged the blade, then lunged sideways to create some space for himself. Drawing his blaster, he fired several bolts Cassie's way. Using her sword, she deflected all of them.
"I've seen that fighting style before," Captain Jabberwock said, dancing in a circle with his opponent.
"That's impossible," Cassie responded, swooshing through the air with her blade. "The person who showed me this while we sparred as children is probably long dead by now."
"Guess again," said the Captain, firing off a few more laser blasts. "She's currently serving as my first mate."
Cassie gasped, and due to that momentary lapse in concentration, one of the bolts grazed her left shoulder. She winced in pain and stepped back, placing a hand over the wound.
Seizing his chance, the Captain shot off in the direction of the royalty booth.
"Oh no you don't!" Using her good arm, Cassie threw her sword. It sliced through the air, heading straight for Captain Jabberwock's heart.
Clang!
"Huh?"
Just before the sword had reached its mark, a figure had appeared, descending from the sky as if she were an angel. She was certainly as beautiful as one, and with her sword, she had deflected the projectile.
Andromeda rose from her landing pose, lifted her head, and squinted at her younger sister. "Cassiopeia."
Cassie smirked and let go of her shoulder, which wasn't bleeding very badly. "Andromeda."
"Andromeda!" The Queen jumped up from her chair and waved. "Yoohoo! Mommy's over here! Oh, look how big you've grown! I've missed you!"
A vein on Andromeda's forehead bulged. "You were the one who banished me in the first place, remember?" she shouted back.
"I did?"
"Yes! And I still haven't forgiven you!"
"Oh." The Queen sat back down, looking like she was thinking hard about something.
Cassie walked over and picked up her sword. "You shouldn't have come back, big sis," she said with a smirk. "Now there's nothing stopping me from killing you."
Andromeda merely glared icily in return. "We'll settle our differences later. For now, I have a proposition. As the eldest of the Seven Sisters and the true heir to the throne, I invoke my right to enter this tournament, for the chance at winning and becoming Yandaray's new Queen, as well as taking Phineas for my own."
Cassie frowned. "Idiot! You were banished years ago! You have no right or claim to the throne! You lost those when you turned your back on all of us, betrayed the Queen, and left this planet to head out on your own!"
"It's okay!" the Queen shouted from her seat with a wave and a smile. "I say Andromeda can be in the tournament!"
"But Mother!" Cassie hollered.
"Are you talking back to me?"
"No, Mother! Sorry, Mother!" Turning back to glare at Andromeda, Cassie pointed her sword at her sister. "Andromeda, I will relish the opportunity to hand you the punishment you've been running away from for all these years."
"Go, Andromeda!" Queen Lyra cheered. "Spank her silly!"
A vein appeared on Cassie's temple. "Mother, aren't you supposed to love all your daughters equally? What's with this blatant favoritism?"
The announcer's voice rang through the stadium. "I don't know what else to say but wow, folks! In an unexpected turn of events, we now have another competitor! That brings us to the final match of the first round, and it looks like it's gonna be epic! The two oldest and most experienced princesses, Andromeda and Cassiopeia, are set to fight next!"
"Great." Phineas slumped as he watched from his seat beside the Queen, while Isabella rested nearby. "Now I have a space pirate as a potential suitor. As if I didn't already have enough to worry about."
"Oi, Andromeda, what should I do?"
With all the drama, it took this long for Captain Jabberwock to have a chance to speak. Andromeda was still standing between him and Cassie, shielding him with her body.
"Captain," Andromeda responded frankly, never taking her eyes off her opponent, "you are not going to like this, but I need you to do the thing you always do."
"What? Are you serious? No! No no no! No way, Jose, I am not doing that!"
"Trust me!"
"You have to be joking! You're the one who is always lecturing me about it!"
"I never joke!" Andromeda lifted her sword. "On my mark, be ready."
"Just what are you up to?" Cassie asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Three."
"Are we actually doing this?"
"Two."
"Whatever you're planning, it won't work." Cassie took a defensive stance with her sword.
"One. Now, sir!"
"Oh, fine! Urghhh!" Flexing every muscle in his body, Captain Jabberwock's clothes swelled and bulged to maximum capacity, then exploded in a puff of fabric, leaving him in nothing but his underwear.
"Oooooh!" All the women filling the stadium squealed in unison, their eyes twinkling at the sudden feast that presented itself to them.
"Ewwww! Disgusting!" Cassie alone shielded her eyes. "Who is this pervert?"
"He is the infamous Captain Wyler Jabberwock, wanted all across the galaxy for his many crimes of indecency!" Andromeda seized the moment and struck Cassie upside the head with the butt of her sword while her guard was down. Cassie fell to the ground, knocked totally unconscious.
"Uhhhh!" The announcer wiped the flowing river of drool from her mouth. "I mean, Andromeda wins! Wait, what's this? The crowd is rushing the field, but not because their home team won! I have never seen anything like this in all my years as a sports commentator, but they're all chasing that dreamy, hunky space pirate, who is running for the exit like his life depended on it! Which it probably does! What am I even still doing here? Wait up, ladies, I'm coming too! Save some of that manmeat for me!"
Andromeda made for the royalty box unnoticed amidst all the confusion, making it up in a single leap.
Seeing as even Queen Lyra had joined the throngs chasing after Captain Jabberwock, Phineas and Isabella were completely unprotected. Phineas instinctively placed his body between Andromeda and Isabella's resting form, but the space pirate held up her hands. "I'm not here to kidnap you," she said. Moving slowly, her hands reached behind her waist and extracted an exosuit like the one Isabella had been wearing. "Take this. It will help you get back to the ship before order is restored."
"You're helping us?" Phineas asked.
"It's just business," she replied icily. "We need you to escape on your own before we capture you and deliver you to the Shipper. If we simply abducted you now, it could start a war with a planet that would take a thousand systems from the Galactic Hub to win."
Phineas hesitantly accepted the exosuit. "Uh, thanks," he said.
"I'm not doing this for you," Andromeda said, hiding a slight blush. "Now get out of here. I still have to save my boss."
Phineas nodded, then placed the exosuit against the base of his spine. Automatically, the stickfigure-esque device extended itself around his hips, joints, and spine, assuming the load-bearing in place of Phineas' body.
"Whoa! I feel amazing!" he said, moving his limbs freely for the first time since arriving on Yandaray.
"Hurry, take your girlfriend and get off this planet!"
"Right!" Phineas stooped over and gently scooped up Isabella's sleeping frame. With him wearing the exosuit, she felt light as a feather. He quickly dashed off, marveling at how it even did all the work while running, too. With this on, he felt he could sprint at top speed for hours. He would definitely be back to the ship in no time.
Andromeda glanced to her side. A vial of her mother's perfume sat left behind on the cushion of her vacated seat, like it had fallen out of her pocket somehow. It was free for the taking.
The ship was waiting beside the lapping waves on the shore, right where they'd left it. Phineas opened the hatch and stepped inside, gently laying Isabella aside so he could fire up the engine. The spaceship rumbled as it lifted off from the sandy beach, the pitch of its humming drowning out the noise of the crashing waves. Then it kicked into gear, and the ship whizzed off into the sky, leaving the picturesque seashore behind.
Placing the steering on autopilot, Phineas carried Isabella's limp body to the medical bay and laid her on a cot. She didn't seem to wake at the jostling, so he gently placed a hand on her hairline, smiling down on her. She was so cute. He couldn't help himself: he bent over and kissed her ever so softly on her brow.
Then he turned to leave, but inexplicably, her hand subconsciously reached out for his, keeping him at her side.
Phineas exhaled and pulled up a chair, deciding to stay. He didn't let go of her hand after that.
In Praise of Romance II: Lovetopia―Chapter 8: We Who Are About To Wed Salute You
Preview
"Squeeeee! Aren't Phineas and Isabella so cute? Are they your OTP as well? Because they're definitely mine!
"Hey hey, it's me, the Shipper! Guess what? I get to do this chapter's preview!
"Phineas and Isabella have managed to avoid my clutches so far. How much longer can they keep it up? How many more planets are they going to shipwreck on? And most importantly, when are they going to have a full-blown make out scene!? Ehehehehe! Ah, dang it, my nosebleed is back…
"Find out next time on Lovetopia!" Title TBD...
Dear readers, zapdosmaster145 again. It pains me to say that this is it. That's all I've got. I'm still stuck on Planet Writer's Block for Chapter 9―have been since August. I really want to finish Lovetopia, I don't like to leave anyone hanging, but that's the honest to goodness situation right now.
You have probably figured out by now this story's pattern of Phineas and Isabella getting stuck on a new planet for three chapters at a time, right? In accordance with the storytelling rule of threes, Lovetopia needs one more planetary misadventure for its heroes to wade through before they reach the end. Now, it would be a great disservice for the third planetary misadventure to be any less full of colorful settings to see, eclectic characters to meet, and romantic forays to explore than the previous two were. In other words, I don't want to have a sudden drop off in attention to detail just to rush to the ending. Especially after how rich and unique planets Keturah and Yandaray turned out - even I didn't realize how hefty they had become in my mind when I first started writing back in May! I actually anticipated spending just two chapters apiece on Keturah and Yandaray, and certainly didn't think the average chapter length would be stretching past 8000 words... Compared to them, Planet 3 needs some extra work to be able to hold its own before setting up the big finale.
The ending I have planned is the zaniest part of the entire story, so it would be a shame not to get to share it after all this hard work. But since I'm starting to think it's time I moved on from writing fanfiction, I can't guarantee I'll ever be able to finish this story. That's why I have posted the rundown of Lovetopia's finale under its section in my profile, beneath the heading for "Ideas behind the stories I have written." There are spoilers. That's the point. Better to at least share in my vision, even if unfinished, then to be left wondering for all eternity, wouldn't you agree? It's not like spoilers to my nonprofessional stories really matter. And by all means, feel free to ask in review or PM if you have any further questions or want to know more about Lovetopia's conclusion. I'll be very open about any and all specific details.
Theoretically, I could skip Phineas and Isabella's visit to Planet 3 in leu of jumping straight to the ending. But like I said, every good adventure story tends to come in sets of three sub-adventures―the adventuring rule of threes. Plus, the ending, with its final role call bringing back most of the OC's Lovetopia has racked up to that point, gets that much better by having even more kooky characters to mess around with.
And it's not like I am not trying to write and finish Lovetopia properly. It's just going to take some time. I'm very sorry it turned out this way. Hopefully you have at least enjoyed it. I'm grateful for all the memories and friends I have made from my time reading and writing about Phineas and Ferb! Let's all keep being fans of this great show forever!